"Do you want to know why I don't want to have kids?" Amelia asked Owen as she sat down on their bed.
She heard him grumble and she took it as a yes.
"Remember when I told you that my baby lived for forty-three minutes?" Amelia asked as she leaned back against the headboard.
Owen nodded. "Yeah, why?" he asked as he walked out of the en-suite bathroom.
"I didn't tell you the whole story." Amelia said with a sigh.
Owen nodded. "I kind of gathered that." He said as he sat down beside her. "You can tell me anything Mia."
"I know." Amelia said softly. "Do you remember when I told you about the man I was in love with? The one who overdosed?"
"Yeah."
"His name was Ryan. He was my son's father." Amelia told him.
"Did he love you?" Owen asked.
Amelia smiled. "Yeah, he did."
"That's good."
Amelia nodded silently.
"Is that it?" Owen asked.
Amelia shook her head no.
"Can I ask you a question?" Owen asked.
Amelia nodded. "Sure."
"What happened to your son?"
Amelia looked down at her hands in her lap, trying to gather the strength to tell him about her baby. She heard Owen sigh.
"You don't have to tell me." He told her, reaching to take her hand.
"I want to.." Amelia said.
She felt her throat tighten and tears burned at the back of her eyes. "He had anencephaly."
"I-I'm not familiar, what is it exactly?" Owen asked, stroking the palms of her hands with his thumbs.
"He had no brain. It never developed past his brainstem… sometimes anencephalic babies are born without even a brainstem." She told him.
Owen squeezed her hands gently. "I'm so sorry Mia."
Amelia nodded, wiping her tears off her cheeks.
"I held him after he was born. I didn't want to when I first found out, but when I saw him… he was my baby, and I just wanted to hold my son while I had the chance. I held him, until he went into respiratory distress, and we donated his organs. I held him for forty-three minutes before they had to take him." Amelia told him.
She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around herself, moving away from him like she was trying to protect herself from what he would thing of her.
"Did he have a name?" Owen asked.
Amelia nodded. "I called him a unicorn baby, but the name on the, um, on the birth certificate, and the death certificate was Ryan. I named him after his father." She said.
Owen smiled. "I bet he was a beautiful baby."
Amelia nodded. "He was." She told him.
Owen shifted closer to her on the bed. "I would've loved to meet him."
Amelia smiled softly. "I would have liked that too." She said. "He would be four now."
Owen nodded silently, giving her the chance to say more.
"You can't tell anyone." Amelia requested. "Nobody in my family knows. They only people who know are the people I worked with in L.A., and Karev knows, and now you."
Owen nodded. "I won't tell anyone you don't want me to."
"Thank you."
"Can I hold you?" Owen asked softly.
Amelia's eyes flicked up to his for a moment, then back down. "You still want to?"
"Why wouldn't I?" Owen asked.
Amelia shrugged. "The reason for your divorce from Cristina was that she didn't want kids and you did, and now you're right back there again." She told him, inching away from him more.
"Cristina and I got a divorce because we weren't a good match. We loved each other but it just didn't work. And I never understood Cristina's reason for not wanting kids. All she ever said was 'I don't want kids, I won't ever want kids.'" Owen told her.
Amelia nodded. "I'm not saying I won't ever want kids, I just don't right now. I'm not ready right now."
Owen nodded. "And I understand that. I get that you're scared, and you're… sad, for lack of a better word. I get it, and I don't hate you. And I don't think you're some monster who hates kids because I know you're not Mia."
Amelia sat silently, listening to him speak.
Owen slid closer to her on the bed and sat back against the headboard beside her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to him.
"I love you Amelia. That's not going to change." He told her, kissing the top of her head gently.
Amelia nodded. "I love you too."
Owen brought his hand up to gently unwrap Amelia's arms from around her legs and he pulled her closer to him. She reached up to wipe the tears off her cheeks.
"Do you have a picture of him?" Owen asked suddenly.
Amelia nodded.
"Can I see it?" He asked.
Amelia hesitated for a moment.
"You don't have to show me if you don't want to." Owen told her.
Amelia smiled slightly and reached over to the night stand for her phone. She typed in the passcode and pulled up her photos. She scrolled through the album until she got to the very top. She tapped on the photo that Addison had taken after he was born. It was the first photo she added to her new phone.
She turned the screen toward Owen slowly.
He studied the photo for a few seconds before his face lit up.
"He's beautiful. He looks just like you, Mia." He said.
Amelia smiled.
"He did a lot of good. You did a lot of good, donating his organs. I'm sure he saved a lot of lives." Owen said.
Amelia nodded. "I know." She told him. "That's what unicorns do."