Summary: Carter spends three years in the Congo, searching for what he can never hope to find. When he returns to Chicago, things aren't exactly as he left them.

Chapter 1

"We have to tell him."

Greg shook his head definitively. "What for? So he can go back to America, and we'll be short again?"

"Greg, he needs to move on with his life. Nothing anyone says is going to change that, and he'll be stuck in this rut until he sees her."

"Why do it? And dash his hopes? As least now, he lives in his happy little world where he thinks someday, he will be reunited with his son. If we tell him, he'll realize that it's all over."

"And that's a bad thing?" Greg didn't answer. "Look, Greg, I know how much you need doctors out here. But we both know that the only reason he's here is because he's looking for her. Are you really going to be able to live with yourself if you know that she's here and you don't tell him?"

Greg shook his head in resignation. "Fine. You tell him. And when he goes home as soon as he sees her, don't say I didn't warn you."

________________________________________________

"Oh, thank you so much doctor. You have saved my son life. I owe you my life." The woman's English was broken, but her gratitude was apparent.

Carter smiled at her. "You're very welcome," He said, patting her son on the head. She smiled at him. "Now you make sure he takes the pills I gave you, okay?"

"I will. I will. Thank you doctor." The woman smiled gratefully one more time, then she left.

Carter was arranging the meager medical supplies when Debbie entered the room. He could tell by the look on her face that something was wrong. "What is it?" he asked anxiously.

"She's here" was all Debbie needed to say. Carter immediately knew who she meant.

"She's here?" he repeated, echoing her words, almost unable to believe them. After three years of searching, he had finally found her! "Where is she?"

"Staying in the village. We are picking up supplies there today." She paused for a moment. "John, she does not know you are coming. Do not be surprised if things don't turn out the way you expect them to."

But Carter's mind was made up. "Let's go," he said.

________________________________________________

No one knew where she was. Carter waited as the crew loaded the boxes with infuriating slowness. He glanced around the nearly vacant street, but there was no sign of her. That was when he noticed the baby wandering the street, seemingly alone.

Carter approached the little boy, who was about two years old. He had chocolate brown skin and was wearing a one piece jumpsuit. His short, stubby legs propelled him along the dirt road at maximum speed.

"Hey there, little fella," Carter said, squatting so he was at the boy's level. "Where's your Mommy?"

The boy simply stared back at him. Carter realized he probably didn't speak English.

Carter looked around. He saw no woman, frantically searching for her missing toddler. Who would leave a baby out in the street like this?

"John! Come here!"

Carter at first thought the woman was talking to him, but he realized that the baby had responded to the name, and was now walking towards her. His voice caught in his throat when he realized who she was. He stood and approached her, heart beating faster at the sight of her. "Kem! I've been looking for you." For three years, he thought.

Kem looked around, as if searching for a path of escape. "John. I'm...I'm so sorry about leaving like that. My mother asked me to come home to have the baby, and then...I just didn't know what to do."

"You could've called me," he said, trying his best not to sound accusing. "I just wanted to see my son."

At this, Kem looked down. Why did he get the feeling she was hiding something from him? "I...send you a letter. To your address in the states."

"I haven't been back there since you left," Carter admitted.

"Oh, John," Kem said, shaking her head woefully. "That's what I was trying to tell you. That's what I said in the letter."

"What?" Carter asked, confused.

Kem stared at him for a while, then her face hardened, as if she had made up her mind to do something. "John, this...this is my son."

As Carter stared at the little boy, his mind tried to make sense of what she was saying. But this couldn't be his son. This boy was African!

Suddenly, Carter realized what Kem had said. My son. Not our son, not your son.

"Well, where's my son?" Carter said, trying to believe what he knew wasn't true.

Kem's face was pained. "I'm sorry, John. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought it was yours, I really did. But when I gave birth, and I saw him, I knew-" Kem's voice broke off, and she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. "Please forgive me. I had no idea that you were over here all this time looking for me."

"But you told me you were coming back to Africa! You said you were!" Carter said, sounding much like a child whining to its mother.

"I know, and I never meant to cause you this kind of inconvenience. I've been back home. My family has helped me to take care of him." Little John tugged on Kem's hand. "I better go. Goodbye, John."

And Carter, shocked by her words, could only stare after her as she walked away.

_________________________________________________________

"You knew, didn't you?"

Debbie and Greg's guilty faces were enough to answer this question.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

His words were angry. He was mad, and he had to take it out on someone. The one he was mad at was already gone.

No, the one he was really mad at was himself. How could he have blinded himself to this? Why had he spent three years in the Congo searching for a son he didn't even have?

"None of us knew for sure-"

"You could have at least told me you were suspicious. Maybe then I wouldn't have wasted three years over here."

"You wouldn't have listened to us. You had your mind set on finding her, and nothing we could have said would have changed that."

Deep down, Carter knew she was right. Kem telling him she was pregnant had been one of the happiest moments of his life. He had gotten so excited at the thought of being a father, of taking a tiny little baby and molding them into a decent human being. He had bought baby toys; he had even had a room in the mansion decorated as a nursery. It seemed like he had been waiting for this his whole life.

And then, less that a week after they got to Chicago, Kem had left without a word. All he had was a note from her, saying she was going home to be with her family and she would be back. And that she was sorry.

