Hello! I have write another oneshot and this one is inspired from one of my dear friend's amazingly writting poem (luneviswriting. tumblr post/88642864080/ im-scared-to-love-you-a-freeverse-poem remove the space). Some of the content in this story is reference to the poem. I hope you enjoy it and Reviews will be much appreciated. In this story, Ara is 17 and Add is 13. ***Warning***: This story contains domestic abuse, domestic violence, self harm, self loathing, depression, alcoholism and character death. Please read with caution, you have been warn.
Look For Me in the Stars (and Make a Wish)
A small one shot dedicated to my dear friend. You know who you are love.
Legend says that there is this special star that only appear every thousand year, if you find it and make a wish on it then your wish will be granted. It's was just a silly story that was told around in Ara's childhood, she never once believed in it. It was a silly thing, looking for something that doesn't exist and then wish on it for something that will surely never happen. It was a story that her brother Aren always told her when they were children and now the story is her only memento from her brother.
Ara sighed as she brushed a lock of ebony hair away from her face. Looking up the young girl glance at the vast night sky. silver shining stars decorated the night sky with their brilliance as the moon embrace the world with her dazzling soft moonlight. A soft breeze danced around the huge field, fireflies come out with their buzzing light and the flowers envelope the place with their flowery scent. Ara suddenly found herself relaxing in the scenery, the dark navy blue sky reminded her of her brother. Cool, mellow and relaxing. She closed her eyes for that one second as she laid on the grassy field, the wind whispering softly against her ears with silent lullaby of the moon. The grass brushes against her in a soft and caressing way, like how her brother would brush away her hair before giving a warming kiss on top of her forehead. For a moment she felt like she was somewhere else, all of her stress and tension were gone in an instant, like someone had taken all those burden away from her fragile shoulders.
Suddenly Ara was flooded with sorrow, her heart ached in ways she could not describe. Her eyes were burning as hot tears flooded out, she could feel every single emotion that she was holding back is breaking out. She let it all out, she cried loudly for her brother to come back, she cried for the peaceful times when her parents were happy. She cried and wept for those times when she knew what happiness meant, she screamed for those times when every slap from her parents sting with pain, she yelled for the time when she learnt that Aren is dead from hitting a car when he ran away. Ara curled herself up into a small ball, wishing that maybe if she is small enough; then maybe she could slip away from the cruelty of the world. She continue to blame herself, for every sip of alcohol her father takes in, every tears her mother shed and every single realisation that they had when they lost their golden boy.
Ara wished that she was never born, never existed and maybe her family would've been happy. If she never existed then Aren wouldn't have ran away and died, if she never existed then mother and father would've been happy together. No more glass shards, not more screaming, no more tears and no more pain. It would be just peace and happiness, yes, without Ara Haan. She clutched her wrist tightly, the burning numbing pain from earlier on is still there. It was a reminder that she is alive, her anchor in this world, in this madness. Opening her teary eyes, Ara looked down. Bright red slits of her pain sitting on her pale white wrist contrasting greatly against the pale complexion. A small sad smile appeared on her face, when had her life changed into this? Closing her eyes again, Ara wished that maybe this breath that she is taking in would be her last one.
"Blue is a pretty colour isn't it?" A soft voice whispered next to her. Ara opened her eyes and sat up quickly as she turned to her right, rubbing her tears away Ara could see a small boy sitting next to her. His eyes were exotic violet, his hair is white, pure snow white along with his clothing. Ara looked at the boy confusedly as she wondered when was this little boy here? Did he hear her crying earlier on? Oh this is so embarrassing. The mentioned boy looked down from the night sky and stared right at Ara in the eyes. Ara was surprised about the other's eyes, it was ethereal, almost unnatural even.
"Why were you crying?" There was that soft voice again. Ara looked at the boy, biting her lips softly, unsure on what to say.
"I...I losted my brother recently." She wanted to sound brave but her voice broke at the word lost. Dead should be the proper word but Ara didn't have the power to say it, she's a coward like that. The boy continued to stare at her intently before moving his gaze at the sky once more.
"Oh…" He started, "That sucks." was all he said. There was no pity, nothing. Ara didn't know what to say to it. Should she get angry about it? Or just shrug it off? But she was too drained, physically, mentally and emotionally to even care. She just nodded and looked up at the sky once more wondering what is it that makes it so integrating.
"Blue is a pretty colour isn't it?" The boy asks once more. Ara paused for a moment as she wonder what is the boy even talking about. They are strangers for christ sake and she didn't even know where he even came from. But something within Ara compelled her to reply to the boy's question.
"I hate blue." She blurts out, looking down Ara didn't want to face the boy. She just killed the conversation right there. The little boy would just hate her, or ignore her. Like what everyone does.
"Why?" The boy looked back down from the sky and at Ara, it was soft but yet strong at the same time. It wasn't demanding, just a small innocent curious question. Ara didn't even know why the boy is still talking to her. Didn't his parents teach him to not talk to random strangers? But Ara didn't say anything and looked up.
"Because it's sad. I don't want to be sad." Memories flow back of the times when her parents actually cared for her. When they actually smiled and talked to her with love and care. It reminded her how happy it was when she was little, so innocent and pure from the world.
