Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the related characters, plots, places, or creatures.
Warnings: Slash HP/SS
Authors Note: I have been working on this story for a year now and it is finally done. It is my longest one shot yet, and I'm immensely proud of it. Cyhyr, you gave me some wonderful advice and did a wonderful job for me, thank you. To everyone else, I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Finding Love Lost
Draco looked up from the report he was filling out. Glancing over at his partner, he frowned. Harry sat, quill in hand, gazing off into space. The report in front of his partner was untouched. Draco let out a sigh that did nothing to startle Harry out of his daze. Draco was worried. Nothing good ever came from that look. Harry was remembering his lover. That unknown person, who Harry had been with during the war and who, directly after, had left Harry for reasons that Harry had never shared with Draco.
Despite being best friends and partners at work, Harry had refused to share the identity of his lover with Draco. In fact, it was only because they were best friends that Draco knew about Harry's lover at all.
It had all started when Voldemort had discovered Lucius as a spy. For their protection, the Malfoy family was forced to live at Grimmauld Place for the summer. It was the summer before sixth year and, after the fiasco at the Ministry, Dumbledore had been forced to reveal Lucius's true side in the war in order to keep him out of Azkaban. Not even two weeks into the summer, the family was joined by Harry Potter. At first Draco had braced himself for the taunts that he felt were sure to come, but they never did.
Potter rarely spoke. He greeted the Malfoy family politely and gave them free roam of the house. He sent the decrepit house elf to Hogwarts and then spent his days acting as a house elf, doing his best to clean up the house. With nothing better to do, Draco helped him, and a budding friendship began to form.
Upon their return to school their friendship strengthened as Draco introduced Harry to other Slytherins who had no desire to follow the Dark Lord. Over time the school grew used to seeing Harry in the company of Slytherins and, following Potter's example, began to welcome them as well.
Draco didn't know exactly when it happened, but slowly Harry began to loosen up. He laughed more, smiled often, and had a brighter look about him. Gone was the quiet and depressed boy from the summer. In his place was a charming and handsome man who, unknown to many, was very much in love.
It had taken Draco a while to catch on to Harry's disappearances because when Harry wasn't with the Slytherins, he was with the Gryffindors and vice versa. Supposedly. Slowly, however, Draco began to realize there were gaps. He confronted Harry who admitted that yes, he was seeing someone. No matter how many times he asked though, Harry would never tell him who. And so it went for the next few years. After Graduation, Harry and Draco had enrolled in the Auror training program at the Ministry. Draco and Pansy had gotten engaged, as had Weasley and Granger. Harry had continued seeing his mysterious lover.
Then came the Last Battle. The Light had won, but not without a price. Many had died and Harry himself had ended up in the hospital in critical condition. Miraculously, he'd pulled though. On the day he was discharged, hundreds of people came to greet their savior and escort him home to Grimmauld Place. It was a surprise to everyone then that Harry stepped out of St. Mungos, waved at the crowd, winked at Draco, and disapparated.
Draco had smiled, knowing that Harry had gone to see his lover, and had invited a confused Ron and Hermione over to his house for a drink. He did not expect the knock that came over an hour later. He and Weasley were just starting a game of chess, while Pansy and Hermione were taking about the rights of some creature or another. Frowning he had answered the door to find a distraught Harry on his doorstep. With tears rolling down his cheeks he uttered three painful words.
"He left me."
Harry then sank into a horrible depression. Refusing to talk about it, he threw himself into his work. He rarely slept for fear of the nightmares that greeted him every time he closed his eyes. Whatever those terrors were, he refused to confide in Draco or anyone else. He would forget to eat unless constantly reminded to. Most of the time when he wasn't working was spent staring into space with a lost look. Every time someone would unexpectedly enter a room he would look around quickly, just waiting for someone, and every time when it wasn't his someone it would be as though the world had crashed down upon him once again.
That had been four years ago. He was a little better now. He ate and slept with regularity. Went to work and held conversations with his friends. Every six months or so Draco was able to convince Harry to go out for a friendly dinner or drinks. That was the extent of it, though. He never laughed and rarely smiled. The past was a forbidden subject, and any mention of it would leave Harry silent for weeks. Even now, Draco was the only one who had the slightest idea about what had happened.
Now, Draco could see that Harry was remembering the mysterious lover that Draco would like nothing more than to hex. These bouts of memory could leave Harry in a melancholy mood for days unless Draco could cheer him up. Thankfully, this time, he had the perfect solution.
"Harry," he said breaking the silence.
Calmly, he watched as Harry was drawn out of his thoughts. He blinked and frowned down at the blank report in front of him before turning to look at Draco.
"What, Draco?"
Draco smiled slightly. "Pansy wanted me to ask you over to our house tonight for dinner. We've got something very important to talk to you about."
