Last Words
A.N.: 3x09 featuring a soulmate AU. Because this just popped into my head one day and I love making myself suffer. Dialogue taken directly from the episode.
She was born with the three words etched onto the skin of her rib cage, all in neat, capital letters spreading from the fourth rib to the sixth one.
Felicity had a strange fondness for the words, because she found something both sad and oddly comforting in them.
Sad, because the words represent the last thing her soulmate will ever say to her and Felicity always shudders at the thought. The odd comfort they provide, though, is what they are. Three words, spreading from her fourth rib to the sixth on her left side. Three words.
I love you.
She finds something so romantic in them; that the last words her soulmate - whoever it ends up being - will ever say form a declaration of love.
Felicity loved her words.
(Until one day, she didn't.)
He's looking at her with such pain in his eyes and oh, God, does she love him but she can't, she can't.
Oliver is off to get himself killed, and she can't find it in herself to let him do that.
"So, you're going.", it's more of a statement than a question, and the words leave a bad taste in her mouth. Oliver nods. "To Nanda Parbat."
Oliver shakes his head this time. "No.", he replies and Felicity can feel hope growing in her chest. Maybe he's got a brain, maybe he won't be stupid this time, maybe- "It's a neutral site.", her hope falls. "It'll be fine.", he says, but Felicity can't say she believes him. There's this tone in his voice, as if he's content with whatever happens. "I'll come back, Thea will be okay."
That, that last part; that's why she can't hate him. That's why she can't get angry at him. Because Oliver is doing all of this for Thea – for his sister, giving his life so she can have hers (and it's all just so Oliver; thinking that he owes something to everyone – Thea above all – especially after all those years) – and she honest to God can't be a bitch about it. It's not who she is.
"I wish that sounded more convincing.", she says honestly. "I wish you wouldn't go but I know better so I'm not going to ak you to stay."
"I appreciate that."
She nods. "But there is one thing I need to ask you to do, and you're not going to want to.", Felicity continues. She has to say it, has to ask him this one thing because maybe just this once he'll listen.
Oliver looks at her. "If it's you asking, I'll do it.", he says and there's that damn look in his eyes again that makes her suddenly hypersensitive to the tattoo that she's had since the day she was born.
"Kill him. Kill Ra's al Ghul.", she says with conviction and the words are so foreign coming out of her mouth. She never thought she'd ever be in a position to have to utter those words, but she is and for once she needs Oliver to listen. She knows that it's not him anymore, that he's not a killer, but there is always a time when rules need to be broken, no matter how much we don't want to.
She doesn't doubt that he can win. She doesn't doubt that he can take down Ra's al Ghul. But she doubts that he is too human to kill that monster, and that Ra's will us that against him, and she makes sure Oliver knows all of her thoughts – although there is a part of her that feels like he knows her better than she knows herself.
"Felicity, I honestly don't know if I'm a killer anymore.", Oliver says. "But I do know two things. The first is that – whoever I am – I am someone that will do whatever – whatever – it takes to save my sister.", he says and Felicity knows that, knows him to his core. She loves that about him – this devotion that he has to his family – and she never expected anything else from him.
Oliver turns to leave, but she stops him by speaking: "And the second thing?", she asks being half afraid of what he will say.
Oliver looks at her and she knows. She doesn't have the time to interrupt him.
"I love you."
He leaves, then, and Felicity tries to find it in herself to scream after him, to make him reply something, because this can't be happening, it cannot be happening.
She wasn't supposed to lose her soulmate this early.
Felicity falls down on the chair, sobbing, and she can't breathe anymore. Tears stream down her cheeks faster than they ever had, and she moves her hands to hug herself, as if she's trying to find some comfort, but the movement only reminds her of the words tattooed on her ribs since the day she was born and she wants to claw them off.
I love you.
She thought those words would bring her comfort, but they brought nothing but more pain.
Felicity loved her words.
Until one day, when she hated them with a passion hotter than a thousand suns.