So, I was doing some ... stuff the other day, can't even remember what I did, actually, and I had this scene popping into my head. Now, after having spoken to a friend of mine who can't seem to realize that she's great and loveable it popped into my head again and I had to write it down. I swear this anime/manga is haunting me. Is it because I didn't update my other fic lately? I'm terribly sorry for that, by the way, it's just that I really wanted to wait for me beta to read the chapters, but she's so busy she's lucky to get an hour of sleep at night ... anyway, sorry.

I hope I used the right Rating for this story, I'm not really down to that, tell me if it isn't appropriate, please

And, I really read a lot of fanfiction recently - again - so if this sounds extremely like an FF you just read, I'm terribly sorry, didn't mean to be this way

Uhm, disclaimer: not my sandbox, I just like to play there (I love that phrase, whoever invented it is genius)

Warnings: well, we have to boys in love, but that's not really a surprise I guess ... everything else ... yeah, Shuichi is sad and we have a lot of weeping in this one, but nothing more. Ah, just remembered: Eiri is at least a little out of character ... and not only because I'm not that good at writing him in the first place *sighs*

Music: Josh Turner, Rihanna&Eminem (love the way you lie), Lady Antebellum (need you now), Journey (don't stop believing, faithfully, anyway you want it, lovin' touchin' squeezin') Katy Perry(Hot'n'Cold) (there're some really clear influences of one or two of the songs, don't own the lines)

Have a good read, hope you like it

Ina :)

Weeping. He was weeping. There were soft sobs escaping his beautiful lips. The whole little body was shaking from the suppressed sounds.

Eiri closed his eyes. Weeping. It was everywhere in this apartment and it made his heart clench painfully. He had made Shuichi sad again. Why couldn't he do this right? Only once he wanted to make the younger one truly happy. But everything his actions inflicted was pain. He couldn't stand it any longer, but he didn't exactly know how to deal with a weeping person. Everyone had always stayed strong in his company, feeling they couldn't trust him with comforting them.

Eiri took a deep breath and exhaled very slowly, shaking. He knew what to do, well in theory at least. Wouldn't it be the right thing to capture Shuichi in his arms and soothe him? Well, maybe it was, but Eiri had never ever even tried to soothe someone. And truth be told he didn't quite know what he had done wrong again to make Shuichi cry again. All he knew that he wanted that sound to stop. He could hear it through his closed door and the kid was in the living room, how was that even possible?

He rose from his chair, again exhaling shakily. He didn't know what to do exactly, but he had to try, those soft sounds made him want to cry, scream and fall to pieces out of frustration, anger, pain and fear. He had never known how Shuichi had ever fallen in love with him in the first place, he wanted to keep him so bad it hurt, but he didn't know how and what to do. Assuming that if he'd stay the way he was, the Eiri Shuichi had fallen in love with, well, trying to stay that way, he would make Shuichi stay. But he made Shuichi cry far too often to stand any longer.

He was not going to stand there and hear him cry any longer, he just couldn't, even if it meant the possibility of losing Shuichi to subtle changes in his behaviour. There were two things in this world he wouldn't want: One: Shuichi sad, two: Shuichi away from him. But if he couldn't have a happy Shuichi with him, he was not as narcissistic as to wanting to keep Shuichi near so bad that the condition of Shuichi didn't matter to him anymore.

He stepped through the door, careful to not make any sound and slowly approached the living room. His heart clenched at every sob he could hear, albeit muffled. There had to be a way to make Shuichi happy, truly happy. He didn't know how, yet, but he was damned if he didn't try.

Shuichi kind of sat on the sofa; he was hugging his knees close to his chest and wept into them. When Eiri looked closer he could see that he wasn't simply hugging his knees close to his chest but also one of ... one of Eiri's button down shirts. Eiri suppressed the tears that were welling up in his eyes but instead strode closer, sat himself down on the sofa and hugged the weeping Shuichi close to his chest.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm sorry for whatever I may have done to you... again, but please, please stop crying."

"Yu- ... Yuki?" Shuichi whispered in response, not quite knowing what was happening.

"Please, Shuichi, stop crying. Tell me what it'll take for me to make you happy. Tell what will make you stop crying."