Harry frowned slightly. "Of course I'll come, Draco. It's nothing bad is it?"
"No, don't worry Harry. It's not bad at all. It's actually quite good," Draco informed him with a smirk before going back to his report.
Draco grinned as he heard the chime that meant their floo had been activated, followed by the thump that meant Harry had just arrived. Even after all these years, Harry was just as clumsy with the floo as he'd been the first time he tried it. Happily, Draco went to greet his friend and lead him to the dining room.
Draco had asked the house elves to prepare Harry's favorites with the hope that it would relax him a little more. It seemed to work, too. Harry chatted contently with Pansy about her job at the Daily Prophet while enjoying his kidney pie. They hadn't even reached the main highlight of the evening, but it was already worth it to Draco when he saw Harry's eyes light up happily at the treacle tart that was dessert. It wasn't until after dinner was complete and the three friends had retired to the sitting room for tea that Draco brought up what he and Pansy had wanted to tell Harry for a few days now.
"Well Harry, we asked you to dinner, not just to tell you something, but to ask you something as well," Draco said, slightly nervous.
Harry grinned a bit. "Oh? And is that why you served all my favorite foods? Trying to soften me up a little, Dray?"
Pansy let out a chuckle, "No, Draco seems to think you needed cheering up, that's why he asked the elves to do that!"
Draco nearly let out a groan at this. While his wife was a wonderful woman, and good friends with Harry, she didn't realize that, despite outward appearances, Harry was still very depressed. In fact, many people believed Harry to be well and truly over his unexplainable depression of a few years ago, but Draco knew better. And of course Harry wasn't oblivious to Draco's knowledge.
Harry shook Pansy's comment off with a fake calm. Even as Harry assured Pansy that he was fine and it was just her husband being over-protective again, Draco saw Harry's eyes lose their small bit of luster. Draco wanted to curse his wife for mentioning something, but he knew it wasn't her fault. It was silent for a few minutes before anyone spoke again. Finally it was Harry who asked, "So, what exactly did you want to ask?"
Draco watched his wife grin excitedly and even he couldn't help the proud smile that appeared on his face as he wrapped an arm around her.
"I'm pregnant!" Pansy squealed happily.
For a second Harry appeared dumbstruck before his face broke into a large grin. Mentally Draco noted that Harry seemed truly happy for the first time in ages. He hadn't smiled like that in years.
"Congratulations!" Harry said, jumping up and proceeding to hug them both. "That's wonderful!" He quickly retook his seat, but fidgeted in excitement that you could clearly see sparkling in his eyes.
"Isn't it?" Draco said smiling at Pansy lovingly. "We were wondering of course," he continued, "if you would be the godfather of our little brat."
Harry stared at them speechless for a moment before jumping up again and seizing Draco in another hug.
"Of course! How could I say no? Are you sure though? I mean, I don't have much experience with kids or anything. Maybe you should-" he started, looking slightly nervous, but Draco cut him off.
"No, Pansy and I have discussed it quite thoroughly and we believe you to be the best choice. In fact, we'd be quite honored," he told Harry proudly.
Tears welled up in Harry's eyes for a moment before he hastily brushed them away. "In that case," he said, "I'd love to."
It had been two weeks since that dinner and Draco was still seeing the results. Harry was coming to work happier and had a little more animation to him. The other day Draco actually saw him initiate a conversation with one of the younger members of the department. Over the years Harry had become a recluse in all sense of the word. An enigma, and a silent one. He rarely spoke to anyone outside of his close friends, and to see him not only speak, but start a conversation with someone he barely knew, was a monumental occasion. People were still talking about it, and several went so far as to treat the young Auror himself as a hero. After seeing this, Draco could feel himself beginning to hope that this might be a turning point for Harry.
Right now, Draco was on his way back from the Head Auror's office with their next assignment. Ever since the war, Hogwarts School had housed a team of Aurors, and this team changed every year. It was mainly a show for the people, declaring that the government will do whatever necessary to protect their children. This year it would be his and Harry's turn. Draco hoped that this would make Harry even happier because, after all, Hogwarts had been Harry's only home for years. It held his most precious memories, and Draco was sure that Harry would be ecstatic to get to return.
Draco opened the door to their shared office and leaned against it with a smile. Harry was cleaning out his desk and seemed quite cheerful. In fact he was… was that humming? Harry was humming? He was doing better than Draco had dared to hope, and he could only pray this good mood would last. Draco loathed interrupting Harry, but he felt sure Harry would love to hear of their next assignment. Taking a step forward he cleared his throat, revealing his presence to an oblivious Harry.
Harry's head shot up and his body tensed, his right hand going for his wand until he saw it was Draco.
"Oh, it's you. What did Kingsley want?" Harry asked sitting up a little more calmly.
Draco grinned as he walked over to his desk.
"He gave us our next assignment," he said waving the sheet of paper that held details. "It's a long term one."
