Pairing: Byakuya x Renji
Summary: One day, Renji and Byakuya get a day off. Renji gets a little excited whilst playing spin the bottle. Byakuya takes revenge. Then Renji gets his revenge. Then Byakuya. Then Renji. Then they have sex.
Warning: Contains yaoi and bad language, if you haven't already noticed. It also contains references to yuri. CONTAINS MANY A PAIRING: Renji x Byakuya, HINTED PAIRINGS: Matsumoto x Orihime, Ikkaku x Yumichika, Kira x Hisagi, Ukitake x Hitsugaya, Soi Fon x Yoruichi and Gin x Aizen. There could be others, I forget. This story also contains insanity that really doesn't make any sense. Read at your own peril.
Disclaimer: I don't own bleach, but I would like to own Renji and Byakuya... And Gin.
P.S. The story kinda starts off really crap, but I promise you. It does get better :3
Chapter One
It was a very rare day off for Byakuya Kuchiki.
Byakuya walked across the excessive grounds of the Kuchiki estate, contemplating what he should do with his spare time. Usually he never had this problem; usually he would relax inside his manor reading a calming book and watch the day go past. But that possibility was currently out of the question, because usually his house didn't need to have building repairs done to it.
Yes, his house now had subsidence issues from the amount of tunnels Yachiru had dug underneath it.
It was far too hot to stay outside and risk getting sun stroke and he didn't feel like being all too sociable on his precious day off, so where the hell did that leave him? After several minutes of strenuous thinking; Byakuya came to a conclusion. The human world had shade, right? And there weren't any rules directly stating that he couldn't spend his free time in the human world. So the shinigami grabbed a pair of shorts and t-shirt (it would look a bit weird to be in a kimono in the human world, wouldn't it?) and off he went with a horrible sense that he'd forgotten something.
On second thoughts, he'd better bring sun-tan lotion too, just to be safe.
Byakuya chose to go in a gigai, he shivered as he remembered his last experience in the human world, staying in his spirit form. Renji had forced him to try an 'ice-cream' and Byakuya was stunned when he saw hundreds of people gather around him. I'm invisible as a shinigami, aren't I? It was only then when he realised that yes, he may be invisible, but his ice-cream most definitely wasn't, and a hovering ice-cream eating itself must be quite a spectacle.
Somehow, he had wound up at a beach. Just like in Seireitei, it was yet another boiling hot day with temperatures well over thirty degrees and not a single cloud in sight. But, thankfully, there were large palm tree's covering several wooden benches at the side of the beach, which he made his way over to. As Byakuya sat down, a horrible sinking feeling crept up on him.
I forgot a book.
Byakuya quickly scouted out his surroundings. There were a few shops in the distance. As he got to the small high street, he noticed there was a small shop that appeared to be selling books. He went in and found himself in the middle of his personal heaven. Multiple books. He went over to a small section that appeared to be titled 'Manga'. He'd never personally heard of that sort of genre of book before. He scanned the shelf and pulled out a book that caught his eye, it had something like 'Naruto' on the front cover. He gently flicked through the pages and noticed it had pictures.. Confused and thoroughly enticed by this new book he had found (could he call it a book?), he walked straight out of the store and heard a horrible beeping noise as he exited the door.
He remembered that in the human world, even nobility such as himself had to do such a thing as 'pay'.
However, money was currently out of Byakuya's grasp as he turned around to see around 3 cashiers running towards him at petrifying speeds.
'Oops.'
Byakuya flash stepped as fast as he had ever flash stepped before and the cashiers were sent into a tumbling mess at the doorway, wondering where the perpetrator had made off to.
Byakuya relaxed once again on the wooden bench he had found earlier with book in hand.
An hour later, Byakuya finished his new found favourite book and rested on the bench considering what would happen if he drew cat whiskers on Ichigo. Just as he began to close his eyes it dawned on him that he could hear familiar voices faintly in the background.
'What the...'
Just at that moment he heard a loud shout behind him.
'TAICHOU? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?'
Byakuya could recognise that loud, boisterous voice anywhere.
'I was about to ask you the same thing, Abarai.' Byakuya said calmly, but secretly still in shock, as he turned around to face Ichigo, Orihime, Ishida, Chad, Matsumoto, Yumichika, Ikkaku, Kira, Hisagi and his lieutenant standing in front of him, all sharing the same shocked expression on their faces.
