Your gone to...?
No-chan
I'm thrashing.
I'm thrashing.
I'm thrashing.
That is all I can hear and all that I tell myself.
That I am thrashing.
Thrashing through what? I often find myself asking late at night when the day is gone, even though day doesn't exist in a world that never existed at all. Just endless night. Endless nothing...
Maybe that is what I am thrashing in! Nothing!
But I know it isn't nothing. Maybe I am thrashing in hate, but alas, no. I could never hate him. I could never hate his spiky blond hair, and his smile. How his ocean deep eyes stare at you so closely and how he acts when we share our heat.
No I could never hate him.
But yet what am I thrashing in? I still ask! What is it?!? It might drive me quite mad if I never know. I might pull every bright red hair from my head, I may hurt myself with a few things, but that wouldn't get me answers, now would it?
would it?
Would It?
WOULD IT?
I move off my very white bed, to which had been covered in blood from a sharing of heat only seven days ago. ONLY SEVEN! And yet it seems like a year...I thought nobodies had no emotions? That is what I have been told, over, and over, and over again. Yet what is this Thing that has snaked across my nonexistent heart?
What is it?
What is this thing with the only word to describe it called Pain, that has curled it's pale, gruesome, cruel claws around whatever heart I had if any?!?
I am now in my bathroom, a rather untidy but still clean place. I shut the door, and then I lock it shut.
Oh how that lock sounds so...sweet.
So very, very, very sweet to my ears! And now silence is my only companion as I stand there. And I know the only person who ever had the key into the bathroom is dead...So now here I am. What should I do. I do nothing. Nothing but stand.
And stand there.
I stand there.
Standing.
Standing.
Standing...And I stare at the mirror.
Now I am doing something! Right!
That clean yet still so dirty mirror. And I see myself. Or is it just a joke of myself? The scared chromatic eyes which stare back at me. The hair more unruly then normal. The cheeks, somehow blotching and red. Had I been crying? Had I been crying...again?!
I was a disgrace to the person I once was.
What had happened to that calm and collected Axel, the one who would make jokes about others misfortunes, hurt others for his own self gain?
WHERE?!
I snatch the small blade that lays on the edge of the sink, how lucky I am. Or maybe I had put it out there right after his death?
Had I?
Maybe I did, but that didn't matter! I would soon see him, right?
He had been gone for seven days and I knew he was never coming back. He had to have been killed, Right?
Yes, yes he had been killed! And he had left me all alone in this world. In this poor wretched world!
He had left me alone!
But not for long, would he be able to escape me! I would soon be with him, and I would be happy once more, or rather I would have a silhouette of the thing called happiness.
I place the blade and let myself enjoy the feel of cold metal against hot skin. But I let myself come back around!
And now I am slashing! Moving which ever way, what ever direction the blade tells, and makes me go.
And warmness is everywhere! Even though I am starting to feel cold! There is warmness everywhere!
EVERYWHERE!
And I can feel everything push up, or am I just going down?
And I can hear something moving on the other side of the door. Something, but my mind won't stay focused as the wound on my arm continues it's job, it's job of making me bump into death.
How sweet it will feel to escape my hell! My personal little chunk of hell!
And to join him...
And now I can feel new air, and I can hear a small scream intertwined with a gasp! Oh how it sounds so familiar! But he is dead and I must accept that! But oh that one single wordless noise is sweet.
And now I can feel warm hands wrap around my head, and I can now feel my head in someones lap. It feels so very, very good.
And now I am looking up at ocean deep blue eyes, but my vision is getting blurry.
Maybe he was sent as an angel to help me go with him.
But he looks sad...Why?
I am going to join him, right?
right?
Right?
RIGHT?
And then something wet drips on my face and I can hear someone whispering- no wait Him whispering, "Why?"
I wanted to say something, but I had already wasted most of my time pondering. I had to move to meet him! I had to go on if I wanted to see him in heaven.
And so as my shallow breath allowed me my last words or thoughts, a single few things came strung from my mouth.
"Because your gone to, Right...?"
And then...
Nothing.
Xx-Fin-xX
Crappy as hell and kinda weird but I don't care!
It just popped into my mind and wouldn't let me fix my Myspace until I was done with it!
So enjoy my sick twisted reasoning of logic!
And reviews would be nice? Even if this is a load of shit, Reviews make me feel all happy and warm inside.