SKELETONS IN THE CLOSET
Written by: Manchester's Stubborn Pansy
A/N: This story fits no category I know of. I hope you like the new OFF THE WALL IDEA. I almost want to call it an ALTERNATE UNIVERSE STORY. I am only using Janet's character for our own pleasure. No money is made off of them.
I am Stephanie Plum. I work for RangeMan Security.
Hector is our computer genius.
"Stephanie, can I see you in my office. Please bring your laptop with you."
"Sure, Hector. I do something wrong?"
"No, I will explain when I see you."
This is strange. Hector never invites me to his office for any reason.
Why does he need my laptop?
Maybe it has a virus he needs to fix. That is the only thing I can think of why he needs it.
Stephanie knocks on Hector's door.
"Enter."
"What is wrong, Hector?"
"Nothing is wrong. I have just invented a genealogy search engine that I want you to try out for me. You know how hard it is to find some skips? I think I have solved our problem."
Stephanie hands over her laptop.
Hector does some keystrokes and the program downloads.
Hector opens up the program.
"Stephanie, I set your password as Bombshellhunter. What I want you to do is think of any name you like then enter it into this program and each search takes about 2 hours but it can go clear back to the 1800's if you want it to go that far back. It will give you the family history of any skip or any client's name you enter."
"That should give us more contacts to find these skips. Thanks, Hector."
"Let me know if there are any glitches so I can fix them. Please don't tell anyone about this just yet. My copyright has not come back yet. I don't want anyone stealing it from me."
"I will keep your secret. I will also let you know how well it works."
"Thanks, Steph. You are the best researcher we have."
"I don't know about that. We have three darn good ones that have been hired lately."
"Yeah but I trust you first.
Stephanie takes the laptop back to her office and opens up the program. She types in her password and the information screen pops up.
Stephanie decides to use herself as her first search.
She types in all the information that it asks for. Like parent's name, grandparent's name, city where she was born, gender, birthday and hospital she was born at. She hit enter.
The program started it's search.
The prompt told her that she could do other things on her computer and it even put a clock in the upper right hand corner to show how much time was left on the search.
Stephanie went ahead and started searches on the newest skips. She forgot about Hector's search engine.
The computer dinged to let her know the search was ended.
Stephanie opened up the file and almost fell out of her seat.
Stephanie picked up the phone and called Hector.
"Hector, I need you in my office NOW!'
It took Hector only 2 minutes to get there.
"What is wrong, Stephanie?"
"Hector, you have created a monster of Biblical proportions!"
"What is wrong with the program?"
"Scramble the video and audio INSTANTLY!"
Hector did as she asks.
"Calm down and tell me what is wrong with the program."
Stephanie shoved a stack of 15 pages at Hector.
Hector read though most of it but saw no problem. They were genealogy tables like he expected.
"I still don't see the problem." He handed the pages back to her.
"Check this report out." Stephanie demanded.
Hector read another six pages when he thought he had found Stephanie's problem.
"Stephanie, this program says you are related to Kate Elder who was the common law wife of Doc Holliday back in the 1800's. You are related to someone famous. I still don't see what the problem is!"
"What does the report says her occupation was?"
"HOLY SHIT!"
"Yeah, can't you hear the Burg if this ever got out?"
"But you can't change history. Nor can any one blame you for your ancestor's past."
" I seriously don't think the Burg will let this one slide!"
"Who says you have to tell them? You haven't told anyone else have you?"
"NO!"
"Then keep it quiet. Besides our RangeMan clients do not need us to go clear back to the 1800's in their background searches."
"I am in shock, Hector."
"I can see that. Then lock this up in the safe and tell no one. What made you take the search that far back anyway?"
"I was curious about my history so I thought I would be the guinea pig for this new search engine."
"I am glad it works that well but just do a normal search of say twenty years for the clients. That is all we are after."
"OK. I feel like I need a stiff drink!"
"Calm down. You are nothing like Katie Elder."
