It seemed like forever since they had any downtime after training, but as of now they had relocated and had been helping transfer supplies for the troops coming in. Mikasa was just bringing in the last of the boxes, a whole stack of four to be exact. Passing by Eren who seemed to be struggling with just one, she offered to help but like any other time he dismissed her tendencies to baby him at times saying he could do it himself. Giving a nod she brought in the rest of the boxes setting them down and giving a small smile to herself hearing him continue to struggle and complain about whatever was in the boxes that made them heavy. The reason she could so easily lift those boxes was that she had been working so hard on building upper body strength for her own reasons.
Mikasa! Take Eren and go!
Holding her head gently, she closed her eyes hearing Carla's voice echo in her mind. The flashback to the woman under the wooden beam yelling for them to get away and save themselves was too much. She remembered letting Hannes take them away from the scene, he couldn't fight that titan. None of them could. At that time, Mikasa never wanted to look back when they were running away. She feared the look in her eyes, begging for them to come back. To not leave her behind. Even with that sheer determination, the black haired child had looked back anyway, just for a moment. The sight she was saw was enough to break her, of course she hid that pain by clutching at her red scarf gently. What she saw was Carla crying and covering her mouth, she didn't need to be right there to know what she was saying. She didn't need to be up close to see that her heart was breaking to see them leave. Tearing her eyes away from the scene, the next part that came was Carla screaming and then it suddenly stopped with a rip of the flesh. Eren's yell soon followed then silence. She knew neither of them would ever be the same after that.
Coming to reality back from the memory, she went to her room changing into her workout clothes. Rubbing her temples gently, she started to walk to the workout room and caught a look of a scene with Jean confronting Connie and Sasha about god knows what. Their presence was relieving to an extent, especially Sasha's. Even if she was most of the time positive or hungry so to speak, she very well knew the grim reality they faced from joining the training corps. Remembering the time she tried to feed her bread in the dining hall, she was probably the first friend she made that was a girl. They had interacted every now and then after that, but during that mission to take back the supply headquarters in Trost she wasn't quite so afraid in the plan going wrong since she had faith in Armin. Although if things did, Mikasa would make sure that no one's life would be taken from said plan. When the signal was cued, they shot the titans right in the eyes and everyone executed their attack on the titans successfully. All except for one. Mikasa had looked over seeing that Sasha was in a state of frozen fear, she hadn't been able to take down her titan. Moving quickly before the brunette was to be eaten, she took down the titan swiftly. She wasn't about to lose something else precious to her. Accepting the brunette's overly gracious thanks, she could only maintain her stoic composure. Arriving at the workout room, she practiced her punches first then started lifting weights.
If only I had been stronger, I could have saved Carla.
Continuing to lift the weights, it was almost effortless as she let out a small breath feeling a few beads of sweat form on her arms.
If only I could have lifted that wooden beam, then maybe she would still be alive. Why did I have to be so weak?
Setting the weights down, she held her head looking down at the ground attempting to force back tears that threatened to fall but a few managed to hit the ground. Allowing herself for just a moment to have the emotional breakdown, that's when Sasha was walking down the hall but the sound of soft crying stopped her. Finishing her snack she had from earlier, she peeked into the room seeing the one of the strongest soldiers in their division..well crying. It was quite a sight, she had never seen Mikasa express emotion like and this and honestly it only reminded Sasha that the girl was only human. Feeling compelled to speak to her knowing that she probably didn't have anyone to speak to this about, Sasha walked in as the black haired girl looked up and quickly wiped a few of her tears away.
"Sasha..did you need something?"
"No. But I think you do."
"Don't be ridiculous, I was..it was just sweat."
"Sweat doesn't come out of your eyes last I checked."
Kneeling down in front of the girl, her brown eyes looked at her with a warm gaze wanting to show she meant no harm or malice. "Do you want to talk about it? Or have someone listen? I can do both. I might not be that strong a soldier, but I have a strong heart to make up for it." She said giving a cheeky grin that made Mikasa look away a bit. Such kindness directed toward her was unexpectedly warm and unconditional. Thinking for a moment, she gave a nod and spoke, "It might be hard to believe, but I've lost important people to me…because I wasn't strong enough to save them. Everyone thinks that I'm one of humanity's strongest soldiers..but how can that be true? I'm only strong because I couldn't save the people that mattered to me the most. I just.." Feeling tears begin to emerge again, she felt arms envelop her in a warm embrace. Her eyes widened as she hesitated to return the hug, but slowly she melted into the embrace with the brunette burying her face into her shoulder attempting to suppress her soft cries. Sasha always knew she was putting up this sort of wall to hide something from her past. Heck the brunette herself even hid her accent in fear of what others would think of her. "We've lost a lot of people, those close to us and ones we barely even knew. It was a huge realization to me that we can actually die any day now out there, especially for those who join the Survey Corps. Mikasa look at me." Following her instruction, she did so meeting her eyes as the brunette had teared up slightly as well, "Those people might be gone, but it doesn't mean we won't forget about them. They're still with us, hoping that we can fight to have lives free from the fear of the titans." Swallowing hard, she spoke again, "We can fight them together, okay?" The black haired girl wasn't sure why, but the last sentence in itself was somehow..well reassuring. Maybe Eren and Armin weren't the only ones she was afraid of losing. Mikasa nodded silently, hugging her once more before calming down and returning to her usual activities.
The next day a few of them were assigned on a mission to assist the Survey Corps in capturing a smaller scale titan under the command of Hanji Zoe. Among them, Mikasa had been assigned along with Sasha and Eren as well as a couple of other soldiers from different divisions. Of course many of them had plenty of training on either weakening or bringing down titans. If it was a smaller scaled one then they didn't have much to worry about. Regardless, Mikasa still worried for Eren and even Sasha's sake but knew that she could take care of herself for the most part. Heading out on horseback, they rode off to a desolate location near the forest. Seeing their target in the area, they implemented the plan first bringing it down by hacking at its ankles. Everything seemed to be going smoothly, that is until an aberrant showed up. Three of them, including Sasha and Mikasa attempted to lead it away but the aberrant lunged for the brunette who had her horse knocked away from right underneath her as she rolled along the ground hitting her head harshly on something. The impact knocked her out as she lay there subconsciously feeling the titan pick her up to meet her fate. From out of nowhere, Mikasa flew up and sliced away at the nape of the neck effortlessly as the titan fell. "Sasha?" After landing, she looked for the brunette seeing she was still trapped in its hand. Cutting away at the flesh, she hoisted the brunette up and hugged her close listening for a heartbeat. Not hearing anything at first, her eyes widened as she shook her head, "No Sasha, you can't die here. Not now, please." Clutching at her tightly, she closed her eyes. It felt like the time she thought she had lost Eren, like her heart was breaking all over again. "I can't be too late..not again." Her eyes shot open feeling a hand move up to touch her hair as she look at the brunette with her gray pupils to see that she was indeed alive.
"God don't scare me like that."
"I'm alright, Mikasa. You don't need to worry about me."
"But if I don't, then who else is going to keep saving you from titans? Definitely not Connie."
Sasha gave a small smile hugging her close and nodded, "I told you that we'd fight together, didn't I? You have me here and now."
"I do?" Smiling slightly, Mikasa met her eyes again. Her heart was beating and she was still the same Sasha she knew from day one. Suddenly the black haired girl didn't feel so alone anymore finding that the burden on her shoulders had lifted a bit.
"Always."