A/N: Hello everyone! This is a new story I came up with. The concept of this story was something I've been thinking of however it wasn't supposed to be as humorous at first and Naruto wasn't like how he is now but after reading a couple of other fanfics not I wanted to go for a more humor kinda story that's has a plot and a serious undertone.
I will post the names of the fanfics that swayed my change of heart either at the end of this chapter or chapters two.
A/N2: I apologize if there are grammar errors I currently do not have a laptop and wrote all of this on my phone. I am using the google doc app to write this. (Took me so long to even think about looking up a writing app for my phone) with that said I can finally start updating my other stories if this goes well. I already start on THE FIVE MAN TEAM and I am almost finished with the chapter.
10/12/14 Update: Fixed some grammatical errors. If you spot some more then please let me know.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto if I did then I'd be rich and typing fanfics off a laptop.
Chapter 1 The Academy And The Genin Exam!
Blond hair.
Blue eyes.
Whiskers mark.
He was Naruto Uzumaki the scorn of the village. His place of residence: Konoha slums. Status: Academy student.
Nicknames: Brat, demon, Bastard.
His last year at The Academy was coming to an end. The blond couldn't contain his excitement. He was so close. So close to getting out of the hellish place called The Academy. So close to become a genin. Soon he would rise up in the shinobi ranks. He would leave the horrifying slums. He would move somewhere nicer. He would protect the village with all his might. Then he will become Hokage. No longer will the villagers glare at him with hate and contempt. Their looks will change.
The contempt will become respect.
The hate will become fear.
He will rule Konoha with an iron fist. He'll get back at everyone!
But he won't stop there. Becoming Hokage was only the beginning. Picture his days before Hokage as merely a prequel.
Hokage book 1.
Afterwards: The Sequel
Naruto giggled manically behind his little black book. He couldn't wait to start his plans. But first...
…Let the prequel begin.
THE ACADEMY!
The Academy was the single most hellish, sadistic, torturous thing ever created. Whoever created this nightmare of kids must have 1: hated the very existence of kids. 2: produce the greatest ninjas ever. 3: must be commended for the sheer evilness that was needed to create The Academy.
For The Academy was torture in every way. It was not a place for the weak. Friends and allies did not last long in The Academy. The Academy was a dog eat dog place. Either you got down and dirty to survive or you quite. Quitter were usually mind raped until they forgot their time at The Academy and were given new memories of what they most likely (or not) would have been doing if they never joined The Academy program. The new memories were usually based off family jobs or what was in demand.
Pure genius-ness! Pure evilness!
However no matter how much Naruto praised the Human and or Creature and or Monster that created The Academy, the blond still wish he could stick a thousand exploding kunais up their ass.
For no matter how evil and genius-y it was, it was also torture. Of course Naruto was not deluded (no matter what people tried to tell him) he would sing the creator's name and respect them if he was never forced to go to The Academy. Unfortunately he was forced to go.
Therefore exploding kunais to the creator it was.
The blonde grumbled something incoherent as he made his way inside The Academy.
The Academy was a huge building. It was placed near the end of Konoha's East Side. The forest over there was particularly thick. It was nowhere near as bad as The Forest of Death, yet the screams of students could be heard every day in there. The Academy was planned it black to make it hard to see a night. To further hide it no street lights can be found for miles. Bars decorated the few windows The Academy has. The Academy was made up of four levels, one level for each grade year. Each level had one big jungle like gym. To pass up a level a student had to pass the Grade Year Exams.
The Grade Year Exam is an all-out battle royal between each student in their respected grade year. If one does well on the exams then they pass, as well as if they do poorly then they fail. If one were to fail three times they were expelled from the program. Expulsion meant they were mind raped to forget, given false memories, and billed for their time in The Academy for the rest of their lives, and a lollipop.
Word around the ninja-vine was that it was a really good lollipop.
