A/N: Some people may have read this on tumblr already but we wanted to share it with anyone who isn't on there and/or wants to read it in one easy go :)
The crossing had been hell. Endless bloody waves and other people and crap food and third class sanitation and about a million other things that Sarah was quite convinced had been designed to make her life an absolute hell but they were here now. New York. She'd been told about it a thousand times by her ladyship and the excitement in the Countess' voice had only grown as they'd approached the docks and the great hulking statue had come into view. Sarah could not pretend she hadn't been unmoved by the sight and couldn't help but smile at Cora's pleasure.
They were on land now and thank bloody god for that and after being quite pleased with herself as she tagged along behind Cora and didn't get the same grilling that the other steerage were getting, Sarah had overseen their cases being shoved into a car and held the door open for Cora. She smiled and watched Cora's smile.
"Are you 'appy to be 'ome m'lady?"
Cora beamed at Sarah over her shoulder. She had waited so long for this moment and now it was here and she would see Mama in a matter of hours. She felt utterly giddy with excitement, and that was the only thing that had kept her from emptying the contents of her stomach en route. She had never coped especially well with sea travel and this trip had been no exception, but this time it had not been so bad because she had known, once they reached the other end, that her mother and her home and everything she had once known and loved would be waiting for her.
And she didn't think there was anybody in the world she would rather share this adventure with than her dear O'Brien. After everything Sarah had done for her, she deserved a vacation and there was no place better for that than New York in all of its splendid, larger than life glory. She had seen the look on Sarah's face when Lady Liberty had first come into view; there had been nothing but wide-eyed wonder, and Cora couldn't wait to show her maid absolutely everything!
"Oh O'Brien, I can hardly believe we're here." She reached behind her for the other woman's hand and held it tightly in hers. "Isn't it beautiful?"
Sarah squeezed her hand back and was fairly sure it was going to be a while before they actually managed to get into the car but what did it matter? She smiled back at Cora and was simply glad to be in a new world: she'd been to London a fair few times of course but nothing was quite like this. She didn't know what she'd expected from New York but it was definitely beautiful and exhilarating and she could certainly see why Cora liked it so much but only one solid description came to mind.
"It's certainly very big."
She placed a hand on Cora's back to urge her into the car. She was quite used to Cora getting distracted by now and as much as she wanted to explore this strange new world herself she didn't like the look of some of the people eyeing their luggage. Some of these types looked right bloody disreputable!
"Shall we get going?"
Cora took the hint and climbed into the back of the car and purposefully slid along the seat to leave room for Sarah. It wasn't exactly normal practice for a maid to sit alongside her mistress – technically she should sit in front with Mama's driver – but she and Sarah had come much too far for all of that nonsense, and Cora wanted to keep her close so that she could point out the various sights as they passed them, the most beautiful of all of them being Levinson House and they would be there soon enough.
She patted the space on the seat beside her and immediately went back to staring out of the window with a giddy smile. It was every bit as glorious as she remembered and she knew Mama would be precisely the same – the same tactless, overbearing and brilliantly witty woman she had always been, even though they had lost Papa, and she couldn't wait for Susan Levinson to meet Sarah O'Brien. Mama would love her, she knew that already, and if Papa were still here he would have loved her too. O'Brien was kind and she was sharp and she took such good care of her, especially after the accident, that her mother would be full of gratitude, and Susan Levinson was often rather generous when grateful.
"I'm so looking forward to you seeing my home. It's not quite as large as Downton, but it has a certain charm."
Sarah took a last glance around the docks and climbed in besides Cora in the car. She was clinging to the hope that Susan Levinson wasn't going to find it unduly odd that her titled daughter deigned to share car space with a maid but then she was American wasn't she? So chances were she was just as odd as Cora herself was and wouldn't object too much: they might have to mind the way they were once they got to Levinson House though. Cora had taken to calling her by her Christian name of late in private but there was every possibility that Mrs Levinson would find it as odd as the Dowager Countess undoubtedly would if she ever overheard.
"Bigger isn't necessarily always better m'lady."
