Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, anime, manga, rights, etc., etc... for Ranma 1/2 or Magic Knight Rayearth.
Magic Knight... Ranma?
"Stupid field trips," Ranma grumbled as he and Akane walked home from another disaster filled day of school.
"Stop whining Ranma. This trip to Tokyo Tower will be fun. Besides, it will be nice to get out of the house for awhile. I think our fathers are about ready to try another scheme to 'Ensure the future of the School of Anything Goes Martial Arts'." She said this last in a gruff impersonation of her own father.
"Stupid panda..." Ranma muttered under his breath. "Besides, there's no way I'd ma-"
His tirade was cut short by a heavy drenching at the hands of an old woman washing her walkway.
Ranma's continued grumbling would now be described as kind of cute with her damp red bangs clinging to her face.
They continued their walk in relative silence. Relative, of course, is open to interpretation as not many would consider a bloodthirsty cry of 'Die Ranma!!!' to be very silent, nor the massive amount of property damage caused by the bandana wearing newcomer in his holy quest of vengeance.
Of course, those same people who don't consider this quiet haven't lived in Nerima very long, as this was a very small skirmish between two martial artists of high enough caliber to be legally declared as 'Natural Disaster' in insurance policies throughout Tokyo.
In fact, with the likes of Ranma Saotome, Ryoga Hibiki, Akane Tendo, Shampoo, Mousse, Cologne, Kodachi and Tatewaki Kuno, Ukyo Kuonji, and numerous others, not even the dreaded Gojira had dared show its face in the general vicinity of Japan. Survival preceeds desire for wanton destruction of random island nations after all...
Of course, after several of the previously said fighters decided that Rodan made for good barbeque, no one could blame the huge lizard for keeping its distance.
Those veterans of the Nerima Chaos Factor are also the sole reason why the American import company ACME Industries, Inc. has been staying afloat for so many years. It's cheap, it's mildly effective as long as you don't happen to be of the canine persuasion, and hell, it's gonna be demolished by a random bakusai tenketsu or hiryu shoten ha a week later anyways.
Another advantage of super powered martial artists throwing around tomohawk grade techniques like they were going out of style yesterday was that Nerima had a fairly open job market, providing you wanted to be a construction worker.
Then there is the fact that not even the most time hardened of chaos demons wouldn't want to get tangled in THAT mess, but we don't think they really exist. Still, it's a comfort to know your home won't be invaded my drooling masses of tentacles any time soon, right?
Now back to the story, where it seems the previous bit of explanation has allowed enough time to pass to join our heroes on the train to Tokyo. Aren't stories fun like that?
"Ranma, wake up. We're almost at the station," Akane said, while not so gently shaking her unwilling fiance.
It didn't work, becuase where's the fun in that?
"RANMA! WAKE UP!" she screamed in his ear.
Still no signs of consciousness.
The tried and true bucket of water wasn't going to happen, as she had packed that in her other pants. The 'Akane's Trusty Mallet 'o Doom, Version Beta' was also not going to happen. There were just too many civilians to risk the mass injury radius it produced. She briefly considered her 'Ranma no Baka Squasher 3.0', but decided to work the kinks out before the inevitable field test.
This of course led to only one solution.
"Oh look," she muttered under her breath, "2-for-1 ice cream sale."
Ranma bolted awake and doused himself with cold water in the blink of an eye.
"Sale?! Where?!"
She calmed down sortly after and glared at Akane.
"That was mean. You know how much I like ice cream."
"Oh stop pouting Ranma. It was the only way I could wake you up. I swear, you're worse then your father sometimes," she replied testily. "Besides, we're at the station. Get your stuff and lets go."
Ranma did her cute grumbling thing again as she followed the youngest Tendo onto the platform.
"Ran-chan! Akane!"
This greeting was delivered by none other than Ukyo Kuonji, master okonomiyaki chef, highly skilled martial artist, and crossdresser extrodinaire.
