"Stev - Steve - Oh, my god, stop - stop - STOP... Steve, this - is not working."
"I think we're doing okay, Tony..."
"Where the fuck did you get that idea, Steve? None of this has been working since the first, like, six seconds."
"You wanted this, Tony! It was your idea!"
"That means - nothing!"
Steve finally gave in and he reluctantly pulled out of his boyfriend. They both sat, out of breath, on the sandy beach towel, heaving in-and-out of their chests.
"Um..."
"I have come to the conclusion that we should never, ever, ever try that again."
"Tony, I'm telling you, it was not that bad..."
"Steve, listen to me, I have fucking sand on my dick and that is literally the worst feeling ever."
"Tony -"
"NO, Steve, there is sand! Fucking sand. Do you know what sand is? It's fucking little pieces of soft glass and shit; and hey guess what? IT'S FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE. ESPECIALLY DOWN THERE."
"Tony, I kind of think you're overreacting."
"It's SAND, Steve. FUCKING SAND."
"Yes, Tony, I get it... There was sand and that's why we stopped having sex."
"IT'S STILL THERE, STEVE."
"Okay, Tony, I understood the first time you said -"
"SAND, STEVE, LITTLE BITS OF GLASS, ARE ON MY BALLS -"
"Yes, Tony, I know -"
"THERE'S SAND ON MY NETHER REGIONS."
"Tony - why are you talking like Thor right now?"
"BeCAUSE, STEVE. THERE IS SAND EVERY PLACE I DON'T WANT SAND TO BE."
"Tony."
"WHAT, STEVE?" Tony Stark was now standing on top of the beach blanket, in front of his boyfriend and the empty beach, naked. With his dick out. Which was conveniently covered in sand.
"My butt has sand in it."
"Stev- oh, my god."
"I know, Tony."
"YOU HAVE SAND IN YOUR ASS, STEVE."
"I just told you that."
"THAT IS WAY WORSE THAN ON YOUR COCK, STEVE."
"Okay, sure. It does feel really uncomfortable."
"I KNOW, STEVE. IT'S IN YOUR AMAZING ASS."
Tony plopped down back on the blanket, next to his boyfriend and the empty beach, and started to laugh. Not at himself. But at Steve.
"I know it's amazing; you tell me every night when you come to bed."
Tony nodded, but quickly stopped laughing and leaned toward Steve.
"Steve."
"Yes, Tony?"
"We can't tell anybody."
"Okay, Tony."
"No, Steve, I mean it. Barton cannot find out about this, and neither can Nat or Thor or Bruce. And especially not Coulson or Fury. Fury will have my head on a stick if he knows, Steve."
Steve was about to respond, when a voice from the sand dunes spoke first.
"Too late."
"FUCK YOU, BARTON."
fin