Harry nodded impatiently, "Well what is it?"
Draco's grin grew, "We've got Hogwarts duty!"
For a second it looked like Harry was going to be just as happy as Draco had hoped, but then he froze.
"For the upcoming school year?" he asked with a cautious voice.
"Yes, of course. We leave next week," Draco said his grin dying as he noticed Harry's discomfort. "What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy. You love Hogwarts!" Draco asked utterly baffled by Harry's reaction.
Harry nodded. "Yeah I do. Great, I can't wait to go back." Contrary to his words however, his shoulders slumped as he turned back to his desk to continue cleaning, all of his previous happiness gone.
Draco sighed, "Harry, please. Talk to me. You were in such a good mood before. What's wrong with Hogwarts? You've always said it's your home."
"It is, Dray," Harry said while removing files from his desk and avoided looking at Draco. "It's just, bad memories and all. Plus, there are some people there that I'd thought I'd never have to deal with again."
Draco frowned and did a mental list of all the teachers at Hogwarts that Harry didn't like. "Come on Harry, you know we aren't going to see Trelawney. That old bat stays in her tower all the time. And Severus isn't that bad! I know you two had your issues in school, but I thought you guys worked past that. You were always quite amiable at Order meetings. Almost friendly!" His musings were cut off when Harry let out a dry sob.
Draco froze as he saw the tortured look in Harry's eyes. The look that only came from one person. The person who had hurt Harry more than any other.
In a flash Draco had crossed the room and pulled his best friend into a hug. He rocked Harry back and forth as he sobbed on his shoulder.
"He won't be there Harry. He's left just like the rest of us. It will just be memories, and I can help you with that can't I?" Draco asked soothingly as he rubbed soothing strokes up and down Harry's back.
"H-he will!" Harry cried, "He's a t-teacher!"
Draco continued to sooth Harry while running through the teachers in this head again. McGonagall, Flitwick, Hagrid, Snape, Trelawney, Sprout. Sprout. After they had graduated Professor Sprout had taken Neville Longbottom on as a Herbology apprentice. The boy had been a genius in his field and as such achieved his Mastery only two years later. After Neville gained his Mastery, Sprout had retired and Neville had taken over her post. Could Neville be the mysterious lover that had hurt Harry so badly? It seemed unlikely, but maybe.
Draco reviewed the facts quickly. The two had been in Gryffindor together and after the fiasco in fifth year he knew that Harry had come to think of Neville as a friend. In fact a few years later Harry had confessed to Draco that Neville was more of a friend to him than Ron and Hermione were. Neville was currently married to Luna Lovegood. Their engagement had been announced, however, just days after Voldemort's defeat, while Harry was still in the hospital.
Draco didn't really see Neville as the type to hurt Harry, but all the signs pointed to him. Slowly he helped Harry to stand and pack his things up. No more work was going to get done today and Harry had exhausted himself from crying. Draco helped Harry to the department floo and tossed in some powder.
"Harry's apartment," he called, helping a shaking Harry into the floo.
"Thanks Draco," Harry said, trying and failing to give Draco a shaky smile. "I'll see you tomorrow.
"Sure thing, Harry," Draco said, concerned. "If you need anything, give me a shout I'll be there in a flash ok?"
"Yeah, okay. Bye," Harry said quietly before allowing the floo to whisk him away to his flat.
Draco went back to their shared office and sat down with a sigh. Running a hand over his face he let out a groan. The next few months were going to be murder. He hoped that Harry would be strong enough.
"I'll figure it out, Harry," Draco whispered to the empty room with a determined look on his face. "I'll find whoever hurt you, whether it be Neville or otherwise and I'll make them pay. I promise."
Draco and Harry stood where they had apparated on the road just outside of Hogsmede, staring up at the castle they had both called home at one point. Draco chanced a glance at Harry's stony face with worry. Since learning of their newest mission Harry had withdrawn into himself again. Rarely speaking, working late, and only eating when Draco reminded him to. It reminded Draco of the weeks after Harry's release from the Hospital. Harry had never left the office, never spoke unless asked a direct question, and rarely ate unless Draco shoved food down his throat. This relapse worried Draco greatly, as did Harry's reaction to meeting his old lover again, whoever that may be. It would not be good and Draco was worried about how it would affect Harry now. His old friend couldn't take much more of this pain before he simply gave up, and Draco feared that Harry was rapidly approaching that point.
"You ready?" Draco questioned quietly.
Harry shook his head, but started up the path to Hogwarts anyway, leaving a concerned Draco to follow.
Upon reaching the castle the two men were greeted by Dumbledore's usual exuberance.
"Harry! Draco! It's wonderful to see you, my boys. It's been too long since you visited this old man. How has the Auror program been treating you then, hmm?" he inquired, his eyes twinkling as usual as he motioned to them to follow him up the Grand Staircase.
