Weakness
By Arashi no Baka
Disclaimer: I own the ideas only. The characters involved are not mine.
Notes: A little Monologue I wrote for a friend. when I say little I mean tiny. The characters involved are best left to your imagination. I had my ideas when I wrote it, but its up to you.
I wish I had your strength.
Then maybe I could deal with this pain. The pain that threatens to choke me, and pull me under, into some dark hole that I wont be able to escape. Without you I am nothing. Would be nothing. And even as you tell me otherwise, I feel the slow pain in my heart increase.
Your eyes never lose that sparkle. Your voice, even now, is strong and clear. You never let on how weak your really are, determined to prove that you're not scared. But you are. I can read it in the way you move.
And I want to cry.
If you, with your all your strength and courage, are afraid, what hope does that leave me? I wish with all my heart that I could have more time. There's so much more we could have done…You never saw the sunset I promised you…I never took you to the park, to sit on that little bench by the lake…
So much we didn't do. And it will kill me. Not fast. But slowly and painfully.
Some say tears are a weakness. But as I look into your eyes, and see the unshed tears within, I know that they are not. Because with you, nothing is weakness. And the way your hand tightens in mine….I just wish I could be the strength you need me to be.
Because then I could take away your pain. And your fear. And I could make it all better. But I know that's not going to happen. Because I can't be that strong. You were always my strength. You were always the one that would stroke away my pain. Soothe me in the cold nights when I was afraid.
Time is against us, even as you tell me you'll live forever.
I can see the dimness to your eyes. The slowness of your breathing, and for the first time in my life I feel true fear. Not the childish panic of a thunderstorm. Not the fear you get when you see that spider in the bathroom. But true, honest to god, blinding terror that takes control of your every motion.
The terror that envelopes you in a thick blanket and threatens to destroy everything about you. And if you can rise out of that terror, you are indeed strong. If you can live on, After losing everything that meant so much to you, you are indeed the epitome of strength. And I know that, as your grip on my hand fails, and the light leaves your eyes, that I can be strong now.
Because I know you'll never be gone. Not truly. I know that somehow, I will find the courage to go on. Because in my heart you will live. But for now, I cry. Because I am losing everything that ever meant something to me. And, somehow, I hope you can understand my weakness.
Dear god. I can't believe I posted it!
Hope it worked for you Johnny boy!
R & R?