"Ucchan! What're ya doing here? We thought ya didn't make it!" Ranma greeted with a roguish grin... or at least she was trying for roguish. Being female at the time made it come across as coy, which had its effect of getting Ukyo all hot and bothered. Maybe she spent a little too long in her guise of manhood...
Ukyo loosened her collar as she answered. "My alarm screwed up. I got up an hour early and thought I was 15 minutes late... I've been sitting here wondering if I even had the right day for the trip. I think the calendar gnomes are playing tricks on me again."
We won't try to think about that one.
In fact, pretend like she never said it to begin with. Trust me, you'll love yourself for it.
"Those bastards!" Ranma growled. "I HATE calendar gnomes! Especially the green ones."
Ranma should have taken my advice.
Don't worry though, she tends to learn from her mistakes
Except when it concerns Akane... or people... or any social situation in general Oo
Actually, about the only thing Ranma is proficient in learning is martial arts, except for Martial Arts Housekeeping. I think her excuse was 'It's degrading to my manhood!'.
A flimsy arguement, is it not? Especially since the young Saotome recently took to Martial Arts Centerfold Posing like a fish to water. Recent polls have it that 'Ranko' has been Playboy's centerfold of the month six times running. Her hobbies include long walks on the beach, quiet walks in the rain, and beating the stuffing out of random demi gods.
The threesome of Furinkan first years beat pavement to the fabled Tokyo Tower.
"You know," Ukyo began with a hint of reverance in her voice, "It's hard to believe that it's right there in front of us. Wasn't it demolished by some random mecha fight a few weeks ago?"
"I think so," Akane replied. "I hope it's sturdy. We are going to be pretty high up after all. I wouldn't want it to fall down on our heads or anything."
Ranma approached the tower calmly and gave it a testing rap with her knuckles. She looked up toward the observation deck before returning to Fiancee #Tomboy and Fiancee Ver. Cute, and was silently glad that Fiancee 3.Milktanks was nowhere to be found.
She also made a mental note to thank Nabiki for having Fiancee Psycho the First committed to the loony bin a week ago.
"That thing's solid as a rock," the redhead declared.
A wrenching sound was the only warning as the tower collapsed like Ryoga with a nosebleed.
"Did I mention that rocks aren't that solid when you're as strong as I am?" she said with a nervous twitch of her eyebrow.
"So much for the fieldtrip," Akane sighed.
"Oh well," Ranma started, trying to lighten the mood. "It's not like it was much of one anyways. No one else from class showed up."
Ranma had a far off look in her eyes as the rusted gears in her head started turning. The light of an idea started flickering like a dying firefly before giving of a glow akin to a three day old glo-stick.
"Wait a minute! Do you think this was all an elaborate plan to get us away from school so they can pretend to have a normal day of life without the random zaniness and chaos that my mere presence attracts like a racoon to a shiny object? And like the racoon, chaos is nature's bandit, rwady to steal the normalcy right out from under your nose like Happosai steals panties. And that could only mean..." the dull glo-stick turned into a halogen fog light as he flipped Akane's skirt.
"Ah ha! Your panties are... still... there. Hmm. I could have sworn that this whole conspiracy was set into motion by that perverted old letch in an attempt to single us out one by one and make off with our unmentionables."
So caught up with theories that would make Mel Gibson jealous, Ranma never noticed as Akane whipped out her untested prototype 'RBS 3.0'. That's 'Ranma no Baka Squasher 3.0'... Please, try to keep up.
With a cry of 'Ranma, you PERVERT!' Akane proceeded to, well, squash the baka of course. It's kind of why she called it the 'RBS 3.0' after all. Otherwise it would hold a title something along the lines of 'Mallet of Smashing Random Idiots on a Daily Basis Because I Have No Stupid Fiance by Way of Arranged Marriage to Use This Beastly Weapon On 2.5'.
Let us all be thankful for Ranma's presence as the 'MOSRIOADBBIHNSFBWOAMTUTBWO 2.5' is just way too hard to remember...