"It's been fine," Harry said shortly; eyes darting around nervously, "Just fine."
"That's good, very good," Dumbledore said tugging on this beard thoughtfully. "I'll show you two to your rooms. Of course you won't have to stay here every night. I'm sure Pansy will need you at home some Draco. I heard she's expecting, congratulations to you both, but I'd prefer if at least one of you is in the castle at all times."
"Of course Albus," Draco said, nodding his head, "and thank you, but I won't be visiting home that much. I was wondering though, if you would allow Pansy to stay here once she reaches five or six months. I really don't want her home on her own. For now though I think she's quite happy to have some peace at home."
Dumbledore chuckled, "Of course my boy, of course. Pansy is certainly welcome at any time. Ah! Here we are, these will be your rooms for the duration of you stay. The password is Quidditch; I felt it to be appropriate. Dinner is at six as I'm sure you'll remember. Most of our teachers are arriving tonight so we'll be having a staff meeting afterward; you're welcome to attend. Students, of course, don't arrive till tomorrow evening, so between now and then you're free to relax and reacquaint yourselves with the castle. Now I'll just leave you to get settled in. See you at diner," he said and hurried off.
Draco shook his head at the man's chatter. "Quidditch," he told the portrait that guarded their rooms.
The rooms were lovely. The walls were a dark brown as was all the furniture. The carpets however were a light cream and felt thick and soft beneath Draco's feet. Along the sidewall was a fireplace with a couch and two overstuffed chairs in front of it. Across the room from the fireplace were several bookshelves. A cursory examination showed them to contain various books on defensive magic, potions, and charms. In front of the shelves were two mahogany desks, clearly for him and Harry to do paperwork on.
Directly across from the portrait hole were three doors- two that led to bedrooms and one to a large bathroom. Draco entered the bedroom on the right and felt like he'd stepped into his old Slytherin dormitory. Quickly, he unpacked and went to see Harry's room.
He found Harry sitting on his bed, gazing around the room in wonderment.
"It looks just like the Gryffindor dormitories," Harry told him while he played with the hangings on the four-poster bed.
Draco grinned a bit and said, "Mine looks just like the Slytherin dorms. Come on, it's almost six. Time to go eat."
Harry shook his head, he suddenly seemed to find his feet very interesting, "No thanks, you go on. I'm not hungry."
Draco's grin disappeared in an instant. "Come on Harry, you can't not eat. Besides there's that meeting after dinner that we have to go to."
"Please Draco. I just, I don't think I can go down there right now," Harry asked looking up with that damning look in his eyes. "Can't you just tell me what happens at the meeting? Besides it's a staff meeting. They're going to be talking about kids and behavior and stuff. Nothing major. Just, please Draco. I promise I'll call a house elf if I get hungry, but right now I think I just want to sleep. Please?"
Draco sighed and nodded reluctantly, "Alright, but promise you'll call a house elf if you get hungry?"
"Promise," Harry told him returning his eyes to the floor.
Draco nodded again and left the room. Slowly he made his way down to the Great Hall. He was upset that Harry didn't go to dinner, but he decided that he'd swing by the kitchens after dinner and ask a house elf to bring Harry some food. He understood that Harry was not yet ready to face whoever was waiting for them in the Great Hall. Draco could only home that Harry would be ready by tomorrow night. However since Harry was not coming to dinner, this would be the perfect time to talk to Neville and see if he could possible be Harry's mysterious lover, Draco decided.
When Draco arrived at the Great Hall he was unsurprised to find the other teachers already there for he knew he was a little late. He headed up to the head table and took a seat at the end of the table next to Neville. It was odd to sit up here and have the whole Great Hall laid out before him. His gaze rested on the empty Slytherin table for a few minutes almost wistfully before he turned to survey his dinner partners. He was surprised to see Luna sitting on the other side of Neville. He frowned a little and addressed her, "I didn't know you would be here Lovegood."
"Albus offered me the Divination position when Trewlany decided to retire at the end of last year," Luna replied pleasantly, ignoring, or not noticing his frown. "And please, call me Luna. I did actually change it to Longbottom, but I will be going by Lovegood while I'm here to avoid confusion. However since we will likely be interacting a lot, Luna would be easier."
Draco nodded graciously at that. "Luna, then. And of course feel free to call me Draco."
"I already do, Draco," Luna said smiling brightly.
Draco's eye twitched slightly in annoyance, but he covered it up. If Neville really was Harry's ex-lover seeing Luna here might just push Harry over the edge. Draco now knew that he needed to get to the bottom of this mess, and quickly, before Harry found out. It was a good thing, Draco decided, that Harry had decided to skip dinner. At least now Draco would have a chance to warn Harry before he had to come in contact with the couple.
