What a Marvelous Night for a Moondance
by Aaron D.
The bushes rustled slightly in the midnight black. The hunter could see them, his eyes completely adjusted to the darkness. He shouldered his weapon, ready to shoot if his quarry emerged.
It did. The boar's protruding snout sniffed the ground, searching for the unusual scent. The hunter moved, ever so silently, into firing position. He was one with the target. The kill was all but his. He eased his finger over the trigger, prepared to loose the deadly bolt...
"Get him, Bow!" an unexpected voice whispered in his ear.
Bow let out a startled shriek, his bolt flying five yards off the mark and into a tree. "Waaa-aaah!" The tusker snorted and took flight deeper into the woods.
"You let him get away," the feminine voice chided him.
Bow was too busy swearing up a storm and stomping the ground in frustration to hear the chastisement. When he had finally calmed his anger, he faced his companion.
"Good God! How many times have I told you not to sneak up on me like that?!"
Katt winked, the glint of the moonlight in her eye flashing brightly against the stark blackness. "Sorry. Most men like it when I get close to them."
Bow punched an unoffending tree, then clutched his hand in pain. Katt was a good hunter, almost as good as he was, but their methods didn't complement each other. Bow shot his prey from afar, while the Woren preferred a more hands-on approach. Yet despite his insistence, the girl steadfastly accompanied him on the hunt.
"D'oooooohhh!" Bow's ranting began again, his anger renewed. This was, as the Ranger had found out through experience, the best way to relieve tension when dealing with Katt. He would never assault her bodily, not because it was wrong to hit girls-he had no compunctions about that-but because she would most likely tear off his arms and ears if he tried, and then where would he be?
"Settle down!" the Woren ordered him. Bow did as she commanded, clasping his ears in fear of the repercussions.
"I hear something," she whispered. "Prey. Let's go." She bounded off on all fours in a northeasterly direction. The Ranger struggled to keep up with her, but could not, for though his spirit was willing, his flesh was fat.
Bow ran on, striving to avoid the stumblesome tree roots and rocks which blocked his path. His breath now came in painful, burning gasps. His heart pounded loudly in his chest, protesting this unnecessary use. His calves screamed with each stride, his upper legs echoing them in harmony. His arms-
"Ow!" Katt yelled as he collided with her. "Watch it!"
"Heh...heh...sorry," Bow apologized, leaning against a nearby tree for support.
"Something's close," she remarked, sniffing the air. "I can smell it. It's a funny scent, though."
The pair was abruptly bathed in turquoise light. Oddly high-pitched sounds emanated from the glade before them, shadows moving across the light-the form of humanoid shapes.
"What's that!?" Bow asked.
"Dunno," Katt said laconically.
A couple of funny-looking dwarves appeared before them, waddling slowly on their stunted legs. Wait, not dwarves, Bow realized, as not only did their faces have no beards, but their heads had no hair whatsoever. They also possessed no noses, but this lack of nasalitude was compensated for by their incredibly large black eyes. Their limbs were thin and long, while their disproportionately big heads seemed as if they would fall off their necks at any moment. Whatever they were, they were not a clan Bow had ever seen or heard of before.
Bow cowered behind the Woren, peeking over her shoulder. "The traditional bravery of the Plainsrunner clan," she commented. The Ranger would have told her where to put her bravery, but he was too startled at the moment.
One of the pair of odd-looking things strode forward slowly. It put out its thin hand in a gesture of greeting. "Hello, Earthlings," it said in a monotonous, nasal voice. "We are visitors from the planet Zzryrznk, in the Mktri Galaxy. We come in peace."
The second one chimed in, "Perhaps you would like to come visit our ship, where we can perform embarrassing and possibly dangerous experiments on your bodies?"
"Cool!" exclaimed Katt. "Bow, do you wanna... Bow?"
Katt's question went unheeded, as the less than nimble Ranger had already begun to flee the scene, screaming with an even greater vigor than when Katt had startled him before. She watched with her keen night vision as Bow scrambled past the trees and out of sight.
"Oh, well," she lamented. Turning to her new friends, she indicated that they move on. "Let's go, boys."
One of them raised what might have been a weapon, but Katt wasn't really sure. "What's that?"
"A simple nerve-tranquilizer," the left one explained. "We will just knock you out for a few moments while we return."
"Oh, you don't need that, silly! I said I'd go with you, didn't I?"
The two conversed in a strange, halted language. "Perhaps you are correct," the right one allowed, "but to let you to enter our ship while still conscious is strictly against regulations."
