Disclaimer: i do not own camp rock or the characters.

please enjoy :)

Because of you

Chapter 1

As I sat there on the edge of my roof, a thousand thoughts were going through my mind. How easy would it be to just jump? No one would care, I had no one who loved me anymore, I had let it all slip away. I had ruined everything. I guess, 'you don't know what you've got until its gone' fits in perfectly with my situation. But you had no idea how much I had lost. I lost my will to live, I lost any feeling of love, I had lost myself. I didn't mean to, it wasn't my fault, it was the eyes, the looks people gave me after the accident, they were all filled with pity. I didn't want pity; I wanted my mom back. Their words were filled with meaningless promises and lies. 'it will get better', 'im always here if you need me'. It was bullshit, no one was there for me, they just lied to make me feel better, but it never worked.

Running a shaky hand through my hair, I stood up and climbed back through my window. As soon as my feet were firmly on the ground I heard a crash downstairs. I closed my eyes and let out a scared breath. Dad was home. I waited patiently as I heard his loud footsteps getting closer and closer until my door swing open. I slowly opened my eyes to see him swaying with a ¾ empty bottle. He had been drinking again. Whenever he drank, I would end up bruised and battered. It was always the same. The bruises from last time still hadn't faded. As he stumbled towards me I prepared myself for whatever he was going to do. The first blow was the hardest, knocking me to the ground, I covered my stinging cheek and I scurried away from him.

His eyes bore into me. "You're the reason your mother is dead, it's all your fault" his voice boomed throughout the empty house causing to echo. He went to hit me again but he stopped before he touched me. He laughed in mockery as he saw me cower away from him. "You make me sick" he spat as his foot collided with my shin. I let a small shriek out as I clutched my leg. He shot me a glare before he left my room.

Welcome to my life.

This happened very often as he drank almost everyday, no matter how much I begged him to stop, he never did. It was like he got some sick pleasure seeing other people's pain. He covered up his own pain with the poison he drank. It gave him some comfort, until it wore off, and then it would start all over again.

I never told anyone, well, because no one ever asked. Not that I would tell them anyway, but it would be nice to be asked if I was ok, to show that some people might actually care, even though they didn't. I think people were afraid to talk to me, I never really spoke in school, except to my best friend, but I hardly spoke to her anymore. I couldn't bear tell her what I go through, she might not talk to me ever again, and I couldn't loose her, even thought I slowly was. I pushed everyone away, everyone I ever cared about. I pushed him away.

He never did anything wrong, as I just shunned him out. He was there for me, he cared and he would listen, but I couldn't stand it. I wasn't good enough for him; he didn't deserve some 17-year-old who wanted to die. He deserved someone who could return his love because then, I didn't love him nearly as much as he loved me. I wanted to, so badly, but the thought of getting close to someone scared me, I felt as if I let them in, they would leave me or I would loose them, and I just couldn't take that risk. The loss of my mom was too much and I just couldn't deal with it. I needed him though, he knew that as well, but I would never admit that, not to anyone.

Sitting on my bed I just stared at the bare white walls that were once filled with pictures of smiling faces and joy. Now, when I looked at that wall, all I saw was emptiness and despair. I tilted my head up to look at the clock. 4:15pm. I sighed, what could I do to make the time go any faster, all this silence was agonizing. I decided to call my best friend. Flipping my phone up, I dialled her number and waited for her to answer.

"Hey Mitch" she said softly with a little happiness in my voice. I think she was happy that I had actually called her, since I had basically been ignoring her for the past couple of months, I was surprised she hadn't given up on me yet, but I was glad she hadn't.

I took a deep breath. "Hey Caity" my voice shook as I spoke. I didn't know if I could do this.

She picked up on that straight away. "Mitchie? What's wrong, are you ok?" the urgency in her voice made my heart warm a little. Maybe I should tell her, but would she tell anyone, not if I told her not too.

I shook my head, which made a few tears fall to the floor. "No, I don't know what to do anymore Caitlyn, everything's wrong". I hated sounding so weak, I had kept my emotions perfectly locked inside of me and now, they were just dripping out.

"Mitchie, tell me what's wrong" Caitlyn's firm voice filled my ears. I could tell she was worried, I smiled slightly at that, someone cared.

But the smile disappeared all to quickly as I prepared myself to tell her. "It's my dad" I croaked. I honestly didn't know how she was going to take it, I was afraid that she would tell someone, I didn't want that, because if my dad ever found out I had told, I shuddered, I didn't even want to think about that.

"What about your dad?" she said cautiously. She didn't understand what I was saying.

I sighed. "He's been drinking since my mom died and when he does, he, hit's me" I barely whispered out the response. It felt strange saying those words out loud, now someone knew, I felt a small weight lift from my chest.

