Disclaimer: Not JK…
It was nice to lie on the grass at this time of the evening, with no worries; no anxiety and most importantly, no exams to stress over. I didn't flinch as the setting sun shed its bleak rays on my face. They weren't sweltering; lukewarm, just the right amount of warmth in them to be comforting. It had been the right idea to have come alone. I could never have enjoyed my evening in peace if I had been with Al and Em.
But the soothing climate wasn't what made me tranquil. We had done with the Newts a few days back and had nothing left to do but enjoy our remaining days at Hogwarts. It was a bittersweet thing, leaving school. Or second home, as it had been for me. I sighed, wishing I could find some happiness in the fact that I wouldn't have to attend classes or do homework anymore. All I felt was an overwhelming sense of suspension, as if I was in some sort of limbo where I did not know where I belonged. May be I should have gone with my friends. I needed some serious cheering up. I felt the sudden absence of the sun's rays on me, and opened my eyes to stare right into a pair of grey pools.
"Finally decided to wake up, Sleeping Beauty?" he asked as he looked at me from his leaning position on the tree under which I had been lying. He was still blocking the sun's rays but I didn't care anymore. The sun was giving him a bright halo, brightening his already glowing person. I smiled at him, my rival; my friend; and everything in between and beyond. He unfolded his hands, moving from his classic leaning posture to sit beside me.
"I wasn't sleeping. I was just…pondering" I replied as I sat up carefully, trying to move my stiff muscles. I must have been lying here for a long time. He circled my shoulders with his left arm in an almost natural move.
"Pondering?" he slanted his head to the side as he always did when there was something he wanted to know. His eyes were curious too. It still baffled me, after five years of utter hatred and almost two of friendship, how he seemed totally interested in what I thought, said and did. Even when I was screaming at him, he listened, if only to throw my words back at me.
"Things" I answered evasively, not willing to disclose to him that I had been thinking about life without my friends, and him.
Instead, I closed my eyes and leaned against his shoulder. I felt myself heave a relieved sigh, as if I had finally landed somewhere from my limbo. Scorpius' presence always managed to erase my worries. I wondered if he was aware of it at all. The silence stretched, and I became calmer still, enjoying every second of this easy relationship we had. I never felt the need to constantly voice out my thoughts with him. It was as if he understood them as fast as I had them. His breathing was slightly off and his heart rate a bit too fast. I looked to find him looking absorbedly at me.
Resisting his eyes was like trying to resist breathing. Impossible. It wasn't that I hadn't looked him in the eyes before. But they never failed to enthrall me everytime. If anyone asked me to write a book on body language, I'm pretty sure I'd write an encyclopedia sized one entirely on Scorpius' eyes. Because his eyes defined him.
They appeared a dull grey from afar, but I knew better. I could discern the light blue sprinkles, they faint green sparks and, the almost non existent hazel specks. I laughed to myself realizing how it matched his character exactly. Prickly and rough on the outside, with bursts of soft spots inside.
All through this, he kept staring at me, as if he were hypnotized. This wasn't the first time he was doing this, but his gaze had never been so intense. It didn't creep me out, like it would have anyone else, because I knew this was how he communicated. It was his way of conveying his emotions, and I felt a thrill of happiness at seeing my joy reflected in his eyes.
"Didn't feel like joining Al and Em?" he asked, and I was acutely aware that he saw right through my unaffected façade. My smile must have been a centimeter too long. But I just shook my head, turning to look at the sun instead. It was almost at the peaks now, waiting to disappear. Clouds were beginning to form, and I suspected it would rain soon. "How did you escape their clutches?"
"Said I had a meeting with you. Heads stuff"
"Funny. I said the same thing. Are we running out of excuses?"
"I don't understand why you would want to avoid them. Not as if their lovey dovey attitude is going to bother you" I said as I shrugged, not really comprehending him. He was as close with Al and Emily as I was. We had always been sort of a group, the four of us. Granted, Scor and I had been fighting all the time, but I had never considered him as an outsider.
"It disturbs you?" It was more of a statement than a question, but I answered him anyway.
"Not much. But I didn't want to spoil their mood with my presence. They'd get irritated with my gloominess"
"What's there to be gloomy about? You've finished your Newts, and I'd bet on my head that you've done better than everyone else combined" I chuckled. Of course he would take any and every opportunity to take a swipe at what he called 'my obsession for all things academic'.
"…fine the last time I…" he wondered, guessing possible reasons for my dismal behavior. His guesses got weirder and my smile widened. It was absolutely impossible to not be cheerful when Scorpius was near.
"So why are you really upset?" he asked after I had finished laughing at his latest guess, which had been that I would trip over my graduation robes while delivering the Head Girl speech. Entirely possible and slightly worrying but he made it seem ridiculous. I could have avoided the question. I know he wouldn't have pressed further. But suddenly, I wanted to tell him. For him to understand how difficult it was for me, even though I knew he didn't feel the same way.