"Still," the left one added, "we have not had that much experience with willing vic-er, I mean, 'friends' before, have we, Zorkon?"
"No, Nokzor, we have not. However, I believe we should follow tradition in this case."
"It would be much more expedient to bring her back conscious," Nokzor argued. "I am most interested in exploring this female's physical form, and for some reason, I want to do it as quickly as possible."
"Nokzor," Zorkon began, "you are not allowing the possibility of-"
"Okay, okay!" Katt interrupted. "Just shoot me with the thingy, then."
"Awfully sorry," apologized Zorkon. "Standard procedure, you know."
"Of-" Katt began, then felt a sting in her left arm. "coouurrrrssse." She sank to the ground. The last thing she felt before passing out was their thin arms grasping at her and lifting her up.
The tongues of flame licked at the night air, crackling and dancing in a rhythm all their own. It was hypnotic, really. The orange flames of the top shot up and disappeared, while the yellower ones at the bottom, nearer the pile of wood, jiggled around and tried to get free. It almost took one's mind off of one's problems.
"Damn, I'm hungry," Rand said to the fire.
"Yeah," Sten agreed.
"Ditto," echoed Ryu.
Nina, of course, was hungry as well, but as a member of the Wyndian royal family, she had enough manners beat into her to refrain from stating the obvious. A princess should never reveal weakness.
And as for a prince, well, Jean had given up on waiting for the hunting party's return with food, and had dug up a huge, juicy earthworm from the ground. The annelid was almost two inches thick and a foot and a half long, which, according to Jean's culinary tastes, made for some good eating. The prince of SimaFort was now sleeping comfortably and well-fed beside the fire.
"There are times when I envy Jean," Sten said.
"Trust me," Ryu replied, shuddering, "you don't."
"I agree," stated Spar from where he stood, almost out of sight. "The idea of eating an earthworm is quite disgusting."
Rand leaned forward, resting his face on his crossed legs. "Shut up. The idea of eating anything is disgusting to you, Mr. 'I Can Absorb Any Food I Need From The Ground.' Why don't you come a little closer to the fire, grass man?"
"Don't even joke about that," Spar warned, his flammable body quivering in mild anger.
"How far are we away from Wyndia?" Nina asked, more to stave off any more harsh words than of any real curiosity. She knew that when they reached her hometown, her journey with these friends was over. They all thought that she would resurrect the Great Bird which was to fly them all to Evrai, but in reality, she would become it, losing all sense of herself and becoming little more than a dumb animal.
"About two days, I think," Ryu answered. That was the hardest part of it-losing her chance with Ryu. The big dragon had captivated her thoughts since she'd met him, though she couldn't truly fathom why. Admittedly, he was the most attractive man of any in the group, but that wasn't saying much by any means.
As Nina thought of it, she understood that transforming into the Great Bird was probably the best choice for her. She had no future as long as the Black Wings adorned her back, and as the Bird, she would have no way to bring her family to ruin, and she could still help her companions.
As she wandered in thought, she found herself staring at Sten blankly. Oops-he had seen it! He winked, then raised his eyebrows invitingly. Outwitting the constant attentions of the Highlander had been quite a chore for the young princess. Nina was never certain if his advances were serious or playful, but she knew Sten well enough to realize he'd not be one to refuse a roll in the hay with her if she offered.
"Tell me that story again, Sten," Nina said.
"Which one?"
"The one about the Emerald Idol of Anar-kan," she clarified.
"Alrighty," he began, warming up to the idea. "I was on a campaign in the south of the Urkan nation-that's near the desert, if you didn't know. Anyways, the Urkans are fiercely loyal to their God, which is not the same God as St. Eva's-not many people know that. In fact, if I heard correctly, it's a female God, at that, so I guess you'd call it a Goddess, but they never do. So, the Urkans hired my company to fight a battle against the Anari, who occupy the land just east of theirs. I usually try to stay away from holy wars, nasty things, but the pay was right, so..."
Hah! Sten usually tried to stay away from holy wars! What did he think he was involved in now? Perhaps he had the same problem as the rest of the group-they were too caught up in events now to leave well enough alone. Just as she was. Soon enough, though, she would have no more worries.
Nina had heard this story more than ten times, and though it changed a little with each telling, she felt confident that she could tune it out completely and not miss anything. Still, she wanted to enjoy these last days with her friends a bit more, so she paid close attention to the Highlander's tale.
