Author's note: My first Endgame fixer! Got the idea late one night after watching Resolutions and I just got mad all over again about how the series ended (I mean who isn't? Seven of Nine? Seriously? puke). Not sure if I like the title though. Feedback welcome!
Disclaimer: Much to my dismay, I don't own them, although I would absolutely love to have an "angry warrior" ;-)
Summary: Endgame fixer. Takes place about 3 months after Endgame. Read it to find out! J/C :-)
--
FINDING PEACE
Chakotay fiddled with the small piece of paper in his hands. He looked down at it again. Golden Gate Condominiums, #21F, San Francisco. He looked back up at the plaque on the door. 21F.
Crumpling the already-tattered paper into a ball, he shoved it back into his pocket. After speaking with B'Elanna and getting the address, it had taken him days to come to this decision; he had sat for endless hours crumpling and uncrumpling that little piece of paper, staring at the address and wondering. Now, he wasn't about to turn around and go home like a coward.
Standing up straight and puffing out his chest, Chakotay took a deep breath and rang the buzzer next to the door.
He waited a few moments in silent agony. A thousand and one questions flew through his mind at warp speed and he suddenly felt ill. After what seemed like an eternity, he heard the deadbolt unlock and the door opened.
"Chakotay?"
She stood in the partially open doorway, wearing only a white, knee-length terrycloth robe. Her hair, which she had since grown out, cascaded down her back in a mass of auburn waves, and her azure eyes pierced his own with confusion and perhaps regret.
"Um... hi," he stammered, mentally kicking himself for sounding like such an idiot. He pulled out the piece of paper and began fiddling with it again, giving his hands something to do while his mind raced.
When he didn't say anything more, she raised an eyebrow in her ever-familiar fashion. "What are you doing here?" she asked quietly and as politely as possible.
"I, uh... well, I was in the neighborhood." He casually put the paper back into his pocket and then began to pick at the pips on his collar. "Voyager docked at headquarters this morning from our latest mission and I took the afternoon off. We're leaving tonight for another mission to Romulus."
She gave him a knowing smile. "I'm not exactly in the same 'neighborhood' as headquarters," she chuckled.
He awkwardly shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Well, uh--"
"Hey, Kath! Who's at the door!" called a male voice from inside the condo.
Kathryn's eyes became very wide and when she opened her mouth to speak, no words came out. Chakotay's own jaw dropped a little. "I'm sorry, if this isn't a good time--"
He came up behind Kathryn, wearing a similar style robe and munching on a piece of Danish. Chakotay recognized him immediately. "Starfleet? Geez Kath, now they're bothering you on your days off too? Don't you see them enough at work?" He gave Chakotay a look and then disappeared back into the condo.
Kathryn averted her eyes down to her bare feet.
Chakotay took a deep breath. "You're back with Mark?"
She looked up at him, her eyes still wide. "No. Yes. Well, I mean, no." He furrowed his brow and she sighed, looking back down at her feet. "He's still married..."
Chakotay's eyebrows shot up. "I see." She still didn't bring her eyes to meet his. After a few moments, he said, "Well, I better leave."
She finally lifted her face and gave him a remorseful expression. As she opened her mouth to speak, Mark came up behind her again, dressed in normal clothes.
"I better get going," he said, kissing Kathryn on the cheek. "I'll call you later." He gave Chakotay another seemingly dirty look and then headed off towards the elevator.
Again, the former command team stood in silence. "Well, do you want to come in?" Kathryn finally asked. "Since my life can't possibly get any more awkward anyway," she mumbled to herself, but loud enough that Chakotay heard. Without waiting to see if he would follow, she turned around and walked into the living room.
He stood outside the door for a few moments, then followed her inside, gently closing the door behind him. The condo was beautiful; Kathryn certainly had a knack for decoration, and the balcony overlooked the Bay.
"Nice place," Chakotay commented as he took a seat on the white leather couch.
"Thanks. Or I guess I should say that to Owen Paris, since he got Starfleet to shack me up here." She smiled when she mentioned her former mentor's name. "Tea?"
"Yes, please."
