with eyes that make me stumble
When Finnick tells her they have to be reaped again, all the security she felt before is ripped away.
Her knees go weak beneath her and she sinks to the floor, Finnick gripping her arms, begging her to listen to him. She can't see anything but the death and all she can hear are the screams. They will never stop taking, will they? They will bleed the victors dry.
"Annie, Annie, please..."
No. No. They can't take them again. They can't. She can't lose Finnick. She can't lose.
"Annie, I'm going to come home. I promise you I'm going to come home."
She won't come home without him.
When Mags takes her place, she wants to scream.
That old, frail woman can't protect Finn. She'll only slow him down. Mags will be a burden to him. Annie could watch over him, never let him out of her sight. Annie needs to go into the arena.
Mags puts a hand on her shoulder and says, "He's coming home to you, girl."
Annie doesn't believe her.
She didn't speak for months after the games.
It was Finnick who finally brought her back. He came to visit her one day, and she thought, what is this golden Capitol fool going to say to me, how can he help me? Everyone knew that Finnick Odair was the perfect victor, the shining star of the Hunger Games. Annie was disgusted by him, appalled that he could smile and laugh with the very people that were responsible for the deaths of children, the monsters that forced them all into the arena each year. He sat down across from her and she visibly withdrew, shut herself off from him and anything he had to say to her. She wrapped her arms around herself and tried to silence the war raging inside her head.
"Hi, Annie," he said, a slight smile on his perfect, pink lips. Annie imagined them stained with blood and forced her eyes shut.
"They say you're not talking to anyone, but I know you have a lot to say."
Did he really think it was going to be that easy? She glared at him.
"Take a walk with me?" He offered her his hand and she didn't move a muscle.
He tilted his head to the side, "We could go to the water."
Her mother tittered beside her, "Go on, Annie. You haven't been out of the house in days."
She knew her mother wouldn't shut up about the incident if she refused him, and she really did want to go to the shore. She shoved away from the table and stomped out the door, hearing Finnick follow behind her. She walked down the gravel path away from her house in the victor's village and towards the ocean, and she intended to keep walking until Finnick grabbed her shoulder.
"Not that water," he whispered, and Annie jerked away from him. He pointed down to the rows of neat little houses, one of which had to be his, and beckoned for Annie to follow him.
Finnick led her to a row of trees behind the last house on the road. She swatted at the low hanging branches until Finnick held them up for her, she grimaced and ducked beneath his arm. They walked along a path in the woods, Finnick again leading her. She didn't like being this far away from home, from her hiding place, especially with such a retched man.
Finally, they reached the fence. Three signs were pinned on it, proclaiming it as electrified, but Finnick didn't seem worried by the warning. He walked around until he found the hole he was looking for then he peeled the fence back for Annie to crawl through. They emerged into a meadow, and Finnick kept leading her until they reached a stream with many different colored wildflowers growing around it.
"They can't hear us out here," he told her, arms crossed as he looked around, "My father showed me this when I was seven. He liked to hunt game."
It was hard for Annie to imagine Finnick as a rule breaker.
He sat down on the grass and beckoned for Annie to join him. She sat, but closer to the stream, farther away from him. She picked a flower and began pulling off the petals.
"I can tell that you don't like me, Annie."
She pretended not to hear him.
"I guess I understand why. You think I rub elbows with those monsters in the capitol, which, I suppose, it looks like I do. But there's a lot that you don't know about being a victor, Annie. I'm still playing their game, just in a bigger, more dangerous arena."
Annie tried not to listen.
"You don't just win and then it's all over. It's not that simple, at least for me. I'm... desirable, or so they say. I'm at their mercy, and if I ever say no... Well, I try not to think about the consequences."
Annie looked over at him, and on his face she saw the same grief that she'd been carrying with her since the games. Finnick began pulling grass out of the earth and shredding it with his hands.
"You think, oh there's Finnick Odair, proud of his killing, but I'm not. I wake up screaming every goddamn morning. I can still... I can still see all their faces, and I hate being in the capitol, being with all those murderers, but I can't do a damn thing about it. They'd kill everyone I knew, my parents, my sisters. Everyone." He looked at her, then, "I can't have anymore blood on my hands, Annie."
