Title: You got me what?!
Author: Meg
Rating: pg-13
Paring: Renji/Ichigo
Warnings: swearing, hinted stuff
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story plot. Bleach characters belong to Kubo Tite-sama.
A/N: I normally wouldn't write anything for Valentines Day. For me, it's S.A.D (singles awareness day). But I wrote this for a friend who wanted something silly (and who is just getting into yaoi herself, thus the timid-ness of the fic) and so here it is.
"Ichigo, what can I get ya for Valentines Day?"
The question seemed to come out of the blue. Renji wasn't the type of guy to ask something like that. He would either forget entirely about the human holiday, or just pop up randomly with something. Last year it was zanpakutou polish. The year before he had tried to give the man a bottle of strawberry lube, but had failed miserably (it had earned him a hard fist to the jaw. The strawberry jokes were being to wear their stay). So now, Ichigo had no idea why the red head would be asking him when he never had before.
"I dunno. I really don't mind Renji. It's just a stupid holiday anyways… not even a holiday! Just a day that couples use as an excuse to do things nice to each other and not get accused for wanting sex."
"…Zat right? Oh… well I was talkin' ta Rukia, an' she was sayin'-."
"No, I don't even wanna hear it. Every time you talk to that weird woman, she gives you stupid ideas about human traditions from like… way back in the 80s! Listen, if you really wanna get me something, a hug is fine. Just a hug."
"But-."
"I'm serious Renji. I don't want anything crazy!"
"All right all right! I'll… I'll think of somethin'." The vice captain wandered off, leaving the orange haired man to sigh. Knowing Renji, It was going to be anything but normal.
----
"… What the hell is this?!"
The red head beamed. "She said you'd say that. I didn't believe her when she said that human people liked this stuff, but she showed me this magazine and there was people wearing them and they seemed happy. Damn, Rukia is a genius."
Blood rushed to the younger man's face. "Didn't I tell you NOT to listen to Rukia?!"
"Yeah but, I thought 'bout it and ya know, it was a really good idea and I asked the people at the store 'bout it and they liked the idea and they showed me different colours and-."
"RENJI!" The strawberry blonde held the delicate articles up in the air. "You got me lingerie! Don't you understand I am NOT a woman?! Did you tell the store clerks you were buying this for your boyfriend?!"
"No. I told 'em I was buyin' it for my lover. I thought they would have understood it from that much. Though, it was a little weird that only woman were wearing the stuff, but I just figured it was cuz society is all anal about homosexual relationships and that… so-."
"YOU AREN'T HELPING!" A thick vein throbbed violently on Ichigo's temple. "Just… just take it back. The thought was nice, but lingerie is for WOMEN and I can't wear this. Please just take it back."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Final sale…"
After this year's disaster, Ichigo and Renji had agreed not to get anything for each other on Valentines Day, unless it was a hug or a box of chocolates.
--fin