Wow. Eiri sounded desperate. How was that possible? It was ... it was just so completely unlike him to be this way.

"Yu – Yuki, you okay?" Shuichi asked and pulled back, tears forgotten and thus seeing something he hadn't seen in a very long time. "Yuki! You are crying! Why are you crying? Did something happen? Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not, stupid! I did it again. I hurt you again. I made you cry, again. Why is it that I cannot keep you happy? Why? What am I supposed to do?"

Shuichi was... dumbfounded. "Sorry? I don't quite get you right now."

"I don't want you to cry Shuichi."

"Sorry, Yuki, I'm sorry, I'll-"

"It's not you, dammit. It's me for Christ's sake. I make you cry, there is nothing you could possibly be sorry about. It's me, it's always me. Why can't I keep the one thing I love most happy? Why?"

"Wha...? What did you just say?" Shuichi was baffled, to say the least. He wasn't sure he had gotten that last one right.

"It's always me. I'm always making you sad." By now Eiri was pressing Shuichi to his chest, his head placed on the other's, the smaller one sitting on his lap now.

Shuichi looked up, his own tears forgotten completely now. "No, I mean what you said after that."

Right at that moment Eiri realized he had admitted to love Shuichi for the very first time. And not only out loud by the way. "I love you Shuichi." He whispered, curious as to how it would sound spoken consciously. He was surprised his voice even worked. He felt like he was choking and his heart felt like it was about to explode or disappear in an instant.

Shuichi moved in Eiri's arms, pulling back a little, but also putting his arms around Eiri's neck. He still couldn't believe his ears didn't play tricks on him when he kneeled on the sofa, one leg on either side of Eiri's, and was now on one level with Eiri's face. He was looking into those golden depths that were full of misery right now, losing himself in there, breathing "Say it again. Please."

Eiri's forehead showed a trace of a line, he was confused. Why was Shuichi so happy just from one moment to another? He stared into purple oceans filled with curiosity and doubt. And then he remembered that Shuichi wanted him to say it again. He wasn't really trusting his voice but tried nevertheless "I love you".

He had barely finished the sentence when two lips were pressed to his. How did that happen just now? Shuichi was so damn confusing all the time, but he was glad to be kissed this tenderly, but didn't know what on earth he had done to deserve this, but he was grateful.

Shuichi ended the kiss and laid his forehead against Eiri's. Eiri wasn't really fond of breaking the silence and thus causing Shuichi to be sad again almost certainly, but had to ask "What was that for? Why aren't you sad anymore?"

"You came. You comforted me. You hugged me. You told me you love me. You told me you love me for the very first time. How can I be sad when you just told me you love me? I thought I was making you miserable and that would be why you were always so mean, that was why I cried and I didn't want to disturb your work even further so I kept my sobs down, but, but, but you said you love me, you love me. Say it again, please."

"Shuichi ... I don't deserve your generosity. I'm always being mean to you ... and you know why? Because I'm afraid I might lose you if I change and act the way I want to. I cannot lose you, Shuichi."

"Stupid. You couldn't get rid of me even when you tried. How would you get rid of me by being nicer to me?"

"I have no idea, but fear's not rational."

"You know, if you're true to yourself, you'll be happier, trust me. I tried lying to myself once and it didn't end up that well. I want you, Yuki. In every way I can get you. I don't even mind you being mean to me, or being nice for that matter, just find your balance and everything is fine. But you didn't say it again, yet. Please, Yuki. Please say it again. I love that sound"

"You know, you couldn't quite possibly like it as much as I love you, Shuichi."

"You're trying to be romantic, aww, that's cute. A completely new side of you. Are you starting to describe how much you love me now?"

Eiri sighed, but complied. He had nothing to lose after all. Well, except time, but he was willing to give Shuichi some more of his precious minutes. "Mh, there's a song that says 'You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe when you're with them, you meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em, got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah them chills, used to get them', that describes it quite well. I just love you. And I hope our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems at first glance, but I am crazy for you, always was, always will be. That enough of telling you how much I love you?"

"For now, yes." Shuichi said and sealed both their mouths with a kiss.

thanks for reading, fellow word-addicts. If you have anything to complain about, just tell me and I'll fix it as best as I can.