NOTE: This was formerly under the username nariko.hoshi, but sadly, that account got hacked in to. I'm still the same person, though, just to clarify. The Hoshi account will be deleted as soon as I transfer all my stories (which is a total pain), so you know!
A/N: hiya everyone! this is my 1st story, so nervous... heh. only warning is that shounen-ai is very very implied... ahem, blatantly stated. soooo... don't like, don't read.
once you're finished, be kind and R&R plz. I need some feedback, it is my 1st after all!
... and that's it, enjoy the story
Earlier that day, Matthew had been so carefree. Happily laughing, stealing, dancing away from opponent's swords. It was the best he had felt in ages, and definitely the best he had ever fought. He knew who he owed that to- Guy. Guy continued to challenge him, in an attempt to get that oath paper he had signed. And he kept on losing- Matthew would always manage to come up with some trick to make sure he won. And as a result of all the fighting, both Matthew and Guy's skills were improving.
The best he had felt in ages. Pah, how misleading.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOo
Matthew stared at a flower intently, an uncharacteristically grave look on his face. His eyes were red and puffy, and dried tear tracks were visible on his cheeks. His cloak was rumpled, scrunched up in the places where he had grabbed it, hard, to wrap around himself as he cried.
Matthew was thinking. Deeply. About things that he hadn't planned on ever thinking about, when Leila was still alive and joyful, waiting for him in her own way.
But now, the grieving spy was forced to confront these thoughts. Leila had died that day. Matthew had come out into this forest to bury his Leila. And he had stayed here, not ready to face the others. Or, specifically, the other.
Matthew was thinking about love. Which was only natural, after a loved one died. But his thoughts had added a twist to the normal grieving-for-a-loved-one thoughts. Cruel thoughts.
He wasn't thinking only of Leila. He was thinking of someone else as well. And that really bothered Matthew. His thoughts were not supposed to add a twist.
He had been in denial for a long time. It was an impossibly unfair situation. He figured he must have done something awful in a past life.
He couldn't fall in love with two people at once. He couldn't be in love with a man, he was in love with a woman! That man could defiantly not be his best friend. That man couldn't be Guy, the annoying Sacaen myrmidon, who trusted Matthew never to hurt him or do anything wrong, who trusted him completely to be his friend no matter what. Love would get in the way of that.
Perfectly logical and reasonable denial speech to repeat to himself whenever he needed to deny. Too bad none of it was true. Who had ever heard of being able to reason yourself out of love?
Matthew sighed. Now that Leila was gone, he didn't know what to do. He wasn't ready to move on yet, but eventually, with no Leila to keep his resolution not to love Guy strong… who knew. But he could NOT spoil their friendship. It was too important.
He had never let himself get as far as imagining telling Guy what he felt. Leila was different… their relationship had been based mostly on mutual feelings. But Guy was not the sort to read people. So there was the risk of rejection- and that terrified Matthew.
He continued the stare at the flower, but he now looked imploring, as if hoping that the flower would pipe up and tell him what to do.
Matthew was confident. He hated to hesitate. Whenever he paused (like now) everything would catch up to him. It was like he was always running from something, whether it was good or bad, and when he stopped, his pursuer would catch him and hold him, forcing him to think. It worked for Matthew- he didn't stop often, and he loved to take life as it came, taking nothing too seriously. Always fun, no matter what the situation.
So now, he wanted to get up, move, do something. Occupy himself for long enough and his heart would heal, and next time he slowed he would find himself ready to move on to Guy. Just plow ahead, he decided. Don't look back, don't stop. Keep going.
Without bothering to smooth his cloak or conceal the evidence of his crying, the Ostian got up. Without one glance back at the clearing where Leila lay buried, he headed back towards the camp.
Once he got there, he walked straight through, ignoring all the looks of pity and attempts at sympathy flying his way. He had to take his mind off of Leila.
He walked up to his shared tent, where Guy was obsessively polishing his sword. Matthew touched Guy's shoulder softly, and Guy whipped around to face him, braid almost whacking Matthew's nose. When he saw who it was, he relaxed, though a worried look was in his eyes. He tilted his head as he looked at Matthew, trying to see what Matthew needed. The blond just stood there, looking at Guy's sword.
Having reached a decision, Guy stood up and touched Matthew's wrist. Matthew finally looked Guy in the eye, angling his head down a bit. Guy just pulled him over and gave him a quick, reassuring hug, releasing him quickly and blushing furiously. Matthew's expression softened. Then, he gestured vaguely at the sword.
"Could we spar?" he asked lightly.
Guy smiled, and Matthew relaxed as Guy went to grab his sword and Matthew's.
Just keep occupied, thought Matthew to himself, almost smiling.
"Ah… wait just a second," he said slowly. Guy paused, slightly puzzled, as Matthew went in to their tent.
When Matthew re-emerged from the tent, he looked normal to anyone who didn't know him well. Guy was the only one who noticed how conflicted the thief really was.
Run, run run, as fast as you can, away from all the pain.
Hello again, hope you liked! so, I say again, review please, as you've now read the story. give me feedback!
oh, and tell me: to continue or not to continue? I was thinking that I could do another chappie more Guy-centric, then eventually get them together... or not. Give me guidance! lol. I may be crazy oO
R E V I E W