"I have been known to have two boyfriends at one time. Sure looks like I inherited some sort of gene pool from her!"
"Settle down. You scared me when you yelled at me."
"Hector, I have never heard of this connection in my whole life."
"Maybe that explains Grandma Mazur's antics better."
"Oh, no, Mom will be mortified! Heck I can't even tell Grandma or Mom will find out. She will be the laughing stock of the whole town."
"Information does not have to be shared. Only use information for business purposes only. Stick to that unless you uncover something dangerous. Then that needs to be shared. Besides maybe she needs to know how you feel when she embarrasses you for a change!"
"OK. I don't know I could do that to my own mother."
"I would not mind finding out what my own ancestor's occupations were back then."
"I will run your information off of your employment file and let you know what I find."
"Bet my ancestor's were not as famous as yours."
"We will see about that."
Hector went back to his office.
Stephanie decided to run searches on the RangeMan crew starting with Ranger.
When the report was done no known famous people cropped up.
Stephanie sighed a sigh of relief.
The report finished printing when Ranger entered her office.
"Babe, Hector said you were upset."
"Yes. I was and still am really."
"What has you upset."
"I can't tell you without Hector's permission. He has invented a genealogy search engine to help us track our skips but he doesn't have his copyright yet so I promised not to tell anyone."
"Will you be alright?"
"Yes. I will get over it."
"No matter what you found won't make me love you less."
"You don't know that, Ranger."
Ranger turned and left the office.
He went to Hector's office.
"Hector, Babe, won't tell me what she found out. Will you tell me what she found out?"
"Sorry, Ranger. It is too private to discuss."
Ranger is now doubly confused.
What could be so up?
Ranger rarely gets scared but he has a sinking feeling he is not going to like what Stephanie has found out.
Stephanie next plugs in Hal's name and starts another search.
Stephanie left the office to go catch some skips and was gone for 4 hours.
When she checked her search upon her return shock returned and it almost took her breath away.
Stephanie called Hal into the office.
"Hal, we have a new search engine and for a lark I plugged in your name. Here is a copy of your genealogy back to the 1800's."
"Why do I need to know this?"
"Hal, look on page 12."
Hal sorts through the pages and then start reading.
"Holy Shit! Are you telling me I am related to Wyatt Earp?"
"So the genealogy says."
"My God! I will have to study this real close. No one ever told me I was related to him!"
"Can you keep a secret?"
"Sure."
"I typed in my name first. I am related to Katie Elder who was Doc Holliday's girlfriend. Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday were close friends and buddies."
"This is wild! What kind of search engine are you using?"
"One Hector invented...he is awaiting a patent before we make it public."
"This is wild!"
"Maybe you inherited his sharpshooter genes since you are a master sniper?"
"Since I didn't know about Wyatt before maybe you are right. I have always felt drawn into enforcing the law. Now I know why."
"Who knows you might just be Wyatt Earp reincarnated."
"I wouldn't go that far but it sure is interesting."
"Here are another 20 pages from the Internet about Wyatt Earp so you know his background."
"Thanks, Stephanie."
"Please don't tell anyone about this until Hector gets his patent."
"Right now I am in total shock. But I will try to keep this quiet."
Hal goes back to his office and puts the folder in his locked desk drawer until he has more time to read and comprehend the fact I AM RELATED TO WYATT EARP.
Stephanie heads upstairs around 7 pm.
"Babe, what has kept you so quiet today. You are not depressed are you?" Ranger asked her.
"No..it is not depression that has kept me quiet. Hector gave me something but he asked me not to tell until his patent for it comes in."
"Can I have a hint?"
"Let's just say I know first hand that it works. It can rock your world with the information it finds."
"Must be a powerful thing then. What will it be used for?"
"To help us, RangeMan, locate our skips faster. It also will give us more contacts to interview if we can't find them."
"Babe, this could really be a blessing for us. When will Hector get his patent?"