Being the last man or team standing didn't matter in the Grade Year Exams. It would give a student or students lots of points but that wasn't the main focus of the Grade Year Exams. The Grade Year Exams examines stealth, ninjutsu, Taijutsu, genjutsu, precisions, strategy, and correctly utilizing what was learned during the year. The longer one survives the better their chances are as the proctors can see their skills more.
Thus to say those who are knocked out first are automatically failed. If they haven't died that is.
Killing is frowned upon...
"If you are skilled then you can incapacitate without killing", Creator.
...but it is allowed.
However the Grade Year Exams are only for the first three grade levels. Year four is said to be different. Only those who have taken the year four exam know what it is. And they were sworn to secrecy with punishment of being mind raped and thrown to garage duties.
They don't get a lollipop either.
So here he was, the blond, entering his classroom for the final time. Today was exam day. His classroom was made up of mostly clan members. Most civilians don't make it pass Year 2. Those who did were praised highly.
…that is until exam day.
Non clan members usually ended up with a kunai or two in the back first.
Naruto classroom only had five non clan members in it. And of that five only one caught his attention.
Sakura Haruno.
She had long pink hair, bright green eyes, and a large forehead. Her haters nicknamed her "Fivehead-san" and "Billboard Brow". She was one of the few non clan members to make it to Year 4. Reasons being was because she was smart, unnaturally scarily smart (One of the theories of why her forehead was so large). However the major reason why she survived so long, why she was tied for the top in females was because...
She was a coward.
Many of her haters called her a coward because she ran away when the going got tough. Yet she was not running away. Tactical retreat was the correct name of what she was doing. She'd tactically retreat (run away) quickly when a group comes near her during the exams. She'd then wait for them to let their guards down and strike quickly and hard. It was a strategy that many students (mainly clan members) overlook, which is the main reason why many students (mainly clan members) fall for such a simple technique.
Naruto saw the intelligence behind her simple plan. Deception was a key point in being a shinobi and Sakura had deception down to a T.
And whatever they had in store for them now, the blond was going to recruit the pinkette as one of his many allies.
Insane laughter crackled at the back of his mind. In the future he would have many followers and allies to his cause. However for now he'll only have three.
Sakura Haruno: Civilian Princess
Sasuke Uchiha: Last (Loyal) Uchiha
And
Hinata Hyuuga: Exiled Heiress
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" He couldn't contain laughter any longer. He put up a good fight yet once again lost to the Laugh King.
Naruto doubled over grabbing his stomach. Tears leaked from his eyes. The pain was so unbearable but the Laugh King wouldn't let him go. The blond fell hid seat hard onto the ground.
Why was he even laughing?
Who cares.
"Oh! HAHA! Oh! I see it do you finally. Finally! I will leave The Academy! "
Lightning flashed outside on the bright clear day. A loud thunderous sound came forth from inside The Academy. Everyone shivered as they felt the air grow colder.
The door to the classroom opened. Two teachers walked in. One teacher had his brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. His eyes were brown. A slight scare marked his face. The other teach had his silver hair hanging down. His eyes were black. Their names were Iruka and Mizuki.
Mizuki's eyes scanned the room. They landed onto the blond on the floor. The silver hair teacher glared at Naruto.
"Uzumaki! Cease your laughter this minute!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Uzumaki!"
"HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!"
"Uzuma..."
"HOHOHIHOHOHO!"
"Uzu..."
"HEHAHEHA!"
"U..."
"HO!"
"U..."
"HA..."
"Naruto you are causing a racket I must ask that you stop," Iruka spoke.
The blond focused in on his favorite teacher. He grinned widely as his eyes glanced over toward Mizuki.
"If I was causing a racket why didn't anyone say something sooner?" He gave them a confused look that was ruined by the smirk making its way across his face.
An angry tick mark appeared on Mizuki's head. "I DID!"
Naruto stuck his pinky in his ear to clean it out. His eyes glazed over as he looked at Mizuki. "Huh? Did you say something?"
In another part of Konoha a different silver haired shinobi giggled insanely while a green beast shivered in fear.
