Ever Wondered?
Ok so this is another little one-shot….well I say little it's quite long for a one-shot but yeah.
So let me give you a bit of info: Bold writing signifies quotes that I've used and there from One Tree Hill, just so you know and Bold Italic is memories ok?
Good so a little warning Alice doesn't come in until about half way through.
Enjoy!
Ever wonder how long it takes to change your life? What measure of time is enough to be life-altering? Is it four years, like high school? One year? An eight-week walking tour? Can your life change in a month, or a week, or a single day? We're always in a hurry to grow up, to go places, to get ahead... but when you're young, one hour can change everything.
One hour.
That was all it had been.
Just one hour since everything in her life had been turned upside down.
Just one hour for everything she had known to come crashing down around her.
And right now all she could think about was that an hour was such a short time…..she didn't really pay attention to time….she didn't pay attention to how it seemed to roll past her….how hours past by her each and every day….she paid attention to months….to years but to days?...To hours?...To minutes?...No….She didn't pay attention to them….she didn't let her mind think about them…they weren't really something that she had to worry about…..that she had to think about…..but that all changed precisely one hour ago.
Now she was thinking about the hours….about the minutes…..about the seconds as she watched the clock on the wall opposite her continue with its infernal ticking…she watched at the smaller hand went around slowly…..she watched as the bigger hand ever so slightly moved every now and then…she watched as it mocked her as the hands continued to move…..oh how she wished she could freeze time…..rewind time and take back this past hour…she would do things differently…..so differently.
She could feel her clasped hands that were in her lap had started to sweat with her nerves….with her panic….she could feel the cold and hard plastic chair she was sat in digging into her back….but she didn't make a motion to move from her position….she deserved to be uncomfortable…..she deserved to feel the pain that she knew would surely follow from sitting so upright without moving for so long.
Does this darkness have a name?
She drew in a deep breath, her eyes never leaving the clock on the wall….she had been alone too long…..someone should be telling her something….they should be in here telling her good news.
This cruelty, this hatred?
But the silence that covered the entire room like a blanket told her that she was still alone…that she hadn't been told anything…and that in itself signified not good.
How did it find us?
This shouldn't have happened. Everything was almost perfect…..and now this? She shook her head slightly…..this wasn't supposed to happen.
Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it?
Did she ask for this?
Was this all because of her?
If she hadn't said what she had said….if the words had never left her lips…..would she still be here right now?
So many questions were running through her mind like a raging stampede that she could feel the start of a headache coming on….never a good thing.
What happened to us?
Why?
Why did she retaliate?
Why couldn't she just let it go?
Because she'd had enough. She'd had enough of all the snide comments….of all the disappointed looks…..of all the glares that were sent her way.
She'd had enough of everything and just wanted them to stop. She just wanted them to stop.
That we now send our children out into the world like we send young men to war, hoping for their safe return but knowing that some will be lost along the way.
It was never meant to be this hard…..it was supposed to be easy…when the words had left her lips all those weeks ago she thought it had been that easy…..and it seemed it had been for a couple of days.
But then the comments and looks started…and then the shouting and arguments started behind closed, private doors. She knew there was only so much she could take until she reached her breaking point…she just never knew it would result in this.
When did we lose our way?
She felt the burning start in her eyes, signifying the tears that had gathered in them and did nothing to stop them from falling. If anything she encouraged them…..she wanted to feel sad…she wanted to feel pain…she didn't want to feel good about what she had done…even though there was a part of her that did….it was a very small part…but it was still there….and she hated it.
She wasn't a violent person…she wasn't even an angry person but what had been said just made her flip….it was like something had burst free inside of her and she couldn't hold herself back…..no matter how much she tried…..and didn't try.
The memory of what had happened the hour before spread into her mind, getting bigger and bigger until it covered everything.
Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness.
"It isn't natural!' He nearly roared as he stood from his chair and took a step towards her, 'It's supposed to be a man and a woman….the way god intended! What you're doing is unacceptable!"
"Cut the religious crap old man it doesn't work with me when I know you haven't gone to church one day in your whole frigging life! I will love who I want no matter, race, age or gender! You cannot dictate to me who I can and cannot see!" She nearly screamed but didn't move towards him instead chose to take a small step back….she knew her father would never hurt her, he wasn't an angry man just like she wasn't an angry woman but something that had been suppressed for a while….something had had been building in the two of them for weeks had finally been let loose and she wasn't about to take any chances.
"Why can you not see that all I want is what's best for you!" He thundered angrily his hands clenching into fists by his sides, while his daughter's were unbundled but her arms were shaking by her sides. "If you want what is best for me you will see that I already have what is best for me!" She said and watched as her father's form took another step towards her so there was barely a meter between them.
