Title: Home
Author: Jen
Pairing: Mac/Stella
Summary: Mac just wants to go home.
A/N: My second Mac/Stella fic. Just a quick break from He Confused Her. Lyrics are from Michael Buble's "Home" song. Good song.
I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two, "I'm fine baby, how are you?"
I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
It was all a mistake and there was nothing he could do to prove it to her. It was the look in her eyes that made him realize how big of a mistake he had made. Her eyes were empty, her mouth was in a straight line, and her fists were clenched in the tightest fists he had ever seen her made.
She said no words. She made no movements. She just stared at him as if she stared long enough, she would shoot lasers out of her eyes and watch as he turned to ash.
As if that would ever happen.
He tried to open his mouth. Tried to get at least something out but there was nothing. Just empty silence that filled the room, swallowing them whole.
This time, this fight, this moment wouldn't ever be forgotten. What had started out as a normal day had turned into a nightmare of its own. Maybe it was these past couple of weeks that triggered this moment. Maybe it was from all that he and herself were dealing with that the only way they could express their feeling's were to yell and fight until both were lost for words.
Stella tucked a strand of dark curly hair behind her ear, the only sign of movement the two of them share and it's a sign out of either nerves or boredom. He takes the nerves.
"Stella?"
She looked up but didn't meet his gaze. "Hm?"
"Just understand why I said the things I did."
"Right." She told him, her voice on the verge of cracking. Stella had that way of putting a wall up in front of her. A wall which resembled a tough Stella on the outside but behind it, she was slowly crumbling to the ground beneath her. "Well, I'm out of here Mac. I've got stuff to do."
He felt his heart twist and he before he could stop himself, he spoke, "no, don't. Stay here."
This time, her eyes met his.
Now he was grasping for words. Anything to keep her from walking away from him. He needed her. He wanted her. He craved for her. "I mean, let's talk about this."
"Talk about what?"
He heart twisted again. "About what's going on."
Her only response was that of crossing her arms over her chest and raising her brow at him. "Go on."
If the situation wasn't so serious, he would have laughed. "Listen-"
"-I'm listening." She interrupted.
He groaned and rubbed his eyes in irritation. "Okay, well, this is sort of a hard thing for me to deal with right now."
"What? The relationship that you want between us? Is that it Mac?"
Silence.
"Mac? Is that it? Is that what you're so confused about?"
Silence.
"I see. You don't want this relationship yet you do?"
Silence.
"What ever Mac. I've got a guy named Frankie who'd drop anything just to be with me and yet the one true person that I want to have feelings for doesn't even know where the hell his own heart is."
Silence.
"How can I do this Mac?"
Silence.
Stella sighed and she ran a hand through her hair, her face showing facial signs of anger, hurt and confusion. "I'm sorry Mac. I am. I've waited too long for something like this to just take a u-turn and go the other direction. I'm done chasing after something I won't get."
At that moment, she gave him one last hopefully look before turning on her heel and began to make her way out of his office. And because of her movements, something inside Mac snapped and he quickly reached out and wrapped his fingers around her wrist, pulling her away from the door.
Stella sharply turned to look at him and she caught her breathe when she realized how close their bodies were. "…Mac?" She asked softly, a little uncertain what he was going to do.
"I don't know what it is," he said, his hand reaching out to brush a strand of her hair away from her face, "but I'm crazy for you. When ever you're not around I feel like a part of me is missing. You're not like anyone else. No matter what happens to us you always manage to pick yourself up, dust yourself off again and tell me everything is going to be okay. And I need that. I need to have that feeling that you give me. And I may not show it but that doesn't mean I don't feel it." He stopped when he realized that a small tear had escaped from the corner of Stella's eye and he wasn't sure what to feel. His brows furrowed together as he continued to watch the tear before gently wiping it away with his finger.
"M…Mac. I don't think you understand."
His eyes quickly moved away from his hand to her eyes, fresh new tears forming behind them.
She continued. "I don't think you understand what I want. I want you to be comfortable with and without me. I want you to understand that it's okay to show your emotions because without them, I don't know what to think about you. If you want this to work, you have to help make it work."
He paused. "You're not going to leave?"
Her lips formed into a small smile as she shook her head, her curls bouncing in every direction. "No Mac, I won't leave if you promise you won't give up."
And as Mac stared at Stella, he finally realized what he found. These past couple of weeks, these past couple of months, Mac felt lost. He felt as if he was searching for something he couldn't really find but when he looked back at the woman he loved, when he looked into her eyes and thought of the future they could have together, he realized that he finally found his way back home.
I'm lucky I know but I wanna go home
I got to go home
Let me go home I'm just to far from where you are
I wanna come home