'Well, ya see, we had the day off today so we decided to head to the beach.'
'Oh.' There was me thinking I had done something special to get a day off.
'Oi, Taichou, d'ya wanna play spin the bottle with us?'
'Just because you and I have a day off, does not give you permission to completely disregard your formality of speech, Abarai. And what, may I ask, is 'spin the bottle'?'
Renji laughed and put his hand around Byakuya's shoulders.
'Neither of us are working today, pal, and here in the human world, there's no such thing as nobility or formality.' Renji put on a massive smile, happy that for once in his life he got to taunt the great Byakuya Kuchiki, without getting his arse kicked into submission.
'Do remember, that I can,' he coughed slightly 'kick your arse, as soon as we get back to soul society and trust me, I'll make sure you won't be walking properly for a week, so please refrain from touching me ever again.' Byakuya shot Renji one of his best glares that just screamed 'Go die in a hole where no-one can see you.'
Completely ignoring what his captain had just told him, Renji grabbed one of Byakuya's arms and Ichigo grabbed the other and began to haul him off further down the beach, not acknowledging Byakuya's monotone rants of injustice and 'how you should treat your higher-ups'.
As soon as they reached a fairly secluded part of the beach right next to the sea, everyone gathered in a circle. Renji forced Byakuya to sit down, just for him to try and make a runner a couple of seconds later. But Renji slowly dragged him back and forced him to take a seat again and Matsumoto put all her weight on his knee to stop him from re-attempting any more escape plans.
Ichigo pulled out an empty bottle of coke from his bag and placed it in the middle of them, he couldn't believe that Renji had somehow forced him to play this stupid teenage girls game.
'So how are we doing this?' Ichigo asked, unable to keep the slight tone of 'OMGWTFAMIDOING?' out of his voice.
'Well, the way I used to play it' Matsumoto started, 'was that when you spin it and it lands on someone, they pick either: truth, dare or kiss. If they pick either truth or dare then you spin the bottle again to see who would make the dare or truth, if you pick kiss, then you spin again and whoever it lands on is the person you have to kiss. Once you have kissed them, you have to go further the next time if you're chosen again with that person.'
Byakuya just stared at the bottle with the feeling of dread sitting on his shoulders. Renji, Hisagi and Ikkaku grinned, Kira looked slightly doubtful yet up to it, Ishida, Ichigo and Chad all looked less than impressed. The girls and Yumichika just giggled.
'Just as long as I only have to kiss beautiful people,' Yumichika sighed, whilst stroking his hair.
Matsumoto and Orihime looked at each other smiling, getting to see their fit team-mates possibly making out made this game 'oh so worthwhile'.
Matsumoto reached out to grab the bottle, flashing as much cleavage to the boys as humanly possible, making sure that they would choose kiss if the bottle span their way, even if they had a 1 in 5 chance of possibly kissing a member of the opposite sex. The bottle landed on Hisagi.
'Truth.' Shuuhei Hisagi stated simply.
'You're no fun at all.'
'You're the one that didn't want to play, Ichigo.'
Hisagi span the bottle again, which landed on Ishida. Ishida spent no time in thinking up his question.
'In all honest truth, why on earth do you have 69 tattooed on your FACE?'
'Well, ya see, a while back I tried several new positions with this dude and we tried a position called '69'. It was quite possibly the best position I've ever been in. So, knowing me, I thought I would forget the name of it, and I didn't have any paper handy so I went into a tattoo studio and asked the chick working there to tattoo it for me. Now I'll never forget what a wonderful position it was.'
The whole group just sat and stared at Hisagi.
'I just said all of that out loud, didn't I?'
The group all nodded slowly.
'Oops. I was erm, just, er, saying my thoughts out loud. I meant that there was some guy who saved me and erm yeah he ha-'
'So who is this dude you were with?' Matsumoto cut in.
'D-d-did I say dude?' Hisagi laughed feebly whilst scratching his head, 'I meant chick, how silly of me and anyway, that was all.. erm... A figment of my imagination.'
By this time Hisagi's face was the same colour as Renji's hair. Hisagi grabbed the bottle and span it, desperate for someone else to suffer the shame he was currently weighed down with.
The bottle came to rest, pointing at Ishida again; Ishida said truth and re-spun the bottle.