"You will not see her ever again! I will not have that filth in my home! I won't have her in here disgracing my house! I won't have it! I forbid it!" He shouted and in the next moment all she was aware of was her dad, now inches away from her looking at her in shock, a nice red handprint on his cheek and her right hand hanging limply by her side but her palm stinging slightly. She didn't give herself time to revel in the fact that she had just slapped her dad….she didn't give herself any time to feel guilty before her mouth was open and the words started to fall from her lips like a waterfall, "YOU FORBID IT! I AM AN ADULT! YOU CANNOT FORBID ME FROM DOING ANYTHING! I DON'T WANT TO EVER HEAR YOU SPEAKING ABOUT HER LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN! SHE IS MY LIFE! SHE IS MY HAPPINESS! I! LOVE! HER! WHY CAN YOU JUST NOT ACCEPT THIS AND MOVE PAST IT? WHY CAN YOU NOT BE HAPPY FOR ME? FOR US? HER FAMILY OUR! IN FACT THEY'RE BLOODY ESTACTIC! THEY DON'T CARE THAT THEIR DAUGHTER….THEIR SISTER HAS FALLEN IN LOVE WITH A GIRL! THEY'VE BEEN SO SUPPORTIVE TO ME! THEY'VE BEEN MAKING EXCUSE AFTER EXCUSE FOR YOU! TELLING ME THAT YOU'RE JUST SHOCKED! THAT YOU'LL COME AROUND! THAT SOON WE'LL ALL HAVING LITTLE GET TOGETHER'S….LAUGHING AND JOKING WITH EACH OTHER LIKE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I KNOW THAT IT'S NOT TRUE! I KNOW THAT YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO OK ABOUT THIS! YOU'RE TAKING YOU ANGER AND UNRESOLVED ISSUES OUT ON ME! JUST BECAUSE MOM LEFT YOU FOR A WOMAN DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE ANY RIGHT TO DO THIS TOO ME!" She screamed before taking a deep breath but when she saw her father open his mouth to speak she cut him off and carried on but this time a little softer, "I want you in my life dad but dammit if this is what it's going to be like then I'm sorry….I can't stay where I'm not accepted….where I'm not wanted." She said before making her way to the front door but stopped short after a couple of steps when she heard her dad murmur with disgust, "Yes go running to her and her little accepting family, it's disgusting."
She whirled around and looked at her dad; her face murderous and she briefly saw the flash of regret in his eyes before they were once again replaced with their now all too familiar cold and disappointed look. "Even now….when I've just told you that I'm leaving for good….that you're never going to see me again…..even now you're still making little snide comments! HOW DARE YOU! I CAN SEE WHY MOM LEFT YOU! YOU'RE A HOMEPHOBIC, HEARTLESS BASTARD! I WOULD SAY I WISHED I'D NEVER MOVED HERE BUT THAT WOULD BE A LIE CAUSE THEN I WOULD HAVE NEVER OF MET HER AND I'D TAKE ALL THIS AGAIN JUST TO BE WITH HER! DON'T EVER BOTHER CALLING ME! I DON'T CARE IF YOU SUDDENLY HAVE A CHANGE OF HEART! I HATE YOU! IF I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN IT'LL BE TOO SOON! YOU'RE DEAD TO ME!" She screamed her face was flush with rage and she had noticed that throughout her little speech her father's face had been steadily getting more and more purple but she thought nothing of it.
She took one last look at her face memorizing his face and trying to find any resemblance to her loving and caring father that she used to visit in the summer but there was none….this person stood in front of her was a stranger.
He didn't say anything this time as she turned her back to him and walked to the front door and out of it and for that she was thankful….she didn't think she had anymore words left in her…no all she had left in her were tears and she didn't try and stop herself from crying.
There really was no point.
Does this darkness have a name?
Oh how she wished she had stayed just a few more minutes…..maybe she could of done something…...anything…..but deep in her heart she knew there was nothing she could have done other than what her neighbor had done…..she would have been just as useless as them and that wasn't a feeling she liked…in fact she hated feeling useless.
She still couldn't believe that she had slapped him….her own father but then again was he her father now?...After this was all over would he change?...Would he be able to come around from his way of thinking and be in her life?
Answer: Probably not.
She remembered the call she had gotten not even fifteen minutes after she had stormed out of her house…..she had been through a lot of things in her eighteen years but nothing had ever chilled her to the bone…..nothing had ever made her tremble as badly as that phone call.
"Hello?" She said into her cell, the caller wasn't a number she recognized and she was slightly intrigued but mostly confused as to who could be calling her.
"Hello Miss Swan?" A female voice asked from the other end, she sounded tired and a little hesitant making Bella even more confused. "Yes?" The brunette asked and heard the lady sigh almost too quietly for her to hear but hear she did. "Charlie Swan was brought to Forks Hospital five minutes ago." The lady said and was met with Bella's immediate response, "What happened?" She asked but her tone wasn't filled with panic it was calm almost numb. "All will be explained when you get to the hospital Miss Swan." Was all the lady said.
