The naked winter trees line the avenue. Our breath rises in visible puffs to join the darkened clouded night sky. There is a freezing chill in the air that brings crispness to the leaves, bejewelled with frost, that crunch underfoot. Rosy cheeked, we stamp to keep warm, pulling woollen hats over our reddened ears and tightening scarves over our blue-tinged winter wind howled through the desolate marsh and bit at his frozen skin. The bleak grey cloud overhead reflected perfectly his grey mood inside. These short days, these long nights, the dampness that crept into his weary bones and made them ache for summer again. Each footfall broke the frosted puddles that lay embedded in the hardened earth, each one was made in the autumn, when the hooves of the horses that were ridden over the path had each sunk several inches into the then soft soil. The world seemed to lie barren and lifeless before him as if God himself had put it to sleep. Trodding towards the shop that my old SKUL tutor used to own, memories of that dreadful place filled my mind of all the vengeance fulled criminals roaming around free, the harsh diseases that we created to infect the world with and punish the people who dared to wrong us.
Raphael had been my tutor since I started my training at the age of two to lead me to the path of crime, revenge and suffering in hope that I might become one of them but he didn't do it because he wanted it was because of his wife, Sapphira. She had got into debt with the Grand Master and the only way that she could pay it off was to sacrifice her children and her husband to the harsh regime of SKUL otherwise they would hunted like prey and killed swiftly. He was ordered to fatten me up so that I was thriving but only on the strict meals that the Grand Master provided for me and that was hard enough. Entering the shop, I was quickly embraced by Rapahel who had changed immensely; His once dark hair changed to damp, thick long hair and he grew a beard so long that it covered most of his neck but he was still the hard-working man with a soft exterior.
Raphael beamed with pride whilst stroking his beard. "So how have you been, young Zoe since the last time that I saw your little face? You have changed so much. And how is little Danielle and Gabrielle doing? Do they still enjoy spending time with their mummy?"
That brought a smile to my face and I cheered. "Yes, Danielle especcially enjoys spending time with her mummy but baby Gabrielle loves napping all of the time but I still love my daughters anyway. They are so perfect in every single way."
"That is good to hear. I bet Natasha has changed since the birth of her twins." Raphael smirked itching to burst into laughter. "I am only joking with you. Tasha has changed immensely and suddenly she changed from a carefree teenage to a commited, determined teenage mother."
"Yeah well she offered to babysit the kids while I came to talk to you about the girls." I told him, nervously. "I haven't been in touch with Dan since I left a year ago. I haven't even told him that I have had his kids. Knowing Dan, he would probably freak out about this and the girls have survived long enough without their father."
"But he could claim rights over the girls and then you might never get to see them again." Rapahel stressed, throwing his hands in the air. "Do you actually believe that once Daniel finds out about the fact that he has twin girls that he will want anything more to do with you? Okay, you might be able to arrange some sort of agreement where you have the same amount to see and spend time with the girls but what if he wants the girls for himself and he is willing and ready to fight in court for them no matter what it takes. Zoe, you might be facing the proscept of never seeing them ever again; They won't know who you are and that would be the hardest thing that you will ever have to experience even worse than SKUL definetly."
"I don't want to loose my babies. Please help me. I beg you. Don't let him take my babies away from me." I cried, letting my tears flow. "I will do whatever it takes to ensure my children the best education and the best life. My intention weren't to hurt anybody especcially not Dan when I left so suddenly because I was pregnant. Gabby and Dani need me. They need their mummy."
"The only way that you could ever be able to keep them is if you tell Dan." Raphael advised, grabbing his car keys. "You need to go to him and tell him the truth about your sudden depature; You owe him that, Zoe and you know that you do. He deserves a real explanation as to why you abandonned him or he will never be able to move on."
"I can't tell him. I don't know how. I don't know what he will do." I mumbled, hiding my face in my hands. "Dan, he is so complicated to understand. You don't know if he is shocked, angry, sad or happy so I won't be able to tell if he has taken the news or not. I love him so much that I was willing to pack up my things and abandon him; He loved his carefree life with being an MI9 spy and also hanging out with his friends. He wasn't ready for the full responsability of being a father not really. He acts really mature but behind it all he only acts like that because of years of pretending to be something he's not."
"I can't tell you what to do because I don't know Daniel in the way that you do, Zoe." Rapahel replied reasonably, knowing that this was hard for me. "Zoe, you can't keep this hidden forever because secrets like this find a way of coming out and if you keep it hidden for too long then poisons and affects everybody that you love. Take this for someone who knows what they are talking about don't join a good or bad organisation. I know that MI9 have their protection for all children of agents but you will always be left wondering if Danni or Gabby has been kidnapped by some crazy, messed up person. I lost my son to SKUL. Mateo was my life and he became one of them because it was out of my hands. I couldn't fight against the regime that the GrandMaster had."