She settled into her seat and nodded at the driver in the mirror and with that simple task done she indulged in following her ladyship's gaze out of the window. She reached up to pull the pin from her hat and removed it – it was a damn sight warmer now that they were off that bleedin' boat and the last thing she wanted was to turn up at Cora's Mother's house with a blotchy face. It was odd enough that Cora was so insistent that she must meet her Mother, the very least she could do was try and look halfway decent when they arrived.
Cora thoroughly agreed with that particular sentiment and nodded. She had been utterly overwhelmed by Downton Abbey in her first few days there, and perhaps her first few weeks, but there was not a single other place that would ever compare to the beauty of Levinson House because it was her home, in a way that Downton couldn't ever be. She had been born there and spent hours under her Papa's desk as he pretended not to notice her, and raided her Mama's closet for the prettiest and pinkest outfits available. She could recall every detail of her beautiful bedroom and knew it would still be precisely the same, even if her proportions had changed somewhat since she had last slept in her childhood bed.
"It shouldn't be long before we're there. I did intend to show you some of the sights first, but I don't think I can wait any longer to see Mama." She gave Sarah a sheepish, eager smile. "You don't mind, do you Sarah?"
They would see all of New York soon enough, but she had waited years to see her mother and now she was only an hour away at most, depending on the traffic, and there was nowhere else she wanted to be, especially with Sarah at her side.
Sarah didn't mind one bit. There were so many things to see in New York – she'd borrowed a book from his lordship's study that looked like it hadn't seen daylight in decades to read about the city before they'd come here – and she'd found plenty of things that had intrigued her senses. There was beauty and grandeur and all manner of things to see in the city but there was nothing, absolutely nothing that could ever be half as heart-warming as seeing Cora smile like that at the prospect of her childhood home.
She shook her head and shoved her hat into the bag she had with her, winding the window down a little to get more air into the car. She ran her eyes quickly over Cora to make sure the breeze wasn't affecting her but her ladyship seemed altogether too excited at the scenery to pay much attention to her comfort at the moment.
"Of course I don't mind. Anything that isn't starin' at the walls of the servant's hall is more than welcome as far as I'm concerned."
And it was. Even looking out at the streets here was a great deal more entertaining than anything she came across at home. It wasn't Thomas' smug face, or Anna looking pious and no one here was looking at her funny because she was sat next to a Countess and had no right to do so.
"Is your Mother expectin' us quite this soon m'lady?"
"Oh no," Cora grinned, slightly breathless with happiness as she turned back to the other woman and reached for her hand once again. She was so excited at the prospect of being home that she simply had to share it with someone and who better than her dear O'Brien? "Mama isn't expecting us for hours and she'll be horrified when we turn up before she has a chance to have the sheets pressed and the silverware polished, but I've always liked surprises, haven't you?"
Well…she supposed it didn't matter that she liked surprises, it was whether Mama did, and lord knew the answer to that was a resounding no. The last time she and Papa had attempted to surprise her it hadn't gone particularly well, but this was hardly the same as trying to find the perfect hat and instead picking the one adorned with the most feathers and lacking taste entirely, this was her daughter who she hadn't seen in years, and surely she would forgive her just this once?
She fiddled slightly with the sleeve of her coat before she reached up to undo her own hat nervously. "You don't think she'll mind…do you?"
Sarah felt like her fingers had been burning with Cora's wrapped around them and he savoured the thrill that the contact had made shoot through her. It was temporary but it was better than bloody nothing and nothing was all she'd had for years now: nearly two decades in which Cora had been her absolute everything. Before the war she'd have been disgusted with herself for such sentimentalities and had Thomas exorcise her but now she gave herself over to it, unable to prevent herself from revelling in the simple knowledge that Cora needed her and wanted her with her.
And she looked so concerned at what her Mother might say! Sarah knew full well the power of a Mother's sharp tongue but Cora was in her bleedin' 50s and she still looked scared to death that Susan might not want her when all Sarah had heard for years was that Susan Levinson was desperate to see her only child again. She helped Cora remove her hat and placed it aside with her own, trying not to see the contrast between Cora's pretty, brand new accessory and her much-mended one.
She took Cora's hand tentatively and smiled as they began to speed along through the streets.
"I'm sure she's there countin' the seconds and it'll be a relief when you're early."