"Where is Harry, Draco?" Neville questioned innocently as he helped himself to some of the food that had appeared. "I thought he was going to be here with you."
"He is here," Draco explained as he himself reached for a plate of turkey. "He wasn't hungry though so he decided to just take a nap. I'll probably stop by the kitchens after dinner and get a house elf to bring him something though, just in case."
Neville nodded as he piled some corn on his plate before handing the bowl to Luna, "That's too bad. I was hoping to see him. It's been a while since I've talked to Harry. There is always tomorrow I guess. And of course you two will be here all year so there will be plenty of time to catch up. How is he doing, do you know? I remember he had a rough patch a few years ago. Is he doing better?"
Draco eyed Neville carefully for a moment before saying calmly, "He has his good days and his bad, just like us all. And if the bad out number the good sometimes, well then that's what friends are for."
Neville nodded around a mouthful of food and swallowed before saying, "Spoken like a true friend Draco. I'm glad Harry has you on his side. I'm afraid I haven't been there for him very much since Voldemort was defeated. I think it's time to change that though. Now is the perfect time while you guys are going to be staying here."
Draco shot Neville a sharp look and his level of concern for Harry increased dramatically. Before he could make a comment however, Luna made a comment.
"Has Harry recovered from his break up, Draco?"
Both Draco and Neville stared at Luna in shock.
"Break up? Who did Harry break up with? Who was he dating for that matter? And when?" Neville asked his wife curiously.
Draco just stared at her for a minute before asking quietly, "How did you know about that?"
Luna chose to cut open her potato and sprinkle some cheese on it before responding airily, "I've always been rather observant, but it was fairly obvious the last few years we were in school. Has he moved on? Or is his absence from this room really due to the presence of his old lover? Who, I can assure you, is not my husband."
"What? Me?" Neville asked flustered setting down his knife in shock. "Me? Date Harry? I didn't even know he was seeing someone when we were in school. Who was it, Luna, dear?"
"That's not for me to say, but for you to figure out," Luna declared, and although she merely glanced at the ceiling as she said it, it seemed to Draco that she directed the comment more towards him than towards her husband. "It's not my place to tell other people Harry's secrets."
Draco stared at her for several minutes completely floored. How could this girl know so much when she hadn't even talked to Harry in years? Perhaps she was lying?
"I assure you I am not," Luna declared, looking Draco straight in the eye for the first time, and Draco belatedly realized he'd been thinking aloud. "Although, I assume from your silence that Harry has not, in fact, recovered. That is too bad. His stay here will be miserable then. Unless, of course, someone can reunite him with his lover. After all, they truly are perfect for each other."
Throughout the remainder of the meal and the staff meeting afterwards Luna's words ran through Draco's mind. Perfect for each other were they? Then why had Harry's lover left him? It didn't make sense. Nor did the other conclusion that was rapidly forming in Draco's mind. He didn't want to think about it, but he couldn't help but believe Luna when she declared Neville not to be Harry's old flame. The choices were rapidly being narrowed down. Hagrid was out obviously as was Flitwick. Hagrid, besides from being one of Harry's good friends (they regularly had tea together), was married to Madame Maxime. Flitwick was much to short and old. Albus was also too old and Draco was aware that Harry saw Albus as a mentor and a grandfather-like figure. This left one male staff member. The same staff member that, when Draco had mentioned his name the other day, had brought about Harry's breakdown. The clues were all starting to fall into place, creating a picture that was almost as complicated as the puzzle.
Draco got a plate of sandwiches from the kitchen after the staff meeting, but he need not have bothered. By the time he returned to their rooms and checked on Harry, his friend was passed out on his bed, curled up in a little ball on top of his blankets. He appeared to have been crying and had probably fallen asleep of exhaustion. With a sigh, Draco placed the plate of food on Harry's bedside table in case he woke up and was hungry, and covered his friend with a blanket. He then retreated to his room to get some sleep himself. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.
Morning came and almost disappeared before Draco managed to drag himself out of bed. He'd forgotten how comfortable the beds at Hogwarts were. He could easily spend his day laying there, but he knew he had to get up. It was likely that Harry wouldn't make a public appearance until tonight at the feast, so today would be the best chance to speak with Severus.
After a quick shower he got dressed and wandered out into the living area of their suite. Harry was already out there sipping on a cup of tea.
"I knew you'd miss breakfast," Harry said. "You always did love the beds too much to get up early unless we had class. So I took the privilege of ordering your breakfast when I ordered mine. It should be still warm." Harry pointed towards a plate of eggs and sausage sitting on the table next to a cup of still steaming coffee.
"You're the best," Draco said sitting down next to him and taking a gulp of the bitter brew. He attacked his eggs as Harry made a face at the smell of the coffee.