"A story. It's been bothering me" I said silently, wishing he wouldn't recognize that I was using an age old fashion, making a story of myself. He sat straighter, intent on listening to me.
"There's this girl…" I was interrupted here by his question.
"A Muggle?"
"No. A witch"
"Was she good looking?"
"I don't know"
"Was she talented?"
"Scor! Will you stop it with the questions?"
"Okay! Continue. There was a Witch, who may or may not have been beautiful…"
I averted my eyes from his, hoping he'd think it a casual move as I continued with a twisted version of my own emotions. "Yes, and she had a problem. You see, she was in lo…she had a crush on someone"
"Did he know her?"
"Very well, and this was the problem. She was afraid that…"
"She'd mess up?"
"Yeah! And…"
"She never told the boy. But if he was so close to her, he'd know what she was feeling, wouldn't he?" I looked at his face suddenly, confused. Did he know what he was saying or was he just engrossed in the story? His eyes were amused and alight, giving me the answer. He was perfectly serious, he had seen through my pathetic attempt.
"That makes it even worse"
"Because I never said anything?" I only nodded my head, trying to quell the abrupt feeling of shame that drowned me. I had known it was a bad idea. I should probably have kept my mouth shut. He sighed, and the sound was both one of relief and exasperation.
"I never wanted to believe you. It was pretty hard, knowing, almost too well, that you…that I was right. I hated that I knew you so well, just that once because I knew…"
"That you didn't feel the same way" I interjected before he could continue. It was better that I said it. I couldn't bear it if those very words came from him. It would seem to sure. Too much like an end. Because that's what it'll have to be now. I couldn't look at his face, much less be his friend. Or anything else. Time will just have to erase my unrequited affection.
"No. That wasn't it" It shouldn't have made me hope. It shouldn't have made my heart, which had seemed dead before, sprint like a horse. It shouldn't have made me anxious. It shouldn't have made me look back into his eyes. His eyes were blazing with emotions. It was as if I could actually see into his very soul. As if I could see the very love I felt for him reflected back. Or may be I was imagining things.
But there was no way I could have had that good an imagination. Definitely, my own visions of him couldn't feel as perfect, as his hands slipped to my waist. I was close enough to feel his breath on my face, his palm caressing my face. My eyes closed automatically at his touch, his fingers leaving a trace of tingling where they met my skin.
This was exactly what I had wanted, and exactly what I had dreaded too. I pulled away from him, suddenly needing to keep a distance. His proximity wasn't helping my rationale. His eyebrows drew together, confusion marring his eyes momentarily.
"Scorpius…"my whisper was still shaky, and my voice was a little high, betraying me. Still, I had to say it while I still had my sense with me. He didn't understand that his rejection hadn't been my only fear. "Listen to me…" It was almost a prayer, because I knew what he saw in my eyes. A mirror image of his own emotions.
He straightened up, but his hands did not leave my waist. He tugged me closer, so that I was safely rested on his chest. His other hand was stroking my hair. He was obviously trying to comfort me. It seemed funny. I had hurt him, and he was consoling me. I concentrated on his heartbeats, matching my breathing to them. I was content with this position, away from the captivation of his eyes.
"This couldn't work out"
"Why not?" his voice was empty, flat. And then, "How are you feeling?" there was that unavoidable tenderness in his voice.
"I'm fine. You're a Malfoy. A Slytherin"
"And you're a Ravenclaw. I think the Sorting Hat established that officially a few years ago"
"Don't you see how that could be a problem?"
"No. This is between you and me. Why are you bringing the rest of the world into this?"
"But…" I had no response to that. Or may be I did but I didn't want to find them. Not when everything was finally right. Yet, a sliver of doubt remained. He took my hand, placing it over my erratic heart.
"Listen to it Rose. Listen to what your heart's been saying all along. What it wants you to feel. Tell me, were my fears groundless? Was I right to hide my emotions from you?" he said, lifting my chin so that I couldn't move my eyes away from his. His face was so near me I could count his eye lashes if I wanted to.
"No. No, you weren't right" With that one word, I knew I'd lost the fight. My heart had won out in the end. All my fears, trepidation, all that insecurity, had been for nothing.
A few years later:
We were meant for each other. I could see it now. But I had needed him, to realize it. I doubted if I'll ever have worked up the courage if he hadn't. It didn't matter anymore. I could see how my world had changed. How it was now entwined with his. How my heart beat in sync with his. And I was sure that that one moment in time couldn't even be erased by the Obliviato. Because, love defied every thing. Magic, prejudices, gravity.
Every thing.
A/n: Review!