Characters: Rukia, Ichigo
Summary: I never wanted a hero. I just wanted you.
Pairings: IchiRuki
Warnings/Spoilers: spoilers for Deicide arc
Timeline: post-Deicide arc
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
We are separated now. You are blind and I can't bear to look at you and see cataracts over your eyes that keep you from even noticing I'm there. What an absolute mess, to watch you wither and not be able to bring myself to do a thing about it.
The way you just wearily accept the pain I can tell you have—it wraps you, sends you into shades of black and gray and white to sap away all the color and leave you faded—makes me wonder if you actually want to suffer, just a little bit. You've always been stupid about things like that, Ichigo.
You've been stupid about a lot of things.
I think that, maybe, you wanted to be a hero. You never voiced this desire and I'm not even sure it was conscious, but the way you acted—always rushing into situations without a single thought to your own safety—pretty much screamed of a suicidal desire to get the job done.
Lots of people want to be a hero, Ichigo. You're not the only one who's ever been stupid like this, you're not the only one…the only one… in my life, who's been stupid. I've known plenty of stupid people. I'm surrounded by them, I call them friends. Hell, I am one of those stupid people from time to time. You wouldn't be the first to be afflicted by the age-old condition.
You're dull-eyed now. I can't tell if you want me with you or not. If you would just give some sort of voice to your pain, give me definitive proof that you're hurting without me…
But you won't, even though we both know you are.
What, are you trying to be a martyr now, Ichigo? I thought you were smarter than that.
You know what, Ichigo, you don't know what you want. You never have. First you wanted to be a hero, now a martyr, and you've never known it.
There was only one thing you did know.
You wanted to be my hero. I know you did. My eyes see straight through you; you are as transparent as rain. Utterly clear, unable to hide anything.
And this is the worst part.
I never wanted a hero, Ichigo. I have no room for heroes; I detest them.
I just wanted you. That would have been enough for me.