Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except the A.B.C.D.

My first ever crack!fic, so tear it to pieces! But be nice :)

It was a normal Sunday morning. Students were chatting, teachers were smiling, and the great hall was filled with the scent of breakfast. Everyone was enjoying the day. Everyone, that is, except for one all-important celebrity and protagonist of this story.

Harry Potter stared morosely at his plate, sighing dejectedly every few moments. Hermione put down her knife and fork.

"All right, Harry," she said, turning to face him. "What's wrong?" Harry sighed woefully.

"It's this bread. It has a crust!"

"And…?" Harry gaped at her.

"Crusts are evil, Hermione!" Hermione rolled her eyes.

"They are not. They're good for you." She turned back to her food. Harry jumped up beside her.

"Oh, really?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "What is it about crusts that makes them so healthy, Hermione?"

"I—" Hermione stopped suddenly. Her face scrunched up. "I… I don't…"

"You don't..?" Hermione was now shaking her head, her eyes wild.

"I don't—I don't know!" Immediately, the hall quieted, as everyone slowly turned to look at Hermione. Whispers began to float around.

"Did you hear?"
"Hermione Granger? I would never have believed…"

"—didn't know!"

Hermione was now bright red.

"Excuse me," she said, then walked out of the great hall hurriedly. Right after she left, Snape came up to Harry.

"Potter, come with me." Harry, still feeling miffed about the crusts, didn't bother talking back. He simply followed Snape into his office. Snape closed the door behind them. Looking quite serious, he gestured for Harry to sit down. "I have brought you in to discuss a very important matter with you. I trust you will exercise utmost discretion?" Harry nodded. "Good. Now, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with Miss Granger, and I'm afraid I must give you some terrible news."

Harry's eyes widened, and he leaned in closer.

"What is it?"
"The crusts are evil." Harry gasped. Snape nodded sadly. "The myth about crusts being good for you? It's a conspiracy. The crusts are trying to take over. "

"I knew it!" Harry said, his voice filled with awe.

"The reason I tell you this is because I feel I am in need of your assistance." Snape reached into his desk, and pulled out a card. "You see, I am a member of the Association for Brown Crust Destruction, or A.B.C.D. It is my job to convince people of the villainous nature of crusts."

"Wicked!"

"Unfortunately, I have one women who is firmly in the crust's merciless grasp. Her affliction is so great, she forces crusts into her children's mouths as well!" Harry shuddered.

"That's terrible!"
"Indeed," Snape nodded. "But I believe you can help."

"Who is she?"

"Her name," said Snape slowly, "is Molly Weasley."

Dun Dun Dun! Ok, so this will be a two-shot, and will hopefully be updated around the same time as "The Boggart". Reviews are very much appreciated! (read: I'm begging you! Review!)