My excuse for this is that I'm running a ridiculously high fever and have eaten nothing in days. When I'm well, I may take it down, as I have a suspicion crack isn't my strong point. Anyway, enjoy the insanity!
The courtroom had disintegrated into something unbeffiting of a place of justice. The accused and his victim were sitting together, mounting a valiant defence; the judge (who was also the prosecution, oddly) was sitting in his throne observing the chaos below with a mixture of resignation and apoplexia.
Captain Yamamoto had decided in the last few minutes that by far the worst of Aizen's crimes had been the slaughter of all the members of Central 46. The legal system of the Seireitei was far too much for any one person to handle...at least without force, and that was banned. But desperate times called for desperate measures.
Patience failing him, he released his reiatsu at full force for a split second, and just like that the room fell quiet, some of the lieutenants even falling to their knees. The defence and his victim were the first to recover, but that was to be expected, seeing as they didn't appear to know how things worked round here.
"You're STUPID old man, I'm as old as he is!" Shouted the victim, shaking a fist and climbing into her attacker's lap.
"Lilinette, you won't get anywhere like that, you'll just upset him," Admonished the defence, grabbing the flailing fist and holding the struggling girl still before turning his attention back to the judge. "Captain Yamamoto, I do not know if you've heard our story, but I can assure you that both of us came into being at the same time. We were the same being, originally. So, despite our differing appearances, your case simply does not hold."
"Yeah, what Stark said, we're one being! It's more like jacking off than paedo-" Gloved hands cut the angry girl off, but the rest of the courtroom had already decided to get involved.
"They have a point, Old Man Yama, it's not like they're actually different ages, so you'd have to prosecute both of them. And neither of them are children, anyway." Called Shunsui,prompting a shout from the woman behind him.
"Captain Hitugaya, you said your age didn't come into it and it was all about looks. You liar!"
Lost from sight behind taller people, Toshiro ground his teeth. "You were being rather persistent, Matsumoto, I had to stop you some how."
"You mean Rangiku is after you? God damn it, you lucky bastard!" That coming from a certain tattooed redhead.
"To be fair, she is of a physically appropriate age," Chimed in the leader of the 4th, addressing the subject at hand, unlike the rest of the rabble "It isn't actually going to harm her."
"You stupid perverts!" Lilinette had apparently slipped loose of Stark's restraining arms, and was now standing on his shoulders, "All he's being done for is a friggin' KISS!"
There was a moment of stunned silence in which Yamamoto thought he might be able to call order, but then another voice broke out, higher pitched and more querulous than even the blonde girl's.
"But Ken-chan kisses me every night, and you don't execute him!" Also making use of someone else's shoulders to garner some attention in the debate, Yachiru grinned and waved up at the judge's seat. Captain Hitsugaya wisely followed her example, and ended up with a very irate Byakuya beneath him.
"I propose that we let all these people do what they wish. They clearly aren't children, and they can make their own decisio-"
"Is that a 'yes' then, Captain?" Trilled a grinning Rangiku, cutting across him.
"NO! Just because some people here engage in relations with their..." He paused, lost for words momentarily. "With companions who appear older, does not mean I wi-"
Unfortunately, at that moment Lilinette and Yachiru both reached their target, and Byakuya staggered under the extra weight. Two excitable girls and one irate captain descended to the floor and out of sight once more, while Byakuya attempted to act as if the incident hadn't occurred in the first place.
Captain Yamamoto cleared his throat, but nobody paid attention. The trio of midgets had begun to brawl, though the girls appeared to be more interested in hugging their defender than maiming him. Clearly, Captain Hitsugaya did not feel the same way, however, as the room temperature quickly began to drop.
Kenpachi and Stark were both immediately on their feet and emitting murderous intent, causing some giggles and cooing from the more sentimental onlookers. Swords were drawn without hesitation, and the crowd tried to part enough to let the inevitable battle commence.
Yamamoto considered his options, and the chances each had of saving the ancient courtroom from destruction. In the end there was only one viable choice.
He hammered with his staff "Cleared of all charges! Now get OUT!"
It was only a partially heeded command. Lilinette leaped immediately over to Stark, shrieking something about wanting to get out of these restrictive shinigami robes. Yachiru hopped on Kenpachi's back with Toshiro in an iron grip hug, ordering him to get back to the 11th division's barracks so she could play with 'Shiro-chan'. Komamura and Byakuya both left swiftly, followed at a more leisurely pace by Unohana and Soi Fong, along with their subordinates.
Lieutenants Matsumoto and Abari remained, however, along with most of their peers. Shunsui and Ukitake weren't in any hurry to leave either, and seemed to be making toasts to something, though how they'd managed not to spill their drinks up until now remained a mystery. Mayuri had not deigned to turn up in the first place, which was probably a blessing. Yamamoto dreaded to think what that particular captain might do if he knew how badly justice was faring in the Seireitei.
Leaving the building on the assumption that no fighting would break out now the most vociferous parties had left, Yamamoto headed to the Second Division's headquarters. After all, if these brats thought it was acceptable to take lovers of any age, he needn't hold back his admiration for a certain lithe young assassin.
I'm not really expecting reviews for this, but it would make an ill girl very happy even so if you left one.