A/N: Just a short little Cinna+Katniss oneshot. AU Cinna isn't dead!
Warning: Spoilers! Hints at Lemon but not enough for M. Depressing subjects. A non-happy ending!
ENJOY:
He knew it was nothing more than release.
The heat, the passion, it was all a mask. Still, he allowed himself to focus on the little things. The way his name fell easily from her lips. Her shallow breaths. It was quick but not rough. No, he treated her delicately, like a flower.
She allowed herself to pretend that he wouldn't leave when he was done; that just this once, he would stay until morning. She knew, of course, that this was impossible. For if Effie, in her rush to get everyone ready, or Haymitch, in his drunken haste, were to stumble upon them, the results were to horrifying to imagine.
She also allowed herself to give in to the pleasure, to imagine a life like this. Where all she had to worry about was holding onto him. Where she didn't have to pretend to love someone else.
He felt the same.
He wanted to believe that someday, they could be more than this. That one day he could hold her hand without the whispers of adultery.
He wanted to be by her side, not in the background as he would remain. Yet, he never told her any of these things. He knew it was for the best. For the best that she stay with Peeta. For the best that she forget about the only man who loved her enough. For the best that she stay with someone who understands why she has her nightmares. He would give anything to change reality. To make people see that what they were was not a crime.
Then it's over. He stands, dresses as much as he can, before attempting to leave. She puts her hand on his arm. Her eyes, looking into his, look like that of a child. She begs him not to go, not to leave her alone in the dark as he has done so often before. Only this time, he stayed. He held onto her, and for the first time, she slept the whole night through. He didn't even care when Haymitch scolded him for his actions. He remained quiet as she went into those games. He remained silent as she once again beat the odds. As she led the rebellion.
He got to hold her one more time before he lost her forever. When Peeta proposed, she went straight to him.
"This can never happen between us, Cinna," she is fighting to keep her voice steady.
"Do you truly believe that?" he asks, wanting her to stop evading the truth. He leans down to kiss her cheek but she turns away.
"I don't want this to happen, Cinna," she says.
"Don't lie to me Katniss," he says back. Then she finally gives in. To one more night of passion. To one more chance to be with the one she truly loved but could never have.
After that, he held his tongue. Even at the wedding, when the preacher asked if anyone objected, he bites his lip. So hard, in fact, that he draws blood and almost cries out from pain. He doesn't care. At least he can feel something. He watches her give herself away to the wrong man.
Later in the evening, he asks her to dance. Peeta gives a permissive nod and they move to the dance floor.
"I can't believe you just gave up on me," he says.
"What was I supposed to do? Marry you? You know that could never happen,"
"Why is that?" he asks, genuinely curious as to her reasoning.
"Because it can't," she says, "Not that I want it to,"
"Why do you say that?" he asks. She gives a shrug of her shoulders, "Tell me the truth right here and now. Do you love me?" he looks deep into her eyes. His are so full of passion, she has to look away.
"No," she whispers. She is lying through her teeth, but he still lets go of her, turns around, and leaves. He ignores her as she calls his name. He ignores the worried eyes and voices that follow him. He waits until he reaches the roof. He climbs to the edge and screams at the top of his lungs.
All movement seems to stop.
People look around for the source of this noise but he has already retreated to his room.
And that is how it continues.
He stays in the background.
Under the radar.
He remains in her flaming shadow.
Forever.
A/N: I know it's kind of depressing but I love it! Tell me what you think!