Hands Clean
By Yanagi-sen
Weiss Kreuz songfic
Usual disclaimers apply. As usual the characters aren't mine… apparently they aren't Weiss's either… oh well, I'm still using the old character designs so just deal with it… I'm sorry… Omi does NOT look like that… *sigh* The song's by Alanis Morissette. Enjoy!
Warnings: implied yaoi (could be borderline shota… but I don't think so, just being safe here)
This fic is dedicated to Ami-chan… see! I finally sorta did a fic, just for you!
He hadn't seen Brad in nearly three years. He liked going to college in America, so many more opportunities, but he missed being home. Schu and Farf had visited him in California, but Brad had never come. And now… Nagi stood in the doorway, watching the man shuffle papers at his desk, now he wasn't sure what to say to the precog. He hadn't been this uncertain before. Back when they…
~If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much~
"Go take care of your bags, then come back down." The American didn't even look up from his paperwork.
"Okay, Brad." As he walked away he whispered… 'Tadaima.'
"Oh and Nagi… Okaeri."
The young man smiled as he struggled to maneuver himself and his luggage up the stairway and down the hall. The door to his room was open. He stood in the entry and looked around. Everything was just as he had left it, but not covered in dust the way he had feared. Farf must have come in to clean. Nagi gratefully let his bags slide to the floor with a sigh. He'd had to use his powers to lift them all, he was tired out. And only some judicious use of telekinesis had kept him from having to pay a fortune in overweight charges. He fell onto his low bed and stretched. It was good to be home.
Groaning slightly, he sat up. Brad had wanted to see him. His eyes fell to the picture on the stand beside his bed. Him and Brad, taken by Schu in some parking garage somewhere. He was dressed all in black, with a kind of apathetic teenager expression on his face. And Brad… the man had been dressed casually for a change. Nagi repressed the lingering warmth he still got when thinking of the gaijin. He made his way to the bathroom, splashing water on his face, and then going downstairs again.
~Ooh this could be messy / But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody / And overlook this supposed crime~
"How were your finals?"
"They were okay."
"Only 'okay'?"
"They were finals."
"Ah… I understand. But you did well?"
"I think so."
"I should hope so. You have a brilliant mind; I'd hate to see you waste it."
Nagi flushed at the unexpected compliment. "I'm just glad they're over."
"I'm sure. So what are you going to do now? Get a job? Go on to grad school?"
"I don't know yet. I want to take some time off though. I've been either in classes or working for three years, I need a break."
"I understand. And yes, I think you do. You always did push yourself too hard."
"As hard as you push yourself."
"That's different. I'm an adult. I'm supposed to."
"And I was a Japanese school kid, I was supposed to."
They chuckled over the old joke. "In any case, why don't you go rest for a couple hours? By then Schu and Farf will be back and we can all go out to dinner."
"Really? All of us?"
"Farf is doing much better on this new medication, so yes, all four of us." Nagi smiled and with a slightly tired wave, went back up to his room.
~We'll fast forward to a few years later / And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence / And you've washed your hands clean of this~
/I wonder if he remembers… I wonder if he ever thinks about it?/ Nagi lay down folding his arms behind his head. /He never talks about it… about us… is he ashamed of me? Did I disappoint him in some way?/ The thoughts circled around in his head until his exhaustion pushed him into sleep.
~You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me
You're kind of my protégé and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it~
It was hard seeing Nagi again. Looking into those midnight blue eyes, that he'd witnessed filled with passion from barely inches away, and not letting on how happy he was to see him again. There were changes to be sure. The boy, no he was a young man now, had grown perhaps only a couple inches, but he'd filled out a little and didn't look quite so much like a waif. He carried himself differently too, there was less of the wounded animal look about him, more of a normal kid. That bit of self-assurance was still there though, and Brad was proud to know he was the one who had instilled that in the boy.
He sighed and gave up on the paperwork instead staring out the window. Perhaps it was a mistake to let him come back here. But when Nagi had called and said he was done a year early and wanted to come home, he couldn't say no. How could he deny the boy the one home he'd ever really had? So against his better judgment he'd given his blessing.
