Super Mario 64: The True Story
Author's note: Well, after our Left 4 Dead story, we got writer's block. I know it's hard to imagine us getting writers block since our stories never make sense anyways, but apparently it's possible. Here's our attempt at the next story in our epic super Mario series. If you read the whole thing, please review! Even if you hated it! We consider all the suggestions we get!
Mario was sitting at the breakfast table at three in the afternoon. He was eating breakfast because that's how all these stories seem to start out. Plus he was still a little hungover from all the partying a few nights ago. Mario had the traditional American breakfast (Even though he's Italian); A pill, some Chocolate Milk, a glass of water, and the foot of a chocolate Easter bunny that he found in the back of the kitchen cabinet.
"Mario!" Luigi came running from outside with a letter in his hand and did a movie-style jump through the glass window and shattered it. "I found a letter for you!"
"My FUCKING WINDOW!" Mario shouted as pieces of the shattered window flew across the room and landed in his chocolate milk. The reason this happened was because Luigi had to get moved to the doghouse after he destroyed the house a week ago.
"Let me read it for you!" Luigi said, ignoring what just happened. "Dear Grandma, Sorry I never wrote to you to thank you for the Easter dollar, but unfortunately I hate writing letters. So, thank you. I just got the pajamas and necklace you sent me and I like them a lot! Dad hasn't put the air conditioning in yet and I am very hot natured; so those pajamas you sent me keep me very comfy! Also orange and yellow are my favorite colors. Thank you very much for the card. I liked it a lot and I put it on my dresser. From mom I got a lot of clothes and I am very happy with them. From dad I got a metal tennis racket and some pink tennis balls. So far I've played tennis-"
"You BROKE my FUCKING WINDOW!" Mario knew that Luigi wasn't really reading what the letter said, so he took it and read it himself.
"It's from Peach... She's inviting me over for cake!"
So Mario ran upstairs to get ready. All he did was brush his teeth and put on some cologne. So then he ran downstairs and out the door. Mario marched to the castle but he didn't know Luigi followed behind him on all fours like a dog, sniffing the ground and eating every other flower he saw.
Mario finally got to the castle, but nobody was outside.
"Shouldn't she have some guards out here?"
Mario decided he should go inside, And when he got there he saw NONE OTHER THAN... wait for it... Big Pop daddy king Toad, smoking weed in the corner!
"Big Pop Daddy King Toad! What's going on here?"
"Okay, here's the deal." He said. "the princess has been kidnapped again. The only way to rescue her is by collecting stars and then you can go beat Bowser."
"Fuck me!" Mario yelled.
"Okay!" Luigi appeared behind Mario and tried to rape him.
"Get off, you sicko!" Mario punched him in the face three times. "Fucker! Fucker! Fucker!"
"NOW!" Said Big Pop Daddy King Toad, "You've got a choice here." He held out three boxes. "Red block, blue block, or green block? Red block?... blue Block?... green block."
"Red!" Mario said.
"No! Green!" Luigi said.
Mario realized that no matter what he picked he was going to get the bad block. Unless...
Mario said "Just give us all of them."
"Okay." Big pop daddy opened the boxes. "To get the stars and save the princess you get.. an old chicken wing... a can of orange soda... and a bag."
"What! None of them had anything good?" Mario said getting even more mad.
"And to defend the castle, I get... a bullet-proof vest... an assault rifle... a FLAMETHROWER... the Batmobile... and a sheriff's badge!
"Damnit!" Mario walked into a room. Luigi followed "Now how the fuck do we find stars?"
"Uh, Mario, hold on a second. I need to talk to you about something..." Luigi said.
"What the fuck do you want now?"
"I think you need to start watching your language. You've been saying the 'F' word a lot lately."
"You've got to be FUCKING kidding me! I say FUCK a lot because you're always breaking my FUCKING shit! You broke my window SIX TIMES THIS MONTH, you destroyed the house last week, and if we go back to the first story, you jizzed in my face, you and FUCKING hit me in the face with only star that we'll ever get.
Luigi ignored what Mario said and kept saying "I don't know, ever since we got to this place you just seemed to be really upset. Maybe it's from those mushrooms you've been eating."
"You leave my FUCKING MUSHROOMS out of this. There's no place in this mushroom kingdom to buy cigarettes, and mushrooms grow everywhere for free."
"Maybe if you stopped being a little mushroom man you'll start growing taller like me, because I'm younger, but I'm still taller than youuuu!"
Mario finally snapped and tackled Luigi through a painting and into a field and started rolling down a hill.
Two brothers, going at it in an epic head to head battle! None could match the other! Every punch was being blocked! Every kick was being jumped over! Nobody had the advantage! Until...
Mario managed to hit Luigi in the ball sack and then he threw him into a cannon. The cannon blasted Luigi away, high into the sky.
"I did it.." Mario said in pure amazement. "I GOT RID OF MY BROTHER!"
Mario got a burst of superstar energy. He ran through every painting, smashed every goomba, and even got every star! While doing this he stopped by and said to every person "I don't have a brother anymore! WOOOOHOO!" He made his way to the basement and beat Bowser once, and then he went up to the top of the castle for the ultimate showdown for the fifth time!
"Ha Ha Ha! Mario you will never win, the power of the stars can not help you!"
"I don't need the power of the stars, I got rid of my FUCKING BROTHER!"
Watch out! Mario dodged flames and swung Bowser by the tail! He let go and Bowser hit a spiked bomb and died again! It all happened so fast like some sort of fast paced anime! Mario used the power of the final star to escape the arena and go back to the castle! Good job, Mario!
The power of the stars were returned! Mario had actually done what he was supposed to for once! The princess finally came back down from nowhere.
"Mario, thank you for saving me for the fourth time!" She said. "Let's do something special for you!"
Mario and Peach were about to kiss... They got closer... their lips were about to touch when...
Luigi came FLYING back down and hit Princess Peach in the face!
"Ow! WHAT THE FUCK!" Princess Peach yelled. Peach wobbled around for a while. "I can't see out of my left eye!" she fainted. Mario's mouth was wide open from shock. All Luigi could say was "...spaghetti" Peach turned over and she had a huge red mark on her face.
The End
Well, what will Mario get himself into next, kids? Stay tuned for more Action-packed romance, more romance packed action, more lawsuits against the brothers, and more butt-busting comedy in... "Super Mario Sunshine:The True Story" Where Mario will face his greatest challenge next to Luigi; ...Himself. I'm a Christian, holy bitch!
Author's note: Okay, so this one was a lot shorter than our previous Super Mario World story, but hopefully you found what you're looking for, if you were looking for anything at all. And if you didn't that abrupt ending, it was my friend's idea. So was the very last sentence... He's a part of klownsofkhaos, he's just a bad writer. We'd be nowhere if we weren't on the same team. Well, please review if you liked this, or even if you hated it. Tell us what we should do to make our next story totally awesome!