Hi everyone its Bee! I was inspired by Five Seconds of Summer's new song Amnesia. I recommend listening to it while reading to get the true mood of the story. I've tried to be as accurate as I can with references to the series, tell me if I'm wrong!
This is set five years after Percy decided to remain on Ogygia with Calypso, and Annabeth's left to pick up the pieces of her shattered life.
PLEASE READ AND REVIEW, FOLLOW AND FAVOURITE! Love you all!
AN: Bold is lyrics, italics is her thoughts (or I just wanted to put particular emphasis on the one word).
She sat driving in her car on the way home from work. Her skin burned from the scratchy suit she was wearing. The rain hammered down on the windscreen, the dull thud offering a comfortable background noise to Annabeth's thoughts.
'5 years today.'
Her hands shook on the wheel and her teeth clenched in defiance.
'No.' She would not think about Him.
Driving would keep her mind off things she decided. More specifically that one person.
'No. Don't go there.' She mentally scolded herself. She moved her head quickly from side to side to shake away the memories.
She mindlessly brought herself to somewhere all-too-familiar.
I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted
Her breath hitched in her throat when she recognised the sign in front of her. She suddenly felt claustrophobic, like she was suffocating. She fumbled with the car door, her unsteady fingers rushing to open the latch.
She burst out the car, not caring that her work clothes would, no doubt, be ruined. The rain fell mercilessly causing her blouse to stick to her skin. She ignored the chill or the steady dripping of water off the end of her nose.
She released the sob she had been holding back when she walked up to the abandoned theme park. The worn sign hung lifelessly above her. Her ribs were visible as she heaved violently.
'STOP!' She internally screamed at her treacherous mind.
It was too late. The memories had forced their way back in.
'The theme park. The quest. Our quest. Percy'.
She shuddered, her arms limp at her side. She succumbed to the numbness her thoughts brought her; the last time they had together in Mt St Helens.
"Get out!" Percy shouted at me.
"What?" I shrieked. "No! I'm not leaving you."
"I've got a plan. I'll distract them. You can use the metal spider - maybe it'll lead you back to Hephaestus. You have to tell him what's going on."
"But you'll be killed!"
"I'll be fine. Besides, we've got no choice."
I glared at him. Then leant down and kissed him.
"Be careful, Seaweed Brain."
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted
She jolted back to reality, her past haunting her.
'The last time I saw him...'
The rain continued to pour and her shoes squelched as she trudged back to the car. She leant on the bonnet, not in a fit state to drive yet, her head in her hands.
'Why do you do this to me? I bet you're doing perfectly fine with her.'
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine
She couldn't help that small part of her that wished he regretted his decision to leave her.
Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though she's right beside you?
She wished that he knew how much his words hurt.
She wished that he knew how much he changed her.
She wished that he knew how much she loved him.
That feeling. That excruciating bittersweet feeling.
'I know you're happy, somewhere with her. Happily in love.'
When she says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?
"No! I'm not leaving you!" Her words rang round her head. She'd promised to stay together.
But he never did.
'And that's just it.' She lifted her head up and stared at the sky, letting the droplets splash on her face. 'It was all in my head, I clung to something that never even existed.'
Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
Unrequited love. There was nothing ever there. He proved it.
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
Leaving so easily. 'He left me a mess.'
'Cause I'm not fine at all
She laughed wickedly into the night. "I bet you Gods find this funny. Don't you?" She spoke out loud mockingly into the sky. "The stupid girl who fell for her best friend. That's all we ever were. Best friends." She harshly spat the last words.
It brought her back to the day he told her he wasn't ever coming back.
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I sat on the beach, the salty smell a comforting reminder of him.
It had been two weeks. Two whole weeks.
I refused to cry. I'm better than that; crying over a boy.
"Annabeth?" A familiar voice laced with concern interrupted me.
I lifted my head from my knees to see Percy materialised in an Iris message in front of me.
I was at a loss for words.
