A/N: So this wouldn't be happening without the aid of tumblr and my lovely friend Hannah. She told me that my fictional parents would be CJ Cregg and Toby Ziegler- which I agree with. I'm sarcastic and tall, and have a habit of eating ice when I'm upset, like Toby does. It started as a little joke, but then a full-blown fic idea appeared, so I took hold of it. Don't get me wrong, CJxDanny is my endgame otp, but throughout the show there are a lot of CJxToby moments I can't ignore.
This is slightly AU; it's pre-administration, so Jed is still Governor of New Hampshire, Toby never married Andy, and CJ is press secretary of Jed's office, instead of working in California, like is shown in the flashbacks in the 'In The Shadow of Two Gunmen' episodes (I'm not sure if this position actually exists, but go with me on it).
This chapter is more a collection of flashbacks of their relationship, and then next chapter the actually story will start from where this one ends. Toby may seem a little more mellow/happier in this story than on the show, but you have to remember that a lot of things that happened on the show haven't happened/won't be happening in this story.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of The West Wing; just Toby and CJ's baby.
The bed was empty next to her when she woke up, and she couldn't help but wonder if she'd made the wrong decision.
CJ Cregg wasn't known for making rash decisions; she was level-headed, intelligent, sure of herself. She'd known Toby for years; a casual drink wouldn't turn into anything, she'd assured herself. It would be harmless.
It had been anything but harmless; after a few shots of tequila and a shared glass of Jack Daniels, they'd shared a cab, and more than a few kisses. By the time they'd reached her apartment they'd crossed the point of no return; stumbling up the stairs and unlocking the door, they'd fallen into bed.
And now it was morning, and CJ was alone.
Sitting up and running a hand through her unruly curls, she took a moment to breathe, bringing her knees up to her chest and closing her eyes as she rested her cheek against her legs.
"Do you still take our coffee with two sugars and- what's wrong."
CJ looked up, swallowing the surprise at the sight of Toby Ziegler in her bedroom doorway, dressed in loose jeans and a black t-shirt, his hair messy and his face covered in stubble. He held two cups of to-go coffee in his hand, a paper bag from a local bakery in his arms.
"You- weren't here," CJ said, somewhat awkwardly, rising from the bed and pulling on his abandoned dress shirt and a pair of panties, noting the approval in his eyes as she pulled the silk up her long legs.
"You have no coffee in this house, so I went out," he replied, eyes following her every movement as she did a few of the buttons on the shirt, leaving the last inch or so of her torso exposed, her purple panties visible when she shifted. "Shirt looks better on you than it did on me."
She shot him a look, eyes crinkling in the corners. She tried not to grin as she walked into the bathroom, grabbing her toothbrush and quickly brushing her teeth, hearing Toby move around in the apartment.
When she entered the kitchen he had set up breakfast; she had to fight a grin once more when he pulled her chair out for her.
"You know, most of my morning-afters involve another tangle in the sheets and then the guy flees like I'm some black widow spider who'll kill him after mating," CJ commented, taking the lid off her coffee cup and swirling the caramel-colored liquid around. Toby's dark eyes widened at her analogy, and she colored, opening her mouth to try to salvage her statement.
"Clearly you've been picking the wrong guys," Toby replied, cutting her off. Her eyes widened, her mouth opening and closing a few times as she tried to come up with a coherent response. "A decent guy brings breakfast and then calls again that night to make sure you're doing okay."
CJ swallowed, biting her lip as she fiddled with the plastic coffee cup top.
"I don't want this to be a one-time thing, CJ," Toby said, looking down at his hands, the tips of his ears reddening. "I'm not- good- at this, I don't know how- I know I'm not the right guy-"
"I don't want it to be a one time thing either," CJ said, interrupting his nervous babble. He looked up, startled, his dark eyes searching her face. "I'd like to see you again, Toby."
She watched the smile spread of his face, his stubbly cheeks stretching with his grin. She returned it, tucking a stray curl back behind her ear shyly.
"So what's next?"
"Well don't you have a spring in your step," Abbey Bartlet commented as she entered CJ's office, green eyes sparkling with amusement as she watched the younger woman move around the room. "Something you wish to share, Claudia Jean?"
The governor's wife was a likeable woman; loyal to the teeth, beautiful, witty and sarcastic, and obviously in love with her husband. CJ had become fast friends with her- and had been her drinking buddy more than once.
"I don't know, you have a minute?" CJ asked, cocking her head to the side as she slid into the chair behind her desk, beckoning Abbey to sit on the couch next to her. The brunette stretched out comfortably, for once dressed casually in jeans and a dark green sweater, her hair loose and curly around her shoulders.
"Jed's in meetings until lunch; I'm free until then," Abbey replied, and CJ caught the glint in the older woman's eyes; suddenly the meeting-free afternoon for the governor made complete sense. "I see the cogs working in you brain, CJ. The girls are with their grandparents for the afternoon."