"Then don't be." The boy replied smoothly, a beat after Ara's reply. Ara was taken by the other's answer as she stared at the boy with disbelief. Is the boy serious about this? What did he know about the world? What did he know about her problems? What did he know about her pain? Ara wanted to yell at the boy in front of her. She just hated how innocent he looked, how pure and how ignorant of the world he is in. How happy he is and how careless he was saying those words. But somehow Ara couldn't bring himself to yell at the boy. She stared at the boy and somehow he reminded her of her in the past. It reminded how innocent she was and how happy and pure. It turned her anger into sorrow, not the one where she want to cry, just this mellow sadness where it just sits in her brain.
"If you don't want to be sad, then don't be." The boy continued, he broke off their staring contest and went back to gazing at the sky. "Blue is my favourite colour because it's a sad colour. But did you realise that the sky is blue? The ocean is blue. And the night sky is blue. The world is sad, always sad. But then you would always find that small happiness in that blue. Like how there will always be a sun in the sky, a moon and stars in the night sky, fishes in the ocean. If you don't want to be sad, then don't. No one is telling you to be sad. Then why are you sad?" Ara froze there for a second as she let the other's words sink in. She looked at the boy and then at the night sky again and back at the small little boy who just uttered those words at her. She didn't know what to say, speechless she just opened her mouth and closed it once more.
"I-" Ara closed her mouth again as she stared at boy. Though the boy looked unfazed by his own words and just choose to silently gaze at the stars once more.
"I like orange." Ara replied, she doesn't even know what she is saying anymore. Something within her tells her to just blurt it out. Because she knows that this boy will listen to her.
"Orange fits you. It's a happy colour." Was his reply. Somehow a warm feeling bloomed in Ara's chest. It felt like someone had just hugged her tightly and whispered 'everything will be alright now Ara'. Never once someone had said those words to her, not after her brother died. And yet here is a strange little white hair boy sitting next to her telling her words of something that no one ever told her. Not even her parents.
"I like orange too. It's bright and pretty. It's a good colour." The boy continue to muse as his hands went to pick some grass. Ara watched his boney pale hand wrap around the plant. Somehow Ara just want to hug the boy and just protect him from the world, it was a weird feeling but Ara knew that it was a creepy thing to do. Especially to a child like this boy.
"Thank you." Was all Ara could say, she felt happy, she felt her mouth moving up slowly. She was smiling, and yet she thought that she lost the ability to do so a long time ago. But no, she looked up and laughed. She laughed to her heart's content. She felt a rush of happiness, everything that was sad and dark just became laughter. She didn't know what she was laughing about but she just wanted to laugh. To smile and to laugh, and she couldn't stop.
When she looked back, the boy was gone. Disappeared. Ara sudden felt alone and sad once more. Her smile dropped as her only companion just left her. ONce again she is alone and it didn't surprise Ara one bit. Happiness doesn't last forever and she guess that it is true. But before her smile could drop more, a single orange flower bloomed in his place. It was weird, was that flower there earlier on? Curious Ara leaned in to inspect the flower. What surprised her was the tangy citrus smell that waved into her nose. Once again, Ara smiled once more, she looked at the flower, admiring the orange and yellow. Even though it is midnight, the flower shined brightly in the dark, like a light in the darkness.
'Orange fits you. It's a happy colour.' Ara smiled brighter at the words of the other as she picked up the flower gently. She buried her nose into the flower to intake more of the tangy citrus smell. She hugged it carefully against her beating chest, Ara takes in another deep breath as she looked up at the sky. It was no longer her numbing pain that anchored her, it was her thumping heart against the orange flower and the tangy smell; reminding her that even though everywhere there is darkness, there will always be a small ray of light somewhere. Ara looked up and she sees it, a small but yet bright star, shining brightly against all other. A small violet halo surrounds that star and then it came into her mind. It was that star, that star her brother told her so much about. Quickly Ara closed her eyes and made a small wish, a smile was on her face as she held her flower tightly.
'I wish I can meet that weird boy once more. I never really did catched his name.'
A small breeze whisper by and Ara opened her eyes, she looked around,quickly but she sees no one. She swears she just heard someone talk and it sounded awfully like that boy. But she quickly got up knowing that she needs to get home now. With a new found hope, Ara got up and walk off, she turned back again and looked at the scenery again. She had a deep feeling in her heart that she would come back again, and she would see that boy once more. Clutching her flower tightly Ara ran off, not noticing a small white hair boy standing there with a smile on his face.
'My name is Add, nice to meet you Orange Lady. Hope we see each other again.'
Neither did Ara realise that the white hair boy she was talking to was infact a boy who suicided in the field a few thousand years ago. He was driven by insanity and jumped off the cliff, legend says that his soul became a star and every thousand years. If someone could find him; then he shall grant that person a wish.
'In every sadness there will be a happiness. The world is never that cruel, and it was never that happy. But if you search hard enough, you will be rewarded. And hopefully you can live through it and tell the tale to the next person.'
The flower that Ara holds in the end is called a Marigold. It repersents Grief and flower of the dead. Commonly used in the Day of the Dead ceremonies.