Did I post this already...? I can't remember.
Well, I've gone over to the dark side. This is my first songfic and hopefully my last. If you want to know what a certain song is, just ask.
God, I hate songfics. Why is it i love writing them?
I let go
When I know
There's no safety net
Below
I let go
So I'm free
To fall…
"You're cheating on me?"
I looked up at his face, his pale, guilty face, and was certain of his answer before he even said it.
"Yes—no—Nina, it's not like that—"
But it was.
I sank down in the nearest chair and put my head in my hands, disbelief and shock coursing through me. For some reason the anger I expected didn't come.
This can't be happening.
"Nina…"
He was there, his hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me, trying to apologize. I shrugged him off and turned away. Didn't he get it?
"Don't touch me."
"Nina…"
"Just—leave me alone. Please."
When I looked up again, he was gone.
And all I can think about
Is another you
Another me
Another now
The days that followed were rough.
After the 'unveiling', as Amber called it, I avoided him, mostly. He came up a few times to try to apologize again, but there was always someone there to fend him off.
After a while he just stopped trying.
All I want is
To be okay
To be okay
To be okay today
There were other boys, Amber reminded me. Boys that wouldn't lie or cheat on you or cause you any pain.
She introduced me to some of them.
None of them had the same warm brown eyes of Fabian Rutter, though.
I know it's unpredictable
But in the end, it's right
I hope you had the time of your life
And then it was over.
My scholarship ended and I was forced to move back with my Gran, back to my lonely life in America.
I still kept in touch with some of them, like Amber and Patricia and Mara.
I wonder if he missed me when I was gone.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart
Are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know
Is missing too…
My Gran died from cancer when I was twenty-seven.
I wonder if he'd care.
To know why
Hope dies
At twenty-eight I received the worst news of my life.
I had the same thing Gran had.
I was going to die.
And the worst part?
I didn't even care.
I had nothing to live for, anyway.
Not anymore.
I fake a smile
So he won't see
The next time Amber calls, babbling about some new shoes she bought last night or whatever, I keep my voice steady.
I don't tell her I have cancer.
I don't tell her the chemo isn't working.
I don't tell her my hair is falling out and I probably won't live to see it regrown.
I just smile and nod and ask her if she can book a flight and visit as soon as she can.
Because of you
The doctors say they never expected the cancer to progress this fast.
I don't tell them that's because I'm not even trying to fight it off.
I don't tell them I've given up.
Lead me through the fire
I tell Amber as I pick her up from the airport.
She doesn't take it too well.
All is lost
Won't prevail
I'm confined to the hospital bed in September.
Amber doesn't leave my side.
Why are you holding on…?
We were always doomed to fall
"Why are you still here?" The doctors ask: they don't say it straight to my face but I know they're still thinking it.
I don't know either.
What am I waiting for?
Here with you
She called him.
He enters my room quietly, sitting down on Amber's chair by the bed. I turn to look at him.
He doesn't look so good.
He's thin and unshaven and his eyes are blotchy.
I Will
Try
To fix you…
He takes my hand and smiles sadly.
I can't help it.
I smile sadly at him back.
You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side
You know I'll take your hand
Maybe this is what I was waiting for.
This is my temporary home,
This isn't where I belong
Windows and rooms
That I'm passing through
This is just a stop
A stop to where
I'm going
I'm not afraid
Because
I know…
This is my…
Temporary home
I close my eyes and I let go.