"Hector said it should be in any day now."
"You really think it will help us?"
"I know first hand it can change your mind about who you think you are?"
"Wait a minute...how can a search change who you are."
"It can't … but it can change your mind about how you see your own life. Knowing your ancestors can change how you view your own life."
"You have lost me...I don't understand."
"Well, all I can tell you is your family has NO skeletons in your closet."
"Skeletons..who was talking about skeletons? It isn't even Halloween yet?"
"Not those kind of skeletons, Ranger. Ancestor type skeletons!"
"Change of subject because you are not making any sense."
"Just wait until I can tell you what I having been finding out."
"Let me know when you can because I have a scary feeling I won't like it."
"Who knows even the Great Manoso just might be shocked at the results."
"I think you are crazy or off your rocker right now."
"No. I am sane just in shock."
"If you say so. How about supper you ready to eat?"
"I am not hungry."
Ranger sat down on a chair.
"You are not hungry? Then are you sick and keeping something from me?"
"No I am not sick. Food is the last thing on my mind right now. I will go take a shower and then I am off to bed."
"I am worried about you, Babe."
"I will be fine once I get this thing sorted out."
"I will be in shortly."
The next day Stephanie goes back to her office and enters Bobby's name into the search engine.
Once again in two hours the search prints out the genealogy report and then it prints an Internet search report.
The shock keeps growing for Stephanie.
"Bobby, I need you in my office, STAT!"
Bobby comes bounding in the door.
"Bomber, are you alright?"
"Sit down, Bobby."
"What is a matter?"
"Let me get Hector in here too. This is all his fault."
"Hector, can you come to my office, Please."
Hector enters the office.
"What can I do for you Stephanie?"
"Can you explain to Bobby what you gave me before I show him the results of the search I just finished."
"Bobby, I invented a genealogy search engine to be used by RangeMan to find our clients background and to help us find our skips easier."
"What does that have to do with me?"
"I ran your name through the search engine. The search engine will go back as far as the 1880's."
"So?"
Stephanie lays out a complete folder in front of him.
"This is a genealogy list of all of your ancestors."
"I still don't see anything of interest. What am I missing?
"See the entry where John Henry Holliday was born?"
"Yes...so what?"
"Bobby...John Henry Holliday became Doc Holliday of the OK Corral Gun fight fame."
"Holy Shit!"
"Yeah...you have a legal right to call yourself a descendant of Doc Holliday. Maybe that is where you got your medical interest from. There are 6 doctors in your background. While Doc Holliday was a dentist he still had medical talents."
Bobby looked up at both Hector and Stephanie.
"You mean I am truly related to Doc Holliday?"
"That report says you are." Stephanie said.
"I don't know what to say."
"Well, thanks to Hector's program I have another bombshell for you."
Stephanie passes her own report over to him.
Bobby glances at it.
"OK how does this fit in with me?"
"Check out the Internet report. Page 12."
Bobby reads page 12.
"Bomber, you were my girlfriend!"
"Yeah but notice my profession."
"Holy Cow God Have Mercy!"
"This is unbelievable...could that be why there was such an attraction at sight?"
"I was wondering the same thing when I saw your report. It is like we were familiar before we ever met. But until I saw Doc's name in your report I never put two and two together."
"Ranger isn't going to like this is he?"
"Mr. Jealousy will not be a happy camper with this news at all."
"Stephanie, I think I need to tell everyone at the morning meeting about this." Hector said.
"I wasn't about to give away your secret but I wonder with the few names I have run through what else we are going to find."
"As long as we agree to keep it "in house" I don't mind them knowing. But I am shocked at the results. When I ran my own name I couldn't find anything of consequence so I never dreamed it could do all of this."
"I ran Ranger's name and came up with just normal genealogy. No outstanding ancestors either."
"OK. Let's run everyone's name through the search engine and only then will we mention it to anyone. That way all the damning information will come out at one time."
