Darkness Within The Heart
Okumura Yukio didn't want to think what had happened with Todo. As he stood with his students, his thoughts wavered from the sights they were seeing. His thoughts kept going back what had happened in the forest. "Yukio…you hate your brother, don't you?" Yukio had replied that he loved and hated Rin, his twin brother. A squeal of laughter interrupted his thoughts, and he saw the said brother exclaiming over something exceedingly stupid. When will he grow up? As his irritation subsided, Yukio thought about his own behavior the past few days. He was willing to let Rin get executed without batting an eyelid, and he had more concerned about the danger of the blue flames than of his own brother's safety when the Impure King was defeated. He had hit him, Rin as always, forgave him. Something's wrong, Yukio thought. I didn't used to be like this. When had he suddenly felt a stab of anger and jealousy when he looked at Rin? Could the battle with Todo awakened something dark within him? "I love my brother and hate him too! But more than that…I hated myself for being small and weak! The one I really hate is myself!" Yukio had never thought that his heart could have been capable of holding such darkness. He had thought Rin had all the darkness in him. No, that's not true, Yukio thought as he watched Rin with Sheimi. His heart is made of gold, just like Father's. Mine on the other hand… He couldn't finish the thought.
How had this begun? Yukio had always admired Rin as a child; his older brother was everything he was not: strong, brave, and never afraid of anything. Yet despite the admiration Yukio had for Rin, there was a hint of anger beneath it that only grew stronger with each passing year. He didn't notice how much anger he had until the battle with Todo. Rin was never afraid of the truth or of the darkness in him. Did I really mean that? While Rin had been asleep, Yukio had thought much of what he had said to him. The taller twin had come to a conclusion that he did not want his brother to die. Do I still feel the same way? As Yukio continued to watch Sheimi animatedly talk to Rin, he couldn't help but wish Sheimi talked to him that way. She blushes and compliments me, but that is all I get. There was friendship surrounding Sheimi's relationship with Rin, and maybe something more. Yukio sighed and closed his eyes. Both Sheimi and Rin did what he himself could not. Sheimi embraced Rin's flames, and Rin accepted the dark side of himself. Why is it that I'm afraid of him so much? Is it only because of the flames? I shouldn't be afraid of him, because we're bound by blood. Why is it every time when I think of his execution, I think of me and not him?
Do I still love my brother?
Yukio knew deep in his heart that Rin loved him unconditionally, just as Father Fujimoto supposedly had. However, he wondered how long he would feel love towards his brother. "Such adolescent self-loathing…be careful of that. It's the first step to becoming a demon." Was he trying to tell me something then? He said too that I had a face of a demon. Dark clouds were looming, and Yukio wasn't certain if his love for his brother would be able to overcome his hate for him.