Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, drat the luck. I'm just mucking around with it. No harm intended.
The character of Mr. Black (Harry Potter's "alter-ego") was created by Rorschach's Blot in his Make a Wish story. If you have not read it, then you should as it is well worth the time. One way to see if it is worth your time is by the number of reviews a story contains. Any story that hits over a thousand reviews has got to be good. This story has over 6500 reviews and it, along with the sequel, is complete. You can always check my favorites for a link to the story. Rorschach's has allowed me to use his Mr. Black character.
Rating: T-ish. At least that's what I'm shooting for.
Prologue – from: The Hunt for Harry Potter, Chapter 3 Omake"Harry?"
Harry's eyes began to focus, but it was hard as they did not want to cooperate. As is, the last thing he wanted was to come back to the waking world.
"Harry? You all right there?" Henchgirl asked again, pouring herself some coffee. Black, naturally.
"Grumpflztsh," Harry muttered, pointing to the cup.
Henchgirl quickly got the gist of what he wanted and gave him the cup, pouring more in another mug for herself.
"Morning, sleepyhead. Rough night?" she asked in a chipper voice. Then added with a slight sarcastic overtone, "'Course not so sure it can be rough since we don't have any veela on board." An old issue of the Quibbler was open on the table.
"Huh? Veela? There's veela here? If they ask for me, I'm not here! I am not going to play any more of their marathon games again!"
"Harry, calm down. I'm just kidding. You have bad dreams again?" Henchgirl asked concerned.
Harry took another swallow of hot, blistering hot, hot coffee, coughed a few times, wiped away the tears of pain in his eyes for drinking something that hot so quickly and said, "Nah. Not bad dreams. Good dreams. Or at least one good dream. I didn't want to wake up this morning."
"Oh? Good dreams you say? Care to share with the rest of the class?" Henchgirl asked with a grin.
"Well, I'm not sure you'd appreciate the humour in it…" Harry began to hedge.
"Why don't you let me be the judge of that," Henchgirl suggested, motioning him to sit at the table and spill.
Harry sat and got settled. After a minute or so of thinking, he started, "It's the same dream I've had each night for the past week. I'm in Diagon Alley. Not too many people around. It's nearing closing time, the sun's just about to set. I'm not sure what I'm doing there…
IIIIIIIIII
Harry looked around Diagon Alley. The shops had just started to wheel in their awnings and pull in anything that wasn't nailed down. Magically or otherwise. How the hell had he gotten here? he asked himself. Seeing a very familiar travel shop, he knew it was time to get answers.
He started off towards the shop and quickly fell over. Looking down… er… sideways now that he was on the ground, he saw a cute little bunny. Strange, it didn't run off from him. It simply munched away on a discarded apple. The rabbit was a little bit bigger than his hand but didn't weigh all that much when Harry picked it up. He stroked its coat a few times and then carried it to the shop. Maybe he'd get around to beating the shopkeeper – after he got some bunny food.
"Ah, Mr. Black. So very good to see you again," the aged shopkeeper smiled at his arrival.
"Okay, what's the deal this time?" Harry demanded, still stroking the adorable brown and white bunny.
"Huh? Wuzzat?" the shopkeeper answered in his best true innocent voice.
"Why'd you bring me back here? Who else do I have to kill to get you out of my life?"
"Mr. Black, I didn't bring you here at all."
"Then why am I back in your store?" Harry really, really wanted to slap this guy.
IIIIIIIIII
"I thought you said this was a good dream?" Henchgirl asked.
"It is," Harry agreed. "Just you wait until I get to the good part."
IIIIIIIIII
The shopkeeper must have sensed his imminent beating and quite carefully said, "If I had to hazard a guess as to why you here, I'd have to say it was due to that Plot Bunny you have in your hands."
"What?" That threw the beating of the shopkeeper off. Harry looked down at the innocent, cute bunny in his hands.
"Plot Bunny. You do know what they are, don't you? No? They're fairly common. Most wizards don't even know of them because they do not affect them at all. Basically, these are bunnies that facilitate a person's life."
"Huh? Wuzzat?" Harry tried to come to grasp with the cute widdle bunny in his hands. That or to try and keep it from peeing on him.
"Think of it this way: have you ever felt like your purpose was over? Or that there was something you needed to do, that you wanted to do but knew that it had to wait until a later date? A Plot Bunny can help facilitate turning that sense of purposelessness into having a purpose."
"How?" Harry was actually intrigued.
"Sometimes they speed up time for the individual, or move you through time and space altogether. In most cases they move you to where you need to be. It's really up to the wizard's power. And before you ask, no, most wizards do not use them as they are not powerful enough to affect a Plot Bunny at all. It takes a lot of power to energize a Plot Bunny.
"So tell me, Mr. Black, are you feeling a little… purposeless these days?"
"Well… yes. I guess so."
"Is there something you feel you need to do?"
