Saman
Some days they put a nice and healthy front for Shibazaki, grateful that he never drops by without calling first. Nine and Twelve aren't allowed to leave the city and Shibazaki is responsible for keeping an eye on them until all legal matters are settled. A proper arrest never took place due to Twelve's attempted murder and Nine's deteriorating health. Arrangements had been made and Shibazaki had been relentless on his quest to make things slightly better for the children.
Lisa and Twelve smile at the man that made sure they stayed safe and, most importantly, together. Nine answers most of his questions and keeps the conversation flowing until the visit is over.
But their smiles are strained and Nine doesn't allow their exchange to touch sensitive subjects. So they talk about Twelve's full recovery from surgery and Nine's progress with the trial cure, never dwelling on the emotional toll that their traumatic past and near death experience still had on all of them.
Some days they go out and stand in front of the wooden planks outside the building that had suddenly become the center of media attention for months, and they just sit in silence, lost in their own thoughts. Shibazaki always tries to go with them, usually with the excuse of keeping away any lingering reporter that tries to get too close to them, but mainly because he wants to understand their grief and help them move on. If only he could somehow let them know they are not alone, that somebody outside their tight circle is looking out for them, that he is not ignorant to their struggle, no matter how much they try to hide it from him.
He sees how Mishima Lisa, the one that had once been called a hostage, clings to the two boys as if they were a lifeline, as if her next breath depended on them.
He notices the discreet manner in which the young man called Nine never lets his guard down and quickly reacts to any disturbance around them.
And he never fails to catch the way Twelve starts at loud noises and how his smile falters every so often.
Some days Lisa refuses to go to school, afraid the authorities will go back on their word to protect both Nine and Twelve, and that she'll come back to an empty apartment.
She used to come home in a panic, tearing through the apartment until she saw their faces. Now either Twelve or Nine wait at the door for her.
Some days Lisa stares at Twelve for the longest time, with slightly trembling but silent lips.
Some days Twelve and Nine find it hard to follow up on their doctor appointments. Sometimes the only reason they oblige is because Lisa looks like she might break down if they don't.
The situation is reversed when Lisa has to go to therapy for her selective mutism. The sessions don't do anything but bring her flashbacks of that day, and she silently begs with her eyes to be spared. But in the end she pushes herself to go, for them.
On their own time, Nine tries to use reason to bring Lisa out of her state, but his words are stern and his voice carries the emotional stress that Twelve manages to conceal from her most of the time, so it never helps.
Twelve constantly reminds her of how much he misses seeing the color of her voice, he pleads for her to say something and even jokes that she doesn't have to speak to Nine, only to him, but even when she opens her mouth and tries to humor him it is only silence that follows.
Some days they'll hear a car backfire and the three of them freeze in place. Most times this triggers a headache for Nine, Lisa covers her ears and starts shaking, and Twelve can't make eye contact with either of them for the rest of the day.
Some days Twelve feels guilty, because he had always wanted somebody to care… but not if it destroyed them in the process. Never if it meant it would steal Lisa's voice away. Never if it meant it would further deteriorate Nine's health.
Some days they find it hard to leave their beds at all, and eventually one of them has to convince the other two to get up and eat.
Some days Lisa's fingers skim over Twelve's shirt and trace the scar that the bullet and subsequent surgery left on his chest. Her eyes always fill at the reminder that she had come close, too close, to losing him forever.
Some nights Nine wakes up from a nightmare, no longer in a silent panic but full out thrashing and screaming Five's name. Twelve has to physically restrain him so that he doesn't hurt himself, and Lisa holds his hand until her knuckles turn white.
Some nights Lisa sneaks into Twelve's bed and carefully places her head on his chest, listening to the beat of his heart until morning comes.
Some nightsthey simply renounce sleep and stay up watching T.V. with vacant eyes.
Some days Lisa refuses to let go of Twelve's hand, and he allows her to drag him around the place as she trails Nine.
Some days she bursts into tears in the middle of dinner and Twelve has to hold her face and remind her to breathe for him.
Some days Nine mutters that death would have been easier than all of this.
Some days they fight, and can't stand the sight of each other. Yet they can't bring themselves to stay away for too long.
Some daysthey laugh and believe things can improve.
Some days they eat in silence and wonder if there's a way to heal faster, if they can possibly make a full recovery.
If Lisa will be able to stand a day without having to constantly check on both of them.
If Twelve will get to see again the pale yellow of the voice she refuses to use.
If Nine's nightmares will completely go away.
If the treatment will make the headaches disappear or if they'll just slow down the inevitable.
If the day will come in which loud noises stop triggering all of them.
If they can ever have some semblance of normalcy.
One night, as the muted T.V. casts dancing shadows on their tired faces, with Lisa curled up in Twelve's lap and Twelve's tight grip on Nine's hand, they accept that maybe they'll never be completely okay, maybe the triggers will never go away, maybe they were never meant to have normal lives.
It's still too soon to tell.
But they are together, they will either get worse or better knowing that they are not alone, that there will be a hand to hold, a forehead to kiss, a warm body to hug…
They have each other and they are still alive, and that in itself gives them hope for a better tomorrow.
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Dolce S.- We all like thinking of happy AUs in which they are all alive and well but then I started thinking about all the emotional trauma and PTSD that they'd likely have to deal with before getting any better and this happened...This only makes me hurt more thinking that Lisa had to go through this without them, but I'm working on another fic centered on that premise and we know she was able to ultimately come through, even without Twelve and Nine being physically there.
This started as a small list of moments and then it blew up in all it's angsty glory and here you have the final thing. I thought I'd publish it before it got any longer or before it was too much to take and I deleted the document. I think this will be my personal headcanon on which all future "everyone's alive AUs" will be based.
Also, Saman means 'together' in Icelandic. I suck at coming up with imaginative titles. Sorry.