She shuffled about in the kitchen and finally emerged with a cup of hot tea, which she carefully handed to Chakotay as she took a seat next to him, propping her tiny feet on the coffee table. Chakotay smiled to himself; he wasn't quite used to seeing her feet without her heeled Starfleet-issue boots.
"So... how's Seven?" Kathryn blurted out, almost indignantly, although she hadn't meant for it to sound that way. Chakotay placed his cup of tea on the coffee table.
"We broke up," he said. "Nearly two months ago."
She turned and looked at him curiously. "I'm sorry," she said, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Don't be," he replied. He went out on a limb and took her hand from his shoulder and held it in his own. "It would have never worked out."
"You don't know that," she said softly, studying her small hand in his.
"I most certainly do," he said, now taking her other hand. "I was an idiot, Kathryn. That's actually why I came here to see you. Although, I guess I'm a little late." He frowned when he recalled the image of Mark standing behind her.
She pulled her hands out of his and dropped them into her lap. "A little."
His distress became much more apparent and he turned away from her, leaning over to pick up his cup of tea. Kathryn turned towards him and the hint of a smile formed on her lips. "But, better late than never."
His head snapped back to look at her and he nearly spilled his tea as he precariously lifted the teacup from the table towards him. She chuckled a bit at his obvious surprise.
"You've lost your touch, Chakotay. I expected you to know me better. Although for the past few months, I don't think I've even known myself." She sighed. "After the debriefings, after Starfleet gave me my promotion and gave you command of Voyager, I tried so hard to get used to being back home. I went back to Indiana to visit my family and started my new job at headquarters. But let me tell you, sitting in a desk chair is no match for the Captain's chair," she joked.
He gave her a small smile. "I could never replace you, Kathryn, but I'm taking care of your chair well," he assured her.
"I know you are," she replied, smiling back. "That's why I made sure the Admiralty gave you the promotion. I wouldn't let just anyone sit in my chair."
"She'll always be your ship, Kathryn," Chakotay said. "I love being Captain, but I hate not having you as my Captain. In fact, with half the original crew having moved on... well, it's just not the same."
"It's not home," she said, almost reading his thoughts, "Just like this isn't home. Voyager was our home, Chakotay. This... this is just San Francisco to me. It's not home." She sighed outwardly and leaned back into the cushions of the couch. "You know, after everything was settled, so-to-speak, I almost felt at peace. But then Mark contacted me when he found out Voyager had returned... and he sort of just fell back into my life. Well... more like fell back into my bed." She snorted and sunk even deeper into the couch. "We don't really have a life. We can't."
Chakotay cringed at the thought. He was surprised that Kathryn was opening up this much to him after weeks of not speaking to each other. "Does he have children?" he asked.
Kathryn sighed again. "Yes. Two daughters. Beautiful girls. I've only seen pictures of them though." She sat up a little bit and turned towards him. "He really does love his family, Chakotay. I think both of us were just... very confused. And hurt. And... I guess I was just trying to get some semblance of my old life back. Trying to feel... at home. Comfortable. But it actually just made me feel worse."
"Because you're sleeping with a married man?" he asked, trying to bring some humor into the conversation but failing miserably.
"Partially," she replied, ignoring his attempt. Her hands fidgeted in her lap. "I feel awful for what I've been doing even though it was consensual. But... I also feel bad for leading him on. He told me he still loves me, and I think he thinks I still love him, but I don't. I know I have to end this, I've just been procrastinating. I can't be with someone who I don't love."
Chakotay snorted. "I know the feeling."
Kathryn glanced over at him curiously. "Care to elaborate?"
"I think you already know," he said. He paused for a moment to sip at his tea, which had now become cold. "When we got back to Earth, Seven and I stayed together for a little bit. After my first mission, I came back and she asked me how it went. I told her it would never be the same without you as Captain and me by your side." Kathryn smiled and Chakotay took her hand. "Being without you made me realize how much I missed you and Seven saw that too. We broke up a few days later."
Kathryn's face contorted into a look of astonishment and she pulled back from him. "You broke up with Seven simply because you missed me?" she asked incredulously.
"I broke up with Seven because I didn't love her, Kathryn. I never did. I couldn't be with someone who I didn't love, and she didn't want to be with someone who didn't love her because he loved someone else."