CJ let her mouth curve into a smirk, and Abbey rolled her eyes.
"I thought we were talking about you," she said, resting her hand on her neck as she adjusted her body to look at CJ, raising an eyebrow. "So are you going to tell me his name?"
"Why does a guy have to be the reason I'm happier? I could be taking, I don't know, yoga classes!" CJ cried, throwing her hands up in the air, seeing the amusement on Abbey's face.
"CJ, you hate yoga. You said your body doesn't get into those positions naturally and there's a reason for that," Abbey replied, her green eyes absolutely glowing with laugher. "So, what's his name?"
CJ sighed in defeat, shaking her head and lowering her arms, turning to Abbey with a shy grin.
"It's Toby."
"Toby. Toby Ziegler," Abbey said, clearly trying to wrap her brain around the information. "As in speech writing correspondant Toby Ziegler?"
"The one and only," CJ confirmed with a nod, twisting the ring on her thumb around her finger.
"Very nice, CJ," Abbey said, grinning at the younger woman, who returned it gladly. "How long?"
"A few months now," CJ answered, crossing her ankles and sitting forward with her elbows on the desk, hand linked together.
"You're happy? He's happy?" Abbey asked, straightening up and tilting her head, tucking some dark hair behind her ear as she studied the press secretary's face. CJ nodded, biting her lip.
"I just don't know what the future holds," CJ replied honestly, shrugging her shoulders. "He's not exactly big on committment."
"You've gotten this far, haven't you?" Abbey asked, raising an eyebrow as she asked the question. CJ nodded, sighing quietly.
"I just don't know if this is enough," CJ said in way of answer, shrugging again. Abbey studied her for a moment, pursing her lips.
"Talk to him," she said gently, green eyes meeting CJ's. "I've been married to my husband for over twenty years, and communication is the most important part. I know attraction seems like it's the biggest part of our relationship at times- and it is, believe me- but it's more than that. You have to be able to talk, about anything and everything. That's how a relationship and a marriage. Talk to him. You just might be surprised."
"CJ, can you- Abbey, I didn't know you were here already."
Governor Jed Bartlet was exactly the kind of man CJ wanted to work for. He could be serious and hardworking, but also playfully and teasing. He was attractive for an older man, and every time he talked about or saw his wife, his whole face lit up. Now was no exception; his blue eyes locked with hers, glowing as though they were sharing a private joke. Abbey's face mirrored his; all the love and adoration she felt for her husband shone in her face and eyes. She stood, reaching his side and kissing his lips quickly, swiping her thumb across them to remove the smear of shimmering dark red lipstick from his mouth.
"Just catching up with CJ while your meetings finish," she said, and there was something in her tone that caused the governor's eyes to darken and his mouth to curve even further upwards.
"Well they're done now," he said, and she grinned, green eyes glittering as her teeth tugged on her lower lip.
"Sir, did you need something?" CJ asked, amusement clear in her tone. Jed turned to CJ, clearly trying to remember why he'd entered the office in the first place.
"Yes! Could you get my notes for the speech next week from Mrs. Landingham and talk to Toby Ziegler about encorporating them? I got some ideas after that last meeting I'd like to try to add," Jed said, and CJ saw Abbey bit her lip to keep from laughing.
"Of course, sir," CJ said, nodding, trying to shoot Abbey a glare without Jed noticing.
"Something funny, Abigail?" Jed asked, turning to look at his wife and saving CJ the trouble. Abbey tried to straighten up and stop the silent laughter, but she couldn't, so she simply shook her head. CJ glared at Abbey with all her might, swallowing to hold in her own laughter. "I will never understand you women."
"That's just the way we like it, gumdrop," Abbey said, and Jed rolled his eyes, placing his hand on her lower back.
"I'll see you tomorrow, CJ," Jed said, though he only had eyes for his wife.
"Remember what I said, Claudia Jean," Abbey said, shooting her a look and a smile. "I expect a call from you as well, Ms. Cregg."
"Yes ma'am," CJ said, though there was teasing in her tone, and her eyeroll caused the older woman to laugh. "Have a good evening."
"Oh, I think we will," Jed said, leading his wife out the door and sending CJ a wink. She smiled, shaking her head and listening to them leave, their teasing voices carrying down the hallway until they turned a corner.
Maybe calling Toby would be a good idea.
"If you don't want this, all you have to do is say so!" CJ exclaimed, throwing her hands up. The kitchen table stood between Toby and herself, the air practically crackling with friction. "You've had over a year to walk away!"
"That's not what I'm saying CJ, stop," Toby said, coming towards her, but she put her arms up, halting him.
