And now it's time for Silly Songs at Hogwarts: the part of the story where characters take a break from their busy lives and explore their true feelings through song.
Our scene opens in a small hut somewhere in what is now Scotland, where Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin's side business is in full swing.
Chorus: There lived a man so long ago
His memory's but faint
Was not admired
Did not inspire
Like president or saint
But people came from far and near with their afflicted pets
For a special cure
They knew for sure
Wouldn't come from other vets
Wo-oah....
Godric: This is a song
For your poor sick penguin
And his toes are blue
But if I sing
To your poor sick penguin
He will feel better
In a day or two!
(To penguin) Yodelay yodelay yodelay-hoo
Yodelay yodelay yodeloo
Yodelay yodelay yodelay-hoo
Yodelay yodelay yodeloo!
Salazar: (to penguin's owner) He's gone a little loopy, in case you haven't heard....
Here's a special little potion for your sickly Arctic bird.
Chorus: No skeptic could explain nor could one oft rebut
The wondrous deeds that went on in that little Alpine hut
Some would stand in silence while some just scratched their scalps
For the curious ways of the Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps
Wo-oah....
Salazar: (setting a letter down on the table) Good news on the penguin, Godric! He's up and kickin'!
Godric: This is a song
For your pregnant kitty
She's looking nauseous
And a week past due
But if I sing
To your pregnant kitty
She will feel better
In a day or two!
(To kitty) Yodelay yodelay yodelay-hoo
Yodelay yodelay yodeloo
Yodelay yodelay yodelay-hoo
Yodelay yodelay yodeloo!
Salazar: (to kitty's owner) Jump on your broom, fly into the city
Buy a jug of milk for your nauseated kitty.
Chorus: Their practice grew, their profits flew until one fateful day
When the nurse who did assist the doc asked for a raise in pay
The doctor pondered this awhile, sat back and scratched his scalp
Then he said...
Godric: No way, Jose!
Chorus: To the nurse of the Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps!
Wo-oah....
Salazar: (annoyed) Good news on the kitty, Doc. She's feeling great. Six kittens. Named one after you.
Godric: This is a song
For your beartrapped teddy
He looks uncomfy
Think I'd be, too
But if I sing
To your beartrapped teddy
He will feel better
In a day or two!
(To bear) Yodelay yodelay yodelay-hoo
Yodelay yodelay yodeloo
Yodelay yodelay yodelay-hoo
Yodelay yodelay yodeloo!
(Bear roars)
Salazar: (to bear's owner) Oh, yeah. That'll work. He's good.
(Bear roars again)
Godric: No, wait! This should work! Yodelay! Yodelay-hoo!
(Bear starts chasing the still-yodeling Godric around the cabin)
Chorus: And the moral of the story is the point we hope we've made:
When ya go a little loopy, better keep your nurse well-paid!