Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of it's characters.

Okay, so I got this idea and begun writing and here is the result. There are a lot of these kind of stories, hopefully none are like mine : ) Sorry if there are any big mistakes, and sorry if my 'jokes' aren't funny, I tried :P Hope you enjoy it!

I made a slight change, so it's vodka instead of beer alright. (thank you Susi)

Kjersti XD

Are you thirsty Bella?

"Are you thirsty Bella?" I asked her while she was sitting in the grass reading her something Shakespeare-ish book. She looked up and grimaced.

"A little." She muttered and looked back down in her book and I ran in to get something. I opened the fridge, what does the human drink. I smelled at several different cartons, but the all smelled horrible. I opened a bottle from the back, vodka. Probably a refreshing drink, she'll like it, at least I did while I was human, I think. I poured it into a glass and filled it with ice cubes. It looked refreshing… I think… if you were human.

"HEY BELLA! CATCH!" Emmet shouted from a distance. Oh no! A gasp fallowed by a shrieked came from her mouth. Oh crap! What had Emmet done now? Edward was going to kill him if she had even the smallest bruise. I quickly ran over to her to check if she was okay and saw the football lying next to her. Great. Just great.

"You alright?" I asked and checked if she had any visible marks. She looked up at me with an empty expression and touched my face.

"Ehhhh." She mumbled and rested her other hand on her forehead. "Thirsty." She added and I gave her the glass. She took it eagerly. She must've been really thirsty, since she drank the whole glass at once. Damn she could drink.

"Are you better now?" I asked and she looked at me with the strangest expression I've seen in my life. She smiled and it looked like her brain had disappeared. Crap! Vodka contained alcohol; Edward was going to kill both of us.

"Of course Mom, never better." She mumbled. Okaay that was something I'd never been called before. Emmet ran over to us with heavy thuds.

"She alright Jazz?" He boomed, and rushed next to me. Bella's face lit up when she saw him.

"Oh Alice, how wonderful to see you!" She cried out in the empty air. "I love you both so much!" She cried again and forced us both into a bear hug. Emmet grinned widely, trying to understand what was going on.

"Are you sure she's all right? Did you drug her or something?" Emmet asked and loosened Bella's grip around us. I didn't say anything. Emmet looked at me and grinned like an idiot.

"Seriously dude! You drugged her! I'm usually the one doing that crap!" He laughed so hard; he would've died if he were still human. He was gasping for unnecessary air. "Edward's gonna kill you!" He laughed and fell to the ground. It really wasn't that funny.

"I didn't drug her, she's just drunk." I hissed under my breath, sorta afraid that Edward was listening. Emmet stopped laughing and looked very serious.

"Well that changes everything…" He said with a serious voice creasing his forehead, concentrating. "NOT!" He shouted and poked me in the gut.

"Why are you shouting Edward? Your voice is kinda deep too, can vampires get colds?" Bella asked with a very drunk voice. Great Edward was coming home soon.

Emmet was laughing his ass of again.

"Emmet! This is serious, Edward can't know!" I hissed at him, but he just continued laughing. I sighed and pulled him away from Bella, who had begun singing 'twinkle twinkle little star' and rocking back and forth. We've really messed her up this time.

"Oh Jazzy, why so serious?" He said with a perfect imitation of the Joker. I would've laughed under other circumstances. "You know Alice won't let him kill us, or at least you. She won't tell him, Jazz." He tried to comfort me with a grin, not really helping.

"We have to drunk her down, or whatever it's called." I mumbled, running my hand through my hair. Emmet's face lit up.

"Coffee!" He boomed and ran to the house. I walked back to Bella who was still singing.

"Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are…" She looked at me and hiccupped, she giggled like a little girl. "Oh mommy, why are you so worried, and you look like Jasper. Is he your twin sister?" I looked strangely at her; alcohol didn't help her confused mind, that was sure. Bella thinks I'm a girl, and she thinks I'm her mother.

"I'm not your mother Bella…" I begun, but she stopped me.

"I'm adopted! Why haven't you *hic* told mhee?" She threw her arms around me, and begun crying.

"No, no Bella you are not adopted." She looked at me with big wet eyes; the little makeup she was wearing was smudged around her eyes. "I am Jasper!" I almost shouted at her grabbing her shoulders, shaking her carefully. She looked like a doll.

"Anyone wants coffee!?" Emmet shouted and Bella begun crying more. "Jhaaaaazzzpeheer." She cried into my shoulder and I stroke her hair trying to comfort her.

"What?" Emmer whimpered. "Nobody wants coffee?" I looked at him and his under lip was beginning to quiver. Bella released me and walked over to Emmet, she put her arms around him and kissed him. On the lips! My jaw dropped. Emmet pushed her away, and smirked at me.

"Do you like me Bella?" Emmet asked and stroke her cheek. She smiled and closed her eyes and leaned against his chest. Then a soft snoring sound escaped her lips. "I love you Edward." She mumbled sleepy and begun rocking backing and forth, and then dropped to the ground, but Emmet caught her before she hit it.

"Do you think we're kinda saved now, since she's sleeping? They get sober by sleeping right?" He asked and carried her up to the house. I fallowed him up to Edward's room. He laid her carefully on the couch and put a blanket over her.

"I don't know, but let's hope he doesn't notice." I mumbled and Emmet grinned widely.

"Hell he wont, we are…. dum dum duumm the master of…eh…making-people-drunk-and-get-them-sober-before-their-overprotective-boyfriend-noticeses. OOOooo" He jumped and kicked his foot high in the air, trying on a karate kick, I guess.

"Sure, let's let her sleep." I said and pulled Emmet out of the room closing the door carefully behind me. Emmet squealed like a little girl and clapped his hands.

"We got the baby to sleep Jazz, the baby's sleeping!" He said with a baby-ish voice. I rolled my eyes and ran downstairs were Edward was sitting on the couch with his arms crossed over his chest, with one of his eyebrows raised. Not looking very happy.

You'll have to make up your own ending, hahahhehe…Just kidding!

So watcha' think? Review and tell me what you think! Thank you for reading my story! Please review people! Love you all! XD