Pidge sat as Coran strapped her ankle. It wasn't broken, but it should have been. She had a slight concussion; she shouldn't have her head at all.
"Pidge," Shiro leaned forward. His metal arm had been crushed and his leg was broken. "This isn't your fault."
She took a deep breath, but her voice cracked anyway, "Hunk and Keith are in the healing pods."
"They'll be fine. You saw Lance when he got out of there; good as new."
He was doing his best. She knew no one wanted her to feel responsible, but how could she not be? She had made all the plans! This was the mission she had put forth and orchestrated from the beginning! Shiro had lent her all the aid he could, but in the end, he had let her make all the final decisions.
"I'm really sorry, Shiro," she said. She couldn't stop saying. She'd never stop saying it.
"All done," Coran said patting her knee gently, "you should be carful with it, but you should be just fine."
'Fine' was a term Pidge didn't like very much. Once you broke it down all 'fine' meant was: Fed up, Insecure, Needy, and Exhausted. She had never once described herself as 'insecure', but maybe that would have kept her from being so stupid.
"Why don't you go to bed, Pidge," Shiro said, because he firmly believed resting/sleep cured everything, "things will look better in the morning."
She didn't argue.
She didn't have the right.
She limped down the far corridor. The pain with each step was what she deserved. Sometimes she'd intentionally put weight on it while she walked. It was stupid, she knew, but she couldn't justify her lack of injuries compared to the rest of the team.
She looked into the observation room as she passed, the large wall of windows showing the nebula they were skirting around.
It was too pretty for how she was feeling right then. Pidge was about to continue down the hall when she heard a light humming noise. Looking again, she noticed Lance in one of the seats. Somehow, he'd just blended into the darkness.
His arm was broken, in three places. The side of his face was scratched up and the shiner was, regardless of how he got it, a thing of beauty.
Pidge should have just walked on, but she needed to do something first.
"Hey, Lance?"
Lance jumped so bad he nearly fell out of the chair. Clutching the front of his shirt he looked at her with wide eyes.
"Holy Crow! Don't sneak up on me like that!"
"I'm sorry," she said quickly, then more meaningfully, "I'm really, really sorry."
"What for?"
She blinked at him. He was looking at her in the way he used to look at the garrison instructors; confused and blank eyed.
"You…all of you got hurt because of the mission I wanted to do," she said like she had a mouth full of cotton.
"Mmmm, nooooo," Lance said, "We all got hurt because of the mission WE wanted to do."
"I didn't plan it right," she said, and once she started, she couldn't stop, "I was WRONG! I've never been that wrong! Everyone almost died! If I had just taken a step back- well it all makes sense NOW! I moved to fast because this was something I wanted to do!"
Lance reached up and grabbed her sleeve as she ranted. As she continued on the tirade against herself he was able to successfully pull her over to the chair next to him and sit her down.
"I almost KILLED everyone!" she squeaked as the tears started to flow. She didn't deserve to cry. If she cried, then the others would feel sorry for her; she didn't deserve sympathy.
"Pidge," Lance said pulling his hand into his sleeve with his teeth and using his shirt to wipe her face, "As much as it shows how awesome you are to notice all these things, the point still remains that all responsibility for the outcome left you the moment we agreed to your plan. You may have built it from there, but the second we said 'yeah, let's go', you had no hold on the responsibility of the outcome after that."
It made sense, but it did nothing to get rid of the crushing guilt. Like a spiked ice boulder had made its home in her torso.
Lance watched as Pidge wrestled with what he'd just said. It wasn't like he didn't know how it felt; in fact he was down right hypocritical saying what he did. But Pidge was just too good to let this set her back.
"Hey, Pidge," he said grabbing her hand, "I got an idea."
He was grinning and Pidge was taken aback by the sudden mischievous look.
"What…" she asked. She'd learned the hard way that with Lance, that look was never any good.
"I want to preform a magic spell," he said standing, still holding her hand, "this has been passed down through my ancestors. It is taught personally to each child, but I need a second person for the spell to work."
"Lance, I'm sorry, but…" She hated talk about magic. But he was so giddy about the idea, how could she possibly refuse; especially after what she'd done?
"Fine," she said, "what do I do?"
He pulled her to her feet and lead her into an open area. The light of the nebula bright enough to light their faces in different colors.
"Ok," he said, orienting himself, "We'll link arms like this."
He grabbed her right bicep and told her to grab his.
"Then your going to stand on my feet."
"I'm what?"
"Go on," he laughed, "stand on my feet."
Gingerly she stepped onto his feet and for the first time felt like there was too little space in between them. She could feel his breath on her head.