"...and as I walked up to it, the idol spoke to me, it did, it said, 'Passing traveler, set me free, and I will grant you wishes three.' Now, I'm a resourceful guy, but I just couldn't see how I was supposed to set an inanimate object free from bondage or whatnot. I asked the thing what I was supposed to do, but it said it had some sort of evil curse on it that prevented it from telling me. In rhyme, of course. So there I was, no idea what to do, no help from the statue, and-"
"Hold on," Spar interjected from his faraway vantage point. "The last time you told the story, the statue did tell you what to do."
"Yeah, that's right," said Rand. "It told you to visit the Mystical Moon Maiden and learn the Magical Moondance. Then, in order to free it, you had to do the Moondance on its head while sprinkling parsley around in a circle."
"Who's tellin' this story, anyway?" Sten demanded. "Like I was saying, I had no idea what to do, and no help from the idol," with this the Highlander glared at the two, daring them to correct him again, "when I got an idea. So I went to see an Anari shaman, you know, see if he had the scoop on what to do, right? He says..."
Nina smiled. She didn't remember exactly whether Sten was right or wrong, but she had more faith in the grass man's memory than in Sten's. Still, the small changes he put into his tales were probably more the work of an artist than simple forgetfulness. Nina laughed to herself. Rather, the work of a con artist.
Her eyes looked up as she heard a rustling in the woods. Ryu leapt to his feet, hand on the sword slung across his back. "Bow, Katt?" he called. "That you?"
No response. The others also stood, save Jean, still snoring away. Nina braced herself, a defensive spell on her lips.
"AAAAIIIIEEEEE!" A horrible, fear-inducing scream. Nina hesitated no longer, casting the weave that she had held at the ready. A magic wall formed into place around the princess, capable of repelling all but the most fearsome assault.
Bow burst through the underbrush, running towards the campsite and into Nina's forcefield at full speed. The Plainsrunner grunted as he bounced backwards and landed on the ground, still panting and screaming.
"Bow!" Ryu yelled. "What is it? What happened?"
"AAAIIIEEE!" Bow continued his thrashing.
Ryu put his hands on his friend's shoulders. "Bow! Snap out of it!"
"I'll handle this," Rand said menacingly. He advanced on the convulsing Ranger and punched him in the stomach, hard.
"Ooooof!" Bow replied. "Hey!"
"Are you gonna tell us what's going on, or do I have to hit you again?" Rand threatened.
"No!" Bow pleaded. "Wait! Katt and I were hunting, and we found these little green guys, and they tried to kidnap us or something, and-"
"Green guys?" Ryu questioned. "You mean lizardmen? Ooh, I hate those guys!"
"No, it wasn't lizardmen, it was-"
"Some more of Jean's clansmen?" Rand asked. "I knew that clan was weird. Well, if they're up to no good, then-"
"No! It wasn't them either!"
"Well, then who was it?" Rand demanded.
"I don't know! They said they were from planet Tharxax in the Morti Glaxial region or something like that."
"Amazing!" Spar exclaimed. "An alien lifeform has visited our world. What did they say, Bow?"
"Well," he began, "they said that they came in peace, and-"
"That must have been what was so frightening about them," Sten mocked.
"Arrgh!" Bow expostulated. "They said that they wanted to do weird experiments with our bodies, and well, that's it."
Spar took a few steps closer to the fire, an act of remarkable courage for the grass man. "What happened to Katt?"
"Well, the last thing I remember was that she thought it sounded like fun." Bow struggled to stand up. "Then I...ran away, I guess."
"Katt would never say that," Ryu insisted. "These...what did you call them, Spar?"
"Alien lifeforms," the grass man supplied.
"These...aliens must have brainwashed her. I don't believe she would actually enjoy having her body poked and prodded by some kooky strangers."
The remaining men exchanged a long glance, once again, with the exception of Jean, who was now mumbling something about yellow finger paint.
"I believe it," remarked Sten.
"Me, too," said Spar.
"Yup," agreed Rand.
"Come on guys, this is serious!" Nina put in. "We've got to save her! We all know that Katt doesn't always do a lot of...well, thinking before she acts."
"Boy, that's the truth," declared Sten.
"You're right," said Spar.
"Yup," agreed Rand.
"Even I can't argue with that one," Ryu added.
"So, let's get going!" Nina prodded.
Rand took a moment of his time to wake the slumbering Jean, and, after a few attempts at explanation, decided that prince of SimaFort wasn't going to understand the situation even after five years' worth of painful discussion. Therefore, he simplified a bit and told Jean that 'bad people' had kidnapped Katt and that they had to rescue her. That did the trick.