"You've made it quite clear this isn't where you want to be," CJ said, furious at the tears that welled up. She tugged at the rings on her finger, becoming frustrated when they wouldn't slide off. Finally she pulled off the slim white gold band and the diamond ring that hadn't left her finger in twelve months. Setting them on the table, she shot him a glance, unable to read him through the tears in her eyes. "Go be happy with Andy."
She stormed out of the house they'd bought together and got into her car, pulling out and driving away, not even seeing him standing in the doorway, watching her leave.
She didn't even know where she was driving; before she had even stopped crying she'd pulled ino the driveway of a small house. The mailbox read Lyman, and she cracked a half-smile when she realized she'd driven to Josh and Donna's.
She took a moment to collect herself, wiping at her eyes and taking a deep breath, knowing she probably looked as bad as she felt. The walk up the driveway felt shorter than usual; she ran the doorbell, wincing when she realized that might not have been the wisest decision. The door opened, a familiar face greeting her.
"I am going to kill you," Josh Lyman said, face lined with exhaustion. "He just fell asleep."
"Joshua Lyman be nice and let CJ in," Donna's voice said from within, and Josh shot CJ another glare, though there wasn't much force behind it. He opened the door to let her inside, and CJ stepped inside, finding Donna on the couch, cradling a small bundle in her arms. "He's still asleep, don't worry CJ."
"I'm sorry, I forgot-"
"CJ, Joshua is overexaggerating. He doesn't sleep anymore and he's become a bit of a brat," Donna reassured her, adjusting the baby in her arms. "Luke doesn't like to sleep at night, not yet, anyway."
"It's been two weeks and I'm ready to rip my hair out," Josh said, collasping in a heap on the chair acoss from his wife.
"Don't rip too much out or you'll be balder than Toby," CJ said, and then stopped, swallowing. Donna noticed, lips downturning into a frown when she looked more closely at CJ's face.
"CJ, are you okay?" the blonde asked, genuine concern in her voice and face. CJ closed her eyes, shaking her head by way of answer.
"Do I need to kick his ass?" Josh asked, raising his head and looking at her, eyes serious. "Because I will. Just say the word and I'll go put my sneakers on."
"You're recovering from a gunshot wound, Sparky," Donna said, raising an eyebrow and looking at her husband. "Why don't you ask Leo to do the ass-kicking for now."
"You suck the fun out of every single aspect of my life," Josh said, shaking his head at his wife before sending her a good-natured smile. He looked back at CJ, turning serious. "What's going on, CJ?"
"I think he's cheating on me," CJ admitted, trying to swallow down the tears. Donna's eyes widened, and she carefully stood, disappearing to place Luke in his crib, appearing a moment later with a baby monitor. She brought CJ over to the couch to sit, holding her hand gently.
"CJ, are you sure?" Josh asked, eyebrows practically hidden in his hairline as he sat forward, elbows digging into his knees. CJ took a deep breath, nodding. "With who?"
"Andrea Wyatt, the new campaign helper on the governor's staff," CJ replied, accepting the tissue from Donna gratefully. "I've seen them together a lot, and this afternoon he was- he was holding her hand. I confronted him about it tonight."
"What did he say?" Donna asked, squeezing CJ's hand lightly.
"He tried to defend himself," CJ answered, scunching and unscrunching the tissue with the hand not in Donna's. "Said he wasn't cheating, I didn't understand. He denied any infidelity but never explained."
"I'll talk to him," Josh said, and CJ swallowed, wiping at her eyes again. "There's more. What is it, CJ?"
"I'm pregnant," she whispered, more tears spilling out of her eyes. She heard Donna gasp, and then she was enveloped in the blonde's tender hug, her hands rubbing her back gently.
"Does Toby know?" Josh asked, voice somewhat strained in anger. CJ shook her head, blowing her nose.
"I just found out last week," she replied quietly, taking a deep breath. "I was going to tell him tonight until..."
Josh nodded tersely, pacing the living room. There was a long stretch of silence, and then there were two tentative knocks on the door.
"If that's him, you want me to tell him you're not here?" Josh asked, and CJ would see that he was serious. She shook her head, taking a deep breath.
"No, let him in," she said, clearing her throat. Donna laid a reassuring hand on her arm, squeezing gently. Josh walked over to the door, pulling it open and letting Toby in, his face dark.
"Leo and Abbey said you weren't with them so I figured you were here- CJ, let me explain, please," Toby asked, dark eyes pleading with her to let him. She swallowed, nodding, reaching for her rings to twist; then she realized she'd left them on the kitchen table. "I'm not cheating on you; I could never cheat on you, CJ."
"You said that," CJ replied quietly, a sort of peace forming inside of her. "I don't want to hear you deny it like I did for half an hour at home, Toby. Why were you holding her hand earlier?"
Toby looked at her, clearly warring with himself. He jerked his head to the side, gritting his teeth and swallowing, looking back at her.