Cora smiled and believed Sarah at once, gripping her hand and stroking her thumb over her skin as if it was an entirely natural and daily occurrence and felt immediately comforted. Mama would be glad to see her no matter how early she was and no matter what happened Sarah was here at her side, and Cora felt sure she could do anything with Sarah O'Brien at her side. She was the one real constant in her life and there had been no question of bringing her here, and not only for the convenience of having her own lady's maid here at her beck and call. Sarah deserved a vacation and she hoped that she would be happy here, with her. She wondered sometimes where Sarah enjoyed her company half as much as she enjoyed hers, but when she was holding her hand like this she couldn't help but hope so.
"Oh I hope so. Mama has never been good at waiting and perhaps its better this way for everyone. I've missed her terribly, and she will be very fond of you."
Not nearly as fond as she was of Sarah, but she hadn't had twenty years to grow so attached to the other woman that she couldn't imagine a day without her. She squeezed her hand again with an indulgent smile. "Are you really glad to be here with me, Sarah?"
Sarah sighed lightly and wondered quite how many time she was going to have to reassure Cora before her ladyship finally believed that she did indeed want to be with her. She always wanted to be with her and they would have to drag her kicking and screaming away from Cora one day…assuming she couldn't work out some way to ensure they were able to stay together forever and she was sure that she could talk Cora into employing her into her old age somehow. Perhaps her job could be to just sit and direct a younger maid? She smiled at the sudden vision of her and Cora as little old ladies and someone, who looked oddly like Ethel, waiting on both of them.
"Of course I am. I wouldn't want to see New York with anyone else. I'm sure no one else would let me go off an' explore as much as you said you would."
She'd rather go with Cora of course and have a personal guide but after so many years of being apart from her Mother Cora would surely want to spend time with her? She'd be alright…although she had a feeling more doors would be open to her if she was in the company of a Countess. Perhaps she could at least test out the accent she'd been learning to mimic for twenty years? She'd draw less attention if they thought she was a native!
Cora's smiled dropped a little at that. She had been rather hopeful that Sarah might have wanted to explore everything with her and not alone, but she supposed it made sense. She was Sarah's employer, not her travel companion or, she supposed with a sinking heart, her friend and of course she would want to see New York without worrying about her mistress breathing down her neck. She would feel restrained sight-seeing with her and that was the last thing Cora wanted. She wouldn't begrudge Sarah anything after all she had done for her and she forced another smile, holding Sarah's hand loosely in hers.
"You can go anywhere you like. You don't even have to ask. I'll arrange it all with Mama's chauffeur and all you'll need to do is give Paris your instructions and he'll take you." A hint of her former smile appeared on her lips. "He's not been Mama's chauffeur for very long but I take it he's mostly there as eye-candy, but he hasn't caused any accidents yet. Although…I do know New York rather well, and I'd be happy to accompany you anywhere. We're here for over a month, after all."
Sarah felt her stomach fall a little at her mistake and it struck her immediately that of course that was what Cora had meant! For god's sake she'd spent nearly two decades deciphering Cora now and she thought she was able to understand the things she said with ease but sometimes she surprised her. Usually when it came to herself actually but Sarah didn't quite know what to make of that and instead she smiled at Cora as happily as she could, trying to rid her of the slight hint of sadness that had appeared. The very last thing she would ever allow for was Cora being sad!
"I wouldn't dream of going anywhere without you m'lady, you know that." She looked out of the window to try and cover her blushing cheeks. She was a grown bloody woman on the wrong side of forty so why was it that Cora still had the annoying ability to make her react like this: Sarah wished she was able to blame it on Cora, at least then she might get some respite. But Cora was too good for that. Too good for her.
"Where do you recommend? I'll go wherever you want to, I'm not fussy," she leant forwards, looking out of Cora's window where the crowds were clearing and some of the biggest buildings Sarah had ever laid eyes one were coming into sight. "It's all so lovely."