"I know that already but I can't make Dan quit MI9 not now and not ever. It's his whole life." I wept, showing my face with a weak smile. "I don't know if I will be ever truly free from SKUL or MI9. Every moment is like another challenge or fight to survive and to raise two young beautiful girls in a world where they aren't safe. I will have to teach them to jump whenever you suspect that someone is an opponent. That's not the kind of life that I want for them. I don't want that for my daughters, Rapahel. Not now. Not ever. I want them to have the life that I didn't. To be a proper child. To go on holidays, have barbecues in the summer and go on playdates and stuff."
"Yes and you will have that life if you get in the car." Rapahel insisted persistently. "Call Natasha to bring the girls so that they can finally meet their father who doesn't know a single thing about them."
"Do you think I am being selfish? Do you think that I am being selfish by keeping the girls so close and not letting them go? I am so scared that once they leave then that's it; I won't have anybody else and I will be all on my own." I asked him, grabbing my phone and dialing Natasha's phone number waiting for her to pick up. It took a while. A long while. But once she did answer after a long eight minutes, I could hear her voice faintly and I could hear some screaming babies in the background.
"Zoe, this isn't really a good time right now. Where are you? Are you still at Rapahel's place?" Natasha exclaimed, cradling a crying babe. "I wanted to see him too, you know. But you wanted to tell himself really important. I don't really mind but how is he since Sapph, Mateo and Jane came back to their father. What's up?"
"I need you to take the babies to a place for me to meet Dan." I replied nervously, shaking uncontrollably. "Can you please take them to 12 Jordan street please as soon as possible?"
"Dan? Why the sudden change of heart? Don't tell me that this has something to do with Raphael." scolded Natasha, kissing her teeth. "Are you sure that you want to go through that only I saw how you reacted the last time when you came close to see him again and you had a meltdown. Can you handle all of that? What the girls need is a stable mother not a mother who is shaken every time that you hear the name Daniel?"
I ranted. "I am strong, independent and stable now and the last thing I need is you telling me that I am incapable of taking my beautiful twins to see their father even though it would be the hardest thing that I will ever be able to do ever."
Natasha seemed a lit unhinged. "Okay, they are your twins not mine. I just don't want to have to pick up the pieces and have to see you have a meltdown. Zoe, you aren't the worse person in the world for protecting your children from a life where one of your parents is fighting crime all the time and has no time for you anymore. You will always be their mommy!"
I quietly implied. "Yeah but I can't help but have these horrible thoughts over them abandoning me because they feel like I kept them from their daddy. They have the right to see him and he has the right to have him in his life. Oh my God! I am such an idiot because Imagine being in his shoes."
Entering the car with Rapahel, memories of the past started flooding into my mind, memories of the amazing adventures, criminals and friendship that we formed together. It was one of the best things that I have experienced. As Raphael stopped right outside my foster mother's house expecting me to climb out of the car and race into the house burying my foster mother in kisses and hugs but I didn't feel that way anymore about her. About to step out of the car, I was traumatized by the sight of Dan laughing around with Keri, Aneisha and Tom and seeing how content and cheerful he was. They walked into my foster mother, Gillian and my foster dad, Micah's home joking around and playing. "I am going to ruin his life but I have to do this not for me but for them. Because I love them more than anything in the whole world. They need to know who their daddy is."
Getting out of the room, Gillian splashed water on me promoting me to start laughing even though most people would have started screaming. Gillian started screaming, laughing and sobbing all at the same time because it was one of the most amazing things that could have ever happened to her. "Zoe, what are you doing here? It has been almost a year since I saw you and the last time you were saying things like I am so sorry and that you never meant to hurt me." Gillian ran up and hugged me even though I was soaked with dirty water and I didn't mind because I hadn't seen her for a long time.
"I missed you too, Mum." I stated hugging her tighter while she cried and some of the salty tears landed on my shoulder but I didn't mind. Gillian backed away from a few steps and took a very good look at me but I couldn't help feeling like that house was my prison and that I couldn't go in. "Hon, come into the house. Keri and Libi has got some spare clothes in their closet so you can borrow them and we could have a proper little chat up and talk about how much things has changed since you was last here."
Ignoring my instincts to run out of that shouting and screaming, I climbed up the stairs upon hearing Dan's laugh in the living room. Gillian realized my anxiety towards Dan and pondered why I was avoiding him especially for this long. Gillian added. "So have you spoken to Dan since you left or have you been ignoring him for some unknown reason? Or I am hinting some sort of negative impression in my old age, eh?"
Trying to change the subject, I looked at a photo of her, Libi and Keri outside of the cinema. "So you fostered Keri and Libi? That must be really rewarding to look after children and be a role model in society. I am really pleased that you moved on and forgot all about me. I have a family of my own now anyway so excuse me if I am not all upset and disappointed that you replaced me with Keri and Libi."