"Percy!" I shouted in excitement and a huge smile broke across my face. I refused to believe he was dead. All my bottled up emotions came flowing out at once. "I've missed you so much! How are you? Where did you go?" I took a deep breath to slow myself down. "When are you coming back? I need you here Seaweed Brain."
As soon as I said those words I knew something was wrong. It looked like it pained him. He was not returning my smile.
"Um Annabeth, I called to let you know I'm staying on Ogygia with Calypso. I'm not coming back. I'm so sorry."
His words hit me like a freight train.
He's not coming back.
"You know we're still best friends right?"
I grimaced and nodded.
"I just feel like I belong here, away from the prophecy and Kronos. I know you can do it without me."
I tried to form words but they came out as a strangled groan.
"I know you'll understand. Love you Wise Girl..."
I swiped a shaky hand through the image cutting the connection. I couldn't face it anymore.
The thing that hurt the most was the fact I knew he meant he loved me as a friend and nothing more.
She wiped her sopping hair from her eyes. Her hand was stained with streaks of mascara. 'Just like before.' She painfully thought.
I remember the make-up running down my face
She felt hurt, frustrated and most of all, betrayed. 'How could he do this? How could he do this to me? We were meant to defeat Kronos together. As a team.' She closed her eyes tightly shut. 'He doesn't need me.'
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
We were going to stay at camp until we were old, teaching the new campers. We were going to lead sword training classes. We were going to do it all together.
Like every single wish we ever made
She raised a balled fist and slammed it forcefully down on the car's slick metal. It would be so much better if she could just forget. She tried. But it happens every year since he left. She tries not to remember him. She doesn't want to.
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
But she can't help it. She can't stop it. She loves every little thing about him. The way he talks. His perfect crooked smile. How his eyes light up when he talks about something he loves. Like sword fighting or his mom. It's all vividly emblazoned in her brain.
And forget about the stupid little things
She hauled herself up from where she was perched and decided she needed a distraction. She slumped back into the car and started the engine. The dashes of rain glimmered when they were caught in the headlights.
She was lonely in the car.
Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, she saw someone in the seat next to her. She sharply turned her head to see an empty seat. She was imagining things.
She always imagined that he would be sitting there, next to her in the passenger seat, like when travelling on their quests. When they rode a van with the circus animals. They talked all night and fell comfortably asleep beside each other.
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
She missed that. She missed it all. She missed him. 'He will never realise just how much he affected me. It's like he's still here, so close yet so far.'
And the memories I never can escape
'You still haunt me you know? I know you'd laugh if you saw me like this now, five years later.' She could still hear his care-free laugh ringing in her ears. She could almost hear him making a sarcastic comment about her being a 'Wise Girl'.
But he didn't.
Because he's miles away.
And always will be.
She hated having to face the reality. The harsh reality that soon she'll just be a faint and distant memory in his long immortal life.
'It hurts Percy. It hurts.'
'Cause I'm not fine at all
She pulled over, crawling to a stop next to the abandoned road beside her. She opened the window and took a deep breath; the stale car air had become stuffy. She embraced the fresh, damp, icy air as it invaded. She held the palm of her hand out the window, relaxing when she felt the steady droplets land on her skin.
She could call Thalia she decided; she understood how much this day hurt her.
'She joined the Hunters you know. I almost joined too. But I couldn't turn my back on what we had like that. Although you did.' She fell into imaginary conversation with him. Hoping that, maybe, just maybe, he could hear her.
The blinding blue glow from her phone pierced the unsettling darkness.
Her eyes stung with the familiar feeling of tears when she saw her phone screen.
A photo of them together on the beach at Camp Half Blood after training, just before they went on thier quest to find the Di Angelos.
The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone
Although the memories the photos brought were painful, she liked to remember the happier time in her life. The photo: a small snap-shot in the blur of a life of a demigod. The frozen moments were gold, bringing a smile to her face. But it was to be quickly replaced by an indifferent mask as the fact that she would never see him again became all too real.
I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone
She put the phone back down, all of a sudden not in the mood to speak to anyone anymore.
Her close friends had noticed her withdrawal, while acquaintances fell for her false, joyful persona. But she didn't care what they thought. They hadn't experienced what she had.