"I like that idea. It will take me close to a week or more to run everyone's name and get all the reports."
"How about we wait two weeks then we will have time to go over all the reports and see what we are facing."
"I agree. What do you think Bobby?"
"I promise to keep it a secret as well. I am still in shock! I won't even tell my parents until that darn patent gets here."
"Thanks, man. I knew it was good but when my own turned up nothing I never dreamed other people's ancestors could have famous ancestors in them."
"I never knew about Katie Elder being a relative of mine. I have been in shock ever since I found out. I had heard the name but never knew her background. But her occupation shocked me. I know I had both Joe and Ranger as boyfriends at one time but that doesn't even touch what she was doing!"
"Well, knowing what she did with my ancestor makes me want to protect you all the more. Thanks for letting me read this folder."
"Just keep it locked away until that patent get here." Hector asked.
They went back to normal RangeMan work.
It took two more weeks before the patent notification finally arrived by registered mail.
"Stephanie, I got my patent!" Hector said.
"Are you ready for the meeting tomorrow?"
"Yes, I am. All searches are done. We have a few with no famous ancestors but there are few bombshells hiding in our midst."
"OK. I will tell Ranger I want to discuss my patent at tomorrow's meeting."
"Talk about Bombshells. Not to sure it won't come as an A bomb to some."
"Talk to you tomorrow.
The meeting started as a normal meeting. All the reports were read and discussed. Then Ranger turned the meeting over to Hector.
"Men and ladies, as some of you know I invented a search engine geared to genealogy. I have had Stephanie running every employees names through this search engine. There are some bombshells she has found that you might not know your ancestors even did. I will turn this over to Stephanie."
Stephanie handed each employee a folder.
"Don't open them until I tell you too. Thanks to Hector's search engine I ran my own name through the engine not expecting anything to turn up. I did take the search out to the 1800's as it as far as the engine can go back. When the search came back my world was turned inside out! To say the least. It seems as if I am a relative of Katie Elder. Who ask who is she? Katie Elder has went by several names but the one which has stuck the most is "Big Nose Kate". Still not ring a bell?"
The men and women are shaking their heads no.
"It seems as if Katie Elder, Big Nose Kate, was a prostitute working the saloons in the Old West. Kate was also considered the common-law wife of Doc Holliday. Kate was born in Hungary the same as most of my ancestors. Kate also had Gypsy blood in her bloodline, the same as I do. That could explain why she enjoyed traveling so much. As most of you know I at one time had 2 boyfriends. I finally decided to marry Ranger. Well Katie also chose to marry at least 3 times. Kate was also watching during the gunfight at the OK Corral! How scary to think I too also saw a gunfight in person. While I may not be Kate incarnate it is strange how many of her personality traits I do have. OK, now open your folders."
Stephanie looked down her list.
"My research has shown that Bobby is related to Doc Holliday. My common-law husband. That is scary since we both work in the same building. Doc Holliday was a dentist. But Bobby still chose medicine as his field. He also has 6 doctors in his ancestry so that may why he prefers medicine.
I ran Ranger through the search but nothing turned up.
I ran Tank through the system and I found out that our Tank is related to a man called Luke Short. Luke Short was a gunslinger with a huge reputation. Luke Short was friends with Bat Masterson who then put him in touch with Wyatt Earp. They became partners to get Luke Short's saloon reopened. The Earp brothers and Short won the battle without a single shot being fired.
Then there is the search on Hal. Hal, here, is related to Wyatt Earp. Isn't it strange that all these men are related to the Old West gunfighters yet today they are working as com-padres still fighting crime? But here is another strange fact.
Martha, our newest researcher is related to Kid Curry who ran with Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Martha's family is from Ohio and Kentucky. Her maiden name is Logan. Kid Curry's real name is Harvey Logan. But stranger still is Manny's relative is actually Butch Cassidy! These searches have thrown me for a loop. But the irony of it all is look how many famous gunslingers are represented in this one company and all working together. There are a few searches with famous relatives but nothing compares to the amount of ancestors still being in their chosen field.