Let us also be thankful that she didn't work the kinks out before her field test, as the cosmic backlash somehow tore a hole in the time-space continuum and warped reality in a 90 degree angle before inverting itself three times, followed by two Salchows and a triple Lutz while wearing a blindfold. Brian Boitano didn't know what hit him as the cosmos won the 1988 Olympics in a mass paradox that didn't have any effect on anything at all except restore Tokyo Tower to it's original state, only this time it was purple.
It should also be noted that Urd took a vow of chastity. No one was sure as to why...
Akane and Ukyo dragged the now giggling heap of stupidity that was Ranma (not to be confused with the non-giggling heap of stupidity that was Ranma's normal state of existance) onto the elevator to continue on with the conspiracy shrouded field trip.
They soon found that Furinkan wasn't the only school to choose today for a field trip. Ranma, having recovered in the elevator, idly wondered if any of these students were the victims of a mass panty raid conspiracy as well. A few flipped skirts, and several beatings by Akane later, she decided to hold off on any more evidence gathering. The owners of the few skirts she managed to peek under decided they liked the feeling of being peeked on by another girl and where driven to deviant lifestyles. The women's bathroom was soon filled to capacity for the remainder of the evening.
Not that you wanted to know that... well, some of you might, but please keep your thoughts on the matter to yourself. We don't want to disturb the casual readers anymore than they already are.
The Furinkan Three where eating at a convieniantly located McDonald's (I swear those damn things are everywhere!) when they felt a disturbance in the natural order of things. by 'sensed a disturbance', I mean of course that a strange voice spoke directly to them and told them that something was wrong.
Being the brave and upstanding members of the martial arts community that they were, they (in a very brave and upstanding manner) screamed like school girls when they were surrounded by a weird blur light and flung into a random spot of the unexplored portion of the cosmos. At least they got some quality site seeing done. How many people in their school could honestly say they've seen the Empire of Jurai in it's entirity and not had to stop for a potty break?
Ranma decided that waiting to use the toilet was a bad idea as the trio discovered themselves in free fall. At least it was warm enough to trigger his curse...
Their plummet was cut short as they landed on the slimey back of what appeared to be a giant fish. None of them decided to ask what a fish was doing in the lower atmosphere, giant or otherwise.
They soon found themselves being dumped off at ground level.
"Alright, what the hell was hat all about?!" Ranma yelled as the silliness became too much for him.
Said silliness went into overtime as a midget with a horn walked into his line of sight.
Ranma did the only intelligent thing he could think of.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
He screamed in exasperation, not to be confused with abject paranoia even though The Wizard of Oz always did make him a bit twitchy. Dealings with Happosai and Cologne would give anyone an adverse reaction to very small people.
He was also ignoring the fact that the newcomer was actually about half his size, as opposed to a quarter of it. It was like looking at a horned third grader.
Maybe it was the horn that sent Ranma into fits.
Yeah, that's it. Horny third graders would worry anybody.
Especially the parents of said third graders. Certain urges may be natural and all, but there's a time and a place for that stuff!
"Welcome girls from another world... Wait. I thought there were supposed to be three girls, not one girl and two guys. Screw it. I am Mage Master Clef, and you have been brought to Cephiro, the Land of Will where the heart rules all. We are also well known for our onsen resorts and random monster safari trips. Cephiro is the prime exporter of snozberry flavored edible panties."
The trio facefaulted.
"On a more serious note, we need you three to become the Legendary Magic Knights to save Emeraude, the Pillar of Cephiro from the High Priest Zagato."
Ranma looked at the strange kid in front of him.
"So, all we have to to is kick this Zagato guy's ass and we get to go home right?"
"That's about the gist of it, yeah."
"Alright. Come on guys. Lets show this guy what it means to screw with Ranma Saotome! as long as he doesn't challenge me to Martial Arts Housekeeping, we got this one in the bag! If he does, we'll let Ucchan fight him."