Is it your name?
Bella remembered how she had froze at those words, she hadn't recalled seeing or hearing any ambulances in the area and remembered how she quickly waved it off as being too lost in her own thoughts.
And then it came.
The almost split second feeling of not going.
It was over after a second but in that second Bella remembered how her mind had nearly made her mouth spill out the word, 'No' Her mind had thought about the point of going…..Charlie didn't care about her so why should she care about him? After all he had put her through these past few weeks.
Bu then her supposed selflessness kicked in and she had answered.
"I'll be right there." Bella stated before she hung up the phone without another thought and started to run back in the direction of her house, nothing else was in her mind except that she needed to get to her truck and get to the hospital.
She remembered how she had pushed her truck to its limits and had gotten to the hospital not even ten minutes later; she remembered how she had rushed into the hospital and practically demanded to know what had happened to her father.
A doctor who was passing by the reception heard what she had been asking and came to talk to her, he told her how Charlie had suffered a heart attack and that he was in theatre right now and how doctor Cullen was going to take good care of him before leading her to the waiting room she was in now. And then he left….not answering any of the questions that she so desperately wanted to ask….not telling her when someone would be in to talk to her…..not telling her anything.
She closed her eyes tightly against the fresh wave of pain that flew through her body…..she couldn't believe this was happening.
Her mind recalled the last words she had said to him….the last words she had said to her father before she had stormed out of the house and didn't look back.
'YOU'RE DEAD TO ME!'
A sob escaped her mouth…..and then another…and then another…until she was full blown crying her eyes out….the sobs escaping her lips at a phenomenal rate and Bella didn't need to have her girlfriend's super hearing to know that her heart was cracking down the middle. She could feel it, it was like someone had gotten a hammer and chisel and hit her heart so hard that it could do nothing but crumble under the pressure.
Have you ever wondered what marks our time here? If one life can really make an impact on the world...or if the choices we make matter? I believe they do. And I believe that one man can change many lives. For better...or worse.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed as she continued to cry her eyes out before she felt a pair of stone cold yet warm arms encompass her body and pull it from her uncomfortable plastic waiting chair into a hard but comfortable, small and very familiar lap and chest. Her pixie said nothing but softly stroked her hair and cradled her gently as Bella turned her head into the crook of her psychic's neck and carried on crying.
"How…d…did you…..k…. know I w….was here?" The brunette spluttered through her sobs as she lifted her head and looked in Alice's sad golden eyes, the pixie said nothing merely raised and tapped two of her fingertips against her left temple as an answer. "Alice….if I had j…just kept my mouth shut…..oh god the th….things I said." Bella said a sob sticking in her throat as it decided to close and not let anything else out, making her breaths become erratic.
"Shhh Bella, shhhh it's ok…..you did nothing wrong….don't think like that…..this isn't your fault." Alice said soothingly her lips turned downwards at seeing her mate in such sadness. "No Ali….you…..you don't understand…..I…I said I….I hated him….I said he was…..he was dead to me." The last words came out of the brunette's lips as a whisper but the small vampire heard them as clear as day and felt her dead heart clench at her love's broken tone.
"Things are said in the heat of the moment…Charlie knows you didn't mean what you said Bells." Alice replied as she held her girlfriend tighter to herself, she had to admit that for once in her life she was scared….she didn't know the outcome of this…and although she knew Charlie hated her for being with his daughter….even though he had said some pretty nasty things to Bella about her…Alice would never wish any harm to come to the Chief Of Police and hoped that he would pull through…..she didn't know how her girlfriend would cope if her didn't….Bella may not say it….especially these past few weeks but she loved her father deeply.
"You don't know that….I was just so angry…..so angry...I…I didn't mean it….he has to be ok…..I…..I need to tell him I'm sorry…..I…..I need…need to…" Alice saw Bella struggling with her words as the tears continued to fall from her chocolate brown eyes and slide down her red cheeks and immediately silenced her the best way she knew how.
She cupped Bella's chin in her hand, lifted her brunette's head a little, dipped her head down slightly and pressed their lips together gently.
The effect was instantaneous as soon as Alice's lips were on Bella's, the human forgot about everything else….she forgot where she was…she forgot about her father…..she forgot about what was happening….she ever forgot her own name. When they broke apart some minutes later it was to see Carlisle standing in the doorway his face impassive as he gazed at two of his daughter's in front of him.
"Carlisle?...How's my dad?...Can I go and see him?" Bella fired off her questions with rapid succession, completely missing the sorrow that was held in the blonde doctor's eyes as he looked at his pixie daughter to see understanding cross her face.