Cora's smile soon returned in full, dazzling force and she watched the other woman's face as she leaned over her side. Sarah's face was once again full of awe and it was nothing short of a joy to be here with her and watch as her eyes utterly lit up at the sights around her. It struck her suddenly that as pretty as this city was, Sarah was prettier still and even more so with the glittering New York sunshine shining on her face and the light of it all in eyes nearly as blue as her own. Coming here had been such a hasty decision, one she had so very nearly not made at all, and if knowing Mama was so close now wasn't enough to persuade her it had been the right decision, then the look on Sarah O'Brien's face had done exactly that and she grinned happily as she attempted to somewhat clamber onto the seat beside the other woman and peer out of the window too. Honestly, she was like a child, but it had been so long since she had seen these buildings and the glorious skyline above.
"Oh, everywhere," she beamed, watching all the cars go by and the people – so many people – go about their daily lives.
"The zoo and Central Park – of course Mama says there is so much litter there now, but we're used to that in London – and," she turned to Sarah in excitement, "The Statue of Liberty. It's been transferred to the war department now, but Mama has contacts and perhaps she'll be able to organise for us to see it. You liked her so much on the way in I couldn't possibly let you leave without getting you a closer look. She's beautiful, isn't she?"
The great looming statue had been the first thing of New York that Sarah had spotted when she'd stood on deck and stared at the emerging skyline of the great city they were approaching and the great lady had left an impression on her. The whole notion of it had seemed so bloody silly in a book – the symbol of a nation being that of liberty and freedom – to her, but then she knew she was a woman who had spent most her life in service. But then she'd seen it and it had been breath-taking and even she, a woman who'd been trapped in the mire of her own servitude for so long, could feel the swell of emotions that came with the thought of liberty. She grasped Cora's hand tighter, almost overwhelmed with it all.
"She is, she is very beautiful," she turned to catch Cora's eye with a smile of pure excitement. The beauties of London had always felt rather barred to her but here all things were possible and her Countess was smiling at her in that wonderful way she did and Sarah felt her heart skip a beat as the words tumbled from her lips. She might as well have been talking about Cora, tall and majestic and utterly magnificent. She was more beautiful now than she had ever been before and Sarah had to fight the instinctive force that made her want to lean closer.
"And I do like the zoo. I…"
She stopped herself, Cora wasn't supposed to know about that after all.
"You took my middle daughter there when she was thirteen?"
Cora finished with an amused smile playing on her lips. There was rather a lot that escaped her notice and, she was ashamed to admit, a great deal of it concerned her second-born child, but if Sarah had expected to take her daughter to the London Zoo and keep it entirely secret then she was very much mistaken. If nothing else, Edith was just as bad at keeping secrets as she was and her daughter had been far too excited by her day to keep it from her mother. She had promised to keep it to herself though. Apparently Edith and O'Brien had made a pact and had shaken hands to seal it, and she would ruin everything if she told O'Brien she knew, so she had held her tongue to this very day. She hoped Edith would forgive her, but she was a young woman now and had lost the innocence of her youth. Sometimes that broke Cora's heart.
"She told me, though I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to keep this to yourself. Something about a 'pinky swear'?"
She smirked impishly at the woman beside her before turning her gaze back to the view beyond the window. They were growing closer to home with every passing second, and her heart fluttered in anticipation at the thought. She settled back in her chair, watching her maid with a warm smile as she stared out of the window in awe. She had a certain look in her eye that Cora couldn't identify but her face was utterly aglow with it, and she found herself stroking her thumb gently over the other woman's hand.
"You could have told me. I wouldn't have minded. You've always been so good with Edith."
Sarah felt her stomach drop for a moment when it became apparent that Cora knew the truth about her and Edith's little adventure but her nerves were soon soothed when she realised Cora didn't mind. Quite suddenly she felt a bit daft for having bothered to keep it a secret all these years: of course Cora wouldn't have minded. As devoted to her Countess as she was even Sarah wasn't above admitting that she sometimes dropped the ball with Edith but she wasn't a cruel mother and wouldn't have begrudged her daughter a day at the zoo. Sarah smiled back at her, reveling in the soft thumb on her skin, and couldn't for the life of her recall why she hadn't told Cora all those years ago.
"I've always tried my best with her. I'd've taken the others of course but…well, I don't think they'd've liked it as much."