Akane glared at the arrogant youth. "And what am I, chopped liver?"
Ranma Saotome was arguably the world's greatest martial artists, amongst the strongest beings in eastern hemisphere, and an amazingly adaptive fighter. He was also one of the premier students of the revised Ankle Biter school of martial arts. Allow him to demonstrate his skills...
"Chopped liver would be an improvement you sexless tomboy."
For those who missed it, let me break it down.
Step one: Open mouth.
Step Two: Insert foot.
Step Three: Chew vigorously.
Step Four: Repeat as often as possible.
Thus do you temper your body to withstand ever increasing damage from attack. At least, that's what I think the purpose of this particular exercise is...
Had they still been on their home world, Ranma would have been belted into LEO (lower Earth orbit).
Since they weren't, Akane decided that LCO (lower Cephiro orbit) would have to work just as well.
Maybe the Ankle Biter style is used as an economic method of long distance travel...
After colliding with a large crystalised fortress floating in the sky, Ranma decided to get directions to this Zagato guy.
After wandering the palace-like structure for an hour, he came across a familiar face.
"Ryoga?! What are you doing here?"
"Ranma?! Why are you in Hokkaido?"
"What is it with you and Hokkaido?"
"Answer the question damnit!"
"I ain't in Hokkaido, and neither are you P-chan!"
"Who are you calling P-chan you bastard!"
"What are either of you doing in my fortress?"
Both martial artists turned to the new arrival, not paying attention the the huge shoulder armor, headdress, or fancy cape that clearly marked him as a 'Bad Guy'.
"Stay outta this you jackass!" the young men yelled in unison. Neither was aware that they were channeling Ukyo at that particular juncture.
High Priest Zagato marveled at these two strange beings and privately acknowledged their bravery to tell him off like that, but it was quite rude to insult your host. Even if he is the 'Bad Guy'.
He soon learned what so many residents of the Nerima district had learned long ago.
Never get between Ranma and Ryoga. Ever.
A few shi shi hokodans, moko takabishas, bakusai tenketsus, hiryu shoten has, and numerous other attacks, Zagato's fortress was in shambles.
Said high priest was also in a corner crying like a school girl with a skinned knee waving the white flag, which just happened to be fashioned from his lace fringed hanky.
And so the Pillar of Cephiro was saved from the 'evil' clutches of Zagato, which, as it would turn out, was a bad thing since Emeraude was in love with the fruitcake and couldn't wish for Cephiro's safety anymore, so the world went to hell anyway.
The Furinkan Trio and Ryoga were given a lifetime ban and not even allowed to buy snozberry flavored edible panties for the remainder of their natural lives, though it was mentioned that someone could give them some as a gift if they chose. Akane and Ukyo were a little miffed about the ban themselves since they had little to do with the disaster, but given they had no way of coming back on their own they decided not to press the issue.
Ranma decided that this adventure consisted as a fairly normal day for him and went to sleep the second he was done eating dinner.
Akane on the other hand was too busy wondering why Nabiki was serving dinner and Kasumi was balancing a checkbook, but figured it had something to do with the time-space continuum warping reality in a 90 degree angle before inverting itself three times, followed by two Salchows and a triple Lutz while wearing a blindfold, but what did she know?
Fin
A/N: Come on, you know you loved it! I figured the main protaginists of two different anime having the same hair style was enough of a reason for a crossover, especially since crossovers have been written for less. Far less. I mean, how do you cross Gravitation with Saiyuki, honestly? Well, maybe that author decided that Yuki and Sanzo having the same hair stylist was enough of a reason too... And they both smoke... And abuse the ones who love them... Maybe Shuichi and Goku compare note on weekends...
Screw it. Write this one up as another crossover parody. I'm not sure where else it'll fit.
I do so love sharing my insanity ;P
As always, comments, reviews, flames, questions, and recommendations for good padded rooms are welcome, ecouraged, and fawned over.
I'm serious about the padded room. I like throwing myself around in them. You should try it sometime ;P