He tried to find them, but it with no address, not even a name, he knew that finding them would be almost impossible. After a while, he thought that maybe she had gone back to Africa, to continue with the work she loved. So he went there too.

He had looked and looked and looked for months, then came the awful month when he realized that the baby must have been born by now. After several more months of looking, he had resigned himself that maybe she didn't want to be found. But she had cared so much about the work she did with Doctors without Borders; maybe she would be back. So he signed back up, worked as a field doctor for months. All the while, he kept up his search for her, knowing with each passing day that his son was growing older. He was almost desperate in his search; how could she keep his child away from him like this?

It had been 33 months now since she had given birth. And now, he had seen her son. Her son, not his. He had spent three years searching, and it was all for nothing.

Now, he wondered why he had wasted so much time here. And what was he supposed to do now? He couldn't stay here, continue working with these people who had seen him make such a fool of himself. Maybe it was finally time for him to go home.

____________________________________________________

"So you're really leaving us."

"I think it's time. I've spend three years over here chasing a dream. Now, I guess I need to move on with my life."

"But we need you here. You've done so much good over here; why stop now?"

"This couldn't last forever. I always said that I would be going home sometime. That time is now."

It was three weeks later that he finally left.

It felt strange, leaving the place that had become like a second home to him. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to go back to the states.

They had tried to talk him out of it. "Carter, you're one of the best doctors we're got, and you know we're short now. Couldn't you just stay for a few more weeks?"

Carter shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I've been here long enough. I need to go home."

"We'll miss you," said Debbie, hugging him briefly.

"I'll miss you too. All of you."

As he boarded the plane, they were all wondering who they would get to replace him, if anyone ever would. And Debbie was wondering if she had done the right thing in telling him about Kem's return.

She had; she knew it. There was no point in him chasing after his imaginary son any longer. But still, she hadn't expected him response to be so drastic.

Carter leaned his head back on the seat and closed his eyes. In a few hours, he would be back home.

__________________________________________________

"DOCTOR GRANGLEY!!!"

Grangley jumped up from the gurney, banging his head on the wall. "Oh, Dr. Weaver, hello."

"What are you doing?" Weaver hissed.

"It's my break, and I-"

"You have been here for two hours, and you've spent one of those in here sleeping."

"Well, I worked late last night, and I-"

"We are SWAMPED out there!"

"I know," he said, adjusting his tie, "But I'm on break."

Weaver scowled at him. "You know what? Take all the breaks you want. In fact, you can go take a break right now, and don't bother coming back."

Grangley was flabbergasted. "Are you firing me?"

"I sure am. We don't need any slackers here; our work is hard enough as it is."

"But you need me!" he said, pointing to the patients lining the halls.

"You overestimate you own importance," Weaver said, leaving the room. Of course, as soon as she saw how backed up things were, she asked herself, "Where am I going to find another attending?"

It was at that moment that Carter walked in the door.

______________________________________________________________________

"Hey there, Kyle!"

"Hi Haleh!" he said, raising his hand for a high five.

Haleh slapped his palm with her own. "You're getting so big! Pretty soon, you'll be working the desk here."

"Not if I have anything to say about it," said Frank, plopping a box of donuts down on the counter. "Where's your mom, pipsqueak?"

"Lounge," Kyle said, pointing to the door.

"See, only three years old, and he already knows the place like the back of his hand!" Sam commented. "Hey, maybe he can be the new attending."

"Anybody would be better than Grangley," Chuny commented.

"Oh, you guys didn't hear the news? Weaver already hired someone," Yosh said.

"Already?" Chuny checked her watch. "It's been, what, thirty minutes since Grangley left?"

"And good thing too. Last thing we need right now it to be short an attending."

Susan burst out of the lounge. "Doctor Lewis, can you take this-"

Susan waved Gallant off. "Nope, Kyle and I are going to the movies, right?" Kyle nodded.

"We're gonna see Bugs Bunny!" Kyle said.

Sam sighed. "I wouldn't mind a little Bugs Bunny right about now. Or lower union dues, either one."

"Bye Sam, bye Chuny, bye Haleh, bye Frank!" Kyle said, waving. He prided himself on knowing the names of everyone in the ER.

"So, who's the new attending?" Chuny asked Yosh.

"You aren't going to believe this. It's-"

"CARTER!" Chuny yelled, ruining Yosh's surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"That's what I was trying to tell you," Yosh said, exasperated. He's the new attending."

Chuny's jaw dropped. "Really? It's been what, like five years you've been gone?"

"Three," Carter corrected.

"Welcome back, Carter! So, what made you come back?" Haleh asked.

Carter shrugged, half-smiling. "This is my home. I loved working in Africa, but I always intended to come back to Chicago."

Weaver broke up the happy reunion. "I still see patients lining the hallway, so why are you all standing here talking?" she asked. The group immediately scattered. "And Carter, we need to get a few details ironed out. How soon can you start?" she asked.

"As soon as possible."

A/N: I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this story, but I figured I'd get it started so those creative juices wouldn't stagnate. If you have any comments, suggestions, etc, please leave them in the review section and I will sweep them all in a nice, tidy pile and jam them in my disk drive. Thank you. ~Taz