She didn't need to say it outloud but Cora would know, she had to know, that the other two didn't need special excursions like that. Sybil had been too young and a little bit scared of her Mama's gloomy new maid and Lady Mary wouldn't have been remotely interested in something as trivial as the zoo when she had observations to make for her season the following year. They'd always had a parent each almost all to themselves and it had struck Sarah the moment she arrived at Downton that Edith needed someone that was all hers too.
She settled back into the seat herself and wondered quite how long she was going to be allowed to hold Cora's hand – probably however long it took them to get to Levinson House – and whether Cora would ever do it again. There was something oddly soothing about holding Cora's hand and talking about Edith, as though she had any right to interfere in Edith's well-being, that she didn't want to let go of just yet.
"I know we're not supposed to have favourites, but she's always been mine."
"I know," Cora smiled. She knew more than her maid often gave her credit for, but she didn't blame Sarah for suspecting otherwise. She had always tried to be the best mother possible: she had refused to allow a nanny to raise her own children as so many others did and she had nursed the girls herself, but motherhood encompassed a great deal more and she had somehow allowed Edith to fall into Mary's shadow. She would never quite forgive herself for that, but Edith had always had O'Brien and their secret outings, and Edith had flourished in recent years and she was dreadfully proud.
"I'm pleased she has such a worthy champion."
She squeezed Sarah's hand and it occurred to her she should probably have removed her hand some time ago but Sarah's grip was warm and reassuring, and after so many years in England she was bound to feel some nervousness at the prospect of seeing her mother again. She had not been back since her Papa had died, and Cora had half been expecting to step off the ship and find New York in an apocalyptic state because she couldn't imagine it without him, but life had apparently gone on and she was determined to get through this visit without crying and making her Mama even more miserable than she inevitably was.
Cora sighed. The memory of her father had dampened her mood considerably and she could feel the beginnings of the exhaustion they would both feel once the adrenalin wore off. She expected it would take Sarah longer to tire – she had never been to New York after all, and her maid was made of sterner stuff than she was – but she couldn't help but yawn, letting her head flop back against her seat and wincing at the tension in her neck. She needed a pillow.
"I'm not sure I'm in any state to see my mother right now, O'Brien."
Sarah sat still for a moment at something of a loss. Normally when Cora complained of feeling weary she would be the first to suggest her ladyship have a lie down and a nap, or at least a decent rest but they were stuck in a car and very shortly she wouldn't be able to escape from her mother until late this evening. Well, her poor lady would be exhausted by then and she wasn't about to let that happen!
Still clutching Cora's hand she wriggled on the spot for a moment to reach into her pocket and retrieve the little guide book she'd bought well in advance of their trip and had been studying at night before they began. She'd remembered several parks which would make wonderful places for Cora to have a rest before she faced her mother but wasn't sure how close they were. She looked out of the window and tried to gage the distance but the street signs, though big and clear, made little sense to her. Why didn't they use bloody namesrather than numbers?
"We could go to one of these m'lady?"
Admitting defeat in trying to find one herself she shuffled back in the seat until she was practically brushing shoulders with her ladyship and held up the book, keeping it open on the relevant page. The really big park probably wouldn't be very appropriate – no doubt it would be as busy as these streets were – but maybe one of the ones a bit further away would be more appropriate. They were hours away from Susan Levinson's house after all and there must besome green space between them and it.
"We could get some fresh air on solid ground after being rocked around by that boat for a week. And maybe it'll revive you."
Her body felt absurdly heavy all of a sudden and Cora quickly gave up on keeping herself upright. Sarah's shoulder felt impossibly soft pressed against hers, much softer than that horrible pillow she had been forced to suffer through for the last week and she let her head flop against it, yawning and shuffling slightly until her head fit perfectly in the crook of her maid's neck. They had never done this before – in all the years they had spent together they had never been this close, certainly not close enough for her to smell the faint scent of soap and lavender. The latter was a surprise: she had never associated lavender with Sarah O'Brien but it was oddly fitting and strangely intoxicating and pressed herself closer, giving into the comfort and abandoning propriety entirely. The poor woman had spent the last week stroking her hair back as she emptied the contents of her stomach – this was hardly intimate.