~Ooh this could get messy / But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody / And overlook this supposed crime~
He supposed he was ultimately the one to blame for the whole situation. But he was only human, and fallible, and his powers, while seemingly this wonderful thing to those without them, were just as fallible. No… he couldn't hide behind that excuse. He had known what would happen. He had known… and he'd still gone ahead. He'd known it was an affair destined for disaster, but he'd been helpless. Caught… trapped… by a pair of midnight blue eyes that were so haunted, so hurt. He'd wanted to heal that hurt. Wanted to sooth those nightmares.
He'd had good intentions… and they had already been on the road to Hell anyways.
~We'll fast forward to a few years later / And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence / And you've washed your hands clean of this~
He wasn't sure what prompted him to get up from his desk and the sorely neglected paperwork, but he did. He walked upstairs, his slippered feet making barely a sound. The door to Nagi's room was still open. That was a nice change. Always before when he'd been home his door had been tightly closed, sometimes even locked, a barrier against the world that had hurt him and he wanted no part of. Brad liked this new openness from the boy.
He paused at the door, looking in. Nagi was sprawled out on his bed, head pillowed by his crossed arms. His eyes were closed, long dark lashes resting on his fair face, lips parted slightly as he breathed. He leaned against the door frame, watching the boy sleep. How many times had he done this? How many times had he peered at the figure on the bed, in varying stages of growth? He still remembered the first night, watching a tiny child of nine curled up as if afraid of the world. Then the times he'd watched the boy while lying beside him…
He turned from the door. It was useless to think such thoughts. That was the past. He had to make reservations for dinner.
~What part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
What with this distance it seems so obvious?~
Nagi woke up from his dream with a start. He looked over to the door, but there was no one there. He stretched and sighed, he'd sworn Brad was watching him like he used to. But he guessed it had merely been a part of his dream. He was really too old to have someone guarding his sleep anymore, much as he found comfort in it. He wasn't a kid. He was a college graduate, even though he'd opted to just return home rather than go through the ceremony. He didn't really care for such events. They mailed the diplomas anyways.
Yawning he sat up and tried to remember which bag had clean clothes in it. After the flight and the taxi ride and all the standing in lines at the airports, he really needed a shower and fresh clothes. He fumbled for a bit and then made his way to the bathroom, the house was still quiet, Schu and Farf must not be back yet.
He stood in the shower, letting the spray run over his body. He sighed, wishing once again that a certain American would join him… but he wouldn't… not anymore. He wondered a bit how much of what he remembered was truth… and how much had been made up by his mind?
~Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse
I wish I could tell the world cuz you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body~
"Yo… Nagi got back okay?"
Brad looked up from his newspaper. Farf was heading for the counter to put away the groceries they'd gotten. Schu plopped himself down across from the American. "Yes… what did you two get? We have plenty of groceries."
"But not the stuff Nagi likes. We had to get a few things." The Irishman stuck a couple boxes of Pocky up on the shelf.
"Ah, I see. I thought we'd go out to dinner."
"Ooooh… Sakuma's?" The redhead grinned with glee.
"Of course, it is Nagi's favorite."
"Yes! I'm gonna go change." Schu jumped up and left, Farf finished with the groceries and did the same. Brad turned back to his paper.
/I wonder what they would say? We never told them, and Schu never found out or he would have said something. Would they think me wrong for taking advantage of a boy's adoration? Like I could have said no to him. He was so pretty… he's still so pretty… he'll never be handsome, he's too small, too delicate for that./ Brad sighed. He regretted hurting Nagi the way he did… but he didn't regret loving him. He just wished… wished there had been a way…
~Ooh this could be messy and / Ooh I don't seem to mind~
"Nagi sit with me in the back!" The young man glanced at Brad, who wasn't looking and then climbed in with Schu. "So how are you? How was the flight? Did you get…"
He answered the redhead's questions mechanically, watching Brad out of the corner of his eye. He wasn't sure that coming home was a good idea. But he'd been away so long. He hadn't seen Brad for years. He'd missed Japan. Missed Schu and Farf. Missed miso and udon and even missed the unagi.
Brad's eyes in the mirror caught his own, and for a moment Nagi was trapped. Then the brown eyes softened and that warmth that he knew was only for him came through. It was only for a second, and then Brad's attention turned back to the road and Nagi's turned back to Schu.
~Ooh don't go telling everybody / And overlook this supposed crime~