Chakotay's dark brown eyes burned into her soft blue ones. She pulled back from him a bit more and stared at him unbelievingly. Deep down, Kathryn knew what he was trying to say, but she could find no words to say back to him. Moments passed, and finally Chakotay cracked her one of his beautiful dimpled smiles. "You've lost your touch, Kathryn," he mocked. "You should have known I would never stop loving you."
With that, he cupped her face in his hands and quickly brought his lips to hers. Their first kiss was soft and gentle; her lips felt like a feather was brushing up against his own. They parted a few moments later, Chakotay still holding Kathryn's face in her hands.
"I love you, Kathryn," he said, "I always have, and I always will."
She smiled and tears welled up in her eyes. She fought to hold them in, but a single tear rolled down her cheek. He brushed it away with his thumb. "I love you, too," she whispered. He smiled, possibly the biggest smile in all his life, and pulled her into an embrace. They sat like that for a while, his arms wrapped tightly around her small body. He began to kiss her face, her neck, and finally they brought their lips together once again, kissing each other senseless with a fiery passion, their hands frantically moving over each others' bodies. Suddenly, he stood and scooped her up into his arms and carried her into the bedroom, tossing her onto the bed and lowering himself on top of her.
"Wait," she said breathlessly, sitting up and pushing him over. She looked him right in the eyes. "I want this just as badly as you do, but this is just a little too awkward for my taste," she said, gesturing to the bed where she had been sleeping with Mark for nights on end.
Chakotay nodded in understanding. He thought for a few moments before his frown turned into a mischievous grin. "I have an idea."
--
"Captain on the bridge!" announced Lieutenant Harry Kim as Chakotay stepped onto the bridge from the turbolift. Harry looked over at Chakotay but saw a woman smiling broadly back at him. Harry's eyes widened in surprise. "Admiral on the bridge!" he called out, smiling back at his former Captain who was following Chakotay.
Kathryn walked over to Harry and gave him a hug. "Good evening, Lieutenant," she said, emphasizing his new rank. She turned and headed towards the front of the bridge, where Tom Paris stood from his Commander's chair. "And, good evening, Commander Paris," she said to him, also embracing him in a hug.
"It's good to see you, Captain! Errr, I'm sorry... admiral," Tom answered, correcting himself and giving her a lopsided smile.
"The admiral will be joining us for this mission," explained Chakotay, "So I expect everyone to be on their best behavior. Mister Paris, please take the conn so I can offer the admiral her chair."
Tom nodded and moved to the conn. Chakotay gestured to the Captain's chair and Kathryn took a seat, and he moved to the Commander's chair.
"Mister Paris, take us out. Code Blue," Kathryn said, gripping the arms of her chair as Tom brought up the landing struts and Voyager lifted off the ground.
--
"I like what you've done with the place," Kathryn commented later that evening as she looked around her former quarters, which now belonged to Chakotay.
"Well, it looks alot better now that you're here," he replied, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her. He kissed the back of her neck. "Now, where were we?"
"I believe that you were carrying me into the bedroom."
"Right." He once again picked her up off the ground and she laughed as he carried her and deposited her onto the bed. He flopped down next to her and they began rolling around and kissing one another. When he started to unzip her Starfleet jacket, she grabbed his wrist.
"I thought you said everyone had to be on their best behavior while I was on board!" she giggled.
"Captain's prerogative," he replied, with a mischievous glint in his eyes as he continued to unzip her jacket.
--
"Mmpfh," Kathryn grunted into Chakotay's bare chest when the chronometer alarm beeped at 6 the next morning. Chakotay opened an eye, smiled, and then closed it again.
"Not used to these early mornings anymore, are you?" he chuckled.
"That, combined with the fact that we stayed up nearly half the night," she mumbled.
He opened his eyes and grinned at the memory. "Oh yes, I 'stayed up' all right," he joked. Kathryn finally opened her eyes and swatted at him.
"You're incorrigible!" she laughed.
Chakotay merely smiled and pulled her closer to him. She snuggled up against him and closed her eyes again. He studied her peaceful face before placing a soft kiss on her forehead.
"I love you, Kathryn," he whispered. "Welcome home."