Mizuki turned red from anger. He opened his mouth to shout. Everyone ignored him.
"Now class I want you all to follow me," Iruka spoke ignoring his assistant.
Every genin hopeful rose from their seat. They trailed at Iruka to the big jungle gym.
The gym was called a jungle because it was filled with many trees from the East Forest. Dirt and grass littered the ground so the trees roots can thrive. Artificial animal sounds from creature from the East Forests were being played.
Four separate class made up the entire fourth year. Twenty classes made up the first year. Fifteen classes made up the second year. Eight classes made up the third year. As Naruto grew in students the number of students dwindled down. It wasn't always like that. There was once a time when no one made it to the third level.
Lots of mine rape that day.
The Yamanakas became very wealthy along with the bars they often visit.
Fourth grade had four classes of fifteen students each. Two teachers were assigned per class. The gym was filled with sixty genins hopefuls. The eight teachers stood on a stage that appeared out of the floor.
"Everyone quiet down!"
No one was talking.
His voice boomed over the quiet gym room. The man rose from underneath the stage
He held the microphone tightly in his hands. The man was tall with long black hair tied in a low ponytail and green eyes.
"Today is the day of the Genin Exam. Today we separate the men from the boys...Toda..."
BAM!.
"Ouch Tatchi what the hell!"
Nurse Tatchi smiled at the man. Her eyes stayed closed. An air of terrifying horrors crept around her like ghost limbs wailing around her. The ghost limbs crawled away from her and choked everything in sight.
"Today we separate the women from the girls as well," the man spoke quickly.
The horror that no one could see but everyone could feel disappeared. Nurse Tatchi slithered back into the background. Darkness hid her completely.
"As I was saying Today is the Genin Exam. The Genin Exam is top secret information and thus I know every one of you snot nose brats have no idea what's going on..."
The floor on the stage opened.
"...However I know exactly what's going on. There is a reason why the Genin Exams are held on different days from regular Grade Year Exams..."
Teachers of the other grade levels rose up from the stage. Instead of eight teachers on the stage the number grew to ninety-four.
"...In the Grade Year exams students went against students to show how well they can utilize their skills. The Genin Exams naturally must be harder. Therefore it is the Students against the Master! Only showing how well you can go against the Master can we really see if you bratty kids are ready for the horrors of the outside world. Life isn't fair. You may only be genins but that doesn't mean you are safe from higher rank shinobis. If possible that puts a higher risk on your back for you are fresh, weaker, easily to kill, and the new generation of ninjas. It is advantageous to killing off the young to cripple a shinobi village. For people grow old and the protection of the village rest in the young. As you grow older into your prime that is your prime age of protection. For you are older and wiser, stronger and faster. The effects of old age have not hit you yet as it did the generation before."
The man paused and scanned the room.
"Therefore it is only natural for enemies of the village to go after you before you reach your prime."
He stopped and took in a breath. The room was silent captured by his words. Naruto mind was going overdrive. He processed the man's words at an insane rate. The blond narrowed his eyes. He could not recognize the man speech patterns or looks. The man was an anomaly. Naruto pride himself in knowing every high ranking person in Konoha. Giving an important speech to Genin hopefuls about their exam would only be given to someone of a high rank.
Like the Hokage, but the man before Naruto was no Hokage.
The man opened his mouth to continue.
"We do not expect you to defeat us. Your goal is not within defeating us. It is staying alive long enough. Once you become genins you will be given a jounin sensei and two or three other genin teammates. Your main job is to do your mission and protect each other. Thus if you run into a shinobi that you cannot win against you have two or three other teammates with you as well as a high ranking sensei. If you are alone then you must stay alive long enough for your teammates to come help you. Yes the mission is important and completely the mission is your top priority however a dead man...or woman cannot complete a mission. In The Academy... "
A tree burst into flames. The automatic sprinklers came on dousing the flames and everyone in the room with water.
