Brittany doesn't own Star Wars (or anything else she writes about on here)
Brittany: Shut up, you voice in my head!
Voice in head: Oh, get over it.
Brittany: scream faint
V IH. :On with the story, don't mind her, she's simply bored.
You were right
I was always different from the other Jedi. This was no kind of assumption or thought of pride; I really was. I was the only Jedi who was too old to begin training, but they began anyway. My blood pretty much encompassed the force. I was stronger than most masters, but was still a padawan.
But I... I allowed myself to fall in love.
She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Before then, I had no idea what beauty was. There wasn't much that was pretty on Tantooine, a planet run the Hutts and worked by the slaves, like myself. There suns were pretty when they were setting, but beauty- I had never seen.
I thought Padme was an angel. At the time, this was innocence- as much innocence a child can have on Tantooine- the beauty I saw in her made the innocence in my mind believe she was something other worldly; a guide, a messenger...an angel. I loved her from that moment on.
Many years later, we were married, and still, to me, she always remained that absolutely beautiful being I had met on Tantooine. She lived and died through love and hate, but always she remained the same. I loved her so dearly; I could never get her out of my mind or my dreams.
But that- that led me to where I am now. I know this now, after so many years of thought and yearning. Padme is gone- I know I killed her. The evil in me, caused partly by her, cause partly by my dreams, cause mostly by Palpatine, had risen and taken me over. It had killed her. I hated myself all those years, as the Empire slowly grew under my orders; orders which came from Palpatine regularly. I built the Empire; the Empire that she refused to rule with me. And all those years, I lived in the dark; her beauty still residing in my mind and in my dreams. I wished I could feel her presence again, that I could sense her perfect loveliness nearby, but never could I feel it. Padme was dead; with no hope of return.
She had been pregnant before she died. I always assumed that the child was dead as well. Everyone went to her funeral. She was so beloved to so many. The Queen of Naboo, who I'd found so beautiful.
But the child- children- was- were- not dead. But it didn't matter, they were rebels. I was the Empire.
I felt it when I captured Leia Organa and made her watch Alderaan be destroyed. I felt something, but what I wasn't sure. I felt sadness when she spoke so defiantly to me, as if I were evil. Perhaps I am.
I hated myself even more- but never quit. I still built the empire. I had nothing but the Empire to live for; nothing to understand, no chance of redemption. I had sinned too much, beginning from being different from all the other Jedi. There is no chance of redemption because today I will kill my son. He won't turn, I can feel it as he stands beside me. Luke will have the strength I didn't have. He will destroy no one in the way that I destroyed his mother, the woman I loved. And I will be forced to kill him. There is no chance at redemption.
The Emporer stands before me and my son, watching and observing us with amused dignity. I hate him- but I am bound to him. It was he would made me what I am. It was he who made me kille my wife, the beautiful angel of my heart. But I am bound to him.
He lays out his terms to the boy, as do I. Join us... or die.
Luke would rather die.
Then that is what he will do...
"You cannot hide forever, Luke," I tell him.
"I will not fight you," says his voice from somewhere nearby.
"Give yourself to the dark side." I say, knowing it is the only chance I have of not being obliged to kill my son. My mind races. "It is the only way you can save your friends. Yes..." his thoughts come to me clearly, as the bond between us strengthens. "your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong... espeacially for...sister. So, you have a twin sister..." is that what I felt? That Leia Organa was really my daughter? Something deep down inside of must have told me, that must have been what I felt. Luke and Leia had been two names that Padme really liked... she had twins. "Your feelings have now betrayed her too. Obiwan was wise to hide her from me. Now his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the dark side...then perhaps she will."
I feel his surge of anger then. He lashed out at me with his lightsaber, coming at me with all his force and hate until he beats me down, cutting off my already mechanical hand. For a moment, just a moment, I black out. "now...fulfill your destiny, take your father's place at my side."
"Never" says Luke and throws down his lightsaber. "I'll never turn to the Dark Side. You failed, your Highness. I am a Jedi: like my father before me."
What is it that I feel now? Pride?
"So be it, Jedi."
And Palpatine advances on my son. "If you will not be turned; you will be destroyed."
That familiar crackling sound reached my hearing and I know what Palpatine is doing to my son. The electricity coming from him will be too much for Luke to live through for too long. What do I do? Who do I save? My son... or the man who lead me to kill my wife? I muster the strength to stand and take the place so familiar to me behind Palpatine.
"Young fool," says the Emporer, almost dreamily. "Only now, at the end, do you understand. "
He attacks again. Luke resists. "Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the Dark Side." Another attack. Luke falls to the floor. With his hands up, the Emporer continues: "You will pay the price for your lack of vision."
I watch and then I hear it: "Father, Please!" I do not deserved to be called Father after all this. He reminds me of Padme, begging me to stop this madness, but he is in too much pain to cry after me, because of me, like Padme. I feel a sting in me, as I remember the feeling of that terrible, powerful bolt. I stare, back and forth between them. For just a moment, the attack stops.
"Now, young Skywalker, you will die."
Luke lies there, writhing in pain and the attack hits him worse than ever. A thousand images run through my head. Padme, how beautiful she looked when we first met. The angel who made me what I am. ObiWan, my teacher and friend. Yoda, so wise and Mace Windu, so strong.
I killed them all, either directly or indirectly.
I remember Qui-Gon Jinn and how kind he was to me, freeing me from slavery and leading me too this life. I was to be the chosen one. The force filled me before I ever learned. If it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't be here now.
And my mother, my dear mother. She raised me on her own, unsure of how I came to be. She loved me and accepted me. She did the best she could. I took out such a revenge for her when the sand people killed her.
How had I come to be?
His words echo in my mind... the power to create life. I stare at him for one last moment as Luke screams for me again. That's it.
It's all his fault. His fault I am here. His fault I am alive. It's his fault that I will never be redeemed. But if I can kill him, at least I will have that off my consience as I burn in hell. I grab him and take him to the edge of the chasm. The electricity surges through me, but I hradly notice it now. I toss him over the edge and I watch him fall into the chasm below.
As he falls, I remember everything. The first time I stood before the Jedi Council as a child. Qui-Gon's funeral. Training with ObiWan. Fighting Dooku, losing my arm. Marrying the woman I loved. Then dreaming of her death. The War, fighting Obiwan. Losing my body to the flame. Meeting Luke Skywalker. ... my thoughts out number the seconds I have to think them before I find myself dying.
"Luke... take off my mask... I want to see you... with my own eyes."
"But you will die."
"Nothing can stop that now."
He was right. I still had good in me. I want him and Leia to know. I wish I could take it all back. Everything I did. "You were right, Luke. Tell your sister... you were right."
Okay, maybe not very Vader-esque, but I wanted to write soemthing about the confusion that Vader had in his mind in the last hours of his life, as he remenises about what he has done.