And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around
First Luke. He turned bitter and left their 'family' with Thalia.
Second Thalia. She walked away from what they had, joining the hunters.
Third Percy. Just as she started to heal from her previous friends' betrayal, he turns his back on her.
She thought they were friends. She thought they were inseparable. She thought they were always going to be together.
She glanced into the rear-view mirror and swallowed, hard. Her camp necklace hung from it, gently swaying with the movement of the vehicle.
Each bead representing a significant event of that year.
The middle one was his.
It had a small sea-green trident over a volcano painted on it. It was known as the year of St Helens.
It was known to her as the year he left.
She tries to see the reason behind it. He didn't want to be the child of the prophecy, he didn't want to fight in a war, he didn't want to feel the pressure.
Then that painful thought comes back "I feel like I belong here". He's glad he left.
It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on
She wants to hate him. She wants to hate Calypso. She wants to hate the Gods.
She can't.
The winding road ahead meant nothing, just insignificant shadows in the night.
She departed camp straight after Nico fulfilled the prophecy. She returned to normal life and became a secretary in an architecture firm in the hope she could work her way up the ranks.
She didn't want to be reminded of him and she hated the pitying looks she got from other campers. The constant, "How are you feeling? You know, after Percy Jackson."
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long
Annabeth didn't want pity.
She didn't need pity.
And everywhere she went she had pity.
So she left, started afresh in a new town where no one knew her. 'It's better this way.' She had told herself countless times.
It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?
'He's moved on. It's time for you too.' Despite this, she never could.
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
Only she carried the burden of her past. To an outsider she seemed like a workaholic. Only she knew why she threw herself into her work.
It distracted her.
'Cause I'm not fine at all
She tried to forget it all.
But her broken heart was too real to ever forget.
So it was fresh, every detail, in her mind.
She'd been waiting for him for two weeks.
They thought he was dead.
She'd been convinced he was alive and would be on his way home now.
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
It would've been better if he died.
Then she could have continued her life believing he died thinking of her, rather than living knowing he didn't.
She pulled into her drive, relieved to be home. She subconsciously guided herself into her house, not paying attention to what she was doing.
Only now did the cold from her wet clothes reach her. She slipped off her sodden shoes and socks until she was barefoot. She shivered and headed to the bathroom in search for a towel.
She wrapped the blue warmth around her shoulders. As she turned to leave the bathroom she caught a glance of herself in the mirror.
Her make up formed ugly stripes down her cheeks and her eyes were blood-shot and puffy.
I remember the make-up running down my face
She stood frozen in front of the mirror. 'Look at yourself Annabeth. Look what you've done to yourself. You've let him get to you.'
"But I need him." She muttered aloud in reply.
'He doesn't need you.' The pessimistic side of her replied.
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
She turned away from the mirror sharply and removed her wet clothes. She turned the shower to scalding hot and stepped in. The burning numbed her.
It helped her to forget.
Like every single wish we ever made
After her shower she slumped onto the bed, exhausted.
She longed for her memory to be wiped so she never has to think about him again. It would save her so much pain, physically and emotionally. There's only so much she can take, and it gets harder and harder each day he's away.
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
She didn't want to remember his mesmerizing eyes anymore. She didn't want to remember his tender touch anymore. She didn't want to remember his blue-food fetish anymore. She didn't want to hurt anymore, because he's not coming back.
And forget about the stupid little things
She remembered the journey on the train, one of the only times they got to actually talk personally. His salty smell filled her senses as she remembered drifting off, her head on his shoulder.
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
However her bed in her home was the stark contrast; it was cold and lonely. It smelt of musty old books and by no means Percy. The empty space beside her made her wish he was the one sharing it with her.
But he was probably sleeping next to Calypso right now.
'I hope she knows she's lucky.'
And the memories I never can escape
She shut her eyes, squeezing her fists together and curling her toes. She hoped with every fiber of her being that he would be there when she opened her eyes.
