WALTER KNOWS EVERYTHING!
Five times Walter has the answer.
1
Walter, where's General Hammond? It's after ten and we have a briefing.
He won't be here until about noon, Colonel. There's a play at his granddaughter's school today. He said Major Carter should conduct the briefing. And, Colonel, you are not to grab the seat at the head of the table!
2
We've got a bet going in the science department, Sergeant. How many pairs of glasses has Dr. Jackson broken or lost since he joined SG-1?
Seventeen, Dr. Lee. He's also had his prescription changed twice, and just last week a creature on P4X783 ate his brand new pair!
3
Why isn't elevator number two working, Walter?
A new airman shoved his access card in backwards and it got stuck. He used his pocket knife to try and pry it out and fried the controls. Siler is working on it. The line at number one reaches all the way to the cafeteria. And no, you may not have access to the VIP elevator. Sir.
Hey! You gave Carter access!
She brought me donuts to go with my coffee, Colonel.
4
God—the questions the IOA asks! Walter! How many times does the gate open in one year?
We open the gate an average of fourteen times per day, General—that's 5110 times per year.
Is that outgoing, or incoming, or both?
That's outgoing, sir. Incoming averages eleven times per day, or 4015 per year, for a total of 9125 times the gate opens each year.
5
Hey, Sarge, you know AFC Gail Harding, the new tech over in maintenance? Is she married?
No, but she has a steady boyfriend. Capt. Mason of SG-16—who has black belts in seven different martial arts, so don't even think about it! And you're the tenth man to ask me that question this week!
Got any questions for Walter? Chances are, he knows the answer!