"...That would be considered an automatic fail. Thus staying alive against one long enough to utilize your skills to a top decree is the way to pass. However if the chance that you do defeat one of us comes to be your score will be doubled upon each one of us you defeated. And if you manage to be the last one standing you will receive... "
The man juggled around his pocket.
"…A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF FREE ELEMENTAL LOLLIPOPS!"
He held out five lollipops. One with red wrappers, one with green, one with dark blue, one with white, and one with different shades of blue ranging from a whitish blue to a purple blue.
"Now there are some papers that need to be signed and we can continue."
Nurse Tatchi passed out the paper and pens. She smiled happily at each student. They smiled in return. Nurse Tatchi was one of the few people that would be missed by all upon graduating. She was the nicest person there until you made her mad. She'd always be there to patch people up no matter how insignificant their cuts or bruises or fractures were.
"Now that everyone signed I shall give more. This exam, unlike the Grade Year exams, will be timed. You all have eight hours to survive in this exam. If you get out before the first hour mark that is an automatic fail. If you get out before the second hour mark your better make sure you tried your damn hardest or it will be a fail. Those who make it past the third hour will be given a C. Those who make it past the sixth hour gets a B. The ones who make it to the eight hour get an A. And you already know what the prize is for being the last one standing."
Cheers from the students range throughout the gym echoing back to them. Elemental lollipops were the best treat out so far. Not only were they pretty tasty on a civilian and ninja point of view but they were also useful to ninjas as well. Each lollipop was filled with chakra of their respective nature. To eat one would replenish ones elemental chakra as well as give them enough chakra in a different elements to complete a jutsu. Each lick gives a nice boost of elemental chakra. No one knows the exact amount one whole elemental lollipop gives.
They were just too damn tasty!
"Continuing so listen! On the other side of the gym are backpacks in those backpack are weapons, scroll, soldiers pills, medical supplies, and maybe an elemental lollipop along a whole bunch of other useful crap. You have a fifteen minutes head start on my start. Before we begin though do anyone have any questions... "
A student raised his hands, "Actually I have a few."
"...No question good now begin!"
Everyone stormed into the forest. Grabbing a backpack was all anyone could think about. Everyone but one. Naruto had a different thing, or should we say person, in mind. Being the last one standing us down right impossible without a team. Any shinobi thinking they could do so alone was an idiot.
And Naruto wasn't an idiot.
Getting a lifetime supply of elemental lollipops would be very advantageous. As well as he and his team would each get their own lifetime. It wasn't stated up the blond could read between the lines. This exam was a showcase of forming teams and keeping them. Normally a person couldn't stay long in The Academy let alone even an exam without betraying their supposed allies. However the man spoke of how they would be placed into teams, how they must protect one another, how while a mission is important it can't be completed if they all die.
Forming a team was needed for this exam. Yet that was only part of it. Just forming a team would only get someone so far. They'd have to form a team and keep it. Betrayal was not allowed.
Most fights in team were caused because everyone wanted to be the leader. The ones who want to be leader fights and the others pick sides. Thus a fraction occurs. That weak team can easily be torn apart from inside or outside.
To form a good team a leader needs to be given his or her title from the start.
Naruto grinned as he spotted his first teammate
He had just the way to assure that he became the leader.
No one would oppose him!
He chuckled darkly to himself as he chased after his first teammates.
"Here ducky ducky I promise I won't shoot but shots will be fired."
END
A/N: Nurse Tatchi and the man is my creation. So what do you think? Good bad not funny hilarious? Me being the writer I can't view this with fresh eyes so please review and tell me. As well as if there are grammatical errors I would like for you to give me the line and tell me what's wrong so I fix it.
As I stated before I am working off a writing app on my phone google doc. It tells me when words are wrong or of I'm using the wrong spelling of a word but that is it I fixed everything I can see now new eyes would be better.
So what do you think
You have The Genius, The Amazon, The Demon, and The Angel
So who's who?
Shouldn't be too hard to figure out.