'Ishida-kun, if you had to sleep with any of the males in the circle, who would it be?'
Everybody's stares migrated to Orihime. How could such a seemingly innocent girl create such a seemingly un-innocent question?
'Everyone.' Ishida claimed with a small grin on his face. All Ichigo could see was evil radiating off of that smile with a horrible feeling that if Ishida was drunk enough he really would sleep with everyone.
'Why's everyone acting so fuckin' FREAKY?' Ichigo said with a worried expression on his face, looking at his comrades, all sharing a marginally creepy smile apart from Byakuya who appeared to be hypnotised by the waves, most likely attempting to block out the escapades that were happening around him.
Ishida span the bottle which pointed at Ichigo.
'Fuck. Eugh, I'll go for truth'
'So who's no fun at all now, Ichigo?' Hisagi sneered.
Ichigo reluctantly took the bottle and re-spun it attempting to cleverly direct it to Chad. There was no way that Chad would ever make up something perverted for him to answer. But just his luck, the bottle went one further and landed instead on Renji.
'Double fuck.'
Renji laughed. 'Me, plus you, plus lube, plus a cupboard. What would you do in 7 minutes?'
'I would fuck your shit up, pal.'
Renji laughed again, and leaned in close to Ichigo, putting his hand around Ichigo's waist.
'I like that idea, we have some spare time now, don't we?' Renji patted Ichigo's butt. The girls squealed.
Ichigo sat, aghast at what he had just experienced and suddenly sprinted off as fast as he could out to sea, Renji straight away on his tail.
'WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE TODAY?' Could be faintly heard in their direction.
When Ichigo got back from his 'shenanigans' with Renji he sat back down in his place, making sure he put a lot of personal space between him and Renji. He span the bottle again which landed on Yumichika who finally chose dare. When Yumichika re-spun the bottle it faced Kira.
'Grope whoever you think is the most beautiful.'
'Easy.'
Yumichika got up and headed in Matsumoto's direction, Matsumoto wiggled her eyebrows.
'I feel so beautiful.' She gushed, secretly she always held something for the 'pretty boy'.
But Yumichika crawled straight past Matsumoto and grabbed Ikkaku's *ahem* package. Ikkaku screeched and grabbed hold of Matsumoto and pointed to her breasts.
'THAT is FAR more beautiful than THIS.' Ikkaku pointed downwards holding the same expression that Ichigo had just a couple of minutes ago when Renji had hit on him.
'And that is why you have no perception of beauty, Madrame.' Yumichika smiled smugly, content with himself.
Ikkaku just sat in his place, partially mortified and scared for life, but a tiny little part of him was smitten that he was deemed most beautiful by his ever-so-critical best friend.
Yumichika spun the bottle, this time its target was Matsumoto.
'Kiss.'
Matsumoto grabbed the bottle and it landed on Orihime. All of the guys leered forwards slightly.
Before Orihime knew what had just happened Matsumoto had locked lips with her. The men cheered loudly, this was the reason why they bothered to play. All the commotion they were making almost managed to break Byakuya's hypnosis of the waves. It was the only thing that was keeping him sane.
Orihime sat dazed. Matsumoto span the bottle again which landed on Renji. Renji was so fired up from the little display he was ever so keen on, he chose kiss, forgetting his 4 in 5 chance of kissing a member of the same sex. Renji took hold of the bottle and span it as fast as he could. It landed on non-other than Byakuya Kuchiki. Now it was the girls time to get a better view.
Renji crawled straight over to Byakuya, who appeared not to notice Renji's advances but stayed mesmerised by the motion of the waves. Renji connected his lips with his captains. Byakuya had definitely now lost all hypnosis and leapt about a mile in the air. He quickly regained his posture and gawked at Renji.
'What was that, Abarai?'
'The bottle told me to do it.'
'...' Byakuya looked sceptical, 'Has a hollow taken possession of that bottle? I have never seen such a phenomena...'
'Ha-ha, you weren't paying ANY attention, were you Taichou?' Renji specifically drew out the last word, being even more risky in taunting his captain.
Byakuya just blinked and flash-stepped again for the second time in the day to try and put as much space as possible between him and his perverse lieutenant. Byakuya lifted his hand to his lips, never had they felt so...
So...
Byakuya couldn't quite think of the word but it went something along the lines of 'violated'.