AN: An explorative one shot that focuses on the effects of the player's actions in Shadow of the Colossus, and the guilt that comes with it.
Please note that I have posted two different versions of this story on FF and AO3. This one is written entirely in first person while the other one I posted is written entirely in second person. I'll link the other version on my profile page for those who are interested in reading it, just know that the story is the exact same.
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My eyes are closed but I can feel the warmth of the sun on my skin and the wind rustling my clothes. Curiosity blooms within and I carefully crack one eye open, wincing at the bright light above me.
The sun is out, but I had gone to bed.
Am I dreaming? This empty field with lush green grass and rocks that poke up from the ground is not one I remember ever seeing where I live, but there is something oddly familiar about it.
Nostalgia itches at my mind. I remember and yet I do not at the same time.
I stand up, the grass playfully tickling at my bare feet as I take the chance to further investigate the strange place I have found myself in. Off in the distance I see what appears to be cliffs, and further to the right I notice bridges of land that connect one area to another.
Familiar, familiar, but there is some part of my mind that refuses to acknowledge this, the impossibility of it all.
There is a noise behind me, the sound of stone hitting something, and I spin around, confusion and fear rearing up in my heart. This new view offers me an interesting sight, there had been a building behind me. The structure is once again familiar, yet not. It is massive, towering, as tall as some of the buildings one might see in the heart of a city, but it is so much more than that.
There is an art to the way it has been constructed, I can see it in every arch and tower. The entire structure is open but enclosed, crafted so the light can reach wherever it can and leave little in darkness.
It dawns on me, this is not a regular building it is a shrine.
Suddenly pieces of the puzzle begin to connect in my mind even though I vehemently reject them, because there is no way that is true I'm dreaming I have to be dreaming-
I hear another noise, this one sounding more like a hiss a snake might make, or a lizard. My eyes are forcefully drawn to the shrine once again, the Shrine of Worship, and I see rocks beginning to fall from higher up.
I lift my gaze.
"A tail trapped within a pail... a shadow that crawls on the walls."
The words resonate in my mind, bringing with them a sense of horror and this isn't real I'm dreaming please be dreaming-
Kuromori hisses once again.
The Colossus looks just like it, he, did in the game. Sharp glowing spikes protruding from his back, glowing limbs, a tail that looks like a fan, and a hideous face that makes my skin crawl. His eyes stare into me, radiating fury and hatred.
His orange eyes.
I run.
Even though I am bare foot I do not feel anything breaking open the soles of my feet, and it is almost like I am flying across the grass as I sprint away from Kuromori. Another aggravated hiss escapes the beast and I hear a horribly familiar sound.
He was going to attack.
I fling myself to the side, this time feeling the hard ground and stones scratch against my body as I slide through the dirt, and gas erupts where I had just been. Dream or no I had to run.
Now.
I pick myself up, not bothering to dust off the dirt that now clung to my clothing, and continue my sprint. My goal is the narrow crevasse that led to the southern desert, the enclosed space would help to protect me from the lizard's attacks. Granted the distance was far, but I had to try.
The screech of a bird rings out behind me and I do not need Dormin's echoing voice to tell me which Colossus that is.
Avion soars after me, her calls filling the air. Beyond that I can faintly make out other noises, certainly from the other Colossi, and I pick up my pace. I turn my head for a quick second, trying to see what was happening behind me.
This move turns out to be my downfall.
I slam into stone, a pained wheeze escaping my throat, and collapse onto my back. I curl up, arms wrapping around my aching ribs, as I press my face into the ground. I knew I had not hit a wall, there were none in this open plain, which meant I had bumped into a Colossus. Terrified eyes lift from the dirt and gaze upward.
It's Barba.
Undoubtedly one of the most aggressive Colossi I had fought during the game, and he's standing above me. This dream was turning into a nightmare, fast.
My heart pounds and my breathing quickens.
Escape, escape, escape every part of me screams and I try to listen. Ignoring the pain I shuffle backwards, doing my best to escape the burning gaze of the Colossus above me. The ground quakes, the others are approaching.