She didn't talk for a few seconds, I was afraid that she was going to hang up. "He hit's you?" she paused before speaking again. "Why don't you tell someone, other than me" she sounded so confused.

My eyes widened. "I can't tell anyone! I couldn't even tell you but I did, Caitlyn you have to promise me that you will not tell anyone, not even your mom" my frantic voice gave away just how much I wanted her to keep this to herself. I can only dread the horrors that will occur if someone else found out.

"Fine, I wont tell anyone, but I cant help you if you don't" she said replied in sorrow. I felt a wave of guilt flood my body, she truly wanted to do something to help, but I wasn't going to let her because of my stupid constant fear.

I nodded. "I know, I just need someone to talk to". And she was the only one I could talk to, now that he wasn't here with me, I had no one but her.

"Well, im always here if you need to talk, I promise, I just hate knowing that you could be getting beaten as soon as you hang up" her voice soothing as she sighed.

I forced a smile. "Im a big girl, I can handle it"

She sighed once again. "Hardly Mitchie, all those bruises, all those cuts, doesn't look like you get away with just a scratch"

I winced as the memories of his violent swings flooded back to mind. "I can handle it Caity, I have to"

"Call me next time he does something, your coming to live with me if this carries on, im not risking your life because you don't want me to tell anyone, you cant stay there, he might end up killing you Mitch" she said dramatically.

"Ok, Bye Caitlyn" I said before flipping my phone shut. I threw my phone onto the floor as I ran my hands over my face. Part of me wished I had never told her, but the other part of me was glad that someone knew. I feel so helpless and lost, sitting here waiting for my father to fall asleep so I can leave the room. I cant believe my own father had made me fear everything, including other men. I felt so conscious whenever a guy would look at me, I would always keep my head down, avoiding their hungry stares, it made me cringe when I saw the look in their eyes when they looked at me, I couldn't understand what it was but I never stuck around long enough to figure it out.

As I sit there a brief thought crashes over me, should I just end it here? Everything? I could do what I thought about earlier, just jump. I swallowed harshly as I made my way slowly over to my window. I stopped just as I put my foot on the windowsill. What was I doing? If I did this, I would show that he got to me, and I didn't want that, I wanted to show people that no matter what, I could still handle it, and anyway I had more to live for, well, I hope I did.

I trudged back to my bed and just sat there, staring at the ground. How much longer would it take for sleep to engulf me? My eyes wandered back to the clock and I saw that only and hour had passed. I groaned and threw myself back onto the bed. Maybe I should just call him, tell him I still think about him in the late nights, and tell him that he still means something to me. I picked up my phone but then put it back down. He wouldn't answer even if I called. He hated me, I didn't blame him, I gave him every reason to hate me, I pushed him away when I needed him the most, what hurts the most is that he didn't give up that easily, he would come to my house, ring my phone, but I never answered, it hurt to much. I didn't want to shut him out, I was just afraid of loosing him so I let him go, I know, it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

I then heard noises coming from down stairs. Raised voices. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I pulled my small frame from the bed and fluttered quietly down the stairs. I followed the voices, which brought me to the front door. I saw the back of my father who was obviously talking to someone at the door, well shouting by the sounds of things.

"Just leave, she doesn't want to see" came the angry voice of my father. I wanted to know who he was talking to and more importantly who he was talking about. I didn't dare move though. But when he moved slightly to the side I saw who he was yelling at. My breath hitched in my throat as I looked at the persons face.

"Sir" he began urgently. "If you just give—Mitchie" his voice flowed through me like a beautiful melody, but I couldn't escape the feeling of pain that coursed through my body as Shane's eyes locked with mine. I looked from my father then to him, giving him a look that told he should leave, but he ignored it.

"Mitch" he began as he tried to take a step into the house, but my father stopped him by grabbing his collar and pushing him forcefully against the door.

"Stop!" I screamed as hot tears hurried down my face. I couldn't bear to see him hurt Shane.

I sighed quietly in relief when my dad let go of him. He then pushed him out and slammed the door. He began rubbing his temples as he let out a few deep, angry breaths. "Go to your room" he hissed in a low tone.

I nodded hastily as I turned around and scurried up the stairs. With every step I took my feet felt heavier. As soon as I reached my room, I slid down the door with my hands firmly in my hair. He was even more beautiful than I remembered. His used-to-be long hair was now shorter and scruffy, he had slight facial hair which made him look slightly older, his fashion sense still the same since camp, his clothes clinging to his body, showing how toned it his and his eyes, oh those eyes, the ones that used to look at me with such adoration, now, they just looked at me with hurt and betrayal. I hated that, I hated the fact that I had caused that look in his once vibrant eyes.

I'd give anything to see that look of happiness in his eyes again.

ok, so this is a new story i am starting, i hope you like it :) it will get better in time. can i get 5 reviews before i post the next chapter, i would love to hear what you have to say, :) thanks.

Chels x