"Well… I'm glad that old Voldemort is gone, but sometimes I feel like he got off too easy, you know? Like if I had my way that wanker would pay more for what he's done…"
And with that Harry disappeared from reality…
…only to reappear in front of a familiar looking shopkeeper. "Good to meet you, Mr. Black," he said. "I take it your travels have gone well?"
"What just happened?" Harry immediately went on guard. Something was off.
"I am guessing you have traveled to your intended purpose. Don't you feel something familiar?" At Harry's blank look, the shopkeeper pointed to his forehead.
His scar! He could feel Voldemort again. The cretin was alive! Harry looked at the shopkeeper who was readying a portkey. "How…" he started.
"You traveled to an alternate reality if I had to guess. Fortunately there was an available Plot Bunny to help out. I take it you want to right some things?"
With a feral grin in place, Mr. Black took the portkey and said, "See you soon. Activate."
Harry vanished from the shop only to reappear in a throne room with a lot of still-living death munchers groveling at the feet of a right arse.
"Wormtail? I thought my 6:30 appointment was to meet some new recruits and lynch a muggle family. Did you inform me wrong?" old lizard-breath eyed his minion evilly.
"…n… no, master. This must be an intruder. Do you wish me to dispatch him?"
Voldemort looked at the newcomer. "Perhaps. Tell me, stranger, why have you come into my most holy sanctorum?"
Harry looked around, ignoring his mortal enemy. He saw something that lifted his spirits. Today was a GOOD day after all. "Hey, is that Bellatrix and the LeStrange brothers over there? Hi guys! Acme! Acme, acme!"
Bellatrix looked at the strange man curiously. "Do you want me to torture him into insanity, my lord?" she asked, tapping her wand into the palm of her left hand.
"No. He appears to be there already. Tell me your name, stranger, before we begin our games with you."
"They call me…" Harry started but stopped as a monstrous anvil landed on Bellatrix's head, causing it and the rest of her shoulders, heck – the entire chest cavity for that matter – to suddenly go south for the foreseeable future (so to speak). In other words – she got schmushed real good.
"Wha…?" Voldemort started only to have both LeStrange brothers copy the fate of Bellatrix.
"…Mr. Black," Harry finished, smiling as he took out his camera and snapped an Instant picture of the grisly scene. The camera floated for a moment and then vanished only to reappear again a second later. The picture shunted out of the feeder which would take a few minutes to automatically magically develop. Later Harry would see the entire anvil scene on the three LeStranges play over and over. He really had to hand it to the Professor for creating this latest invention. Neville was going to enjoy his next birthday present. He might even frame it and put it on a wall somewhere. Ah, good times.
"So you have come to join me?" Voldemort asked hopefully while sliding his wand out and getting ready to do battle.
"Nope. Sorry. Just came by to say 'Explosivo Castrado!'"
Wand out, Voldemort tried to block the spell but was a tad too slow. As such, his nether regions kind of… exploded… and not in a good way.
Harry was a bit bummed at not being able to see the thrashing, moaning, and groaning that Tommy-boy was engaged in as he had to take care of a few dozen death eaters, which as his good luck had it, did hear his name and quickly dropped their wands and surrendered. But it was always a good idea to incarcerate them before they found their mob mentality again and tried to stab him in the back.
Shortly, the two dozen now stupefied death munchers were taken care of and Harry focused his attention on the primary reason he was there. "How's it hangin', Tom? Oops, sorry. That was kind of crass of me, wasn't it?"
"…argh… I can't believe you did this. You bastard! What did I ever do to you?" Voldemort grimaced as he tried to cauterize the wound himself only to miss and scorch a knee.
Harry then spent another ten minutes finding inventive ways to torment Voldemort (mostly by calling him Tom since that bothered him so much – what a cry baby). He then killed him like before and even though Wormtail had fled (again), he knew it was only a matter of time before he collected that particular rat. And he wanted to enjoy the hunt.
"Return," Harry commanded and he was again in the Travel shop.
"Welcome back, Mr. Black. How do you feel now?"
"Better. That was fun. I'll have to do it again sometime. Well, I guess I'd better get back to my original reality. Where did that rabbit get to?"
Harry looked around the shop for a few minutes before finding the bunny near the children's section of shop where international gags were sold. Chuckling, Harry picked up the bunny and said, "Silly rabbit. Tricks are for kids."
IIIIIIIIII
"…and then I started to wake up," Harry concluded.
Henchgirl was grinning and chuckling at the image of anvils falling on death eater heads.
Harry heard a noise from the doorway and looked over his shoulder to see the Professor standing there, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Plot Bunny you say. And you've had this dream multiple times. Yes, I think it could work…" he muttered, before leaving.
Henchgirl's expression turned thoughtful as well. She looked at Harry with a calculating gaze.
"What?" Harry asked.
"Harry," Henchgirl started, "you do know that Plot Bunnies exist, right?