"Carlisle?" Bella asked as she slowly stood from her position on Alice's lap and took a couple of small steps towards the blonde vampire but stopped suddenly in mid-step. "No." She whispered it was so quiet that the two vampires almost didn't hear…..almost.
"Bella…." Carlisle started to say but the human cut him off, "Don't…don't say it…..he's fine…..Carlisle tell me he's fine." She said and both of the Cullen's didn't miss the pleading tone in her voice. "Bella it wasn't just a heart attack…..one of the main arteries coming from his heart had tore…..I tired to close it but I couldn't find it and…..Bella I'm sorry but his heart just couldn't take the strain,' Carlisle explained and watched as his brunette daughter shook her head venomously from side to her at his words, he didn't want to say the next words but knew he had to, 'He passed away on the operating table…..we couldn't revive him…..I'm sorry."
Everything was silent for a moment.
The silence pressed in on her it was like it was screaming at her….she couldn't escape it, it echoed in her ears and brought tears to her already tear filled eyes, it spoke louder than any words she had ever heard…..the silence cut through her heart like a blunt sword.
Bella's eyes widened slightly as the reality of the situation hit her full force making her take a step away from Carlisle who was watching her with concerned eyes. "Daddy." Bella whispered as she shook her head to try and get rid of the tears that were blurring her vision but it was to no avail.
She felt something churn in her stomach as her dad's face flashed before her eyes, a small sob flew out of her lips and then she couldn't stop. Bella let her hands come up to grab the sides of her head as tears rolled down her cheeks, felt her legs give way but did nothing to stop herself from falling to the floor.
The shock of what had happened…..of the words Carlisle had just spoken to her…just told her….the fear of what would happen now…..what was going to happen was too much for the young brunette to bear, she could feel it all pressing in on her and felt her breaths start to come in short sharp gasps through her cries.
She heard more than saw Carlisle slowly leave the room and close the door behind him softly as a pair of loving arms wrapped around her tightly but didn't make a move to move her off the floor.
"He's….he's…he's gone….Alice he's gone….my dad's gone…..he's really gone…..he's not coming back…Alice he's gone." Bella whimpered between her cries making Alice hold her love closer to her body, the pixie didn't know what to do, so settled for holding her love tightly and rocking them slowly from side to side as she gently brushed her fingertips up and down her mate's back, while whispering what she hoped to be soothing words in Bella's ear.
"Shhh everything's going to be ok…..I'm here…I'm here…I'll always be here…I promise you're going to get through this Bella…I'll be with you every step of the way….I'll always be with you….it's going to be ok Bells…..shhhh." The psychic said as Bella's hands came up and gripped the blouse she was wearing tightly, Bella's face turning into her chest as the brunette tried to muffle her cries of pain. Even with her face pressed into Alice's chest, Bella's screams echoed throughout the room as the pain and grief of losing her father cut into her like a knife….it slashed through her like she was butter….carved through her like a bull and Bella did nothing to try and ease her pain except grip her pixie's blouse tighter and try and bury her head deeper into the older girl's chest as her body shook with the force of her piercing screams.
Alice's eyes closed tightly at the sound of her love's screams of pain…..she knew Carlisle had gone to call the rest of the family to let them know of what had happened but right now all she could focus on was her Bella…her mate was in pain and there was nothing she could do about this….that thought killed Alice more than anyone could ever imagine. "Everything's going to be ok Bella…..everything's going to be ok." Alice repeated the words over and over again in her brunette's ear.
"N…..no….I….it….w…w….won't…..A…..Ali…he's gone…..he's gone…and he's…..never coming back…I'm…..I'm all….a…..alone." The brunette managed to say through her sobs, her voice a little horse from her screaming, somewhere in the back of her mind, the last small rational part of her knew she wasn't alone but right now that part of her was being overthrown by the rest of her grief and pain filled mind.
"You'll never be alone…I'm here…I'll always be here…..and that will never change…..you'll always have me Bella…..I promise." Alice spoke softly, lovingly but her words were forceful and passionate making sure they got through to the brunette, who upon hearing those words momentarily stopped crying and looked up to meet her pixie's honey golden eyes, "You'll always be with me?" The brunette asked with a vulnerable tone that Alice had never heard from her love before.
Alice gazed into her human's red, puffy, emotion filled chocolate brown eyes, "I promise." She stated.
'A lot can happen in an hour' Bella thought.
Well that's the end of that little one-shot, what did you think?
Leave us a review and let us know
Now please bear in mind that it is now nearly 4 in the morning as I'm finishing this, it just appeared in my head and I knew I had to write it before I forgot it, so if in some places it's a little…..vague then I'm sorry but you know….four in the morning, all I'm saying :P
So look out for more one-shots from me and also check out my other Twilight story that I'm writing at the moment, it's called Changeling
Until next time!