"hold tight," he instructed as he began to sway and step around the open area. He was humming as well. This was like what her dad would do when she was really little.
"Lance, seriously?"
"Ok, coming up, you're going to step back on your good foot, and point your toe."
"Like Hell I am."
"One and two-" He took his foot out from under her good one and leaned back so his hand slid down her arm. Grasping her hand he came back and spun her around twice before she fumbled and fell.
Lance laughed and Pidge had to chuckle as well.
"Lets try that again," he said holding out his hand, "after the third turn you step on my feet again. I'll pull you in.
"I don't want to dance," she said.
"This is not a dance," he said, "it's a magic spell."
So they started from the top, again.
And again.
And again.
Each time ended with flailing arms and both of them in fits of giggles. By the fourth time pidge realized that the steps Lance took were the same each time. He wasn't just randomly moving around the room, he was following a previously choreographed sequence. Did he really think he was preforming a spell?!
"Well, look at that!" He cried as she made it back onto his feet without falling or stumbling, "now one more time, this is the real deal here, k?"
"Whatever," she said rolling her eyes. But she focused on her balance. At first he began like always. He hummed and swayed, getting a rhythm down. But this time as he moved he put words to the tune. He hummed the parts he didn't remember.
"Wandering child of the earth "There are those who'll tell you you're wrong "You are the dawn of a new day that's waking
Do you know just how much you're worth?
You have walked this path since your birth
Hmmm-mmm-mmmm-mmm"
They will try to silence your song
But right here is where you belong
So don't search anymore"
A masterpiece still in the making
The blue in an ocean of grey
You are right where you need to be
Poised to inspire and to succeed
You'll look back and you'll realize one day"
He held out the last word and spun her around three times. When he brought her back he continued the song.
"In your eyes there is doubt "Though the world may try to define you "You are the dawn of a new day that's waking
As you try to figure it out
But that's not what life is about
So have faith there's a way"
hmm-mm-mmmm inside you
So don't you dare try to hide
Let your fears fade away"
A masterpiece still in the making
The blue in an ocean of grey
You are right where you need to be
Poised to inspire and to succeed
Soon you'll finally find your own way"
He spun her out again, brought her back and kissed the top of her head.
"What was that for?!"
"Its part of the spell," he said grinning and pulling away. He sat her back down on a chair and took the seat next to her.
She scowled at him and then she stared at her feet. Her ankle really hurt.
"So, what was the spell supposed to do?" she asked rubbing it.
"You'll see," he said with an annoying self-satisfied look on his face and a chuckle, "you looked really silly, just so you know."
"Agh!" she stood and marched- as best she could- to her room. Lance could be such a jerk! Hurt or no, her fault or no, that guy was insufferable! She flung herself onto her bed and hit her shin against the hard edge.
"Owww," she curled up and rubbed her leg.
Stupid Lance making her do stupid things when she already felt stupid! So stupid! So…
She didn't feel heavy anymore.
Pidge blinked at the dark ceiling. She still felt guilty, but she no longer felt…self-destructive; the ice ball was gone. It was as if she could see how she'd been acting in a third person point of view. No wonder they had been so worried…
Her face heated up as she thought of that stupid spell. How throughout that time she'd been so focused on getting the steps right and keeping her balance she'd not even realized that Lance was only using one hand the entire time.
Lance had smelled like disinfectant and soap…not that she'd been paying attention at the time.
Why hadn't she been paying more attention?!
Wait…
"Grrrr," she grabbed her pillow and tried to smother herself with it.
"I hate it when Lance is right!"
()
(extra)
"So what was that?"
"Is everyone on this ship out to give me a heart attack?!" Lance cried as Shiro sat down next to him.
"I watched what you were doing with Pidge….the kiss was smooth."
Lance blushed and fingered his hair nervously.
"So smooth I think it went right over her head."
"I get it!" Lance groaned.
"So?"
Lance, still blushing, mumbled, "it was just something my parents would do when we got hurt or when we felt bad about things we couldn't change."
Shiro grinned and mussed the boys hair.
"You did good."
(((((((())))))))))
AN)
I'm working on it! This just crossed my mind as I was driving for four hours! 4 HOURS of my brain bouncing between this, Soltaz, and this other original story I'm working on as well…it was a great drive. A lot of plotting.
I have a few ideas with Lance and lullabys. This one is called Wonderers lullaby by Adriana Figueroa. I kinda cut out a verse and had him forget some lines so it wasn't blatant plagiarism. Not like I'm getting money off of this, so eh~
Its an awesome song and I highly recommend you go listen to it.