AN: I've been having really fucked up dreams lately and this story is pretty much an outlet. There's a lot of aspects to this that come from my own personality and I'm projecting them on the girls (mainly Tegan) but I really hope you all like it anyway. Feedback is always loved.

xoxo,

S.S.

Sara's POV:

"Saaaaaaraaaaaa!" I heard my sister's voice screaming at me from the hallway, quickly followed by our mother's telling Tegan not to yell at 7:30 in the fucking morning.

My body jolts up and I'm quickly reminded that I'm hungover from last night. If I feel this shitty I know my sister has to be just as bad, she drank at least as much as I did. How the fuck is she even up right now?

"Sara! Sara!" Tegan continued to shout as she stormed through my bedroom door and across to my bed. I could see by the look on her face she was pissed about something and I was in no condition to argue with her. "What the fuck did you let me do?" she asked angrily.

I pressed the palms of my hands into my aching eyes and groaned at the pain shooting through my head before trying to answer my very angry and accusing sister.

"I didn't let you do anything, Tegan" I growled. "You fucking wandered off at the party and told me to 'go get some' cuz I was being a bitch" She always fucking pulled that shit and no matter what she always ended up pissed off at me for it the next day. She'd told me months ago that she was tired of drunken hookups with guys and that from then on I needed to keep track of her, not let her wander off anymore. I tried and tried to do as she asked and every fucking time she would end up telling me to fuck off and more than once it'd lead to a huge fight that she always ended up winning and still going off with some dude anyway. The aftermath was always the same, she would come storming into my room the next morning pissed off and yelling because I had let her do it again...

Tegan started to shake and I could see that she was about to cry. I knew she hated what she did but what could I do? She just wouldn't listen to me. Still, I felt bad because I knew what she wouldn't say out loud and I knew that the wasted hookups were kind of her way of hanging on to what little bit of "normal" she could even though it went against what she truly felt in her heart. I pulled back my blanket and scooted over in my bed so she could get in. I hate cuddling but I knew it would calm her down. When Tegan was settled in next to me, I slipped my arm around her and held her while she cried. "Shhhh baby, I'm sorry" I whisper while scooting closer to her, "Sasa's here, and I love you"

Tegan's POV:

I rolled over to face Sara, to apologize for being such an idiot last night, again, but she was asleep. I don't know why I get mad at her when I'm the one doing stupid shit. It's not up to her to babysit me at parties and yet, she still tries. Fuck I'm the big sister, I should be watching out for her. Instead, I get fucked up beyond belief and do stupid shit just to prove that I'm just like everyone else. Then in the morning, I wake up, knowing what has happened and get angry with myself but take it out on the one person who I know loves me and accepts me for who I am, even if I won't tell her who that is. She knows.

I just can't tell her everything. Like the fact that I'm so fucked up in the head that I'm attracted to my own sister. That the reason I'm pretty much wasted most of the time is because I can't fucking deal with that fact. I can't tell her that the reason I sleep with boys is because I know that the minute I admit that I'm gay (like her) I'd have to face the fact that most of the girls I've been with remind me of Sara. No, I can't tell her everything at all.

I felt her lips press against mine and her hand shoot into the back of my hair, fingers twisting, pulling and making me whimper. "Unh, fuck... Sara" I moaned her name as she conquered my mouth with hers. She made me dizzy, made my soul burn and my body quake. I needed her like she needed me and we both felt the pull of some unseen force, dragging us into each other. When her hand found it's way into the top of my jeans I gasped. It slipped further down until I felt the heat from her fingertips ghost over my clit causing me to shudder but her touch set me on fire. I looked into her eyes and bit my lip, silently pleading for more.

Sara:

I sat up hearing my sister's choked sobs echoing from the bathroom we shared. "Oh fuck" I whispered as I rolled out of bed and crept toward the door. "Tee?" I said softly, knocking lightly and turning the knob. I heard another wretch and cough from inside followed by her voice telling me not to come in. I knew why she wanted to be alone. She hated being sick and absolutely didn't want me to try to take care of her when she was. I couldn't help it though. She may be older but at times like this I felt like the big sister, like I needed to take care of my TeeTee.

"Tegan, I'm coming in" I warned pushing the door open slowly. What I saw on the floor frightened me. Instead of my sister, my Tegan, I saw a crumpled mass of flesh and bone, covered in sweat and shaking. She was worse than I thought. This had to stop.

"Sara, I... I can't..." she sobbed before turning her head and purging herself again. All I could do was rub her back in slow circles and hold her hair back from her face until she was able to get off this cold hard floor. It didn't matter that she'd taken most of her clothes off, it didn't matter that I didn't feel good, it didn't matter that she had woken me up yelling at me. All that mattered at this very moment was that I love Tegan and she needs me.

After what seems like forever, Tee stops crying and her stomach stops lurching up into her throat. I slip my arms around her and help my still shaking sister off the floor. "Come on Tee, lets get you in the shower."

At hearing my words it's as if she finally realizes that all she's wearing is a small pair of boxers. She steps back away from me and tries to cover herself with her arms, her face going from a sickly pale to flushed worried. Had she caught me staring? God I hope not. The last thing she needed at the moment was to realize that I looked at her in a way other than I should. Please please please don't let her figure me out.