If today I woke up with you right beside me
The rational side of her, a trait from her mother, frowned upon her childish behavior. 'It was 5 years ago, why would he choose today to come back if he hadn't showed any sign of returning before?' Logic ruled Annabeth's life but sometimes she aspired to be more carefree like Percy.
She could pretend that he was away on a trip like a soldier and had promised to return to home as soon as possible.
She could pretend that there were no Gods or monsters or prophecies to dictate their lives.
She could pretend that he was picking out a present for her in a foreign country and had her picture in his wallet.
She could pretend he loved her.
That would be lying. No matter how much she wanted that to be real, for it all to be true.
That right now was just a figment of her imagination while she waited to see him again.
Like all of this was just some twisted dream
And when he came home from service she would run into his arms at the airport and kiss him like they were the only people there. He would pick her up and spin her round. He would wrap his toned arms around her tiny waist and say "Nice to see you too Wise Girl." She would laugh and run her hands through his slightly longer raven coloured hair. Then she would try and discreetly rub her eyes to stop her tears from overflowing but he would stop her and do it himself.
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before
He'd speak comforting words in her ear telling her he wouldn't ever go away again.
And you'd never slip away
She'd look into his eyes and tenderly kiss him. She would rest her forehead on his and whisper against his lips "Never again."
And you'd never hear me say
She rolled over, off her pillow. She knew it was wet as her vision was still clouded by tears. 'Why get your hopes up? He told you he was never coming back.' She scolded her naïve self.
Then she was back to his final Iris Message.
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
Then she was back to the moment Thalia found her on the beach, still shocked from the news.
"Annabeth! There you are! We've been looking for you!" She ran across the beach, only slowing when she came close enough to see me.
"Annabeth." She said softly and pulled me into a hug.
"He's not coming back Thalia. He's not coming back!" I screamed into her shirt.
She lifted my head up so I met her gaze. She brushed her fingers under my eyes brushing away my ruined make-up.
I remember the make-up running down my face
"Of course he is, he's just not back yet." She tried to be supportive.
"No Thalia. He called. He's staying on Ogygia with Calypso." My voice dropped as I choked out another sob.
"Oh Annabeth, come here." And she pulled me closer again.
She pulled her knees to her chin and rested her back against the headboard, giving up on sleep for the time being.
'At least Thalia stayed my friend. At least she calls, and visits when she can. But you never did. Did you?' She needed to scream at him so badly. Show him just what he's done to her.
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
When he didn't answer or call for another month, Annabeth got the message. He'd moved on. Without her.
So she didn't try and contact him again. She had to be strong; they still had a war to fight.
It wasn't the same fighting without Percy covering her back.
She helped Nico as much as she could and he did defeat Kronos in the end. Nico became a God.
So Annabeth was left, once again, alone.
They were going to visit Sally after the war, and she was hoping they'd get to go to Montauk together.
Like every single wish we ever made
She moved herself from the fetal position and snuggled under the covers once more. She closed her eyes willing the memories away.
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
She'd started a new life for a reason. But just like the way the monsters still found her, Percy still did. The boy she loved.
And forget about the stupid little things
She wanted him to be holding her now, reassuring her that everything will be alright in the end. She wanted to be peacefully in his arms and him be the last thing she thought of before closing her eyes. She wanted him to stay there, because he was afraid to ever let her go.
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
She remembered when she slipped her hand into his in Charon's boat. His hands were worn from using Riptide, but still gentle. It felt so prefect.
And the memories I never can escape
But her perfect world was shattered in an instant by the very person it relied on. He took the most vital piece of the tower, leaving it to collapse on its own.
'Cause I'm not fine at all
She felt broken. He was the final straw.
No, I'm really not fine at all
Five years later she's still wandering through the rubble, searching for the missing piece even though she knows it's gone for good.
She doesn't know whether she's persevering and resilient or simply in denial.
So when she felt sleep coming, she prayed for the former.
Tell me this is just a dream
Because the latter couldn't be true. Perseus Jackson, his fatal flaw loyalty, would never hurt a friend. 'He would never do this to me.'
'Cause I'm really not fine at all.