Jean smiled. "Ah, mes amis, going to the heroic rescue is so...heroic, non? We shall ride to the captive fair maiden and free her from the villains! Surely victory is in our hands, for..." Jean stopped. He was all alone. Grabbing his rapier, he hurried off into the woods.
"Ah," he said to himself, "my friends are so caught up in their heroism that they forget to wait for my auspicious self. Tres bonne!"
Katt awoke with practically every part of her body aching. She could count the unaffected parts on one hand, though she was unable to do so because she was currently strapped to a table. She discovered this as she began to sit up but was unable to do so.
A cool breeze wafted across her body. The Woren had no idea where the draft was coming from, as it was a great deal cooler than the air had been in the forest. The cold air also revealed to her that she was no longer clothed.
"What the hell...?" she asked of no one in particular.
A small whirring sound interrupted her ponderings. From her limited field of vision, she could see that one of her new friends had entered the room she was now in. Or, at least, it looked like a room, except for the odd-looking plants that surrounded her.
"Ah, I see you are awake," her host murmured.
Curiosity overwhelmed her, and she shot a barrage of questions at him. "Where am I? Why's it so cold in here? Where are my clothes? Why am I so sore?"
"Easy, human female. I will explain."
"My name's Katt," she informed him.
"Yes. Well, you are in our ship, as we told you earlier, and the reason the temperature is much lower here...well, that's what my people are more accustomed to. Your planet, for the most part, is sweltering to us.
"And," he continued, "the removal of your garments was necessary for the examination to be completed. That, by the way, is also the reason for your physical discomfort."
Katt was disappointed. "You mean I missed all the fun?"
"Well, the 'fun' is not quite over yet, though my comrade Nokzar certainly obtained a great deal of enjoyment from your examination." The diminutive alien brought out a notepad. "I must first ask you a few questions. Standard procedure, once again."
The Woren nodded in assent. She was still angry about missing the physical experiments, but there was no sense in being rude. Maybe they'd start over again later.
"Are you a healthy representative of your species?"
"I think so," she answered.
"And the one we found with you, it appeared...more than a little different from yourself. Was that because it was a male of your race?"
Katt thought about that. "No, I mean, he is a man, but we look different because we're of different clans."
"Clans?" Her host, which she had deduced to be Zorkon, looked disoriented.
"Yeah. There are a lot of clans. I don't know how many. I'm a Woren, he's a Plainsrunner."
Zorkon wrote something down. "If you were to guess, how many would you say there are?"
Pursing her lips, the Woren thought. "Let's see...there's the Woren Clan, the Plainsrunner Clan, the Water Clan, the Lake Clan, the Farm Clan, the Wind Clan, uh, the Yraal Clan, the Urkan Clan, the Highlander Clan, umm...the Music Clan...I'm sure there's more."
"That many?" Katt thought that if Zorkon had possessed eyebrows, he would have raised one at that point. "And all have differing characteristics?"
"Yeah," she responded. "Some more than others, though. Like, Yraalis and Urkans, they look mostly alike, except for the colors." She considered it some more. "The Dragons, too, and the Music Clan."
"Dragon?"
"Oh, did I miss them? There's only a few of 'em. Ryu's one. They look pretty normal, most of the time, but they can transform, if they want to."
Zorkon wrote some more information on his pad. "Was this 'Ryu' the male who was with you when we met?"
"No," Katt said, stretching her sore muscles as best she could, "Ryu was back at our campsite waiting for us." She wished she could massage her irritated backside. "Um, say, could you do those exp'rments on me again, do you think? So I could watch?"
"What?"
"Oh, never mind," she answered quickly. "Do you want to meet Ryu? I could introduce you to him."
Zorkon's eyes narrowed. "Perhaps that would be...a good idea." He began to leave the chamber. "Oh, I have one more question for you: Why is it that your mammary organs seem to be much larger than is necessary for the feeding of your young? I must say, they are quite huge."
Katt grinned. "Really? You think so? Cool!"
Will our heroes be able to rescue Katt from her unwilling...err, um, semi-unwilling captivity? What evil and exciting experiments will the aliens try next on the innocent Woren? Did Jean ever catch up with the others? What is the square root of 169? Is Katt really as well-endowed as her hosts seem to believe?
Find out in Part 2 of "What a Marvelous Night for a Moondance": "I Hate Aliens," or "Get Back to Where You Once Belonged."