Denial is never healthy and that is why I always make sure to not dwell in it. At least, that's what i like to tell my self. I like to think that my life is accomplished enough, to think that I have everything I ever wanted but the truth is, I don't. Without realizing, I've been denying the fact that i want something, scratch that, someone. Someone I can't have. In the beginning, I've been denying this want of mine to prevent myself from getting hurt. I was fine with this denial and I'm content to continue this charade till the end.

Oh how wrong I was. To think that something so simple such as denial could turn to down spiral of hate. Now, all I feel is hatred because I can't get the person of my desire, leading me stuck with the realization that one of my closest friends also desires the same man and has been desiring him for far longer than I could have ever anticipated. I, one Lucy Heartfilia has got my eyes set on one Laxus Dreyar, and right about now, it's killing me to see mira flirting with him so damn openly.

Shit! Do I even stand a chance against her?

Leaning back against my seat, I watch as she places her hands on his chest leaning in to whisper in his ear. Disgusting. Why can't it be me? Why wasn't me whispering things in his ear? touching him? Why must it be her? I feel my heart thud painfully in my chest as he smiles that heart-breaking crooked smile of his...at her, not me. I want him.

Dragging my eyes over his appearance, I couldn't help but shudder with pleasure, he was sinfully delicious. With his wild sun-streaked blonde hair and tawny skin. Oh his eyes, mmh, talk about undressing with your eyes, that man has gorgeous eyes; such a beautiful shade of stormy baby blues. i'd let him eye fuck me. shoot i am eye fucking him everytime I look at him. But hey, can you blame me? No, no you cant because that man is fucking perfect, all rugged and masculine, mmmmm i want a bite of him. sighing, i watch as the two openly flirting. Mirajane is beautiful and I doubt I'd get a chance with him, not with her around anyway.

"Lucy? Are you listening to me? " Natsu said waving his hand in front of me. Damnit natsu! he always ruin my ogling moments.

" No, quite frankly I wasnt. what were you saying?" i said a little irritated, but then again i was always in a bad mood recently, constantly cranky and hateful and i hate my self for it.

" I said , You smell funny, like all the time. " he said his eyes drooping as he leaned closer inhaling my scent. Excuse me? did he just say i smell bad?

" wow how nice of you, well excuse me natsu you dont always smell good either." I huffed, crossing my arms.

" no it's not a bad smell..it's really good," he said putting his head in the crook of my neck inhaling my scent. I feel my flesh tingle as he presses his lips against my pulse. .god.

" you're aroused." he rasped against my neck and i couldnt deny it, i am. Not from him but from practically raping Laxus with my eyes.

" stop it! not in the mood. i told you i was done fooling around." i mumble leaning away from him. his hand shot out from under the table and he grips my waist, tugging my body closer. i shivered because i was attracted to natsu. Sure, he's hot too. But, i didn't love him.

" But lucy you used to love making out." he murmured against my skin. Yes used to .when i liked him and wouldve done anything for his attention. But that was 2 years ago and after finding out he was sleeping with lisanna , my disgust stopped me from being able to kiss him. because all i could think about was his mouth on hers.

"Well natsuu, i quite frankly dont want your mouth on me, i have my eyes on some one else. Besides, you have lisanna," i retorted letting my eyes slide back towards laxus to find...his eyes on me? He was staring at me intently, his eyes narrowed to slits, and his mouth set in tight line. Why was he so upset ? Natsu's arm tightned around my waist. irritated, i turned to him and snapped.

" would you quit touching me!?" i jerked away , tired of him always doing this. i want laxus to touch me, not the way natsu does, like he can get what he wants and go, but lovingly. You know like it means something. not someone to kiss. I am a virgin, yeah, but i'd kissed my fair share of boys.

" What the fuck lu-" his voice was cut off as he was yanked away from me. twisting in my seat i look up to see laxus standing behind me, his eyes peering down at me intensely, his muscles contracted beneath his clothing as he leaned down and grasped my arm tightly, but not hard enough to hurt...too bad that is.

Yanking me up to my feet, he dragged me away from natsu; who of course was sprawled on the ground staring at us with a 'what the fuck' look. I couldn't look back for very long, as my arm was tugged forward harshly, dragging me like i was a rag doll. i tripped over my feet as i attempted to keep up with him. His hand wrapped around my arm in a vice grip and it feels hot against my skin. He was touching me. Oh good god, I'm fawning over him like a school girl. jeez..

I watched as his back muscled moved and rippled beneath that form fitting black wife beafer he wore, oh lordy was it hot in here or was it just him? that shirt didnt do his body justice,yes it clungs to every chiseled and hard muscles, but it concealed that mouth watering skin that i so badly wanted to taste, from me. And his butt, i wanna touch it! he has a fucking nice ass, if i was a man i wuld be an ass man because, im just glued to his but. I felt my fingers twitching, itching to reach out and grab that delectable piece of ass.

A strong jerk on my arm brought my attention back to the fact that i was being , quite literally dragged out of the guild's back doors.

" what the hell! " i shouted as i was slammed against the alley way wall. his head fell down to the right side of my head. I felt my breath hitch as he leaned in closer, his hot breath fanning against my face. i zeroed in on his lips, the way they were parted as heavy breaths passed through them. I watched as his lips pulled back to reveal sharp canines and pearly white teeth, moving up i looked into his eyes. His blue eyes were half lidded and dilated. Well shit.

" What are you doing running around that guild , like this hmm?" he growled, his voice low and heady. What the fuck? why is he talking to me? he should be flirting with mira? But what the hell, he wants to talk, i'll talk, i dont mind ;). i felt my lips twitch with the urge to smile, i was estatic . my heart was pounding in my chest. my stomach began to knot as he leaned more, his nose touching mine.

"i don't know what you're saying Laxus. " i asked pressing my back farther against the wall, the roughness of the bricks dug into my arm.

" your smell, it's intoxicating." he said leaning in, his lips brushing my cheek, i felt all my nerve ending start up, tingling and burning as heat pooled between my thighs. "Fuck, i could smell your arousal,from across the room Blondie. " he growled out .

shifting nervously i spoke. " um...im sorry? " i said meekly, Bad lucy dont get scared now, take a stand ! pep talk lucy was back . " does my excitement bother you ?" i questined, pressing my hands against the smooth hard planes of his chest pressing forward pushing him back a bit, giving us some brething space. His eyes darkened ,pupils dilated.

" I fucking hate it!" he rasped, his voice deep and rough. i felt my heart stop and jump up into my throat. my tongue felt thick and heavy. what an ass.

" Then get the fuck out of my face. " i snapped shoving him away, tears burned at the back of my eyes, but i refuse to cry in front of him. i shrieked " god i cant believe mira's actually into you !" and me...the words were unspken but they were there hidden in between the lines.

He stood up straight, his arms at his sides. A devious smile played at his lips . " yeah well i tend to attract women, they just love me. " he said cockily, his eyes no longer dilated, but his muscles were still tense.

"i cant see why. your an ass hole!" i huffed turning my back to him. " i hate it cuz i cant think straight. " he said just before i opened the door. Freezing i stopped,Despite my brain telling me to keep walking my body ignoring me and I cant help but...be aroused?Was what he just said a complement? i dont know but i now know what to away and see if he follows, see if theres an attraction. stop lingering and keep waking.

" whatever. " i mumbled and walked back inside. I'll play hard to get, if he is really interested, i wanna see just how far he'll go , is it physical? or emotional? Because it's both on my part. And i refuse to be a rebound, or a booty call. if he wants me, he gotta work for it.