"Don't know how you can drink that stuff," he muttered and Draco just shook his head. They had had this conversation so many times; Draco could practically repeat it word for word. Harry's muggle relatives had always talked about what a filthy American drink coffee was, so upon reaching Hogwarts, Harry had been determined to try it, thinking it was simply his relatives being prejudice. Harry, however, had agreed with their assessment after only one sip of the drink and had never touched the stuff again. It amused Draco how Harry would always whine about the smell whenever Draco drank it (which was nearly every day), yet he always made some available for Draco because he knew Draco loved it.
"What are you going to do today?" Draco questioned Harry after he finished eating.
Harry shifted nervously and shrugged staring into his now empty mug, "I think I'm just gonna stay here and relax some."
Draco sighed, but he had expected this answer. "Ok, but you have to come to the feast tonight you know. You can't spend the whole time we are here, hiding in the room."
"I know," Harry said reluctantly, "but... I just need a little longer."
Draco nodded, he understood. He put his plate on the table knowing one of the House Elves would come and clean it up later. "Okay, I'm going to go for a walk around the castle and maybe go outside some. I'll come back in time to change for the feast," he told Harry.
Harry nodded in understanding and Draco stood up and left their apartment. As nice as a walk sounded, he would have plenty of time in the upcoming months to go for that walk. Right now he needed to have a talk with his godfather.
If he knew Severus, his godfather would be holed up in his chambers reading a potions journal and enjoying his last bit of peace before the "insufferable brats" returned for another year. Therefore, Draco pointed his feet in the direction of the dungeons, eventually stopping at the portrait in front of his godfather's private rooms. He didn't know the password, but he simply asked the familiar portrait to inform Severus that he was there. The figure disappeared for a moment before the portrait swung backward to allow him entrance.
Quickly Draco stepped inside and stepped out of the way so the portrait could swing closed behind him. He had been right, he realized, when he saw Severus sitting on his couch with a leather-backed potions journal open on his lap.
"Draco. To what do I owe this pleasure?" Severus said pleasantly, placing the journal aside and coming to greet him. "You missed breakfast this morning, can I get you something?" He started moving towards the kitchenette that he had in his suite. Severus had asked Albus to install it, soon after he'd started working here. Cooking was very similar to potions and Severus loved them both He was also very good at both.
"Thanks, but no thanks. Harry ordered me breakfast from a house elf and it was still warm when I got up," Draco informed him, watching his godfather's face carefully as he mentioned Harry's name. However, if Harry's name had any effect on Severus, he didn't show it.
"Very well then," Severus said calmly. He resumed his seat and motioning Draco to a chair, which he took. "How is the Wonder Boy? Still thinks he can do whatever he pleases? I noticed he skipped dinner and the meeting last night. Will he skip the feast as well?"
Draco frowned at his godfather. Severus hadn't insulted Harry in a long time. Draco had spoken the truth when he'd commented that Severus and Harry had gotten along better after school. Most of the Order Members would even go so far as to say that they believed Severus and Harry to be friends. Or maybe this was just Severus's bizarre sense of humor again. Even after knowing his godfather for his whole life, Draco sometimes had trouble determining when Severus was joking. Harry, Draco remembered now, had had no such problems. He'd always known when Severus was being sarcastic and had taken great pleasure in Severus's acidic comments at times.
Why hadn't he put all this together sooner?
"Harry is very upset at our coming to Hogwarts." Draco told his godfather, watching him closely for any reactions. Severus, however, was not giving anything away. "Apparently he was seeing someone in our last year of Hogwarts and during the war. They split up right after Harry was released from St. Mungos. Harry was devastated. He is still not at all over it, although many think that he is. He has told me that the person he was seeing is here at Hogwarts and he is terrified of seeing them."
Severus raised an eyebrow, the first sign he had given so far that he was even listening to Draco, "Surely it's not all that bad Draco. Potter is likely being overly dramatic as always. For Merlin's sake, it's been four years since he defeated the Dark Lord, and you're telling me he's still heartbroken over some Hogwarts romance? Who is the wayward lover? Longbottom?"
Draco had to take a deep breath to keep himself from snapping at Severus's blatant cruelty. Severus had always been a bastard, but that had been below the belt, even for him. "No, it's not Neville. I thought that at first myself, but Luna convinced me otherwise. But why are you asking me Severus. You know who it was don't you? It was you wasn't it?"
"Me?" Severus said, raising both eyebrows this time. Still, though, his face showed nothing but slight disdain. "I think the prospect of fatherhood has addled your brain Draco. Why on earth would I have a relationship with the Boy-Who-Lived?"
At that, Draco snapped. Everyone knew Harry hated being called the Boy-Who-Lived, and Draco would not put up with Severus's blatant disregard of Harry. Not when Draco was now positive that it had been his godfather who had hurt Harry so badly.
