Wanting Memories
A/N: This is a semi-song-fic, and the song is one we're doing in choir. Written by Ysaye M. Branwell (yes, that's spelled right…). Happy mother's day to everyone (or late mother's day, more likely).
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I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me,
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
Yes I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me,
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
She woke up in the middle of the night, a bright flash of panic gripping her. She jumped out of bed, grabbed her robe, and dashed for the car. Her husband called to her from the bedroom, demanding to know what was happening. "I'm going to Star's Hollow!"
"What?" he demanded. "Why? What's wrong?"
But she didn't answer. She just jumped in her car, turned it on, and pulled out of the driveway, heading towards the town where she'd lived until she was eighteen. She knew something was wrong, but she didn't know what, and she dreaded finding out the answer. She slammed into her old house with little fanfare: the neighborhood and town had changed very little, and people still left their doors unlocked at night. "Mom?" she shouted. "Mom! Damn it, if you can hear me, answer!"
She made her way up to the bedroom, and stopped in the doorway. She stared at the bed, at the figure lying on it, and simply crumpled to the floor, weeping.
You used to rock me in the cradle of your arms.
You said you'd hold me 'till the pains of life were gone.
She stood by the graveside, tears sliding down her cheeks, as they had in a constant stream for four days. The planning of the funeral had been one of the hardest things she'd ever done, but refused to let anyone else handle it. Her mother would have loved it: everyone focusing on her, crying, saying how wonderful she'd been in life. It was so Lorelai.
"Rory," a voice said behind her. She turned to find Sookie, with Jackson's arm around her shoulders. The couple had changed little as they'd aged. Sookie's moon-round face was blotchy and streaked with tears as Rory's was, her eyes red-rimmed. Jackson was tearing up himself, and gave a few conspicuous sniffles. "How're you holding up, hon?" Sookie asked gently.
Rory smiled thinly. "As well as can be expected. God, I've been to so many funerals in the last few years. Grandma's, Luke's, Mia's, Miss Patty's and then Babett and Morey together two months ago. It's been such a hard year for this town."
You said you'd comfort me in times like these
And now I need you, and now I need you…
"God, mom," Rory said, moving over to the casket, addressing the closed box. "I wish you were here. We got through all those together. We got through Grandpa's death in college, and then all those last year. Now I have to make it through yours. How am I supposed to do that, mom?"
And you are gone.
So I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me,
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
Rory looked around, seeing the whole town gathering in mourning for her mother. She'd remained an active part in Star's Hollow since her arrival there at the age of sixteen. Now, at the age of seventy-three (though she added the two digits in her age together so she was only ten) she would be buried there. She looked around, and beyond the people, she saw drab colorlessness. The trees that should have been green and verdant were lifeless and hollow.
Since you've gone and left me,
There's been so little beauty,
But I know I saw it clearly through your eyes.
Now the world outside is such a cold and bitter place,
Here inside I have few things that will console,
And when I try to hear your voice above the storms of life,
Then I remember that I was told.
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
Yes, I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
I think on the things that made me feel so wonderful when I was young.
I think on the things that made me laugh, made me dance, made me sing.
I think on the things that made me grow into a being full of pride.
I think on these things, for they are truth.
Rory sobbed, and sat down hard in one of the chairs, memories assailing her. Her first memory of she and her mother watching the ducks in the lake outside their apartment. Then of her first day of school, where she came outside and introduced her new best friend to her other best friend. Then of their moving into their house, the "Crap Shack." Rory let out a gurgling laugh at the name her mother had picked. Another first day of school: Chilton, and her mother wearing that ridiculous outfit to meet the headmaster. Then the day after school when she simply greeted Rory with the hug she needed after a hard day. All the times her mother had smiled and flirted with men, especially Luke.
I know a "please", a "thank you" and a smile will take me far.
I know that I am you and you are me and we are one.
I know that who I am is numbered in each grain of sand.
I know that I've been blessed again and over again.
Yes, I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
Yes, I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
"I'm going to miss you, Mom," Rory said to the casket. "I'm going to miss all the things you taught me, and I'm going to miss my best friend." She kissed a pink rose, and then lay it on the lid of the casket, and watched, holding back sobs, as they lowered her mother into the ground.
A/N2: Wow, I think I made myself cry. I never do that. I think this turned out well. Please, please read and review. I so want this fic to mean something to someone. Dedicated to my mother: Happy Mother's day!