A/N: Oh dear, I haven't uploaded anything in ages o.o Well, I haven't written anything in a while ^^; This is my first Durarara fic, I've been reading some Psyche/Tsugaru doujins lately so I Wanted to write something about them. Somewhere along the line it turned into Shizuo/Psyche xD And yes, I know I'm not very good at writing in Shizuo's POV, but I gave it a shot!

I hope you all enjoy reading this anyway, and reviews are very welcome ^^

The first one Izaya showed me was Psyche. I'll never understand why he chose to bring me, of all people, to meet Psyche. But walking into that room and seeing this being, with the exact appearance of the person I hated so much, it made me angry.

I stared at Psyche for a moment or two, wondering if perhaps Izaya had a twin that he'd never told me about. Thank god that wasn't the case.

Psyche was a creation of Shinra's. A doll he'd made. Izaya had told Shinra to create him, for some unknown reason. Maybe he wanted a comrade in his mission to either kill me, or piss me off to the extent of wanting to kill him. But he didn't need a comrade to accomplish the latter; he managed it quite easily on his own.

After first seeing him, I was tempted to throw the damn doll out of the window and be done with it. But the look he gave me put me off that idea. Although Psyche looked like Izaya, his expressions were different. The way he spoke was also different. He didn't scowl or smirk at me; he didn't make any snarky comments or shout abuse. He just looked at me; he looked at me and smiled. And it wasn't a cruel smile, it was a warm smile. That was the first thing that made Psyche and Izaya two different people in my mind.

So I decided to see what Psyche was like. Izaya repeatedly reminded me that he was just a doll, he didn't have proper emotions. I didn't care. He seemed nicer than Izaya, which was the main thing.

Over the next month or so I talked with Psyche, I took him out to the city, I got to know him. I'd pick him up almost every morning, much to Izaya's disapproval, and take him back in the evening. And every time I showed up, his face would light up and he'd happily skip out behind me. Now that's something Izaya would never do.

I found out that Psyche was extremely bubbly and cheerful when compared to his original. He was also perhaps slightly less smart and rather clumsy. I found myself pulling him up off of the sidewalk numerous times after he'd managed to trip on god knows what.

We got lots of odd looks whilst walking around the city, probably because people thought it was Izaya I was smiling at and talking with. They should know better than to think that'd ever happen. To be honest, I could've easily snapped and beat them all up to stop them staring and whispering, but the fact that Psyche didn't seem to care in the slightest stopped me. If he didn't mind then I shouldn't either. So for once in my life, I didn't let myself get violent, I just got over it and moved on.

After around a week, maybe less, I completely forgot that Psyche was a copy of Izaya. He was no longer a creation, a doll without feelings, because he was a person. I no longer believed that he couldn't feel, because I could easily tell that he could. I knew that he had his own emotions. He wasn't Izaya at all, and I regretted ever thinking that he was like that person.

Because Psyche was just Psyche; an innocent, cheerful individual that I had fallen for.

Then came Tsugaru. I think Izaya was jealous, he must've been. Because he got Shinra to create another doll, one that looked just like me.

And to top it all off, he altered Psyche. He altered Psyche's emotions so that he loved Tsugaru, and Tsugaru was created so that he loved Psyche. They would've been the perfect couple to anyone else looking at them, but not to me.

I should've guessed that Izaya would try to separate Psyche and I, but even if I had suspected it I would never have thought that he'd do it like he did. And when I walked into that room and saw Psyche and Tsugaru together, I could easily see Izaya looking at me with that sickening smile.

I hated him for it. I wanted to kill him so badly. I wanted to throw him to the ground and rip out his throat. But that would upset Psyche. So I stood there and let Psyche happily introduce Tsugaru to me. I sat down and let him talk and talk about Tsugaru. About how great Tsugaru was, how much he loved Tsugaru. There wasn't a single mention of me.

I asked Psyche if he wanted to come out with me today. He said that he did, but of course he wanted Tsugaru to come. I wasn't going to argue, so I watched as the two clasped hands and ran off out the door, leaving me to trail behind them.

I didn't enjoy myself at all that day or any of the days out with Psyche, and Tsugaru of course, after that. As Tsugaru had never seen the city before, Psyche was busy showing him different places and explaining things to him, exactly like I'd done for him a few weeks prior. On the first few trips out with both of them, I was ignored completely. Even when Psyche did bother to talk to me, he only talked about Tsugaru, while his rather silent lover watched him and nodded occasionally.

I told myself over and over that Tsugaru wasn't me; he was quiet, contained and almost shy. He was the exact opposite of me, and when I thought about it Psyche seemed to be the exact opposite of Izaya too.