I have to move.
Fear freezes me.
I have to move!
I pick my worn body up and turn around to find death facing me. All of the Colossi had gathered together while I had been preoccupied by Barba.
All of them.
Avion and Phalanx are circling overhead while the rest of the terrestrial Colossi were standing directly behind me, or resting in the dirt in Dirge's case. It was a bit funny to see Hydrus perched on Basaran's back, draped over it like some kind of scarf, and I might have laughed if the circumstances had been different, but the fear in my heart seems to have taken the air from my lungs. I could barely breathe, but then I notice something.
There was still one Colossus missing...
Barba shifts behind me, and I cringe thinking that the massive stone beast was about to step on me. To the contrary he merely walks around me, pinning me to the ground with the hateful look in his gaze.
Then I feel it, like knives digging into my back. I feel like I am going to throw up from the intensity of the sensation. Hesitantly, I turn around and find myself falling on the ground once again at the sight that greets my eyes.
Malus has arrived.
His form blots out the sun, casting me in shadow. When playing the game I had felt that the final fight did a good job at making me understand how small I was, how weak, compared to the literal mountain I had to fight.
That is nothing compared to... this.
His sheer presence leaves me breathless, makes me feel as small as an ant, and as pathetic as one too. I gasp and try to crawl away from the towering titan, skittering back on my hands and feet like some demented crab.
He extends a hand outward and I can feel the weight of the world pinning me in place, no, the weight of my sins pulling me to the ground like chains.
Suddenly the landscape around me fades, leaving me in a patch of grass that is lit up by the sun above, a spotlight on a criminal. Malus is the judge and my victims are the jury.
The screeches, growls, and roars are translated and I can hear the shouts echoing in my mind and soul, engraving themselves into the core of my being.
Murderer! Monster! Guilty!
I look up and face Malus, a plea written on my face as I hold my hands out in front of me to argue my case, my innocence, but I see that he has already made his judgement. See it in his burning gaze as he glares down at me, see it in his body language, how everything is tense with anger.
In the way his hands light up with fire.
My mouth opens and I try to speak but no words come out.
What defense can I provide that would prove my innocence? That it was just a game and that their lives held no true value? I can try to blame Wander, he was the one who had started their genocide in the first place, but then again it was I who picked up the controller and decided to play.
The guilt grows, as does the fire.
I am going to die.
The attack is fired from his hand, aiming directly at my still form. Just as the blaze is about to consume me, I hear a voice. It is deep, rich, and masculine. My skin prickles and shivers run down my spine at the intensity of it.
Malus is speaking.
"You may forget your sins, the atrocities you have committed against us, but know that we will always remember."
Then everything is fire.
I wake up with a gasp, sitting up in my bed as one hand grabs at my pounding heart. The nightmare is still fresh and I can feel my limbs trembling. The angry snarls and ferocious noises the Colossi had made reverberate within my mind.
They were angry. They hated me for killing them, all because of some stupid game.
I was crying.
A shaky laugh. It was stupid to get so emotional over something that was not real, something that had never, and will never, truly happen in my world.
But it felt real.
The sensation of the wind blowing over my skin, the angry screeches and roars that filled the air...
The fire that seared into my flesh as Malus made me pay for what I did-
I wheeze, body shuddering as it begins to slowly get over the shock of what had just happened, and wipe at my too wet eyes. The shock of my dream, because there was no way that was possible.
Finally my heartbeat calms and the gasping breaths fade. That had been the most realistic dream I had ever experienced in my life, and I hoped it would be the last one like that.
I lay down and try to go back to sleep, to forget what had happened, but every time I close my eyes all I can see are orange lights that seem to burn into me with their gaze and spurts of black blood.
"One day, perhaps you will make atonement for what you've done."
It looks like I will not be getting any sleep tonight.
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AN: Please leave a review telling me what you think of this story, I've never written anything like it before so I'm curious as to whether anyone liked this style of writing, and if you wish to read the second person perspective the link is in my profile.
I hope you enjoyed!
-ImmortalCoelacanth