"She's pregnant," he said, jaw clenched tight. CJ's stomach dropped to her toes, and her eyes filled with tears.
"So much for not cheating," Josh said under his breath, and Toby looked between the two, eyes widening.
"Not by me!" he exclaimed, and CJ's eyes widened again. "She had a one night stand with an ex-boyfriend and he knocked her up. She doesn't know what she's going to do; she barely makes enough to support herself, let alone a kid. She needed a friend, and I was trying to be that friend. That's all, CJ."
"If that's it, why couldn't you just say that!" CJ asked, standing up and looking at him, tears streaking her cheeks. "Why couldn't you just tell me that? I'm your wife for God's sakes, Toby!"
"Because she asked me not to say anything!" Toby replied, voice rising slightly. "I was keeping a friend's confidence! You wouldn't believe me when I told you I wasn't cheating- why would you ever think I would hurt you like that? I love you, CJ!"
There was a dead silence for a few moments, and then the baby monitor next to Donna lit up as faint cries could be heard.
"Mother of God," Josh groaned, dropping his head into his hands. Donna went to stand to get the baby, but he shook his head, moving towards the hallway. He dropped a kiss to her head, pushing her shoulders down gently so she stayed seated. "I've got him this time. Keep an eye on these two, make sure they don't kill each other."
He disappeared and CJ looked back at Toby, swallowing.
"You weren't cheating?" she asked, voice cracking slightly on the last word. She swallowed as he shook his head, tentatively taking a step towards her.
"I'd never cheat on you, CJ," he said softly, and the truth was shining there in his dark eyes. She stepped into his embrace, dropping her head onto his shoulder and letting his arms come around her.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, swallowing back her tears. "I'm sorry I overreacted, I'm sorry I doubted you, I'm sorry for everything."
"There's nothing to forgive," he whispered back, kissing her head.
"It's probably the hormones," she said, then stopped, realizing what she'd said. Toby pulled back slowly, eyes meeting hers.
"Hormones?" he asked, eyebrows furrowing. "What do you mean, hormones?"
"Pregnancy hormones," she answered, watching as his eyes widened and his face paled. "Because I'm pregnant."
"You're- what- how- when- what?" Toby asked, all words robbed from his vocabulary. "Really?"
"Really," CJ confirmed with a nod, her face breaking out into a grin at his complete and total surprise. Toby came forward, pulling her into a kiss, his excitement evident.
"I love you," he said, hands still cupping her face, thumbs stroking her cheekbones. "I love you so much CJ."
CJ nodded, happy tears filling her eyes and leaving her unable to respond. She took her hands and placed them over her heart, pushing them forward, towards Toby. He released her cheeks and repeated the action, swallowing.
He reached into his pocket, pulling out her rings.
"Will you please put these back on?" he asked, and she nodded, extending her left hand. He slid the rings securely back in place, and CJ vowed to never take them off again. He pulled her into another kiss, and there was a disgusted sigh behind them that broke them apart.
"Donna, when I told you to make sure they didn't kill each other, I didn't mean let them make out in our living room."
"Will you shut up, their marriage just got saved, you sound like a jerk," Donna said in reply to her husband, swatting at him. She turned to look at the couple, smiling. "I'm really glad you two worked it out. But Josh is right- I'd rather you two not make up completely right here in the middle of our living room. We do live here."
CJ rolled her eyes, her hand slipping into Toby's and interlocking their fingers.
"We'll get out of your hair," she promised, sending both of them sincere smiles. "Thank you, both of you."
"You need me to kick his ass this pregnancy, I mean it- call me," Josh said, though there was a joking light in his eyes now. Toby raised an eyebrow, looking at Josh.
"Okay Bullet Boy," Toby said, and Josh raised an eyebrow.
"Is now really the time to joke?" Josh asked, and Toby rolled his eyes. CJ tugged on his hand, propelling them towards the door.
"We'll talk to you guys later," she said, sending Donna a smile. "Have a good rest of the night."
The door shut behind them and she leaned on her husband, sighing softly.
"Um, you may want to call Abbey when we get home," he said as they walked to their cars, realizing they would have to drive home separately, having each taken their own cars. She straightened and looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "She wanted to kill me but refrained because Jed wouldn't let her. She may want to reassure her that I'm not an evil man, and also tell her our news. She's going to kill you if Josh tells her before you do."
"Good point," CJ said, sighing. Toby looked at her, concern in his eyes.
"Do you want me to drive home? We can pick my car up tomorrow," he asked, and she smiled gratefully, kissing his cheek.
"I love you," she said, realizing she still hadn't said it aloud. Her husband's eyes warmed, his face crinkling into a smile.
As they drove CJ thought about the future, what this new baby would bring into their lives. She smiled, one hand resting gently against her still-flat abdomen.
It was a journey she couldn't wait to take.