Disclaimer: own nothing.
Interpret as you will. Song lyrics from All Around Me by Flyleaf.

Believe in Me

I miss him.

All those years... I trusted him. I cared for him. He's the only one I could ever pour my soul into. I told him everything. Let him in so far. Into my mind, my heart.

Sirius glares at the mirror before him, glinting in the dark, dank bathroom behind him. The faucet drips eerily.

My hands are searching for you.
My arms are outstretched towards you.

Why?...

He had always been the same with me. He was honest with me, he let me in. I knew everything about him.

He clenches his fist, knuckles white, his nails clawing into his palm.

No... that's a lie. If I knew everything about him, I would have known. Why he did that. Why he left.

Was it all a lie? Was he lying this whole time? Did he lie to me? He said it wasn't me. Said it was him.

I feel you on my fingertips,
My tongue dances behind my lips for you.

Said nothing was wrong with me... He didn't blame me, but blamed himself. It's not me.

He snickers coldly.

That's shit.


It's been forever, but if Sirius closed his eyes and paid only attention to the chill air of the small room, dissolving to be one with it, it would be conquered by a warm soul, a warm touch. The reassuring smile with comforting eyes.

He can see his face, laughing with him. Almost as if...

But he looks into the mirror and can only see himself.

This fire rising through my being.
Burning I'm not used to seeing you.

His face was once full of pride, happiness. Now it's bathed in icy hatred, confusion, bitterness. But blank and expressionless.

But is that all?

He can't tell because his vision is blurred.

"It's okay."

I can feel you all around me,
Thickening the air I'm breathing.

Sirius hears an angelic voice interrupt the ringing silence behind him.

As he blinks back sadness and anger, he feels a pair of arms wrap around his waist and chest like a blanket. A chin rests on his shoulder.

The tranquil voice murmurs again.

Holding on to what I'm feeling.
Savoring this heart that's healing.

"I was wrong... I was wrong," It says.

It brings relief as it caresses the side of Sirius's face, fingertips warm, tracing tingling trails of warmth into his cheek. He feels a hot, rhythmic breath in his ear.

Sirius turns his head a fraction of an inch, to see who it is. But he already knows.

My hands float up above me,
And you whisper you love me.

But he sees no one because his lips are suddenly met with the whispering ones. They're delicate and make him feel safe, and he melts into it. It's his salvation. He wants to feel it, wants to let him in all over again.

And I begin to fade
Into our secret place.

"I didn't mean it..." It keeps whispering faintly to him, moist tongue barely outlining his. "I love you... I love you... I love..."

The mirror shatters, showering the wet, tiled floor and sink with thousands of cracked and shining slivers. The white of the porcelain is interrupted angrily by a mist of crimson. The tinkling of glass echoes against the bare walls.

Sirius gasps sharply, teeth grinding, at the knifelike splinters on his blood-covered fist.

The music makes me sway.
The angels singing say we are alone with you.
I am alone and they are too with you.

No... I don't want to feel it again. I don't want to be pulled in. I don't want him... I don't...

Some of the mirror is still intact, crevices shaped like a spider web, distorting his sweating face.

And so I cry.
The light is white,
And I see you.

Sirius can't stop thinking of him. He's let himself become too attached to him, that he can't get rid of him because everything is connected to him, everything's about him. He needs him.

I can feel you all around me,
Thickening the air I'm breathing.

He snarls, thrashing his knuckles into the remaining wedges of glass, splotches of scarlet staining his sleeves, splattering onto the sink, the walls.

Sirius sinks to the floor, holding his marred hands in front of him, every bit of flesh throbbing, scalding with pain like a million flaming needles. It feels the same inside his heart.

He wants him. He needs him... He needs him. He's become such big part of Sirius, that he can't be himself, alone or without. He can't be himself because he is him. Sirius is him.

Holding on to what I'm feeling.
Savoring this heart that's healing.

"No... he's gone... he's gone... and you'd better believe it..." he croaks quietly, arms sinking to his sides as he rests his head on the cold cement wall, staring up at the ceiling lit only by patches of moonlight. Something looms in his chest, heavy and draining what little energy he had left.

No... he's not...he isn't...

He stirred his arm. It stung to raise it, as his fingers, sliced, stiff and trembling, touched his face in the spot from before. Blood smeared his cheek, fresh drops oozing from the back of his hands, trickling down his wrist.

Take my hand
I give it to you.
Now you owe me
All I am.

"Don't lie to yourself," he says raspily. His eyelids sink, more hot tears washing his skin.

No... he's not... He's not. He's with you, a part of you... You're a part of him... He lives in you... He's still here.

Sirius bites his lip, a tear rolling onto the corner of of his mouth.

"He's still here..."

But wait. He's not sure if it's his voice ripping apart the silence again, but he doesn't want to know if he opens his eyes again. He doesn't want to know if it's real. He refuses.

Suddenly his hand, still on his cheek, no longer feels like a blazing coal. It feels consoled and Sirius feels tension slip away.

The teardrop on his lip disappears and is replaced with something warmer, more soothing. He wants to become one again.

You said you would never leave me.
I believe you.

"Believe me."

I believe.