A/N. This is the first femslash that I have ever written... And I've written it for a challenge. Keep in mind it's 2am and this will probably be the most ridiculous thing you've ever read. Enjoy?
Deep in the midst of Cokeworth, England, a bit too close to Spinners End, two women were in the fling of passion in a moment of forbidden bliss.
Hidden amongst the shadows of the alleys and the fog were Lily Evans and Narcissa Black, the last two people you'd ever expect to be committing such... Revolting acts. It was raining, but by the way they seemed to be going at it, neither had even noticed.
I myself had been watching them for awhile, having been notified by an owl, wondering what to think. Watching them enfold themselves in their arms, layers of their gowns pressed together, lady parts rubbing against the other, lady lips molding together...
Each of them both were in two very serious relationships; Narcissa, my cousin, happened to be involved with that rat Lucius Malfoy. Lily Evans was even more deeply involved with the bigger rat, (and not Wormtail either, unfortunately), Severus Snape, after breaking my best friends' heart for him.
Seeing what I'm witnessing now, I'd reckon they have broken both Lucius' and Severus' hearts, and I couldn't wait to watch this as I slowly made my way down the alley. My feet slurped through the water, the sound mostly covered by the sound of the rain. As I got closer, I could make out small details; Lily was between Narcissa and the brick wall of a house, Narcissa seemed to be enjoying this ravenously. Oh dear, she certainly is a Black.
The sound of them going at it was disturbing, no less. Moans and whimpers and gasps mixed together from the two that I couldn't even make out from whom the sounds came from at a time. Though, of course, I found myself enjoying it with a smirk, and felt rather smug as I decided to interrupt them.
"Ohh Ladies!" I announced. Both looked up from their heat of passion, and, even though it was foggy, I could just see the look of horror on both of their faces, namely Narcissa's.
"What... Sirius... What are you doing here?" Lily asked, Narcissa clearly being much to mortified to likely even breath. Lily likely recognized me by my mop of hair on my head.
"Oh, you know, just catching you two in this. Was informed by a little birdie that the two of you were shagging like rabbits," I said very non-chalantly, motioning to their awkward embrace. I could only just barely see Narcissa's hand down in a spot on Lily that determined that Lily was, in fact, the one moaning in pleasure. It made me shudder in joy and resentment at the same time. At that moment, I felt like I shouldn't have been there, but then I think that interrupting was so much better.
"WE WEREN'T SHAGGING!" Narcissa suddenly jut in, and I laughed aloud at her defensiveness that was so clear in her voice, it practically dripped from her lips.
"Narcissa... We sort of were," I barely could hear Lily say, but it made it all the more sweeter. Suddenly, an idea of pure glee popped into my brain; Snivellous and Lucius getting dumped, and their girlfriends suddenly seeing each other in bed each night. I almost hopped a little in delight.
"I am at least glad you can admit that to me, Lily. But how about admitting it to Snivell- I mean Severus. We are rather close to his home," I pointed out, literally pointing in the direction to his home only 4 blocks away. When she didn't say anything, I continued,
"I could do it for you, Lily. You know, friends do favors for each other. Consider this a favor. I'll tell Lucius for you too, Narcissa," I said. I could feel the grin almost touch my earlobes. I hope they were enjoying this just as much as I was.
"No, No! Don't do that, Sirius, please! Severus doesn't need to know," Lily tried to beg.
"Oh but he does," I mentioned.
"Lucius won't believe you, my dear cousin," Narcissa tried to convince me in a strong voice, though the strong voice was breaking apart.
"He will though," was the only thing I said to my cousin. Once again, the two girls were left speechless.
"Alright, girlies. How about this. I won't tell them, but you have to tell them," I offered the proposition. Both then looked mortified in that moment, looking back and forth between each other, and I'm pretty sure Narcissa was either crying or about to.
"Can't we just drop it, Sirius? Please? It... It won't happen again..." Narcissa tried to reconvince me, her voice still breaking apart.
"Ahh, my dearest, dearest cousin," I said, pretty sure they could see some kind of poison dripping off my lips, "You know me, I can't just let things go. Now that I know, I gotta tell someone, or else I explode. So I won't explode if you tell them. Now that doesn't seem so bad, does it?" I hummed.
"But Sirius..." they both whined at the same time. I stood there, crossing my arms over my chest, and waiting for their reply. They knew they would never get me to reconsider, especially with this kind of situation.
"But... But... Fine..." Lily admitted finally. Narcissa looked totally defeated.
"But we're telling Lucius first," Lily added quickly. Perrrrrfect. I can savor her telling Snivellous. At realizing this, Narcissa looked totally dejected, and walked off with Lily to go find her Lucius. I followed close behind.
At the other end of Cokeweather, we came across Lucius. I stood roughly 10 feet behind them, watching, listening.
"Lucius... Lucius, I... we must tell you something," Narcissa sounded completely dejected. Lucius' face of confusion was just about as priceless as what was going to come next.
"Narcissa, what is it? You know you can tell me," he said softly, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand. I thought I was going to puke.
"Well, umm... I can't really tell it... So I'll just show you," and with that, Narcissa grabbed Lily's hand roughly and pulled her to her own body, smashing her lips down onto Lily's. Lily wasn't reluctant at excepting the kiss at all, not like I'd thought she was going to be. Made me wonder how long they had been doing this...
Lucius' expression at seeing his Narcissa kissing a mudblood looked worse than how I thought I was going to puke when he stroked her cheek. First it was shock on his face, then confusion, finally anger, and then he turned a little green... It wasn't until now that I started laughing like a damn banshee when Lucius turned to the side and vomitted the contents of his stomach up and out into a puddle. It was revolting, but truly worth it. Without saying another word, only pointing, Lucius ordered the girls out by pointing at the door, as if saying "Come back later". The girls walked out and down the porch. I'm pretty sure Narcissa said something vulgar in my direction.
On the other side of Cokeworth, Severus "Snivellous" Snape sat in his lavish home in Spinners End. Anyone else would be jealous of him, but not I. I find him to be a stuck up prick.
When we arrived, Lily reluctantly knocked on the door. A moment later, the greasy haired, 16 year old Snivellous answered. His expression was clearly that of joy at seeing his recently acquired from my best friend Lily Evans. For a moment, I thought I might actually puke in disgust, pure disgust.
"Severus..." Lily started. I wasn't sure how this happened, but it was a huge shock to know what Severus said next.
"Lily, don't. I know you're here to admit that you were snogging Narcissa. I saw it out of the window. Next time you two decide to go at it, don't do it against my home, okay? Come back later when you've had enough of each other," and he finished, closed the door. Lily, looked so relieved, Narcissa looked relieved for a woman I couldn't believe she was close to.
And I didn't even get to savor it. :(