Lest I forget Lester! He is our resident playboy. Lester you are related to Porfirio Rubirosa. He was a famous playboy. He was rich and loved to party. He died in 1965 in a car crash. He loved to gamble (Lester loves to play poker), Porfirio loved to race cars, fly his airplane from party to party, (Lester loves flying he just doesn't have a license), Porfirio was fascinated by Batman comics and he often used a bat as his symbol. Lester is related to a man you have heard me call Batman, Ranger.
I found it interesting and scary doing these searches. But I think my favorite search was of myself. But it has taken me a long time to come to grips with my relative was an actual prostitute who worked all of the saloons in any area she went into. Makes me wonder is that why I couldn't make up my mind when it came to my boyfriends? It took some soul searching but I now know that I made the right choice. I love you Ranger, with all my heart and I am proud to call you my husband. Thank you Hector for inventing this search engine because in the three weeks since I have been using it we have been able to trace, capture and return to jail EVERY SKIP WE WENT AFTER!
This is an awesome search engine and I hope you make a ton of money from it. I would suggest you target bounty hunters and police departments with your product."
Hector stood back up.
"Thank you, Stephanie for all your hard work on this project. It produced better results than I had anticipated. Like Stephanie I had no idea of how much information is out there in the Internet Highway. Names means nothing without information to define for us who this person is and what they have done with their lives. I do now own the patent for the program. With Ranger's permission I would like to download it to RangeMan's main frame at no charge to the company. I also would like to discuss with him at a later time about setting up a search section and have people pay US to get the information. Rather than open up the option to the public I would prefer to keep the power in house. Thanks again, Stephanie. Once again you are an amazing person and I am glad to call you my adopted sister."
Ranger took the floor.
"I did not know about this program but I did know it upset Stephanie when she found out about her relative. Be we all know her better than to let her think her ancestor's behavior reflects on her today. But I am the lucky man she fell in love with and I can see both women are very determined in their mind sets. So, Babe, I love you too. I am proud to be your husband, regardless of what your ancestor did for a living you are an honor to this generation! Anything else to discuss?"
No answers.
"Meeting dismissed."
There was all kinds of discussions about their relatives, their activities and any traits that got passed on.
As for Ranger, he almost felt let down that there were no famous ancestors in his past.
Stephanie came to grips with her ancestor's past. Stephanie realized that she would not be ashamed to be known as "Big Nose Kate" relative.
Stephanie shared the folder with her family and they were surprised who all they were related to.
Stephanie's mother found out she was related to Amanda Blake who played Miss Kitty on Gunsmoke, the television series.
Since Helen could brag about the connection she did not degrade Stephanie for her being related to Kate Elder who was also a prostitute.
Miss Kitty was hinted as being one but never shown in action so Helen was OK with that.
In the six months of using the search engine RangeMan has caught every skip they went after. The company did set up a paid search department and the captures lowered the crime rate in Trenton to it's lowest point yet.
The search engine was very profitable for RangeMan. Hector kept a tight rein on whose money they would take before the search was ran. The client would pay for the service but it any mob affiliation was found the money was returned with a form letter stating that due to guidelines of program's conception their request could not be processed.
It was a two-fold process. It labeled the undesirables of Trenton and also gave RangeMan a list of possible mob family members without tipping anyone off. They were able to pass on this information to the police department, the government agencies and all of the alphabet agencies.
Hector determined the search engine was a success but gotten into the wrong hands it could stir up a lot animosity so he kept it in-house for everyone's protection.
Author's Note:
I realize this is an off the wall story but my son was inspired by a series on Netflix about Wyatt Earp. He tossed the idea to me and I hope I have not offended anyone. But how would you react if you found out some bad thing an ancestor did. I hope you get some enjoyment out of this story because that is the vein in which I wrote and meant for it to be taken.