But seeing Tsugaru as a different person made things even worse. Instead of Psyche being with another part of me, he was now with someone else completely. He focused all of his attention on Tsugaru, complimenting him on various things and telling sometimes telling me how cute or handsome he was. Yet Psyche didn't seem to even notice that I looked the same, that he was saying these things to someone who had an identical appearance to his beloved. But I guess he thought of things that same way as I did with him and Izaya. He probably realised that even though Tsugaru and I have the same appearance, we don't look the same. Our expressions are different, and I don't think I've ever looked in a mirror and seen that calm look that's constantly plastered on Tsugaru's face.

Upon accepting that we were two different people I wondered if Psyche would've fallen in love with Tsugaru had he not been altered. Maybe he would've fallen for me instead. I would've probably liked Tsugaru had that been the case. And even if Psyche had still fallen for him he wouldn't have ignored me; he would still have acted the same towards me as he did before. So that would have been better, I wouldn't mind so much then. But that didn't happen. Izaya messed around and changed Psyche into someone I no longer knew. He knew it would upset me, and that's exactly why he did it.

I knew that Psyche wasn't my Psyche anymore. He was a love crazed idiot with nothing but Tsugaru on his mind. I noticed that he also seemed to act older and he wasn't as bubbly; that wasn't my Psyche. He was almost like a more cheerful version of Izaya. Hell, if I hadn't been spending so much time with him, I'd have thought he was just like Izaya now. But even though I thought that, I still loved him.

It still hurt to see Psyche with Tsugaru, and I doubted that I'd ever be okay with it. I just wanted Psyche to myself, like before that other doll came along.

But I got on with things. I acted as though I didn't care. I still came to pick up Psyche every morning, let him and Tsugaru do as they wanted throughout the day and then took them back in the evening. I smiled and listened to Psyche as though I enjoyed hearing him talk about Tsugaru. I watched as they sat together, clenching my fists behind my back as they held hands and biting my lip when they kissed.

Izaya didn't seem to notice that it was an act. He'd smirk as I walked in the room, but his expression would slowly change as I appeared to happily talk to Psyche. I knew it annoyed him. He wanted me to look upset; he wanted me to get angry. I'd lost Psyche, but I wasn't going to let Izaya have what he wanted as well.

And maybe, just maybe, if he couldn't have what he wanted then he'd change Psyche back. Get rid of Tsugaru. Maybe he'd just give up and leave Psyche and me alone.

I guess in the end maybe he did give up. Although I don't think he really did.

The last thing he did hurt the most. It broke me.

So I guess he won.

I went to collect Psyche like I always did. For some reason the lights weren't on so I wondered if maybe I was earlier than usual. I fumbled for the switch on the wall, letting the lights flicker on.

Psyche was lying on the floor, Tsugaru on the couch above him. At first I thought that they must've been sleeping, so I went to wake up Psyche.

I must've shaken him four times. He didn't stir, so I tried shaking Tsugaru instead. Nothing. I knelt back down to Psyche and started to shake him again, telling him to wake up. I started yelling, screaming at him to look at me. Izaya probably heard me at that point because he entered the room and stood by the door.

So I started yelling at him instead, insisting that he knew why neither of the two would wake up. He did know. It was his fault.

"I just turned them back into dolls."

At that point I could've easily killed him there and then. But instead I just stood up and walked out. I knew Psyche wasn't coming back, even if he woke up he wasn't my Psyche. So, in a way, I almost didn't want him to wake up. So I left him there. Like Izaya said, both of them were just lifeless dolls now.

Thinking back on it, Izaya would've won whatever happened. He could do whatever he liked to Psyche and Tsugaru, he could mess with me in all kinds of ways.

But I'd never fallen in love before I met Psyche. He was something special. He made me happy for once. But doesn't everyone say that a first love always ends badly? I suppose this isn't really the kind of bad they were talking about.

I don't think I ever really got over losing Psyche, but things seemed to go back to normal between Izaya and me. We'd fight like we always did when we saw each other, and I wouldn't hesitate to try and wreck his face when I got a chance.

It's not like a saw Psyche when I looked at him or anything, I just knew that this was the guy that gave Psyche to me and then took him away again. If I saw Psyche when I looked at him I might've hesitated to hit him. But Izaya was never Psyche and Psyche was never Izaya. They were always two entirely different people. One in which I hated and one in which I loved.

No, I didn't see Izaya as Psyche. But maybe I occasionally saw a piece of Psyche through that cruel façade.