That's the moment she softened towards him, when she saw the tears in his eyes and knew that they felt the same thing. He dropped his head to his knees and began sobbing the broken sounds of a broken man.
"I'm sorry," Annie whispered.
Finnick makes love to her before the seventy-first hunger games.
She knows his body has been beaten and bloodied but it all feels perfect to her. He whispers sweet words into her ear, and she feels... She feels like the Annie she used to be, before all the killing and the pain and the madness. She feels wonderful, all because Finnick Odair loves her, he does, he does.
He leaves for the Capitol the next day and she cries into his shirt.
He says, "I'm coming home to you, Annie. I'm coming back home."
She has one of her fits when Finnick is gone on some Capitol trip.
Her mother tries to quiet her but it's no use. He's the only one who can help her, anymore. She tastes blood in her mouth and she's not sure who it's from, the girl from 1 that she killed with a sword, the boy from 6 that she threw a spear into. She's back in the arena, watching the career tributes stalk around the forrest, looking for their next victim. She can't move, can't even breathe or they'll find her. She doesn't want to die, she doesn't want to die.
Will she ever get out of this hell?
Finnick comes home, and he can't even look at her.
She tries to talk to him but he won't respond. He looks dead behind his eyes and his face is white with a terror that he refuses to show. Finally, he takes her into his arms, breathes in the scent of her hair and she wants to weep for whatever has hurt him this bad.
"I'm so sorry. I love you."
He repeats it until the sun goes down.
"Come to the water with me."
Finnick won't meet her eyes.
"Finn?"
He sighs, "I can't, Annie."
She doesn't understand, "Why not?"
He doesn't answer her. She sits down at the table beside him, grips his hand with hers.
"Finn, what's going on?"
He shakes his head, and Annie squeezes his hand tighter.
"Please, Finn. Please tell me."
Finnick looks at her, really looks at her, and she knows before he even says it.
"The Capitol knows about you and I, Annie. I tried... I tried to be careful, but... I can't put you in danger, Annie. I won't let them use you to bargain with me because sooner or later I'm going to make a mistake. I will not let them take you away from me."
"Finnick," she shakes her head, tries to shut out the noise, "Finn, I can't do it without you."
"I will not risk your safety, Annie. I... I'm leaving tomorrow. I need to be in the Capitol. The longer I stay here with you, the more dangerous it is."
He rises from his chair, and Annie tries to hold on to him but he shakes her off.
She screams for him for three days.
Finnick returns home for the first time in two years after the seventy-fourth hunger games.
In the middle of the night, he wraps his body around hers and she sighs into his touch. She knows his body better than anything else.
"I knew you would come," she says, as he runs his fingers across her skin, "I knew after I saw those two in the arena. Things are changing, Finn."
"They are," he agreed, and then he said, "No more talking."
"What is your favorite thing in the entire world?" Finnick asked her one day as they sat on the shore.
Annie looked out at the ocean. The rolling waves scared her, reminded her of one terrible storm in the arena and she tried to ignore the memory. Reaping Day was only a week away, and she couldn't stop thinking about her games, her victory.
"Annie?"
She looked over at him and smiled, just because. Even through all this horror, she loved him.
"My favorite thing in the entire world is... You, Finnick. You're my favorite thing."
Once, by the stream in the medow, he tells her about District 13.
He whispers his theories into her ear, fills her head with pretty visions of the future, of a place where she and Finn aren't playing games anymore. She hopes, for the first time in a long time.
And then Finnick goes back into the arena and she knows... She and Finnick will never have a happy ending.
Finnick doesn't come home.
Annie doesn't, either.
The Capitol's torture is nothing compared to not knowing if Finnick is alive or dead.
She laughs in the face of their weapons, smiles when they try to intimidate her. She is sure he is alive, or else why would she be here? Finn has gotten away, he is living in her fairytale land. District 13.
Annie doesn't cry when she goes to sleep.
Finnick is alive. Finnick is alive. Finnick is alive.
She is home.