"Hmm?" she mumbled.
Oh, something about solid ground. Solid ground sounded lovely but her legs were practically jelly right now and she didn't think she could stand up if she tried. Besides, Sarah was so comfortable and she wanted to save the parks for another day. Central Park deserved their full attention, not a quick sojourn for the purposes of a nap. She rested her hand snugly against Sarah's hip.
"No, we should keep going. Mama will send out a search party if we don't turn up. She doesn't like being kept waiting."
Sarah would well imagine. Cora was far from being patient herself and had spent their time on the boat alternatively throwing up and jigging aboard deck as she eagerly stared ahead waiting to see dry land and her home again. Sarah couldn't imagine she would ever be quite so eager to see Scouthead but then she had not travelled thousands of miles away so it wasn't quite the same and a tiny village in the middle of Lancashire hardly compared with New York!
Cora's new position was novel. The last time she'd been this close to her ladyship for any length of time had been the horrific afternoon she'd spent with her arm wrapped around the other woman as she gave birth to a child that was never going to breathe and that was certainly not something she wanted to dwell on whilst she was somewhere so unreal. Wriggling slightly and trying not to disturb Cora as she did so, Sarah slipped her arm from between them and tentatively wound it around Cora's shoulders, offering her more body to sleep on than just her shoulder.
"Perhaps you should get some sleep now then?"
She placed her little guide book carefully on the seat next to her and rummaged in the travelling bag she'd bought, finding a blanket that was folded up neatly and pulling it over Cora's knees gently. She'd bought it from an Irishwoman on the ship and washed it until it was as soft as anything and she was more than happy to share her new prize with Cora.
Cora smiled contentedly. She was far more comfortable here than she would have been in a park, and the warmth of the blanket only added to that. Her eyes were already beginning to droop: there was only so much longer she could last but she was so pleased to be in New York and she wanted to savour the sights and the sounds for as long as she could. She had a whole month to take it all in of course and such a long time to spend with her Mama but it had been so long since she had been home that even a month didn't seem like enough.
"Will you read to me?" she mumbled, snuggling closer now that Sarah's arm was wrapped around her. Her shoulder was terribly comfortable but her chest was even more so – she wasn't entirely sure it was appropriate to have her head on her maid's breasts but she was so tired and she had been absurdly uncomfortable before, but the tension in her head and neck had all but vanished now, and instead there was nothing but a keen sense of warmth and safety and the knowledge that there was no need to be nervous about seeing Mama when Sarah was here with her.
"Read me something from the guide. Something about New York – somewhere you'd like to visit."
Sarah realised a moment too late that she hadn't entirely thought through her offer of a headrest and now she was going to be rather distracted by Cora's head being settled against her breast. In the overhead mirror she caught the driver looking back at them and her expression, soft as she observed Cora, turned into a snarl.
"D'you mind?"
She stared until he returned his gaze to the road with pink cheeks and she returned her attention to the guide book, flicking through to a page she must have read a hundred times already. It seemed like the most magical thing in the world and nothing, not even being here and being able to see it in all its glory was going to convince her it was otherwise. But Cora already knew about her desire to see the Statue of Liberty and didn't need to hear her banging on about it again: her ladyship couldn't know what the 'Mother of Exiles' which Sarah had underlined, could mean to her. Instead she found another page.
"Grace Church was initially organized in 1808 at Broadway an' Rector Street. Under rector Thomas House Taylor, who began service at the church in 1834, the decision was made to move the church uptown…which I assume means they took it north, with the city's expanding population. In 1843, the land on which the church was built was purchased from Henry Brevoort. The 23-year-old architect James Renwick, Jr. – a nephew of Brevoort – whose sole completed work at the time was the Bowling Green Fountain, was commissioned as the architect…"
She rattled on, finishing her page and flipping to the next but not being nearly as interested. She had lulled herself into tiredness and she looked down at Cora carefully and smiling at her sleeping lady. Without further ado she shuffled further down in her seat, sure she would never again get the opportunity to do something like this and stared out of the window at the bustling streets where well-dressed ladies were walking on the same pavement as young men in ill-fitting suits and the sun shone on them the same, until she could keep her eyes open no longer.