"Because he's not the Boy-Who-Fucking-Lived Severus! He's Harry! Just Harry! Goddamn it! Lily's boy. And you loved him! To the rest of us it looked like you simply tolerated him, but I know better. I remember all those looks I didn't understand, all those times he would disappear, conveniently at the same times you yourself would be unavailable. And then he would come back with this goofy smile on his face. I'd never seen him so happy. And then you bastard, you brought it all crashing down." Draco was livid. He didn't think he'd ever been this angry in his entire life. His body shook with the urge to strike the man sitting across from him. Here sat the man who had meant the world to Harry, and he was acting as though Harry meant nothing. And Draco wasn't going to sit here and let it go on for one minute more.
"I don't know what you said to him, I don't know why, and I don't fucking care. But you hurt Harry. Ripped him apart. You hurt the person who loved you more than anything else. Hurt a person who has been nothing but hurt for his entire life. Hurt the person who wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with you. I saw it Severus, he loved you more than life itself. Which is why he almost stopped living once you left him. And while he may have loved you, and, Merlin knows, you may have even loved him, but you sentenced him to four years of hell. The first year I had to tell him when to eat. Force him to sleep. I can still hear his screams of pain when he was sleeping. He was completely lost. He tried to kill himself Severus. Three times he tried. Did you know that? You left him, and you destroyed him."
Draco was panting with exertion from yelling at this point. He had stood up some time during his rant, but now he sat back down, suddenly exhausted. Then tension drained from his body and he simply stared at his godfather as he quietly asked, "Why? Why would you do that to someone who loved you?"
Severus's face had paled drastically while Draco had spoken. He just stared at Draco for a few minutes before he buried his face in his trembling hands. Draco gave him a few minutes to process what he'd just said before asking again, "Why did you do it, Severus?"
Severus raised his head again, and when he spoke, his voice was slightly shaky and his eyes were filled with pain. He was showing more emotion than Draco had ever seen him show before. "I wanted him to be happy. Wait, please let me explain," he said desperately when Draco began to open his mouth angrily. "I was Harry's first lover, and no matter what you think, I did love him, still do, as hard as that may be for you to believe. And because I loved him so, I wanted him to be happy. Even if it wasn't with me. I was the first person he'd ever loved, and I didn't want him to realize in five or ten years, that I wasn't what he wanted. So I left him because I knew he could have anything in the world. Anyone. And I wanted him to be happy."
"And you didn't think he could be happy with you?" Draco said scornfully. "And what about later. After you left him. Couldn't you see that he wasn't happy? So what then? Why did you stay away then?"
"I didn't see," Severus said. "I haven't seen Harry since our breakup, Draco. He never came to Hogwarts, never came to Order reunions, and never came to public functions. I went to them, hoping I could catch a glimpse of him, just for that reason, but he never came. So I didn't know. I didn't know. Oh Merlin, what have I done? I need to see him! Talk to him! Apologize!" Severus stood up, clearly intending to go do just that.
"Whoa, whoa, slow down," Draco said, standing as well. He wasn't about to allow Severus to see Harry until he was sure of the man's intentions. "Harry doesn't know that I know what you are to him. I don't think he would appreciate me coming to see you in that capacity. However I agree, you need to go make this up to Harry, and the sooner the better. However I don't want you to rush up there without thinking. You said you still love Harry. Did you mean that? Would you be willing to start a relationship with him again? And stick with it this time. Accepting the fact that Harry really does want you?"
"Yes," Severus said, and Draco was shocked to see him actually wring his hands. The mask Severus used to hide his emotions was well and truly broken at the moment and the man who stood before Draco was the same as any other. "Yes. I love him more than anything. I've truly missed him terribly. I'd give anything to have him back, but I figured after all this time that he wouldn't want me, even if he hadn't moved on. "
Draco examined Severus's face closely and saw the earnest expression in his eyes. He truly did still love Harry. Draco nodded, "Very well then. I assume Albus told you where our rooms are?" At Severus's nod he continued, "Good, the password is Quidditch. And Severus," he said as Severus moved to leave, "be good to him. If you hurt him again, I'll kill you." Severus nodded, knowing Draco was serious, and swept out of the room to go talk to Harry.
Draco stood there a few more minutes, praying he had done the right thing. "Well, might as well go take that walk now," he said to himself, and left Severus's rooms to go wander the grounds until dinner.
Severus stood nervously in front of the portrait to Harry and Draco's rooms. Harry was inside. Harry, who he hadn't seen in four years. Harry, who he'd cruelly abandoned, just when Harry thought they could finally be together forever. Harry, the man he loved. Damn it, he'd missed four years that could have been spent with the love of his life. And he'd be damned if he waited one more minute. "Quidditch," he told the portrait, and strolled through when it swung open.
Harry was sitting at the couch with his back to Severus. He was writing in a muggle notebook. It was a habit Harry had picked up during the war. He wrote down everything he did just in case something ever happened to him. "Back already?" he asked, clearly believing Severus was Draco. "It's not time for dinner yet is it?" he asked and turned around.
