Last Thoughts
by thatreevesgirl/Lemon Drops (both me)
One-Shot (complete)
If right now, in this very moment, you drew your last breath, what would your last thought be of? Would it be of a loved one? Asking forgiveness for people you've wronged? Regret? Hope for those you left behind? Whether we leave with smiles or tears, we will leave. Sometimes we don't realize that we are quickly approaching the moment when we are to be gone from this earth. Sometimes we do. One day our time will come, and in a single moment we'll be gone.
Kakashi Hatake settled into a comfortable darkness. His last thought had been of the future and the power he had placed in the hands of the next generation to save Konoha. Konoha didn't mean the village. It didn't have anything to do with the buildings or homes that lie within the village gates. Konoha was the people who lived there. It was his friends and his students. It was the family that he was bound to by blood, and the family he'd adopted over the years. It was even the memories of all the loved ones he'd lost, like his sensei, Rin, and Obito.
Dying was much easier than he thought it would be, and it surprised him to find that it wasn't really the end. Sure, he'd hoped for as much, since in the ninja world he'd seen many great ninja conjure spirits and demons and lore from the world beyond; but to know that even though his body died, his spirit continued on, was vastly surreal. It was also shocking to find himself talking to his deceased father over a campfire. This was a man who had shaped Kakashi in ways the copy-nin wasn't even aware of. Sakumo was who he got his quick wit and genius from, and his father's death had taught him an innumerable amount of life lessons.
If he was talking to his dead father, then when would he see Rin? Obito? Minato and Kushina? Would he ever see them? Would his afterlife walk the same path as theirs? Each new discovery left him with a hundred new questions. It would take an eternity to answer them all, but that, apparently, was exactly what he had.
"Tell me about yourself," his father had requested.
Kakashi did, and as promised, it was a very long story. There was so much Sakumo missed since the day he had performed seppuku.
"It's good to know that you grew up to be a good man," Sakumo told his son. "I worried about you."
Sakumo's last thoughts before death had been about regret.
Kakashi's last thoughts had been about hope.
Sakumo's eyes were filled with mirth as he patted his son firmly on the back. "I just wanted," the older man began, "To have to opportunity to talk to you. To tell you that I was proud."
Kakashi swallowed dryly at his father's words. It was something he'd always hoped for, but never thought he'd be able to hear. Even if it was in death, knowing he'd gained this acknowledgment stirred a part of himself that Kakashi thought died right alongside his father.
Sakumo's face turned serious. The smile and warmth drained from his face. "But Kakashi," he said, his voice a mere whisper, "Our time is done now."
Kakashi didn't understand. Didn't they have all eternity? Sure, he wanted to see his master, Rin, and Obito, but his father was important too. It was their first meeting in a very long time, and he had missed his old man. Kakashi yearned for the smile and sincerity and reassurance that only a father could give his son.
Sakumo turned and kicked dirt onto the fire, readying himself to leave after it was put out. "Why are you going so soon?" Kakashi asked, not able to keep the hint of disappointment out of his voice.
Sakumo finished and all that was left in the fire pit were a few smoldering embers. "Son," he said softly, "I'm not leaving. You are."
Kakashi barely had time to blink before there was pain and light and shouting around him. He felt groggy and drugged, and there were moments of déjà vu where he felt the darkness starting to slip around him again.
"No. Hell no!" came a very angry and upset voice. It was muffled and far away, almost as if he were hearing it through cotton stuffed in his ears. "You stay with me Kakashi or I swear I pound the ever-loving life out of your corpse."
The infusion of emergency chakra, through what was undoubtedly an experimental medical jutsu, was painful. It was worse than any penetration of kunai or shuriken or even a katana slicing through Kakashi's flesh. It felt completely unnatural, but it was that chakra which was bringing him back to consciousness, back to the world of the living.
"Sensei…" the angry woman warned, "Work with me here."
Kakashi missed the serenity of death and the resolution it provided. He hadn't seen Rin or Obito or his own sensei. It was funny; in death he found hope, in life he found regret. It would be so easy to slip away and find that darkness again, and then there would be finality and peace.
"Kakashi," Sakura begged, her fingers pumping chakra into his body while pressed roughly against his chest, "Please fight. Please…I…I can't do this alone. I need you to stay with me."
Kakashi had never learned many medical jutsu. He knew some to help him avoid the hospital for minor injuries, but it was never enough to save a life. When Rin died, part of him regretted not knowing enough to keep her alive. He remembered asking her to stay too. It was a selfish thing to do to ask someone not to die for your sake. He knew first-hand that death was much harder for the living than the person who was actually dying. It would always be the ones who were left behind who suffered the most, and something told him he shouldn't make the people he loved suffer.
He gulped the deepest breath he could, which turned out to be shallow and rapid and broken, but it was a breath, and it was life. He could hear Sakura give a sigh of relief as he breathed again, and especially when his body started accepting Sakura's foreign chakra. The only thing he could think about was how much life fucking hurt. There wasn't an inch of him body that wasn't screaming in agony. Chakra transfusions were awful things, and most of the time they didn't work, especially if the patient was on the brink of death. He and Sakura must have had at least partially compatible chakra for any of this to be possible, so he was one lucky bastard. He spent the rest of the time he was receiving the transfusion irrationally wondering if his precious Icha Icha had survived the battle. It was in his back pocket. At least he thought it was.
At some point he must have actually asked about it aloud, because Sakura sniffed through what were most likely tears and growled, "I really don't give a shit about your stupid, perverted book, Kakashi."
Just before he felt her perform a stabilizing sleeping jutsu, Kakashi's thoughts turned more towards the rational. He wanted to know about Naruto and Tsunade and the rest of the people in Konoha. His head was fuzzy, and unconsciousness was rushing in on him quickly. He mumbled, mostly incoherently, a few questions to Sakura. She shook her head and just before sleep overtook him she whispered, "I don't know."
Once again, though this time it wasn't in death, Kakashi's last thoughts were of his friends and the village and of hope.
Author's Notes: I hope you enjoyed this little one-shot. I know it is short, but I am pretty proud of it. Thank you in advace for any reviews given, and thank you very much for taking the time to read my story.