Severus's eyes darted over Harry's face taking in the familiar sights. The vivid green eyes, the dark messy hair, the few freckles across his nose, the plump red lips. However the eyes were frozen in shock and horror. The hair was dirty and tangled beyond its normal state showing a lack of care and attention. The few freckles stood out sharply against the rapidly paling skin, and the lips were chapped and bitten nervously.
Harry stood up, dropping the notebook to the floor where it landed open and bent several pages. "What are you doing here?" He was shaking badly.
"I wanted to talk to you. Apologize," Severus said, moving towards him slowly. Harry was clearly very nervous and Severus didn't want to scare him more than he already had. "May I sit?"
Harry stared at him for a minute as if he spoke a different language and then collapsed back on the couch as if his legs had decided to stop supporting him. Still speechless he motioned for Severus to take a seat. Severus did so.
"Draco just came to see me I'm afraid," he began, and Harry paled even more.
"So Draco knows now?" he asked quietly, not looking at Severus. He bent down and picked up his notebook and carefully unbent the pages before closing it and placing it on the table. He fidgeted in his seat as he continued to avoid Severus's gaze.
Severus felt a pang as he saw for himself what his foolishness had done. Draco was right. Harry was a shadow of the man he had once been. It cut through Severus like a knife to know that he had done this to his beloved. For once he let his pain show on his face, although Harry did not look up to see it.
"Yes. He knows. Screamed and yelled at me, he did. I want to apologize, Harry, for everything. I should have never treated you as I did. And no words can ever express my sorrow and guilt, but I wanted you to know," Severus said carefully. He watched Harry closely looking for his reaction, anything that would tell him how to proceed.
Harry nodded and chewed his lip. He still refused to meet Severus's eyes as he said, "Well, now I know," clearly expecting Severus to leave now that he had apologized.
"I wanted you to be happy Harry. I know I was your first lover and I didn't want you to decide in a few years that I wasn't what you wanted. You could have had anyone. And I couldn't understand why you wanted me. I was scared of you leaving me, so I decided to leave you first. There is no decision in my life that I regret as much as that one," Severus told him, the honesty of the statement ringing in his voice.
Harry finally lifted his face to stare at Severus dumbstruck. "Wait, so, you still loved me? And you thought I would change my mind about you and suddenly decide I wanted someone else? Even after all the times I told you that you were the best thing that ever happened to me?"
Severus nodded and the remorse and regret could be seen on every line of his face. "Yes, I'm afraid so. Well, that was my thought process at the time at least. I was terrified of you rejecting me."
"So you decided to reject me first," Harry muttered. Then, growing in volume, "Oh Severus, I would never have rejected you. I loved you. Hell, I still love you!" Harry shook his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe Severus would have been so nonsensical. "I wasn't happy without you Sev, I was miserable! I'm sure Draco mentioned it. I miss you more than I can stand it most days!"
"I'm sorry Harry," Severus said, standing up and moving over to Harry. He sat down next to the smaller man and drew him into a hug. "I'm so, so sorry. Please, if you can find it in you heart to forgive me, allow me to make it up to you. Allow me to spend the rest of our lives making it up to you?"
Harry looked up at Severus in shock and pulled away from the embrace, "Wait, you mean, you still like me?"
"I still love you, Harry. I never stopped loving you. In fact I think it only got stronger all the years without you. Please take me back, love. I promise I'll never hurt you again. I'll cut out my heart before I ever hurt you again," Severus told him, barely daring to hope.
Harry stared at Severus for a minute in disbelief before that disbelief turned to joy and he threw himself at his lover, "Yes, oh Merlin, yes! I've missed you so much Sev."
"I've missed you too my love. So, so much." Severus said as he rocked Harry back and forth in his arms. He had his love right back where he belonged. Gently he pressed kisses to the top of Harry's head.
Suddenly the portrait hole swung open and Draco entered the room. A small smile lit his face as he saw Harry curled up in Severus's arms. He cleared his throat to gain their attention. They both looked up quickly, startled by the presence of someone else in the room.
"It's almost dinner time," Draco told them, grinning at the smile on Harry's face.
Harry sat up with a smile, but he didn't pull away from Severus just yet. "Already? Alright. I should go take a shower. I'm so gross. Now that I think about it I'm kinda hungry too. Good. Just give me a few minutes would you?" At Draco's nod, he smiled at him and quickly mouthed 'Thank you' before turning back to Severus and giving him a quick kiss. Then he stood up and made his way to the shower. In minutes the off tune singing that Draco had come accustomed to Harry using in the shower was heard. It was a sound Draco hadn't heard in four years. He glanced at the man on the couch who was staring at the door Harry had just disappeared through with a small smile on his face. It seemed like everything was going to be okay from now on.